Chapter 3: Turn Back the Hands

Al was growing more suspicious by the minute. That Ed had slipped out to escape the Major meant little--most people tried when he started spouting family facts that no one really cared to hear. Although Al did admire him somewhat. Many people nowadays actually put effort towards being ashamed of their lineage. Hearing Armstrong gush his pride with such passion reaffirmed Al's faith in his own family, tiny as it was.

He was also overjoyed to be treated like a real child again. Being issued warnings and limitations allowed him to relax. A grownup was taking care of things. But there was plenty of time for that. Now he needed to find his brother. Who knew what trouble he'd be getting into?

Ed couldn't even let himself rest long enough to enjoy being home. Al had been first to realize that. They did have a home to return to. He wasn't sure if Ed didn't notice or just didn't care. But Al had made up his mind. He would make his brother see.

Putting manners first, he politely excused himself and lumbered away as quietly as his clanking shell would allow. No doubt, Edward was well into a project of self-destruction, and Al would have to intervene as usual. He began to search outside, as Ed was the distant type. Calling softly at first, Al crept around the edges of the house until he came to the back door. It led into the workshop where the Rockbells constructed their automail. Considering the reason for their visit, it was a good place to look. Al ascended the three steps in two of his own, and was careful not to let his frame graze the doorway.

In the semi dark, the shapes of all sorts of tools and scrap metal could be made out. But Al's gaze was immediately drawn to a tightly secured door well away from all the spare parts and welding masks. It was made to appear a simple door, like any other in the house, the padlock small and unthreatening.

This didn't fool Al. The ominous purpose of the space flooded his mind with the first memories of his current form. Edward's screams did not end the night of their greatest mistake. They began anew the next day when he underwent the surgical portion of the automail procedure. He had later had to go to great length to make his younger brother understand that his wretched shrieks had been, horrifically and ironically, necessary.

He was required to be completely awake and under no anesthetic influence to ensure that his nerve endings were properly attached to his new limbs. Otherwise, he might have been unable to control them, or his nerves permanently damaged.

And though Al had been warned beforehand of what he might hear, he couldn't bring himself to be anywhere but just outside the door. It was unthinkable to turn his back on his brother now. Of course this knowledge didn't stop him from pounding on the barrier after the first thirty seconds of pitiful howling.

Alphonse shook himself from the memory, mentally chiding his boyish defenselessness. That first couple of weeks of their newly altered lives were always stalking the borders of his mind, and spare time had to be devoted to holding them back.

For now he had a worthy distraction. Seeing as how Ed wasn't in either of his most likely hideouts, Al began to search the interior of the Rockbell home. He had left off sneaking around. No one would think twice of him looking for his brother around the house.

First stop was the kitchen. Eating was one of Ed's favorite pastimes, for the off chance that he would stumble across some miracle growth inducing herb or vitamin. The Major was helping Pinako with the dishes, and had been busying himself with chivalrous chores since they had arrived. The pair looked up from their work when Al entered the room.

"Something troubling you, young Elric?" Armstrong's gruff voice had caught Al off guard, causing him to twitch and produce a sheepish clinking. It took himself a moment to answer.

"Not really." He was a bit unnerved by his fib, but persuaded himself it was harmless. "Just looking for Brother." Pinako grinned in a very knowing way, and offered a hint.

"Don't know where he slipped off to, but Winry left after you did to check for herself. I think she started with the guest bedroom upstairs." She then turned back to the sink, satisfied with the advice she'd given.

"Thanks Auntie." Al replied affectionately. Pinako smiled herself. The few days those boys were spending here more than made up for the fact that they hadn't been in contact for over three years. This was something that alchemy couldn't put a price on.

Meanwhile Al was carefully climbing the stairs, trying to string together which words he would use to get his brother's attention, that being a hard enough feat in itself. Convincing him of anything was a battle all its own. Al seldom won.

He stopped outside the guest door, preparing for a heated debate. At last he thought he had an opening argument, but stopped short of entering after hearing slight whimpers from inside. Straining to decipher the sounds, Al wasn't ready for the first clear words.

"…what automail's for. But no one asks for what I did to him. There's nothing natural about it. He doesn't even feel like a person sometimes. And I--" He had stopped. Al had frozen his body to preserve the silence, but didn't know how much longer it would hold. He wanted to run, to crash through the walls out into the innocent night. Ed had practically admitted his brother's defect. That he was unnatural, and barely a person.

But before Al could will himself to escape, Ed's continuing words had recaptured him.

"I was too full of myself to think anything could happen to me, let alone both of us. I pushed it because I wanted her back. I was too selfish and stupid to admit that Al was right. Nothing good would come of it."

Al had broken free of the spell just long enough to turn one leg to the stairs, ready to make a run for it. And reconsidered. Ed was bearing a part of himself to Winry that he never could to his own brother. Al understood. He would now carry the truth with him, buried like so many other things he wished were not.

Ed could not share this pain with him because he feared facing the one he'd already forced to share another kind with. He was ashamed. This was new to Alphonse. With the exception of their mistake, Ed had always been proud of his doings.

Perhaps it was how he kept himself going. Being the elder brother made him feel obligated to be a pillar of strength and security. If he took to heart others' opinions of his actions, doubt would have become their third traveling companion long ago. Shutting them out ensured that forward was the only direction he could go. Crusading for the goal that they were, nothing else was an option.

Before he could steal anymore of his brother's secrets, Al rose, now discouraged from debate of any kind, and started back towards the stairs. He left without being graced with words that would have stilled his mind in days to come, on the road to Ishbal.

"As for forgetting you, Winry? Aren't I enough of a bastard already?"