Project Restoration Chapter 7: Never say,"Die," my darlings

Author's Notes: Since I was already running late on 6 I decided to go ahead and write this before posting too. It's getting close to the end now, let's hope I don't mess this stuff up. Thanks for everyone who has been reading, and please, if you like or hate or have suggestions, review. It makes my day. Without further ado, please enjoy Chapter 7.

Disclaimer: Not my show, not my characters. All I own is the arrangement of words, and frankly, that isn't worth much.

GUILT:

As soon as the door slammed, giving a shake to the entire apartment, Kelso was out of the bedroom like a rocket, hoping to catch up to Hyde. He knew his friend was in no shape to drive, and as much as he would have loved to comforted Jackie, having heard how much turmoil he'd brought on between two of the people he cared about most in this world, well he figured consoling her now might do more harm than anything.

He was thankful to see the Cruiser still parked when he made it outside, Hyde had at least the sense not to try and leave with wheels. But he was still worried as he looked to the left and to the right and scanned the parking lot for a brooding figure with curly hair.

When he saw him, he froze. Hyde was across the lot, mostly in shadow, but if Kelso wasn't imagining things, from the light of the lamppost he could see the t-shirt clad shoulders heave up and down quickly. Steven Hyde was crying. And Kelso had no idea what to do about it.

And he was pretty certain Hyde didn't know what to do about it either.

So he crossed the distance between them, slowly. Not wanting to invade Hyde's space too fast, in case Hyde's fist was faster than Kelso's duck.

He heard Hyde clear his throat, and sniff the air defiantly. He watched from behind as the shoulder-shaking stopped and Hyde brushed forcefully at his eyes and cheeks with the back of his hands. He was surprised that he didn't need to announce his presence, as without turning around Hyde spoke to him.

"Kelso, you tell anyone what I was just doing and I will kill you, man."

Kelso gave a small laugh. "Not a word, I swear."

But as he looked at the back of the friend he'd had since he was in diapers, in addition to the sympathy he felt, what struck him most was guilt. He'd foolishly gone after Jackie, knowing her heart was no longer his, and he had cost Hyde something irreplaceable. While he knew at the time he felt justified, Hyde had started in knowing Kelso still had feelings for her, he saw now that they were not the same. And what he lost was his first love. What Hyde lost was his only.

Sure he still loved Jackie deeply. He felt jealous at the idea of her having that future she'd always rambled on about with someone else. He felt the loss of her still, and he regretted so much of what he'd done. But he knew, in his heart, with time he'd love someone else again. Maybe not in the same way, he believed that first loves were special. But he could love without her. He wasn't so sure Hyde had that luxury.

And as he stepped up beside his friend, hands in his pockets, staring at the same nothingness of the night in front of them, he said what he should have said a long time ago, And he hoped Hyde knew how much he meant it.

"Hyde, I'm sorry."

CALCULATIONS:

Eric wasn't bad at math, but he always used a calculator to be sure. And in this case, it was of vital importance for him to know the right numbers. The right numbers were the difference between more empty months without Donna and the hope of going home.

He knew Red would be disappointed he was a quitter. Kitty might even throw out an "I told you so" in between her relieved tears. But Eric thought a semester would be enough of the experience, and if his calculations were correct he could take a year to work, and then afford a state college on his own.

And so he could return to Donna.

That was priceless.

He would miss teaching these kids, but he could give them al his address so they could keep in touch.

And he would probably hate working the long hours at a crappy job it would take to save up what the calculator told him he needed to. But it was possible. And working a job you hated while with the woman you loved, seemed better than loving your job without her.

He was being rash. He knew he'd need to talk this out with the program. With his parents. Even with Donna. But it was the first night since he'd been in Africa that he didn't want to fall into bed and just sleep to make the next day come faster, he wanted to think this through and hold on to the hope.

He could be back in Point Place in 2 months. He could be teaching in a few years. He could be with Donna, loving her, for the rest of his life.

If his calculations were correct.

HUGS:

As a little girl, hugs could fix anything. If she fell down roller-skating and skinned her knee, a hug from her dad could make everything fine.

As she got older, the magic was shaken, but it was still there. When her parents were fighting, when her dad lost his job, when her mom up and left, Eric's hugs had gotten her through. Maybe it was no longer fixing things, but those hugs certainly made the hurt less.

But as Donna looked at the smaller girl, crying uncontrollably while pressed to her side, she was fully aware that in this case her hugs weren't going to do anything to help. Jackie's hurt was greater than the magic of a hug could be.

And that was sad.

Jackie's sobs, that shook her whole body violently, had not even slowed in the slightest in the hour since Hyde had rushed out. At this rate, she had no idea how the tears were still coming. She was honestly amazed someone so small could have any left.

Fez sat on the other side of their friend, he was holding Jackie's hands in his own, rubbing them with his thumb, trying to soothe her too. Occasionally he would glance at her, and they would share a look over Jackie's head.

The look said, "I have no idea how to help this."

So Donna did the only thing she knew. She hugged Jackie with everything she had, trying to take a little of the pain herself so that Jackie's suffering would be a little less. She hugged her for what felt like hours, until the sobbing finally stopped and Jackie fell into the hands of sleep.

HAPPINESS:

When Jackie woke after a dreamless sleep she was all alone on the couch. The clock told her it was 2am so she guessed Donna and Fez had gone to bed thinking she'd be out for the night. Against her better judgment, she wondered if Steven was back, and she hoped he was if for no other reason than he shouldn't have been driving for all the beer he had.

She started to sit up, only to notice two eyes staring up at her. Michael was sitting on the floor, he looked tired and like he'd been waiting a quite a while for her to wake.

"Michael?" she was hoping nothing was wrong, that Steven hadn't landed himself in prison or the hospital. That everything was okay.

"How you doing, Jackie?" his voice expressed concern for her so she took that to mean her idiot ex-boyfriend was okay.

"Pretty horrible, honestly." She didn't have the energy to lie this time.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." He looked down at his hands a moment, before moving his eyes up to lock into hers. Jackie didn't know why he looked so sad.

"Jackie, I'm sorry."

"Michael, you don't need to apologize for him."

"I'm not, I'm apologizing for me. For pushing at you, knowing you hadn't felt that way about me in a long time. For not taking no for an answer. I know he should have trusted you more, but he was right not to trust me, and I'm sorry for causing the situation that led to all this hurt."

She was moved. Michael rarely spoke to her this way anymore. This was his intimate voice, the one he broke out when things were important. She'd always loved this voice best.

"You're right, Michael, he should have trusted me more. But I appreciate hearing this, I do."

He smiled at her, and she gave him the biggest she could back.

"Jackie, he really loves you."

"Love isn't always enough."

"True, but it's worth more on its own than everything else together. He loves you, and he's sorry."

"But he's also proud, stubborn, unwilling to change. None of that adds up to a promising reconstruction."

"I think he can change. I think maybe he already has."

Jackie couldn't help but look at him suspiciously, "Why are you pleading his case?"

"Because I want you to be happy. I want him to be happy. I don't want to feel like it's my fault that neither of you are with the person you love most. I want things to be good again, for all of us."

Jackie nodded slightly. She could still feel every bit of the hurt and anger of the earlier fight lingering over her. But Michael had a point. She wanted to be happy.

PATIENCE:

Fez lay in bed completely still. He'd gotten so sleep there only on his promise that he wouldn't move. Donna had said he'd proven with the nap that he could sleep like a gentlemen, so he better not revert to being a perv now. She'd sworn if she woke up to find him touching her in any way, well she'd make sure he was in pain for a long time.

And he really, really believed her.

Hyde had come in about an hour later, Prince at his heels. The dog liked him, and at that moment Fez thought it might be because they had a lot in common.

Fez had glared at him, but as Hyde made himself as comfortable as he could on the floor he had said, "This isn't over, Fez. So you can't kill me yet." While Fez felt slightly hopeful that Hyde had a plan to fix the bigger mess he'd made, he continued to glare at the shape in the dark that was his best friend until he heard it softly start to snore.

Moving as little as possible, he shifted to stare at the ceiling, patiently waiting for sleep to come.

He wasn't sure what he'd thought would happen if they came on this trip. Maybe he'd been more naïve than ever before to think they could salvage all that they were losing.

Today had been better. Napping with the girls, watching TV with Kelso and Donna, the breakfast that morning that felt so long ago, these had been moments that were precious. Instants when they all interacted with ease and comfort and unspoken love. But then he thought to Jackie's face as she cried out every bit of moisture in her body, and he wondered how frequently those moments of normalcy would come when her and Hyde could continue to hurt each other so much.

If there was any way to know they'd all be okay, he could be patient. He could wait as long as necessary if there was a guarantee.

But the thought that he'd never be able to hang out with both Jackie and Hyde without being flooded with tears drained all the patience out of him and he wanted to lunge from that bed and knock some sense into the son of a bitch sleeping a few feet away.

But he didn't.

Because he remembered Patience was a virtue; damn Bible-thumping host parents.