No: 4 - Understanding

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

The next day Shinji was struggling to keep his eyes open. Toji and Kensuke had been pestering him for hours, both refusing to accept his claim that there was nothing going on between him and Asuka. When he finally made it back to the apartment he was so tired he went straight to bed. Unfortunately, he spent most of the night awake, as every time he closed his eyes he was assailed by images of Asuka and memories of the way she had been pressed up against him while they were in the entry plug of Unit-02. Now he sat hunched over his desk, desperately trying to fight his body's desire to return to the land of nod…

"Good morning class."

He hadn't even noticed their teacher arrive. Hikari put them all through the usual 'Rise. Bow. Sit.' routine, Shinji only just managing it without falling over. Once he was seated again, he let his head fall to the desk and his eyes slid closed as the teacher cleared his throat before addressing the class.

"Class, we have a new student joining us today. Would you introduce yourself Miss…?"

"Sohryu."

At the sound of her voice Shinji's eyes snapped open, all thoughts of sleep gone from his mind. He gingerly lifted his head from his desk and turned his gaze to the front of the classroom. Asuka stood there, dressed in a standard girl's uniform and the neural interface clips still in her hair. Shinji couldn't help but gape slightly; the uniform really didn't do her figure justice…

"Guten Morgen! My name is Asuka Langley Sohryu. I recently transferred here from Germany where I completed my college degree. I am now attending school here to improve my Japanese language skills most of all, my kanji. I am fourteen years old, my favourite colour is red and I am the designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-02."

She now had the eyes of almost every boy in the classroom upon her, much to the consternation of the girls. She allowed herself a secret smile before zeroing on her target.

There.

Shinji felt eyes on him and raised his eyes to meet Asuka's. She allowed her smile to grow slightly before winking at him, she had to hold back her laughter when his eyes widened in panic. By now a number of the boys had noticed their silent exchange and were glancing from Asuka to Shinji and back again trying to figure out what was going on between the two. Perhaps they knew one another? They were both Eva pilots after all…it was then Asuka spoke once again, intent on dispelling their confusion

"Oh, just one more thing I should tell you…sorry boys but I already have a boyfriend. Isn't that right…Shinji?"

The moment his name left her lips the room erupted into chaos. Practically every boy in the class had leapt from their seats and huddled around Shinji's desk. A cacophony of congratulations, questions and general cheers of excitement swamped him. There were one or two less favourable comments but the boys in question were quickly silenced by a warning gesture from Toji. Asuka noticed this and smiled.

So the jock is useful for something after all.

As all this was going on the majority of the girls sat there in silence, generally unimpressed at the boys' behaviour. However, three girls in particular had continued to pay attention to the scene, each having a particular interest in the events unfolding. The first of these was the class representative, Hikari Horaki. When they failed to react to her verbal threats to settle down she he waded in there and began to pull some of them away by their ears. For once, Toji was not among them as she too had noticed him sticking up for Shinji.

The second was Asuka. She continued to smile at Shinji, wincing slightly at the fuss she had caused and vowing to herself that she would make it up to him later.

The third was possibly the last person anyone would have expected. Rei Ayanami had been watching the whole thing from her seat, using the reflection in the window to watch without appearing to do so. She had been surprised by the other girl's loud proclamation.

I do not remember Ikari-kun indicating he had a girlfriend. I will ask him about this later.

Having decided her course of action, she turned her attention back to the world outside, gazing out of the window.

After a little while everyone finally returned to his or her seats thanks to Hikari. If the ear pulling wasn't enough, she had threatened anyone who didn't get back to their seat 'now' with a weeks clean up duty. The boys moved as if fires had been lit beneath them and were soon back where they belonged. Asuka however still remained at the front, waiting for a seat to be assigned to her.

"Miss Sohryu, as it appears that you are already familiar with Mr. Ikari, please take the vacant desk to his right."

Asuka readily complied, flashing Shinji another smile as she sat down. Then the lesson began and their teacher began to drone on about Second Impact as always.

Morning class seemed like an eternity for Shinji. Each moment drawn out to painful lengths until finally the lunch bell rang ending his torture. Students began to file out, eager to get some food. Shinji was getting up slowly to follow when he was grabbed from behind and pulled out of the classroom by a cluster of boys, Toji and Kensuke following closely behind intent on getting some answers but also making sure their friend wasn't hurt in the process.

Asuka watched them go with a sigh. She had expected as much…

"Miss Sohryu?"

Surprised Asuka spun round to look at the person who called her. A familiar face greeted her…

"Yes Miss Horaki?"

"I was wondering if you would like to join me for lunch? Oh, and please call me Hikari."

Asuka smiled.

"I would love to Hikari, and please call me Asuka."

"All right."

They walked out of the classroom towards the canteen chatting furiously. Once they arrived and gotten their food they sat down at a table near the back. Moments later a number of girls had gathered around them, all of them wanting to speak to Asuka. Hikari recognised a few of them, they were members of the self proclaimed 'Shinji Ikari Fan club' all of them obsessed with the quiet boy. Obviously the fact that he had a girlfriend who was also a fellow Eva pilot did not sit well with them.

"So is it true? About you and Ikari I mean."

Asuka nodded. Hikari noticed a few of the girls' clench their fists while many others looked disappointed. It seemed that he had picked up quite a following since he had come there. Of course in any such group there is always one dissenting voice.

"What do you see in him? Apart from the fact that he's an Eva pilot he's not much to look at."

Asuka bristled at the girls words, they sounded so very much like ones she had spoken herself, once.

"He's kind, considerate, polite. He always puts the needs of others before his own. He tries to take on the woes of the world because he can't stand to see anyone else suffer."

The girl simply scoffed at Asuka's words. Asuka's temper flared and she turned to face the other girl, fires of determination burning in her eyes.

"He lost his mother when he was four. His father abandoned him and left him in the care of a stranger for ten years. Then after that he called him here so he could pilot Eva and treats him as nothing more than a tool. Despite that, Shinji keeps piloting, he goes out there to fight against monsters facing his own death each time while you sit in little shelters huddling in fear. He hates the Eva, he hates to pilot it but he does it because no one else can, and every time he does and saves our lives by doing it, he gets not so much as the slightest bit of praise or thanks. You have no idea what it's like! Who are you to judge him?"

Everyone was silent as Asuka's words slowly sunk in. The girl who had a moment before been so quick to criticise now bowed her head in silent apology. None of them had ever considered what it must be like for him, they had all simply assumed that it was like driving a car or riding a bike, just a matter of knowing where all the controls were. Asuka's words had shown them a glimpse of the truth of the biomechanical behemoths and a new understanding had begun to form. Slowly the girls left, in twos and threes, quietly discussing what Asuka had said. Many of them paused to give her words of encouragement, others telling her to look after Shinji, glad to know that he had someone beside him to share the burden.

Asuka almost laughed at that. Share the burden, her? All she had ever done was add to it. In the end he had been the strong one and her weak. Their lives had been similar in a way, both losing their mothers at a young age, only to be abandoned by their fathers. The difference had been that while Asuka had clung to Eva, as a means of support Shinji had nothing. She had erected barriers around herself to block out the world, Shinji had too but his were more subtle, he simply withdrew from the world, finding solace in his music.

Despite that he had kept on fighting, seeming to draw on hidden reserves of strength that no one believed he had. Time and time again he had gone out to fight against the Angels and time and time again he had returned victorious…even after she had lost her will to live, he had kept fighting, despite the pain it caused him. Toji was nearly killed when Unit-03 was possessed, and of course Shinji blamed himself for what happened. Afterwards he left, refusing to pilot yet when the next Angel had come he returned only to become trapped inside his Eva for a month. Even after that he kept going, right up until he had been forced to kill his only remaining friend…Kaworu had been the first person he had been able to open up to since Toji was injured and Kensuke had been evacuated with the rest of the civilians. Killing the Angel boy must have been the hardest thing he had ever done and the scars it caused him would have remained for the rest of his days. Yet, when the burden of Third Impact had fallen upon him, when he had the weight of the world placed upon him, as it was given to him to choose the fate of humanity, once again he had taken the burden onto his shoulders and sacrificed himself so that others may be happy. He alone had returned to that desolate world, his only wish to be alone no more…

She had been chosen to fill that void. Of all those he had known, she was the one who came back to him. And for what? In the end she had driven to the brink of despair, had turned him into nothing more than a doll for her own amusement, and in doing so had eventually caused him to take his own life. She could feel tears burning at the corners of her eyes as she quickly tried to push away the terrible memories of his empty face…

I can't, I won't let it happen. I can't watch him die a second time…

In the meantime Shinji was receiving a similar treatment from the boys. He was being bombarded by a whole horde of questions and was struggling to keep up.

"Where did you two meet?"

"Does she have any sisters?"

"How far have you gotten?"

Seeing his friend's discomfort Toji stepped in.

"Hey guys, cut it out. Leave him alone already."

A lot of the boys hesitated, Toji's words causing them to look more closely at Shinji. They began to see the tell tale signs, the slightly darkened areas under his eyes, the slightly enlarged veins across them. He looked worn out and not because he had been up all night with his girlfriend, more like he had been tossing and turning in a shallow sleep fraught with nightmares. Most of them backed of slightly, no longer quite so eager to question Shinji given his present condition, however, one amongst them did not back down. He moved forwards and knelt down until he was only inches from Shinji's face.

"Ikari. What's so special about you that a girl like her chose you as her boyfriend? Or is it simply because she's a freak too?"

Shinji's head snapped upwards at the boy's words. The boy stumbled backwards as Shinji's eyes met his own. No longer were they the humble blue orbs, now they were filled with a terrible emptiness, twin pits of absolute despair drawing you ever downwards towards the darkness. When he spoke his voice was no more than a whisper.

"You know nothing of her. When she was only four her mother committed suicide, Asuka was the one to find her and the doll her mother had believed was her. Had her mother not been suffering from that delusion Asuka's life would have ended there and then."

The group stood there in silence, shocked both at the sudden change in the boy but even more by his words. All of them had lost parents yet none in such a gruesome way as Shinji was describing. Even the boy who had spoken but a moment ago was stunned into silence by the horrific images that cascaded through his mind.

"Her father abandoned her not long after. All she had left was the fact she had been chosen to become an Eva pilot, the pilot of Evangelion Unit-02. She closed off her heart and swore never to cry again, she would become and adult long before her time in order to deal with the burdens that the world had placed upon her."

Shinji stopped talking before slowly falling forwards, his eyes slid shut as he did so, a single tear falling from them. Toji was the first to react; he caught Shinji before his head could strike the ground. He was glad to see that Shinji was still breathing albeit shallowly.

"Go get some help!"

No one moved, they were still in shock from Shinji's words and sudden loss of consciousness; Toji was rapidly getting angry at their behaviour.

"NOW!"

He roared, most of the boys finally snapping out of it and running of to get some help. In the meantime Toji placed his arms under Shinji's shoulders and tried to lift him, as he did so he turned his gaze on the boys that still remained.

"Come on. We have to get him to the nurses' office."

One quickly took his legs while another two supported his sides. Together they began moving towards the nurses' office, an unconscious Shinji in their grasp.

Asuka was heading back to the classroom when she saw the four boys come past. When she saw whom they were carrying, she instantly rushed over fearing the worst.

"Shinji? Shinji!"

She turned to look at Toji seeking answers in his face

"What happened?"

"He started talking strange, then he passed out."

"What was he talking about?"

Toji looked down. How could he tell her that what Shinji had been speaking about was her?

"Please!"

He lifted his head to meet her gaze and wishes he hadn't. He could see the sparkle of unshed tears at the corners of her eyes and knew he would have to tell her. Toji may have been accused of being insensitive but he still could not stand to see a girl cry.

"You."

"What?"

"He was talking about you…about your past…I'm sorry."

The look he gave her then told her everything she needed to know. He had told them…she didn't know how, but he had told them, and now everything had changed. They no longer looked at her with desire, after what she had said, she was sure it would be the same with the girls and Shinji. They had been given a glimpse into what lay beneath and the trauma that the pilots carried. She didn't know what to say or do, noticing her silence the boys started to move again, carrying Shinji away.

When they reached the nurse's office they were instructed to place Shinji on one of the beds to be examined. The other three boys left but Toji remained, Kensuke moved up beside him, he had been one of the ones to run ahead.

"Any change?"

"No."

"What was that back there?"

"I don't know."

They stood there in silence for a moment longer before a groan from the bed alerted them to the fact Shinji was regaining consciousness.

"Shinji?"

"Shin-man?"

They stepped forwards but were held back by the nurse.

"Please, give Mr. Ikari a moment to recover."

They nodded and remained still. Shinji slowly opened his eyes to gaze at the unfamiliar ceiling.

"Where?"

"You are in the nurses office Mr. Ikari."

He looked over to see one of the school nurses smiling at him. He smiled weakly at her before sitting up; it was then he noticed his two friends standing there before turning his attention back to the nurse.

"Thank you, I'm ok now."

She frowned slightly but nodded. He slung his legs off the bed and walked over to his waiting friends.

"You sure your ok Shinji? You went all weird for a little while there."

"I'm fine."

"You remember anything you said?"

He looked up and met Toji's gaze.

"No."

The other boy nodded and the three headed out and off in the direction of their classroom.

She's just like me.

Was Shinji's last thought before the other two engaged him in a light-hearted conversation.

Chapter preread by That Other Guy