Spike wasn't with Buffy when they found Willow and Dawn in the car. The whole thing with Buffy and Spike was switched. Buffy loved Spike and he doesn't like her. Willow does love Tara…at the beginning. Buffy bashing! You have been warned so please do not bash me.

How the cookie crumbles

You know it's hard when you sit back and look on your life and realize that you love two people more then anything else in the world. You don't know whether to run from them or look them in the eyes and tell them so. But it all comes down to who will be there when you fall.

I can't believe I'm hooked on magic. IM A JUNKIE! I never though I would get hooked on anything, I thought Xander would first. I'm the smart one that knows better at least I thought so. Now Buffy is mad at me, Tara isn't talking to me and I have no one but, him.

It hurts so much. I can't even use magic to do simple things and it takes so long to do everything. No one understands, but him. He once had it all but now he has nothing. But he won't look at me, and that's fine. I'm not worth looking at.

Spike had an urge to go see his witch. He wasn't sure when she had become his witch and he didn't care. Willow was his and he didn't care who knew anymore.

He walked over to her parent's house knowing full well that they wouldn't be home. Also that she didn't want to be anywhere near Slutty so she wouldn't be there. So he walked up and before he even hit the door he could smell her tears and sorrow.

Spike ran the rest of the way to the door and started banging on the door knowing that something was really wrong. No one had come to saying anything was wrong. Willie had said that the slayer and the witch had gotten in a fight but Spike hadn't gotten anything out of him.

Willow heard the door but didn't care. It wasn't anyone that could help her. If I had my magic they would be right in front of me. Willow finally gave up and went to the door. The banging was starting to give her a headache.

Spike was just about to brake down the door when Willow slowly started to open the door. Spike at once engulfed her in a hug and started saying soothing words in her ear. Willow thought she was in some kind of sick dream.

Spike is soothing me and not asking or yelling at me about anything. This has to be a dream that I'm having. Spike is wearing too many cloths so maybe it isn't.

Spike caught on that she was confused so he let her go very slowly. He didn't want to but he also didn't like scaring her.

"What took you so long to answer the door, pet?" Spike asked as if he didn't just soother her like a lover.

Willow didn't know what to say. He doesn't know was all she kept saying in her head.

"Come in Spike."

At this point Spike guided her to the couch and sat her down. He went in the kitchen to look for some tea or something that could give him something to do. While doing this he realized how light she looked and how red her eyes where from crying.

Willow didn't know what to say. Should I tell him and let him get really mad or enjoy the company of him. She chose to tell him because she knew if she didn't he would get even madder at her later.

Spike came back in to the living room with two cups of green tea and set one in Willows hands and the other he kept. He sat down next to her and just sat there ready to listen when she was ready to talk. It only took a few seconds and Willow was crying into Spikes shoulder.

Willow just started with the beginning.

"I have become a magic junkie and I almost got Dawn killed. Buffy found us and told me I wasn't aloud to be anywhere near Dawn or her anymore. I don't know what to do. Tara wont talk to me, she said she doesn't know me anymore and I need to get off magic. But I don't know how to do it on my own and no one will help me. I tried talking to Xander but Buffy had already gotten to him and told him that the best thing for me is to stay out of the way. I need someone's help and no one will. I don't know what to do and I hurt everywhere. I'm so scared Spike and no one cares about me." With that off her chest she just looked at him like she was the worst thing in the world and nothing was good enough for her.

Spike was so mad at her friends for treating her like this and for making her feel this way. He didn't know what to do but all he knew was she needed all the help she could get and leaving her alone was the worst thing to do. Spike took the tea out of her hand and his and put them on the table. He then picked her up and put her on his lap and just sat there and held her until her body finally gave in and let her sleep.

When Spike was sure she was a sleep he picked her up and carried her up to her room and put her to bed. Before he could get to the door she started to whimper so he went over to her and started to stroke her hair. At the second he touched her she began to sleep peacefully again. He started to leave again and it started all over again. This happened a few times before Spike gave up and pulled the curtains closed and made sure no sun could get in and got in bed with her, after taking off his boots.

Willow woke up the next morning, having had the most sleep since she got hooked. She couldn't remember getting to bed but that didn't matter right now. What really got her was that she felt someone in her bed and it wasn't Tara. Willow didn't remember doing anything last night. Willow slowly looked over her shoulder and saw Spike.

Spike had woken up as soon as he heard her heart start racing realizing that she probably didn't want to wake up to him in her bed. Last night he just couldn't leave her.

"Ello, luv" Spike didn't know what else to say.

"Morning?" was all Willow could get out.

Two Months Later

For the next two months it went just like the first night. Spike would come over after he knew no one was home but Willow and sneak into her room and hold her. When she woke up in the morning he would get up and go to his room that Willow had given him and she would go to school. Buffy and her had made up and her and Tara were back together. But nothing between any of her friends was the same. She was only with Dawn if Buffy or some one was with her, Tara never really believe she was completely off magic, and she was only around her friends when they needed something. Xander had even stopped calling except when he needed help with homework or to tell her they had a Scooby meeting.

No one cared enough to realize Spike was living with her and that Giles was still her friend like before. Giles had even tried talking her and Spike to go to England with him but Willow couldn't leave Buffy and Xander to fend for them selves so she stayed and Spike stayed with her. It took Buffy and Xander two weeks to realize Giles was gone and Anya was in charge of the magic shop. Anya had known what was going on the past two months but knew telling anyone would just make matters worse and so she kept her mouth shut.

Spike loved Willow and he knew above all that she would never look at him that way. She was so in love with that bitch of a witch and Blondie never even thought twice about his red. He wished Willow would see this but knew better then to speak his mind.

It was a normal day for Willow just like any other. She woke up to Spike lying next to her, got out of bed and went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day ahead and as always Willow checked her email to see if Giles had written her back. Today was different thought, because today when Willow opened her email there were two emails one from Giles and one from Tara.

Giles email was like all the others. How are you, is Buffy still alive, how is Spike, and email me if you get a chance. But the one from Tara is the one that made today different from any other. Today is when her world broke down for the last time, so she thought, as she read the email.

Dear Willow,

I don't know how to tell you this, but its over. I can't stand lying to you anymore. I found out two months ago that I didn't feel the same way, but Spike talked me into looking at you and seeing the real you again, and for a few days it was great. Now it's not what I want. Now all I want is Buffy and she feels the same way. I don't know how else to tell you this. Her and I haven't been seeing each other if that is what you are thinking. But I talked to her last night about how I felt about you and she said she could understand that. She said she was in love with someone right now but they didn't feel the same way. I wont say anymore. I guess I will see you around.

Tara

P.S. Please don't be mad at Buffy.

After reading the email Willow didn't know what to say. Her world had just gotten back into order and now Tara had broken up with her. The first thing she did was go into Spikes room and crawl in next to him while crying. She didn't know what else to do.

Spike had heard her crying but thought that Giles had just sent her another sappy email. But when she got in bed next to him he knew it was much worse.

"Luv?" Spike said in his most loving voice. He was just about to jump up and kill what ever had up set his Red.

"Ta-ta-tara…." was all she could get out before another spill of tears come out of her eyes.

Spike finally understood and just held her. Knowing full well that the only one that Willow loved had just broken her heart. Spike looked down at Willow and just felt his heart break.

What can I do to take this pain a way from this Weeping Willow? She is so fragile and so very broken. Bloody hell what am I suppose to do? That was all Spike could keep thinking the three hours that Willow cried in his bed. Tell finally she got up and pulled him down stairs where she fixed him a cup of blood and put little marshmallows it and did the same to her hot chocolate.

Willow couldn't say anything. What is there to say? 'Hey I don't mind losing Tara because I haven't really been feeling her lately. All my dreams have been about you Spike. When I'm with her all I think about is you. Now there is nothing standing in my way and I can have you all to my self.' I can't do those things. Spike will laugh at me and then leave. If Spike leaves I really wont have anyone. Spike is my world, my everything!

Spike took the blood and started to say thanks but realized it would be a waste of breath. Willow was to far gone in her thoughts. What could you be thinking about, my pet? I realize your bird just broke up with you but I don't see that kind of sadness in your eyes. I could swear it is more confusion. More like you aren't quite sure what to say to me. You know you can say anything you wish to me. For bloody sakes I haven't judged you for the past two months why would I start now?

"Luv, please tell me what the bird said."

"She loves Buffy." It was flat and to the point not a beat was missing and there was no anger. Only a little bit of sorrow for what might have been.

By now Spike and Willow had moved from the kitchen into the living room. Spike half sitting half laying on the couch with Willow between his legs. Both just laying there enjoying being there with each other. Willow slowly turned to Spike and said,

"Do you want …I don't know…. popcorn and movie?"

Spike knew what she meant, so he pushed her forward and went to start the popcorn while Willow put in their movie.

Two hours later and a lot of tears and laugher shed, Willow was in a much better mood. She couldn't really explain it but that was ok with her.

Spike started to tickle his witch when there was a knock at the door and Spike knew he couldn't be seen so he ran up the stairs to his room and locked it as he heard the door swing open.

"Willow, what's going on?" Buffy spat out of her mouth. Buffy was never a very smart person. Stake first, ask questions later. Is Buffy's one and only thought almost always.

"What are you talking about Buffy? You know you could have waited tell I got to the door to open. What happens if I had someone here? Do you ever stop to think about that? Or is poor weak Willow not good enough for anyone? Buffy I'm sorry but after you take my girlfriend do you think you should really be over at my house?" Willow was not going to back down. Not this time. She was going to stick up for herself. Willow was sick of everyone just coming in and out of her life as they pleased. I have feelings too!

"Sorry I thought I heard you scream and I thought I could have sworn I felt a vampire in your house. But that could never happen. You are much smarter then that." Buffy just come in and started eating the left over popcorn.

Willow was getting more and more mad at Buffy.

"Why are you here Buffy?" Willow was losing what little patience she had left.

"Oh, weeelllllll…Xander said that he hadn't seen you walk by today so I though I would stop by and make sure you were ok. But when I heard you scream I just freaked. But seeing that you are ok I'm going to go home. Tara cooked me and Dawn breakfast. You do know she is living with Dawn and me. She even went out and got a job and is helping with the bills. Well seeing as how you are ok and you just stayed home to watch a movie. Wait is that the movie I think it is?" Buffy was so caught up in her self that she didn't feel spike standing on the stair case looking right over her at Willow. Try to tell her to hide his cup.

Buffy had finally noticed that she didn't have all of Willow's attention and looked down at the table. Willow's hot chocolate was the closest to her and picked it up and drank some. Then she realized that Willow had two cups and was about to pick it up. So Willow did the only thing to could think of. She drank it, ever last drop.

"Sorry Buffy this one was mine. You don't need it. It had some of my meds in it so I could take it a little easier. Its one trick my mom taught me." Which was the truth her mom use to put meds in her food and drinks so she would take them easier.

Buffy ignored it and left with a quick wave of the hand. All Buffy was worried about was getting Xander off her back and getting back to trying to find Spike. Buffy hadn't seen much of him for the past two months but she still loved him. Buffy just wished she could get him to love her back. Now that was the true challenge.

As soon as the door closed Willow ran to the kitchen sink and puked up most of the blood she had just drank so Buffy would not find out that Spike was there. She wished now that she had come up with a better idea. Mean while, Spike was feeling so bad about Willow drinking his blood that he knew he needed to help her some way. He went straight to the cabinet to get a washcloth, got it wet, and put it on the back of her neck. He also grabbed a glass and put some water in it so she could wash her mouth out.

Willow was so surprised by Spikes actions. Willow thought he would call her stupid and laugh at her. Never in all her dreams would she think he would help her feel better.

"Luv I know you meant well but please don't ever do this again. I could have tried to explain myself. It's not like I'm afraid of Slutty. I just don't like her. Are you ok Willow?"

Spike's voice held so much love for her. It dripped off his lips but Willow never caught on. All she thought was that he was mad at her when she tried to help.

"Hey. You know what mister, blood doesn't taste that bad. Its just the fact that its blood."

"Willow I'm not mad at you if that is what you are thinking. I'm just sorry you had to do that. How can I make it up to you, luv? You want to go get some coffee or ice cream?"

Just then Willow remembered why they had fixed those cups and why her eyes were still burning. "Spike, does it look like I was crying?" Spike just said the truth and nothing but. He knew if he lied it wouldn't make her any happier. "Yeah luv it does."

Willow was just fuming. "How did Buffy not notice? Do I really cry that often that my 'should be best friend' didn't notice that I'm crying? Did Tara tell her before me? Spike what am I going to do?"

"Luv, Slutty is not worth the time of day you give her. And I don't know if Tara told her or if she just wanted to get back to Xander and trying to find another thing to toss around. I really don't know but I do know one thing luv. We are going to go get you some ice cream and a movie and then, well after that its up to you."

"Spike the sun is still up. Why don't I just order some Chinese food?"

"Okay but I want a spring roll this time. No hiding them so I cant have one!"

"That was good pet. How about we do real Mexican food tomorrow night?" Spike was in such a good mood. All he wanted to do was watch a movie with his witch and enjoy being with her.

"Spike I don't like Taco Bell. Why not just--"Willow was cut short by a hand covering her mouth.

"Taco Bell is NOT nor will it ever be Mexican food! I will make Mexican food for you tomorrow while you go out, with MY credit card, and get your nails done and get some new cloths. Why don't you take the demon along with you? She can even get something if she's nice. How does that sound?"

"Spike you really don't have to do that. I can stay here and help you. If you want?" Willow was so confused. Why is Spike doing all this? Its just Mexican food, right? I can help with that. I'm a big girl and I very powerful witch I can cook!

"No luv and that's final. You and Anya, I believe is her name, are going to go out tomorrow and have a good time. You need to have fun. And maybe get some sun. You've been in side too much lately. I don't understand why you and your friends don't ever go out side in the sun. Its not like it will kill YOU." Spike had noticed how she had spent all her time inside lately and how pale she was getting. He was starting to have a tan compared to her.
"Spike you know I don't like using your money! That's what I have money for. BUT…I could use a new pair of shoes or something…. or I could pick out a ni-" Willow trailed off. Spike doesn't like me like that. But it would be nice to think he would. I could go get a 'sexy' PJ set and just look at it and image the look on his face. Wait he's looking at me like I have grown a second head. Maybe I should pay attention to him and not my dirty mind.

"I'm sorry did you say something?"

"Luv, you are amazing. Go call her and see if she would like to blooding spend my money tomorrow." Spike could believe the girl in front of him. She was just so amazing and beautiful it wasn't even in him to laugh at her spacing-ness.