A/N: This is just a one shot I came up with one night. It has alot of Random, Stupid stuff in it. But that is good, right? If you feel like laughter and funiness-this is for you! Don't get me wrong, I love DBZ…but I also love to make fun of it too! LOL!
Puar is very depressed. She can't believe Yamcha would do this to her!
"But! Yamcha! No! I love you! Why are you dumping me! I am your companion, a talking cat, your little shape shifter!" screams Puar. She is very disappointed.
"Puar I am sorry. But I just have to move on! I can't stay in the past and be your master anymore. You will have to find a different conquistador that will stay by your side," says Yamcha. He just wants to take Puar and through her out his window.
"But why? I thought we where friends!" she is starting to cry.
"Because Puar! It's…its…" he pauses, afraid to tell her why he is leaving her for good.
"Its because of your stupid high pitched voice! I can't stand it anymore! It hurts my ears and it gives me a headache. I am sorry Puar, but your high-pitched voice is annoying!" he says with a mean tone. Then he goes outside and gets in his car and leaves.
Puar is extremely sad about this unfortunate matter. She has been a friend with Yamcha ever since Dragonball. This can't be! Now Puar must find another master. She must complete the most important task in her entire life and become someone else's sidekick! Da da da!
The next day, Puar goes to the Kame house to start her quest. Krillin is drinking coffee, Roshi is looking at playboys, Oolong is taking a nap, and Turtle is just…sitting there.
"Krillin! Please! You must be my master! Yamcha was a mean dude and dumped me!" she says.
Krillin just flinches. "Ouch! Jeez Puar! Stop squealing, you're hurting my ears! My wife screams at me so much already. I came here to have a nice quiet cup of coffee to get away from her, and you are interrupting my calming environment!" says Krillin.
Then Oolong wakes up. "Who is screaming so loudly? I can't sleep! The high-pitched squealing is most annoying!" he says.
Puar has gotten the point. She can't be a sidekick for Turtle, since he is, well, a turtle. She does NOT want to be Roshi's sidekick at all. So in sadness, she flies off and starts off towards this wide-open random spread of land that is miles long and could never be on Earth. She then sees Piccolo meditating.
"Piccolo! Please, be my master!" she says.
"Go away you stupid Cat! You're high-pitched voice is interrupting my meditation!" says Piccolo with a malevolent tone.
In disappointment, Puar sets off for Goku's house. When she gets there she quickly flies in to see Goku.
"Gok---ah, Chi Chi?" she expected to see Goku.
"Shhh, you will wake Goten up with your high-pitched squeal! And my little Gohan is studying!" she yells.
"But!"
"Get out, or you will suffer my frying pan!" she says.
She leaves. She is so very depressed that it is making her hungry. Depressed cats eat a lot so she had to go somewhere that is well known for its good food and publicity. She decides to go to McDonalds for something to eat. She flies in and sees tons of fat people eating Big Macs.
"I want a Big Mac," she says.
"Ah, what? I couldn't here you over the high-pitched squeals. What was that?" the pimple-faced-fatso asks.
"I want a—" she is interrupted.
"Oh, I am sorry, no flying cats aloud here. See?" he points to a silhouette that looks exactly like Puar and it has a line through it. Well, this isn't the only place that won't accept poor Puar.
She leaves. Then outside McDonalds by the picnic tables she sees Ronald McDonald, Tien, and Chiatzu outside. Across from them is a Hamburglar.
"You'll never get away with this Hamburglar!" says Tien.
"Yeah, never! Since my son Chiatzu is here!" says Ronald McDonald.
What? Chiatzu is related to Ronald McDonald? No wonder Chiatzu looks so much like a clown! I knew those two looked alike! And now, father and son are working together to defeat the great Hamburglar! Puar thinks to herself.
"Tien! Tien! Will you be my master?" asks the lonely Puar.
"Ah what? Your master? No! Chiatzu is already my funny-looking-weird-character-no-one cares-much about-side-kick!" he says. "And we are in the middle of saving Middle Earth from the great Hamburglar," says Tien. "He is trying to turn the whole universe into hamburgers!" he adds.
She leaves, thinking of only Yamcha.
"Yamcha used to be a Burglar," she states. "Well, more like a bandit…but what's the difference these days?"
She flies and makes it to Capsule Corporation in hopes of maybe making someone here be her master. Once she gets there Bulma sees Puar.
"Puar! Hey! Are you here to play with Scratch?" she asks.
"Scratch? Scratch can't talk!" says Puar. "I am actually here to ask you if you can be my master?" asks Puar.
"Sorry, but I would never be the master of a cat who was my X-boyfriends cat! Sorry! It is against the rules of Bulmanism," she says. "And besides, I already have a cat, Scratch!" she says. "Maybe you can go down the street to Zamzows to see if someone there wants you," she added.
She is sad. Why is Scratch a better selection than her? She continues to fly, searching for a new conquistador. Then she reaches the Gravity Room. She gently creeps into the Gravity Room. She sees Vegeta punching the wall. It is an absolute mess in here. There is banana peels all over the place. Wait, I guess he is a saiyan. Aren't they half-ape or something? So that's why they like bananas so much! She thinks to herself.
"Um, Vegeta?" says Puar quietly, trying not to sound annoying.
Vegeta stops, and he turns around quickly.
"What the-" he says with his deep voice.
"Yamcha dumped me…Will you please be my new master! I promise I will let you beat me at Monkey-in-the-Middle." She says in hope that she didn't mess up. I think that's what saiyans like to do. But, I am not sure.
"Monkey in the what? Are you making fun of me? Well then---hmmm…You're a stupid little flying cat and I can beat you at any battle, even if you didn't let me win! Mwaahahahaha!" he says. Vegeta is very proud of his attempt to comeback a little blue cat.
"No! I mean well, yes. You can beat me at any battle. But, I would never make fun of you! Everyone has been making fun of me, and it really hurts my feelings," she says.
"Ah? Is that so? Well thank Dende I don't care about feelings. That is just a delusion for the week. Get out of here you stupid cat, your voice disgusts me!" He says.
Puar is about to leave to go slit her wrists. But then she thought of a good idea.
"Vegeta? I know the secret to killing Goku!" she says.
"What you do? Tell me you stupid cat, tell me!" he yells with intimidation.
"All you have to do is eat a lot of beans, then use your Super-Constipation-Blast tenique and he will die for sure! The smell will absolutely send him to the grave!" she says.
"What? Really? Just eat beans?" he hesitates.
"Lots of them!" she says.
" That is the secret to killing Kakarot? Gee, and all along I thought that constant training and persistence would kill him. I should have done this all along! I am going to rule the world! Mwahahahaahahah!" he yells.
"Vegeta! It is time to eat!" yells Bulma from the door.
"Shut up you stupid female! I am training with Puar! Besides, your cooking sucks!" he says.
"Oh be quiet you troll doll!" Bulma says with madness.
"Thow shalt suffer thy wrath you blue-haired Barbie!" says Vegeta.
Eventually, Vegeta and Puar teamed up and ruled the world with their Super-Constipation-Blast. And from now on instead of using "Final Flash" Puar told him to use "Final Fart" instead. Vegeta's new favorite shirt is his bright pink one that says "Felines-NOT Females" on it. Vegeta is now the ruler of the universe and used the Dragonballs to wish for immortality. Then, him and Puar picked up Yamcha and made him eat tons of gallons of guacamole. After all he dumped Puar, and cheated on Vegeta's stupid Female! Kakarot is dead, Chi Chi is a lonely old maid, Gohan is in a mental hospital because of depression, Goten is at an orphanage, Krillin committed suicide, Tien defeated Hamburglar, Chiatzu and Ronald McDonald got recruited to the circus, Trunks became a Jedi who's mission was to kill his father, Bulma continued her life in peace, Master Roshi finally got laid, Turtle escaped from the Kame house, Oolong became a Turkey Dinner, Ox-King died from being to fat and tall, 18 re-married Hercule Satan for his money, Maron ran away from home and never came back, no one cares about what happened to Launch, Dende retired from Guardian-Hood and married Michael Jackson, Mr. Popo…died, Shenron went back to sleep, Dr. Brief and Mrs. Brief divorced and Mrs. Brief got most of the money after re-marrying a rich-silver-haired-fox, and last but certainly not least, Scratch escaped Capsule Corp. and became the new leader of the Aristo-Cats. See? Everyone got their own little happy ending resulting in total disaster because Vegeta became the supreme ruler.
A/N: Nothing big. Just this stupid idea I had in my mind. I thought it would be fun to finally get my feelings out about Puar. Yes, I know, the CONSTIPATION blast was a bit too much-but it had to be done. And besides, there aren't very many fics about Vegeta and Puar...What do you think?