Chapter Five: Backstabber

The next morning James woke up earlier then expected and got dressed quietly, so as to not wake up his friends who had another thirty minutes to sleep. Right before he went out of the common room he had a strong urge to go and wake Lily up so they could talk alone. Changing his mind, knowing that she wouldn't be happy being woken up so early, he walked down to the Great Hall alone. Since the food wasn't out yet, James just sat at the Gryffindor table and let his mind wander. He only looked at the doors of the Great Hall when he heard someone walk in. It was Lily. He got up and walked over to her, smiling.

"Good morning James," Lily said happily.

"Good morning yourself, beautiful. How was your sleep?"

"Oh good. How long have you been up?"

"For about ten minutes or so. How about you?"

"I woke up an hour ago, to give myself time to get ready for class."

After an awkward silence James suggested that they go sit down. Once at the table they saved seats for Sirius, Remus and Peter and James tried to get into a conversation. "Do you want to tell me about last night?"

Without looking at him Lily replied, "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

"You know cause we can talk about it if you-"

"James!" Lily practically yelled, finally looking at him. "I don't want to talk about it okay?" After that Lily looked down at her empty plate and was silent. Ten minutes went by in total silence and James decided that he would wait and bring it up again later.

"Hello happy campers!" Sirius said as he, Remus and Peter sat down at the table. "And how are we today?"

"Dandy!" James said trying to cheer Lily up. But Lily just sat there staring at her empty plate with no response. James didn't look but he could feel Remus staring at him, wanting to know what happened.

"How about you Lils?" Sirius asked her, but he got no response either. "Okay…" he said confused at Lily's gloomy mood. Then food showed up on the dishes and in the bowls in front of them and the boys began to pile food on their plates. Lily finally looked up and put a spoonful of scrambled eggs on her plate, but instead of eating them she just picked at them. Remus stared intently at James for a bit longer but when he knew that James wasn't going to look at him he looked across the table at Lily, just in time to see a tear fall onto the edge of her plate. He leaned forward and asked her in a whisper, "Are you alright?" Instead of answering, though, she got up from the table and walked out of the Great Hall.

"Nice going Remus," James said bitterly, "she was doing fine until you had to open your big mouth and go and say something."

"Doing fine?" Remus replied in shock. "Doing fine? James she was sitting there crying and if you're too blind to see that then maybe you should pay more attention!"

"I pay plenty of attention! Especially to Lily!"

"That's a lie and you know it!"

Angrily, James stood up, slamming his hands on the table in the process. "Take that back! Take that back now or else-"

"Or else what?" Remus said standing up as well, but less violently. Neither Peter nor Sirius not even Remus were prepared for what happened next. James lunged over the table and tackled Remus to the floor. A split second later Sirius jumped over the table to get a hold of James and Peter stood up to help. James only had time to give Remus a black eye when he was ripped away from him by Sirius and Peter. As soon as Remus was free to move he jumped up and sprinted out of the Great Hall. As he was turning the corner, he heard James yell, "You get back here Remus Lupin!" But Remus knew better then that and he kept running. Remus wanted nothing more than to find Lily, to see if she was alright, and he knew exactly where to find her.

He ran outside and straight towards the lake. By the lake there was a tree that meant greatly to him and he somehow knew that Lily would be there. He was right; she was sitting under the tree, her arms around her knees and her head down. Remus guessed that she was crying. "Lily!" he yelled as he got closer. He fell onto the ground next to her and she looked at him.

"Remus!" She said surprised, "What happened to your eye!" Remus remembered that Lily didn't know that James gave him the black eye, and he didn't want to tell her, afraid of what she might do to James later. But even though he didn't tell her, she said, "James did that didn't he?" Remus nodded his head. "I should've known he would do something like that. I knew he would react badly towards your asking me if I was alright. I guess he figured that you still have feelings for me." Remus was now sitting next to her, looking into her electric green eyes, which were now bloodshot from her crying.

"Lily," Remus said, "I told you sixth year that even if you left me that I would always love you and I meant it. Even though you're one of my best friends girl I do still love you and I want you to be happy. I was concerned about you last night and I'm concerned now. That's why I came to find you. That's also why James will probably kill me if he finds out."

"Finds out what?"

He hesitated. What he was about to do was dangerous, but he figured that Sirius and Peter had a good enough hold on James. Remus was hoping that he would have time to express his feelings for Lily, which grew even stronger over the summer break. He gave her a small smile and said, "This," and he leaned in and kissed her long and passionately.

It was pouring rain outside as Remus walked slowly across the lawn towards the lake. He stood at the edge and looked at his reflection in the water, which he destroyed moments later with a rock he found in the grass. He looked around with watery eyes, either from the rain of from his own tears he didn't know, and found a tree nearby. He ran over and sat down under it, finally realizing that he was in hysterics. Remus buried his head into his hands and let the rain put over him not caring how wet he got. "Why can't I be happy?" he cried, "Why can't I get what I want for a change?"

"Remus?" He looked up to find Lily standing in front of him with an umbrella, "Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just dandy," He replied in a monotone voice, not even caring that he was crying in front of Lily.

"No you're not. Come inside so we can talk."

"Why?"

"You could get seriously hurt."

"Hey," Remus said pointing up, "I am sitting under a tree."

"I didn't mean it that way!" Lily said getting even more worried and frustrated. "Look Remus, it's fall and if you stay in the rain like this you could catch pneumonia and die!"

"Good, the more pneumonia the better. Bring it on."

Lily stared at him in disbelief. "What's wrong? This isn't the Remus I know."

"You're right; apparently the Remus you know is a complete ass hole."

Lily crouched down and looked Remus in the eyes. "Pease tell me what's wrong." As Remus looked into her eyes he realized that she was crying too. Remus sighed and said, "You wanted to know about my past, a past that I don't even want to have. I'd rather you not know about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a bloody were-wolf!" Remus shouted finally loosing it. "Now you know!" Lily didn't respond but she looked taken aback. "Great," Remus said, "just great. Now go! Run away in fear, like everyone else." Not being able to take it any more Remus started to cry hysterically, like a five year old would at the loss of a favorite pet, and the next thing he knew, Lily was hugging him. When she pulled away he looked at her. "I'm glad you told me," she said, "I don't understand though why you want me to be frightened of you."

Calmed down now, Remus explained, "Lily, didn't you hear a word that I said? I'm a were-wolf. I'm dangerous and if you don't be careful I could, I don't know, attack you or-" He was cut off though by Lily's lips. She kissed him long and passionately and when they pulled apart she smiled. "Then why," she said, "am I giving you your chance?"

"You mean-" Lily smiled and nodded. "And this isn't out of pity?" he asked suddenly getting suspicious.

"No, I'm giving you your chance because you weren't going to have me get hurt. I know, from your response about your past, that you are a good person." And they kissed again, Remus finally happy for once in his life.

"Remus Lupin!"

Remus and Lily pulled apart just in time to see James charging at them. Remus jumped up and pulled Lily up and away just before James banged into the tree they were leaning against. Turning towards Remus, James said angrily, "You're going to pay for that kiss wolf boy." Then, looking at Lily, he said, "How could you Lily?" Lily was speechless. She loved James, she really did, but Remus was her first boyfriend, her first love. She couldn't just abandon him at a time when he needed her and when she needed him, it just wouldn't be right. Then again, she reasoned with herself, that doesn't give me the right to kiss him. Lily looked James in the eyes and said quietly, "I'm sorry."

James grabbed her by the wrist and started to pull her away. Before they were out of hearing Remus was able to say, "It wasn't her fault James! It was mine!"

James didn't say anything back though and Lily turned to take one last glance at Remus before he was completely out of sight.