Disclaimer – same as always.

A Sure Thing

Chapter 11 – The Trouble with Love

Arnold could not move.

Time had stopped. The world stopped moving, or, moreover, his world stopped moving. All he could see was the pain-filled eyes of the girl he cared about, possibly loved, probably loved. She, usually so guarded that it was difficult for him to determine her thoughts, had her heartbreak uncharacteristically on her sleeve. Her eyes locked with his for one second, then two. All he could see was her. All he could think of was her. Lila's words echoed through the air, and it seemed as if they were crushing his very body (or perhaps that was her). What does it matter? he thought desperately. It's over. I can't explain this. Even from across the hallway, he could see the tears sparkling in her dark eyes like diamonds among coal, which was what she was. A lump of coal that he could now see was a diamond.

The spell broke. The world moved again, and she was gone. "Oh, I'm just ever so happy!" Lila cried. He turned in her arms to find the blond. He searched the sea of students, but to no avail. Helga was long gone, in more than one way, he feared. He looked down into the sea blue eyes of Lila. She looked so happy; and yet, as he stared at her, her eyes still seemed empty. They were not sparkling, like Helga's did when he kissed her. They were not open like hers when he spoke to her, and they did not try to hide themselves like hers did when she was overcome with shyness. Arnold was disgusted with the girl in front of him, disgusted at the situation, and disgusted with himself. Fate seemed to have intervened, for if Lila had arrived just five seconds later he would be breaking her heart. That he could bear, for he still felt nothing for her.

Yet his feet did not move. He could not push Lila away, for, stupid and silly as she was, he was far to kind to simply ignore her feelings altogether. His nature would not let him leave, just has her nature would not let her stay. Helga was not one to face her problems head on, and he had thrown this one straight into her face. He loved her, he needed her, and he understood her reasoning. He was not mad at her for leaving; it was much too much for her to handle. It was too much for anyone.

And yet he did not move.

He didn't come after me.

Helga sat in her room, her head resting just beneath the window. Moonlight filtered through the large panes, making patterns on the walls and floor, stopping just before her bed. The penthouse was silent; everyone was gone. Where, she did not know, or care, for that matter. That pain, that feeling of being alone she could handle. She was far used to it. This, however, had turned her into a zombie.

The bastard, she thought. He had stared at her. He had stared at her, straight in the eye, just as she heard Arnold's words and Lila's reply. She had been a fool, too shocked to cover the heartache, which she knew he could plainly see. Oh, God, have I been a fool! He, on the other hand, stared coldly at her, as if he had never seen her before. He kept Lila's arms around him, as she breathedon his neck. She seemed to practically faint from happiness, only able to stand with his strength. And she! Oh, she wouldn't even be there if it wasn't for me! I did this—I…

Helga stopped the ranting in her head. "I did this," she said aloud. Fresh tears spilled down her face. She had, really, held the blade that Arnold used to stab her in the heart. At any rate, she had given it to him. Didn't I let him kiss me? Didn't I tell him how much I cared about him? Didn't I let him see how vulnerable I can be? I let those walls down. I let him in! The thought made her sick. After so long, she was finally able to express her feelings for him, although in moderation. And she was humiliated for her actions. He played me. HE PLAYED ME! That bastard! That mother-fucking bastard!

And still, I love him just the same. My pride gone, everything broken around me, and I still love him. She pulled her legs to her chest and hugged her knees. The room seemed to have gotten colder, and the clock on the wall lit up as it turned two in the morning. She had been sitting, staring into space for hours. Maybe they are home…what does it matter? What does anything matter? Her tears were gone, and she sat immobile, no longer able to cry. As she closed her eyes, she felt something inside her fade. She drifted into sleep and she could slowly feel herself hardening.

At that moment, she no longer loved Arnold.

"You fuckin' idiot. Do you have any idea what you just did?"

White-hot fury filled Arnold's veins. Never mind the fact he had been beating himself up the entire day about his own stupidity. He had to hear it from everyone else as well. "Yes!" he yelled into the phone at Quincy. "God, you should've seen her face. I've never seen her like that. Ever. And I've seen Helga hurt before about one thing or another. It was…" he failed to find the words to describe her anguish.

"That wasn't what I was talking about, and don't even pretend that you know everything about Helga, okay?" He scoffed. "You've spent the last how many years talking about how much you hated her, or how horrible she was, and now you act like you two have had this grand connection for your entire lives. You haven't, Arnold. Remember that."

Arnold paused, both upset and confused. "Okay…then what were you talking about?"

"I was referring to our chances at Battle of the Bands. Because of your little fuck-up, Cory's gonna kill you, and if he doesn't, there's an ice cube's chance in hell he'll practice with you. Hell, he probably won't last two seconds in the same room as you without punching you in the face."

Arnold groaned and leaned back on his bed, staring at the moon through his skylight. In the moonlight he could see the note on his computer reminding him that he was supposed to have had a practice with Helga that night. He walked over and ripped it off, crumbling it before throwing it at the trashcan. The wad hit the rim and bounced into the darkness. He cursed silently, thinking about what Cory would do once Helga told him. The boy had shown how protective he was of Helga, and Arnold knew that deep down he wished he was in Arnold's shoes. Well, in my shoes before I screwed this all up.

"Arnold? Are you still there?"

Arnold shook his head. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Seriously, do you know what you just did? Oh, man, we are fucked! Shit, I might kill you."

"Then you're out a guitarist and back up singer," Arnold said absentmindedly.

"It's not funny, Arnold!" Quin shouted.

"No shit!" Arnold cried, losing his temper. "Do you think I think this is funny? The girl I'm crazy about hates me, I'm stuck going to prom with a girl I can't stand, and now all my friends hate me. God, Helga hates me."

"What the hell do you mean you're stuck? You ain't stuck to shit, Arnold. God, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about now?"

"You! Why can't you just tell Lila you don't want to go with her? If you'd done that in the first place instead of pussyfooting around, you wouldn't be in this situation. So stop the 'woe is me' shit, because I'm not buying it."

"It's more complicated than that."

"No, it's not. Arnold, I know you're a nice guy, but that's your problem. You were too afraid to hurt Lila, whom now you claim to not give a shit about, which caused you to hurt Helga, whom you are in love with."

Arnold paused. "I never said that."

"Well, ya are, you and Cory both." Quin said. "There, I said it. Arnold, all you have to do is break it off with Lila and tell Helga the truth, that you were meaning to ask her but Lila thought you were talking about her and that you're in love with her. I think that should fix things quite a bit." Quin laughed dryly. "Hell, if you're lucky, Cory will never find out."

Arnold frowned. He somehow did not think Helga was going to forgive him that easily. That girl was known to hold a grudge, certainly when he was the one to piss her off. Maybe it would change things if I told her that …that I love her (it was getting easier to say). "I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"Well, just hurry about it. Call me tomorrow."

"Right." Arnold hung up and thought about Helga. She just has to forgive me. I'd forgive her.

At least I think I would…

-Tuesday, April 28-

Helga looked around, hiding behind a bookcase in the back corner of the library, which was usually occupied by a couple who was looking for a different way to pass the time at school. Satisfied no one was around, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Cory's number.

After three rings, she hung up and waited. About three minutes later, her own phone vibrated. "Hello?"

"Helga, I was in Goddamn calculus taking a test. Couldn't you think of a better time to call me?" Cory asked, clearly irritated.

"Nope. And besides, you're the one who called me earlier." You and about fifteen million text messages from Arnold She pushed that last thought from her head.

"I just wanted to tell you that my game's at 4:30."

"Can't make it. My game's the same time. If yours was later, I could come." He groaned. "I should just go to your game. My team sucks. It's horrible."

She laughed, unaware she was currently being watched.

"Anyways, how's the happy couple?"

Damnit. "What happy couple?" she asked, trying her hardest to keep her voice even.

"Uh, you and Arnold. That's all you talked about Saturday. And Sunday. Lord, you actually sounded like a girl."

"You're mistaken. There is no 'me and Arnold,'" she said calmly.

"Why not?" Cory asked.

"Because he's going to prom with Lila."

"What?" Cory cried. Helga pulled her phone from her ear. "Cory, shut up. I'm in a library."

"So? I'm in a Goddamn toilet stall. What the hell do you mean he's back with Lila?"

"He asked her yesterday. Anyways, before you go and start asking, I'm okay."

"You are?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah. Anyways, I am out a potential prom date, so what the hell? Cory, would you like to come to prom with me and make fun of ridiculously dressed people who can't dance to crappy music?"

"No," he replied flatly.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I'm not going to be your God damn Arnold because he decided to totally fuck up. What the hell's wrong with him?"

Helga sighed. "I don't know, and I'm tired of trying to find out. And I'm not replacing you because of him. I'd rather go with my best friend anyways then go with that Football-headed freak."

There was a long pause. "Fine, Helga. But I have to go finish my test. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Alright."

"And Helga?"

"Yeah?"

"Think it over first."

Helga frowned. "Think what over first?"

"You know what I mean. I'll call you."

He hung up before she could respond. She closed her phone and turned around, only to find Arnold staring at her. "Shit," she said as she was scared half-to-death. "God damn it, Football Head." She eyed him. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," he said.

Helga looked him over. He looked terrible. He was pale and looked like he was sweating. Slight circles surrounded his green eyes and his hands were shaking. She smirked. This doesn't look like a happy boy. Good, he should be miserable. "I don't want to talk to you," she said as she slid past him.

"Helga, please. I have to explain something to you."

She turned and smiled at him. "Arnold, you don't have to explain a thing, because I don't want to hear any of your excuses."

"Helga, it was all—"

"I don't give a damn what it was, Arnold! It could have been momentary insanity. I don't care!"

"I do!" he cried.

Helga paused. She stared at him. His eyes were so honest, so open. She could see nothing that would make her question his motives, or question how much he seem to care about her at the moment, and how determined he was to talk to her. He'll just hurt you again, a voice inside her head said. It's just how it always was. Don't let yourself get hurt again. She narrowed her eyes. "Then that's your problem," she said coldly. She walked away, leaving him in awe.

She wondered around the library for the rest of the period, deep in thought. He seemed to have felt truly sorry, but what did that mean? Arnold was too hard to understand, and, knowing him, he still could not tell Lila that he did not want to go to prom with her. And as far as Helga was concerned, that was reason enough to not trust him.

The bell rang, and she returned to the tables to get her stuff. On top of her notebook was a note for her, written in Arnold's handwriting. She thought of simply pitching it, but part of her could not do that without first reading what he had to say to her.

Helga, if you won't talk to me, than I guess I'll have to do something that will really irritate you. I'll write you a love note.

"Love note?" she shrieked out loud. Nearby a few students watched her talk to herself with mild interest before moving on to their own lives. Lo-lo-love? She sat down and continued reading in complete shock.

Yes, love. I'd much rather tell you in person, but you seem to currently despise the sight of me. Not that I blame you at all. I'd probably do the same thing. Anyways, I love you, Helga. And, like every clichéd movie has ever taught you, love means doing stupid things (though it does not mean never having to say you're sorry. Whoever wrote those words should be shot. Seriously). I never meant to ask Lila to prom. I was going to tell her that I wasn't interested in her anymore, when she overheard the wrong part of a conversation between Gerald and me and just assumed that I was talking about her. Being the chicken that I am, and genuinely nice guy (I knew this would come back to haunt me), I couldn't immediately tell her the truth, because for some reason I was afraid to hurt her, which, I quickly realized too late, caused me to hurt you, which I promise I would never do intentionally. This, of course, does not make what I did any less hurtful or horrible. I promise though, that you are the only girl that I want to love, whether I will do that with you by my side or if I have to watch you be happy with someone else. I know this is kinda heavy, but I promise you every word is true, and I am sorrier than you know.

With love from your little fuck-up,

Arnold

Love? He loves me? Helga quickly read through the letter again. He was being completely honest and was laying himself at her mercy. I know he's telling the truth. I can feel it! If that was not enough of an act to get her to talk to him, she did not know what was. Arnold, oh Arnold, can this be true? Can you really be in love with me? The room seemed brighter, and Helga felt her head becoming slightly dizzy. She slowly stood up and went to go find him.

Just feet away from Helga, Arnold went to go face his own problems. "Lila? Can I talk to you?" he asked coldly as he stood behind the group of girls who surrounded Lila. The circle giggled as he stared at her. Idiots.

"Of course," Lila replied, giving him a toothy smile. "I'll see y'all later, okay?"

"Call us, Lila," the girls murmured, each giving Arnold and Lila suggestive smiles as they left. Arnold rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Lila. "Look, uh, Lila," he rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I need to talk to you about prom…"

She giggled slightly and sighed, tossing her long auburn hair over her slim shoulders. "Oh, Arnold, I'm ever so excited. Ellen and I are planning on looking for a dress this weekend in LA. Daddy has to be down there for a conference, so we are all making a weekend of it." She slipped her tiny hands into his, forcing his fists open.

He quickly tried to pull back, but she held on too tightly. "Look, Lila…"

"What colors were you thinking about?" she mused, completely ignoring him. "I was thinking of a sapphire dress, you know, to bring out the color of my eyes. Do you have a tux yet?"

Blood rushed to his head as he became more frustrated. He grabbed her shoulders lightly. "Lila, will you listen to me for a minute?"

She frowned. "Arnold, what's ever so wrong? Why are you so tense?" She slid her hands up his arms and rested them on his neck. "Relax, Arnold," she whispered.

Arnold realized what she was planning to do before she did it, but he could not pull away before Lila's lips found their way to his.

"IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?" Helga thundered.

Arnold pulled away from Lila only to see pure hatred on Helga's face and the note he wrote her in her hand. He stared at her, wide-eyed, unable to move or speak. Oh, shit…It was the same disaster all over again, though this time he knew there was no turning back.

"Helga, what are you doing?" Lila cried, clearly loving all the attention the three were getting.

"Move it, twiggy," Helga snapped, pushing her out of the way and staring Arnold down. "Answer me, asshole!" she cried.

"Helga, it's not what you think—"

THUD. She slammed him into the lockers and pinned him up against them. "YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST FUCKING THING ABOUT WHAT I AM THINKING!" She released him and buried her head in her hands. "Shit, do you realize I actually believed you?" she cried.

Arnold could feel every pair of eyes in the hallway staring at them. His chest ached as he stared at Helga, her blond hair spilling over her shoulders as she hid her face from him. He reached out to pull her hair back. "Helga, I—"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she bellowed, raising her head. To his surprise, she was not crying. She stared at him for a moment before banging a fist near his head. "I think this belongs to you," she whispered, holding the note between two fingers in front of his face. "I don't want anymore of your bullshit, okay? This is it. Don't talk to me, don't even look at me. You are the most disgusting, foul, lowlife I have ever met, and that includes your little cheating ass friend Gerald." She laughed coldly. "And to think it would end like this…" she whispered, more to herself than to him. She kissed him on the cheek before leaving.

The crowd parted as Helga walked down the hallway. They waited until she was gone to start whispering and staring at Arnold and Lila. Their words buzzed in his ears as the scene was replayed over and over in his head. Lila was staring at him, this time with genuine terror in her eyes. "Arnold, what was that? Why was Helga ever so mad?"

Anger boiled over, and Arnold could hear the blood pumping in his ears. "That, my dear, was the girl of my dreams. That was the girl I wanted to go to prom with, that was the girl that I love. That's what I fucked up. Strike that, that's what you and I fucked up, because you played a big part in this honey." He watched her eyes fill with tears. "Don't do that, okay? I just crushed her twice. Do you honestly think that a couple of tears will make everything better?"

"Arnold, why are you doing this?" Lila cried.

He glared at her, his eyes full of anger. "Why are you doing this, Lila? What feelings do you have for me, honestly? Cause I can promise you if any of them are real, they are ideas that Helga put in your head."

"What do you mean by that?" Lila asked slowly. By now, most of the hall had filled out, spreading the details of the passing events. Lila was facing him, and Arnold was still resting against the locker, immobile from where Helga's hands had placed him.

"Do you want to know the truth?" He laughed. "You know what, who cares? Like they say, the truth will set you free, and I suppose even you deserve to hear what happened."

"What are you talking about? The truth about what?"

Arnold smiled at her, leaning in close to her face. "The truth about us. See, I wanted to date you, because for some crazy reason I thought you were this amazingly complex, beautiful spirit. And trust me, I was wild about you. So desperate to be with you, in fact, that I agreed to have Helga help me to get you, in exchange for helping her to improve in softball, since supposedly I'm some baseball god, which is probably why you agreed to go out with me in the first place, because we both know that in the beginning of this whole mess you couldn't give a shit about me."

Lila grimaced, knowing full well that his words were true. "Stop talking like that. Stop saying such horrible things."

He laughed. "I would, except they're true! Every single word is true. I liked you, so Helga planted things in your head so that you would like me more. She spun you like a top, making you believe that you and I would me perfect together. Which is brilliant, really, except for the fact that I am so Goddamn fickle that I decided that you were a pompous, spoiled, idiotic bitch that I could barely stand to be around and that I was in love with Helga. She, in all that is her, is completely perfect. Not perfect like you, because to the naked eye you are perfect, but perfect for me. But I messed that up, now didn't I?" He swallowed hard and watched her. "So, now what do you think of me?" he asked, his voice much deeper and calmer.

Tears were creeping down her face. Real tears. "You used her to try to trick me into liking you?" she asked slowly, not able to look him in the eye

He nodded. "That's the lot of it."

"But…"

He frowned. "But what?"

"Helga tried to tell me that you and I weren't a good idea. I thought there was someone else, which obviously there was, and she said…"

"What did she say?"

"She said that I should give up and move on," she said, staring Arnold straight in the eye.

Arnold was beyond late for practice, but he could care less. "She said that?"

"Yeah. So if she was the other girl—"

"Then she planned this all along," Arnold finished. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I need to go think, Arnold, and you need to get to practice." She picked up her things and left without saying another word.

Arnold slowly walked in the other direction. He knew she should be furious with Helga, for she had been trying to do to him what he did to Lila the entire time. However, this news only gave him hope that she could not give up on her feelings and on him. Maybe there's hope after all.

"Pataki! Are you listening?"

"Huh?" Helga looked up at her coach, who reminded her of the old East German shot-put throwers, complete with a mini-mustache. She had been thinking of the day's events as she warmed up for her game with one of her teammates. Apparently her coach had been trying to get her attention for a good minute. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I was just concentrating—"

"Right." She watched Helga with a sharp eye. She grabbed Helga's arm and pulled her aside. "Look, Pataki, I've been impressed with your improvement over the past few weeks, not to mention your attitude improvement."

Helga nodded. I've been too worried about other things to concentrate on being a smartass. Maybe I should have a terrible love life more often, she thought grimly.

"So that's why you're starting tonight behind the plate, so you need to go help Perkins warm-up."

Helga's face lit up. "Are you serious?"

Coach frowned. "Only if you are, Pataki! Do you want to start or not?" she snapped.

Helga nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I'll start warming her up right away."

She could not believe it. Finally, she was getting the recognition and reward for all her hard work. She started warming up with her teammate, barely able to contain her excitement. As her team lined up for the national anthem underneath the clouds that threatened rain, she caught sight of the baseball players coming over from practice to watch the game. Helga closed her eyes as she realized everything she had lost for this, and she began to wonder if the whole experience was worth it. I've gained a starting spot on a high school team that is still horrible, and for it I lost the love and respect for the boy I've been obsessing over for fifteen years. She choked back her tears. Yeah, that's all worth it.

Arnold watched as the girls slowly piled off the diamond. They had been beaten pretty badly, although Helga had played amazingly during her first start. He could not believe how well she was able to push her personal problems out of her mind to concentrate on the game. Then again, maybe she doesn't care enough to think about it. He shook his head. No! No, she still has to have feelings for me. She has to! He spotted her starting towards her car, only feet in front of him. There was no way she could avoid him. "Helga! Please, wait!"

She turned, hatred flashing in her eyes before they went blank, matching her face. "I don't want to talk to you, Arnold." She moved again in the direction of the parking lot.

He ran to catch her. Even her ponytail was bouncing angrily. Everything about her said "Leave me alone." Of course, in his lifetime, he had never been afraid of Helga. Even now, that held true. He grabbed her arm and spun her towards him.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!" she cried. Several people turned, but decided that it was none of their business to intervene. They did, however, watch with interest.

"Helga, please, talk to me." His hand was still grasped around her forearm. He felt a thrill go through his body, and, as she paused, he imagined through Helga as well.

It passed, and she wrenched her arm free. "I told you, I don't want to talk to you!"

"Helga—"

"What is there to say, Football Head?" Her voice cracked as she cried.

She caught him off guard. He expected her to hide her emotions. Her openness threw him. He swallowed hard, and prepared himself for whatever was to come. "Plenty, Helga. Would you just please let me talk?"

Her eyes flashed. "No! As far as I'm concerned, I never want to hear you speak again!"

Arnold moved without thinking. He placed his hands on her cheeks and pulled her towards him, pressing his lips forcefully on hers. For a moment she relaxed, but just as quickly she pushed away and slapped him across the face. "You asshole! Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Helga—"

"What else do you want from me?" she cried desperately.

"The truth!" he cried. His entire demeanor changed.

Helga watched him with interest. Suddenly he looked furious instead of desperate. His eyes became cold and very un-Arnold like, and his face was full of repressed rage. "What are you talking about?" she asked slowly. "You know the truth; you were there living it! You know exactly what you did!"

"Don't you dare try to pin this all on me!" he thundered. "You messed this up just as much as I did."

"What are you talking about?" she demanded, though she had a sinking feeling she already knew what he was going to say.

He looked directly into her eyes. "Why did you really agree to do this? Besides getting help with your game, though that was just an attitude thing. Your coach said so herself. Tell me, Helga, what were your ulterior motives?"

Helga was taken aback. Arnold was generally not so aggressive and upfront. He was going after her full force. "You know exactly why I did this, Arnold," she retorted, hoping to God that he did not hear the nervousness in her voice.

"Really? Then why did you try to tell Lila that she and I shouldn't be together?"

"I never told her—"

"Don't try to lie, Helga. I heard it straight from the source. Why'd you do that?"

She said nothing and stared at the ground.

"You wanted you and me to get together all along, didn't you?" He laughed hollowly. "Tell me, Helga, what else was manipulated by you? Your ankle injury?"

"Shut up! You know I wouldn't do that!"

"What, fake an injury or twist this so you got what you wanted?"

Helga stood in silence, unable to respond to him.

Arnold stared at her. "It's true. You manipulated me!"

"I did nothing like that! I would never do that to you! I just let you get to know the real me and realize how fake Lila was! Tell me, if I wouldn't have done this, would you be in love with me like you claim to be right now?"

He looked away.

She threw her arms in the air. "See? You are just as shallow as she is."

"Like you ever gave me a chance to think otherwise!" he retorted. He laughed. "You know, you are just as much in the wrong as I am."

She snorted. "So we're supposed to start a relationship out of this? Are you kidding me? Arnold, as far as I am concerned, I don't need to ever see you again. My part in this is over, got it? You got want you wanted, remember?" she finished, her voice full of ice and desperation. It was only to be pulled off by her.

He stared at her. Amazingly, he had never found her more beautiful than she was at this moment, her eyes full of loathing and her body shaking with passion. The woman he loved was standing less than a foot in front of him, but in his mind she was a half a world away and moving farther with every moment. Her words floated in the air, and he realized it was over. His chest caving in, he managed to speak. "And you did as well," he said just as coldly.

She was taken aback. "I suppose I did," she said after a moment. After another long pause, she quietly said, "Good-bye, Arnold."

He watched her leave, and, for the second time in as many days, he felt his heart break as she did so. She wanted nothing to do with him, and thought of him as slime, probably even lower than Gerald. She had every reason to. I am that asshole, he thought. He had explained the situation to Lila, but that had only caused more problems. Now he knew that Helga had been pulling as many strings as he had, but that did not matter. He still loved her, and he could forgive her for everything. She, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with him, and for that he had no one to blame but himself. His mother had told him what to do; Cory had told him what to do; hell, even Gerald told him what needed to be done. And he was too afraid to hurt her, so he hurt the girl he loved.

Arnold looked up at the sky. It was raining heavily now; he had not even noticed it had started. He started walking home, which was quite a ways, but he cared little about what happened to him. What did it matter? The more he thought, the more he decided that his outside should match his insides.

Oh, Helga, what do I do now?

Author's Note: Later days.