Think of Me
A/N: Just a oneshot. AxL. If you don't like this pairing, please don't read. Though there is a little Athrun and Cagalli and implied Kira and Lacus, this story is mostly focusing on Athrun and Lacus.
I know, weird composition. Just go along with it.
Please Review!
Disclaimer: I do not Own Gundam Seed and its characters. I don't own Shizukana Yoruni but I composed the other two… so there.
"Athrun! Don't leave me! I beg you!" Lacus Clyne cried in her sleep, completely oblivious that Kira Yamato, who loved her deeply, cry in pain over her words.
"Please… don't leave… I love you." Lacus whispered, her voice slowly drifting away. A few moments later, she bolted upright, sweat dripping from the side of her face. AS soon as her eyes focused and registered, she saw Kira, though his head was bent low there was no mistaking that mess of brown hair.
"Kira! What brings you here?" she asked sweetly, desperately trying to forget her dream. Or her nightmare.
"You were sick, don't you remember?" he asked, wiping something from his eyes.
"Where's Athrun? And Cagalli?" she asked.
They both went to the Kusanangi to spend some time together." Kira replied, but did not fail to notice Lacus bow down her face in defeat and disappointment.
"I should have known." She mumbled under her breath.
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"Cagalli! Catch me if you can!" Athrun Zala taunted his companion, running fast. Cagalli gritted her teeth and ran after him. He abruptly stopped, and unable to stop herself, she fell on top of him. Using her lips to touch his, she whispered. "Tag, you're it."
Athrun felt his heart break. He didn't feel anything with the kiss. All he could envision was Lacus kissing him. It was not fair to Cagalli… she should be with somebody who would love her… much more than he could.
Athrun sighed, slowly pushing her away. "Cagalli, we can't do this…. I… don't love you." He choked out.
"You …don't?" Cagalli whispered. Her eyes filled with tears. "Why didn't you tell me? Why, Athrun?" She cried, turning away from him, sobbing.
"Cagalli… please…. I tried to love you… so much. I love you, but as my sister." He told her, wrapping his arms around her. She cried harder, voice breaking.
"I sort of knew it wouldn't work out… I could still see you loved her." She whispered.
He asked. "I loved who, Cagalli?"
"You still love Lacus. I could see, feel it in your actions." She solemnly declared.
Athrun sighed, dropping his arms to his sides and stared at the darkness outside, which somewhat mirrored his emotions at the moment.
"Yes… I still do love her."
"That's why I'm letting you go, Athrun." Cagalli replied. "Love is full of sacrifices. I once heard that when you love something, you should let it go. It will come back to you when it's really meant for you. But Athrun… please promise me… you'll be happy, right?' she asked, amidst the tears.
"I will try, Cagalli, I will try my best."
"Well, if you need me, I'm always here for you. I… I'll always love you." She told him, this time drying her tears. "Now go. Go get her."
Athrun smiled and hugged Cagalli. "Thank you."
"What are friends for?" She asked, hugging him back. She pushed him away from her. 'Go."
She waved her hand as he ran towards the spaceship, getting ready to go to the Eternal.
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"There's nothing to live for anymore…." She whispered to herself, holding the small knife she found with much difficulty. It was all she could do to get that knife from the kitchens with the cook there staring at her quizzically. A mumbled excuse of, "I'll cut something" before hurrying to her room had only let her escape with knife in hand.
With her other hand she opened her desk near her bed and took out a thin disk. She held it in her hand, forgetting the knife for once, and watched it glistening in her hand, staring at the bright shadows it made against her rather dark room. She thought of all the pain she had taken in, and let out, all the obstacles she had faced and passed to gain peace, at the cost, however of the only thing she cared most… of the only thing that kept her alive and sane.
She felt her tears fall slowly, and rapidly, remembering all the tears she had shed for all those who wished for peace, at the memory of her father's death, all the people who died, and finally for herself, because she could gain no peace in herself. Her emotions finally wild, she muffled her scream of frustration at everything, at herself, that nothing had gone right in her life.
She wished, she hoped that this time, it would turn out alright, would be alright, at least this once…
Curling into a ball, she shivered, feeling the cold which not the weather did bring, but the cold coming from inside her heart, anticipating the dark events about to come.
She cried herself to sleep.
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Inside the shuttle, Athrun breathed a sigh, staring at space, feeling slightly out of sorts. Confrontation with people was one thing he really was afraid of, but he was glad to get that out of his chest.
He loved Cagalli, so much. But loves were varied, and what he felt for her was fondness, care, as he was always looking out for her safety and well-being, just like he always did with Kira.
Lacus… was a different thing altogether. He cared for everyone, especially his closest friends, but she was different. Had always been. He always thought her… special. She had always been more than a friend. Even until now.
But why was he feeling this way? Feeling slightly nervous and fear creeping into his heart? Something was going to happen, he knew it, and didn't like it one bit.
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Waking up, she sat up and felt the first wave of dizziness threatening to engulf her. She glanced around her room. It was dark, desolate, shadows creeping around the corners. She held herself tightly, firmly, just this once, afraid. She shook in fear, her shoulders trembling in trepidation.
With courage she did not feel, she turned away from the safe haven of her bed, and turned on the light. Blinding light suddenly pained her eyes, rendering her unable to see for a few moments. Her room suddenly became bright, the shadows gone. Restlessly moving, she came to her mirror, and found her eyes red and puffy from crying. Laughing softly with laughter that did not reach her eyes, she washed her face and decided to see Kira and all those people important to her, at least, for the last time.
She walked, her soft footfalls echoing in the silence, she reached Kira's room, and closed the door. The room was in darkness, as Kira was asleep, and she took a few steps closer to him, merely gazing at him for the last moments. When the fear of leaving her most important friends came back, she held her skirts, and fled back to her room.
Upon reaching her room, she took a few calming breaths, willing her tears not to fall. After a heavy shuddering breath, she set upon writing the last letter she would ever write.
With a heavy heart, she took her life.
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"Hello? Anybody here?" Athrun called, wandering all over the hallways.
"Where is everybody?" Athrun muttered. He saw then a group of people. Running towards them, he asked a worker. "What happened?"
The worker shrugged and politely said in respect. "I don't know."
Athrun pushed his way to the front and saw Lacus Clyne spread across her bed, holding something in her pale hand.
Athrun walked towards her, knees buckling underneath him as he reached her side. He promptly collapsed at her side. He stared at Kira, who was sitting, holding her other hand, grief stricken.
Kira bowed his head low and pushed a piece of paper towards Athrun's face, who was staring at Lacus fearfully. He held her hand and tried to feel for a pulse.
None.
"What happened, Kira?" Atheun asked, taking the slip of paper from his best friend.
"She committed suicide." Kira's voice sounded strangely hollow, reverberating form his body.
"But… why?" He choked out, gasping as he felt tears fall.
"For you." Kira whispered. "She committed suicide for you."
"Lacus…?" Why Lacus? WHY!" He asked, voice louder, tears falling at a rapid pace.
"She explained in the note." Kira's voice whispered from his body again. 'Open it. It's for you."
With trembling fingers he opened the note.
It said….
Athrun,
I love you. I love you with every nerve of my body. Since I met you, you became my world. You had meant everything, everything to me…. I deeply regret my actions that led to this misfortune… but that was to end the war. So you could finally have peace. To be able to live happily. I am responsible for giving Kira the Freedom, I know, but I accept the consequences of my action and now I am paying for it.
I was so happy when I was engaged to Athrun Zala. You were a knight in the PLANTS, a savior, if you will, and I was so glad I was finally meeting you.
For a while I was happy, until I found out your mother died in Junius 7. You were angry then, angry at everybody, angry at yourself. You shut everyone out… even me. But it was also my mistake, not helping you the best I can in your time of weakness.
I hope you'll forgive me for that.
I met Kira, days after. I learned that he was a coordinator too, and he reminded me so much of you, Athrun. A little defeated, sullen, afraid. Remember, that I told you I like him? It's because he was like you. Like the man I love.
You then met Cagalli, in that little island. I was terribly worried about you… but you seemed fine then .Back to the young man I first met. Back to the young man I had fallen in love with. You seemed…happy. I knew I was losing you to somebody else.
And then you fought Kira on that destined day. He came to me, just as you came to Miss Cagalli. She gave you that beautiful necklace, to always protect you. I gave him the Freedom, to help gain peace, because I know he could do it. He could give me back the life I longed for. With you.
I was so heartbroken and depressed when your father cancelled our engagement… but I could do nothing to turn back time, could I?
If I could, I would have turned back to the time when I met you… I could have avoided falling in love with you. I could have avoided of what's going to happen to our future, a future of chaos and despair.
I sang the song of fighting, chaos, despair, desolation, darkness. I mourned what had happened to the both of us. Now we can't be together.
You faced me, an enemy now. I wanted to turn you against the men that held you against your own decisions. It pains me terribly to see you struggle while they use you as a puppet. Merely a soldier.
But yet you listened, though I don't know why. Oh, how I longed to wipe way those tears that fell from your eyes! But I could not do so, because they had found me. But you saved me, held me in your arms.
Soon you confronted Kira, made friends with him again. I'm glad of that. But it also pains me to see you so happy with Miss Cagalli, but I'm happy for you.
You came back to ask you father what was the purpose of this war. You got injured, then almost got sent to prison, but fortunately I was on the move as well. I sent someone to get you. I was glad you are alright.
Do you remember me talking to Kira? I told him of my father's death. It had made me unhappy, but I am wiling to forget the pain, just to gain peace.
I saw you talking with Cagalli too. Somehow I knew that you were talking about our failed engagement.
I am sorry about that as well.
But all these problems I'm facing took a toll from me.
But you just smile at me, and I feel the will to live once again flow in my veins. I had wished for more, but I had accepted my destiny.
Then I saw you kiss Cagalli and just seeing you with another, I could feel the pain of my heart and tears flow down my cheeks. I went with Kira, because he needed me… and because I had no choice.
Then you told me that you love Cagalli, and I kept my façade. I had to. You should never know I still love you.
But I couldn't take it anymore. My strength, and the main pillar of my life was lost, but I did not do anything. There's nothing there to live anymore… peace is almost achieved, and you are happy.
I want you to be happy… and even if it means letting you go, setting you free… so be it.
Athrun I want you to find your happiness. I will watch over you. I w ill protect you always.
I was lucky that I found you… and I still am lucky that I had been in the presence of the great Athrun Zala.
I hope you'll be happy. I'll love you always.
With all my love,
Lacus
"Lacus…!" Athrun said, dropping his head on her palm.
"Why didn't I tell you… that I still love you?" he gasped out, voice breaking, tears willing to fall. "I thought you wanted to be with Kira… I wanted you to be happy… why!"
"Athrun, she made a song for you." Kira whispered again.
"Kira?"
"Listen to it." Kira's voice whispered again.
Athrun nodded and pulled the mp3 that Lacus in her hand. It was entitled White Symphony and had an Athrun and Lacus subtitle in flowing script.
Shizukana Yoruni
is dedicated to Athrun Zala…
In this quiet night,
I'm waiting for you…
Forgetting the past
And dreaming of you
Time passes by
And memories fade
But time can't erase
The love that we've made
And the stars in the sky
That I wish upon
Can't bring you back to my side…
Though you're not here with me
I dream of the day
We'll meet again.
Hold me close
So deep in your heart
I will find you
No matter where I have to go
And dream of me
Cause I will be there
Follow the stars that lead
Into the quiet night…
"It was for… me?" Athrun choked.
"There's more. The entire mp3 is full of songs made by Lacus… just for you. She told me that when I met her before. She wanted to publish it, but never had the chance." Kira replied softly.
Think of me
I made this song for Athrun Zala. I dedicated this for him… so Athrun, if you're listening, please… think of me.
Think of me
Even though you're free
You're the key to my heart
I won't let anything
Keep us apart…
Even though I'm gone
Your journey has yet begun
Just think of me.
Think of me
Even though you're free
Think of what might have been
Just think of me
You were my world
Before it was cold,
You brightened my day
Just hear me say…
I care for you…
My love is genuine, it's true
Think of me.
You were the one
You were my destiny
I had loved you and I set you free
We weren't just meant to be
Just promise me you'll
Think of me…
You were my angel from up above
You set me high upon the wings of love
You were so innocent, so pure
There's just so much about you that I could endure.
You were with me till the bad times were through
I wish I could spend every moment with you…
You gave me wings to fly
You let me soar up the sky
Your touch may let it be
But please think of me…
Precious Tears
Precious tears that fall on the ground
Once it's lost it can never be found
Precious teasr falling
Like soft petals of rose
On the soft earth, troubling
It as it flows
Familiar yet distant, the precious tears
Familiar yet distant, as it falls on rosy fields.
Precious tears that flow ceaselessly
For these tears strive for tranquility
We search forever
The answers we hope for
Familiar yet still distant, that is the future's promise.
Precious tears that fall for a better tomorrow,
a better destiny…
Until then, precious tears will fall, until eternity
Precious tears... reflections of our
True emotions, no secrets, no lies..
So learn to save those precious tears
Falling from your lovely green eyes
Until then, my precious tears, goodbye…
I'll see you once again.
"Lacus…I'm so sorry." Athrun whispered.
"Athrun… it's okay… it's alright… you don't have to cry." Whispered an angelic voice.
"What…? Lacus… is that you?" Athrun glanced at the side.
He saw Lacus bearing down a smile on him, together with her father. She waved her hand and… disappeared into the night.
"Athrun… don't feel bad…" Kira whispered, unaware.
"She loved you... and be thankful for that."
"I know Kira, I know." Athrun whispered. "But I wished I could have known sooner."
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Life pretty much returned to normal. Kira had gotten over Lacus, but not entirely. He dated a few women every now and then, but hadn't found anyone special. Cagalli had been the princess of Orb, but visited Kira and sometimes took care of the orphanage now that Lacus was gone. Dearka and Miriralia stayed in Onogore, helping Kira take care for the children. The children had been deeply saddened by Lacus's death, but in time, had gotten over it.
Athrun took over his father's company. He never dated, even though a number of girls often asked for a time with him. He became successful. He hadn't gotten over Lacus. Every once in a while he visited Lacus, who had been buried next to her parents.
"Hello Lacus. Mr. and Mrs. Clyne." Athrun whispered one afternoon, offering a bouquet of flowers on their tombstones.
"Life had been pretty much okay Lacus. Kira is well, Cagalli is now a princess. Dearka and Miri offered to take care of the children and he accepted. He lived in Onogore.
Everyone had been okay. They were really sad when they heard the news about your death, but life goes on, right?" Athrun smiled sadly.
"I have to go, Lacus… I have to visit my mother and father. I'll be back soon."
Athrun went to visit his parents and visited Lacus and her parents once in a while.
White Symphony: Athrun and Lacus had been a successful hit. It sold over millions of copies, both PLANT and Earth. So far, it had been Lacus's most successful songs. It was the most loved by the people.
They were a tribute to Lacus, her last hits ever sold. But the real reason had been this:
They were a tribute to the pink princess and her knight.
-End-
I edited this one-shot, because I wanted to improve my writing of this a little more. Thanks to the reviewers:
Demonic Angelz (thanks for the lovely review!)
paccagnan (thank you for the very sweet comment!)
Avocado Sushi (I made it a little slower than the first one when Cagalli let him go. I hope it helps.)
NoinK (thanks for agreeing with me about White Symphony! )
The Black Rose (thanks for the encouragement!)
Nkitty29 (thanks for the comment about the songs)
Ultimate Coordinator Berserker (I was not offended, I merely think you should have read the warning beforehand, but thanks for the review anyway!)
KiraTatashi (thanks for the comment. I invented these songs myself! )
Sorry for killing Lacus! ('--)
It had been so far, the weirdest thing I have ever written. It even amazed me! I killed my fave character!
But, even though it had been pretty solemn to me, I like the way it turned out.
Please Review!