Chapter Thirty-Five: To Know

Hoshi walked into the armory. She spotted him, by himself, brandishing his weapons.

"Malcolm."

"What can I do for you, Ensign?"

She was caught off guard when he didn't use her personal name, especially when there was no one around.

"I…wanted to speak with you, on personal matters, that is."

Malcolm placed a smaller phase pistol back into its casing. "What would you like to speak to me about?"

"First, I'd like to know why you've been avoiding me all day."

"I would think it's obvious, Ensign."

"What do you mean obvious? I have no idea why you've been so cold. You don't even greet me on the bridge!"

"You still love him," he accused.

"What?"

"You still love him," he repeated. "That's why you've come here. To break things off and run to your one true love."

Hoshi looked at him, unable to say anything in defense. He was hurting, and she hated being the cause for it.

"I'm making it easy for you, love." Hoshi could hear the sarcasm behind the endearment he used to say so easily to her. "If you'll excuse me, I have things to attend to." He walked past her.

She wanted to say something, anything that would make him understand she didn't want to hurt him. "I love you, too."

Malcolm halted. He turned around and looked at her. His eyes betrayed a ray of hope.

"I love you," she continued, "the same way I love Jon, Travis, Phlox and, even, T'Pol."

He walked back to her and grabbed the back of her head. He kissed her; hard and fast. He pulled away and their foreheads touched.

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

She shut her eyes briefly and nodded. "As a friend," she whispered.

He released her.

"Malcolm…you're a special friend. What we've shared…it was comforting, surreal, but…"

"I hope you two will be very happy together."

"Malcolm…"

"Hoshi, just go." Malcolm gestured to the exit. "Leave, before I regret everything about you."

Reluctantly, she headed to the exit.

"Hoshi."

She turned around. "Yes, Malcolm?"

"Was it hard to love me?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No…it was easy to."

And she was gone.

Looking around the empty armory, Malcolm smiled to himself. "You truly have a way with words."

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Trip entered the mess and found Hoshi, her back to him. He walked up to her and covered her eyes.

"Trip." She smiled.

"How'd you know it was me?" Trip asked, removing his hands.

"I'd know your cologne anywhere."

Trip chuckled. "You looked like you were in deep thought."

"I was reminiscing, in the same spot that started us."

"Ah."

"Do you remember our first kiss? It was right here."

"Yes."

"Our first dance was here. Even this ring," she held up her left hand to show him the ring finger, "you gave to me, here."

"You still have it," he said.

"And here is where you said you loved me, for the first time."

Trip looked at her.

"Trip."

"Yeah?"

"I still love you, too."

Trip leaned across the table. "Say it again," he said.

"I love you," she mouthed.

Trip grabbed her and kissed her tenderly.

They broke away. "That's the first time you've said that to me," he said.

He leaned in again, but Hoshi placed her hand on his chest, signaling him to stop.

"What's the matter?" he asked, concerned.

"I love you, Trip, but I need time to myself, right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I need to know what there is for me in life before I am in another relationship, again."

"So you love me, but you don't wanna be with me?"

"I do. I know that I want you, but I need a break…just for me. It sounds selfish, I know, but I haven't come into my own without a man in my life."

Trip stared into Hoshi's eyes, searching hers deeply. "Is this what you really want, right now?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead. "Just remember, no matter what happens, I love you…will always love you."

Hoshi watched as he exited the mess.

"I know," she whispered.

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FIN