A/N: The title of this chapter is from a friend of mine, Carmen's, song "Funeral Party".

Chapter twenty-one: "Funeral Party"

The day was cold even though there was little wind. The sun was weak in the sky but it still shone bright enough to hit the snow on the ground. Everyone stood around an open grave with a casket just above it, being held up by ropes. Remus Lupin stood with his family, hands in his coat pockets. His eyes were out of focus but his ears took in everything that was said.

A light snow began to fall. Remus only came out of his reverie when he heard his name.

"Now, will the brother of Sissy Lupin, Remus Lupin, come forth and close the lid so we may lower her to her rest.'

Remus hesitated. His father placed his hands on his sons shoulders and whispered to him,"It's okay, son. Go ahead." With a little nudge, Remus walked forward. Upon reaching the casket, Remus studied the wood and the carvings in it. The wood felt cold and wet from the falling snow under his warm hands. Looking down inside the casket he stared at his lifeless little sister. He thought about how, in only a year, she would have been going to Hogwarts. Sure he was graduating this year but he wanted to see her face when she got her letter. He thought about all the things that would never happen. The years in Hogwarts she'll never have, the friends she'll never make, the boyfriends he would never get to threaten and beat up.

Since the snow had started to fall little flakes landed on her now milk white skin and instead of melting they stayed there untouched. This didn't look right to Remus. Sissy wasn't supposed to be laying here in a casket; she was supposed to be at home playing with her dolls. And it was his, Remus', fault that she wasn't there. It was his fault she would never enjoy life at Hogwarts. Tears obstructed his view. Leaning close to her, Remus whispered, "Sissy, please get up. Please. I'm sorry. This is my entire fault." The tears started to fall, but not steadily. "I didn't pay attention to you when I should have. I'm sorry, Sissy. I'm sorry."

When she didn't move Remus felt utter guilt and defeat. He waited a few seconds longer and only decided that she wasn't getting up and that he should close the lid when he heard whispers from people as well as feeling their stares. The creek the casket lid made as it closed was the most disturbing sound he ever heard. Remus closed his eyes hoping to make it all go away. When the lid was finally closed he whispered, "Good-bye, Sissy." He stepped back a little and watched the casket be lowered into the ground.

After it was fully lowered everyone cleared out, going back to the church to get warmed up. The only people left when everyone was gone were Remus, James, Sirius, Peter and Lily. They all approached Remus, James with his arm around Lily, Sirius holding Sissy's doll and Peter with his hands in his pockets.

When they had reached him, Remus broke down completely, falling onto his knees in the snow, hands over his face, crying. Lily knelt down next to him. Rubbing his back she said, "Remus, it'll be alright. Everything will be fine."

Remus looked at her angrily. "That's what you say," he said. "You're not the one who did this to her! You didn't kill your sibling!"

"Remus, you didn't kill her."

"Yes I did! I wasn't paying attention when I should have been! I'm the reason she got sick! It's my entire fault!"

"Remus, we were all there," James said. "None of us were paying attention."

"But none of you," Remus said very quietly but still angrily, "are her older brother. I have to take full responsibility. I was supposed to be watching her. Not you." With that he got up and walked away leaving the others to think about what he said.

The rest of the time at the Lupin household Remus kept himself away from everyone else. Even the first week back at Hogwarts he secluded himself from everyone. Remus wasn't the only one who was acting different. Sirius carried around Sissy's doll everywhere and was often found holding it close and stroking her hair. Hardly anyone knew why he did it and no one dared to make fun of him for it, save the Slytherin's. Other then that most girls thought it was cute and most boys thought he lost a bet. James somewhat knew how Remus felt. Being an only child he never lost a sibling but he did lose practically every other member of his family. Lily, although she tried to cheer everyone up, was just as upset as Remus was.

"It's because I'm a woman," she told James one night while they sat by the common room fire place. When he looked at her quizzically she explained, "One day I may experience a child of mine dying. I never want it to happen but I may experience it and it's a horrible thing to experience. Having one of your own children die right before your eyes. "

The only one who didn't seem to care was Peter.

"Everyone dies eventually. It was just her time."

Sirius got in his face, "It wasn't her time! She was just a little girl!" Peter fell silent.

As the first week in February came and passed everything seemed to settle down. Remus seemed to be back to normal. Or that's what they thought.

One morning Lily had woken up late. As she was rushing to get ready for class she kept her eye on her watch. 'I'll have to skip breakfast,' she thought. As she ran down the stairs and across the common room all she was thinking about was getting to class on time. Suddenly she heard a noise. She stopped and looked around but saw nothing. She took a few more steps but heard the noise again and stopped. Looking around again she noticed someone sitting in an arm chair across the room. At first she wasn't going to bother, thinking it to be none of her business, when she noticed it was Remus.

Crossing the room, she knelt down before him and tried to look at his face, which his hands covered.

"Remus, are you all right?" she asked concerned. He jumped a little not knowing that she had come over. Removing his hands from his face he looked at her. Pushing a smile he said, "Just dandy," but not convincing enough.

"Remus," Lily said sternly and his smile vanished. He sighed.

"Alright, it's just-", he hesitated thinking for the words. "I feel like- well. I just feel really guilty. That it's my fault Sissy's- that she's-", Lily could see tears swelling in his eyes. He rubbed them out. He looked very tired, like he hadn't slept in days. Lily also figured it could be the full moon coming, though she didn't know for sure. "Then my mum has been yelling at me because I didn't come home. I tried to tell her about James' crazy idea but she didn't buy it. She kept saying it was Sissy's last wish to see me and stuff."

"Oh, Remus, it wasn't your fault."

"Then whose was it?" he demanded.

"It was no ones. It was an accident. Sissy should have known to wear her jacket-"

"So it's her fault, is it?" He started getting angry.

"No! I already said that it's no ones fault." He still didn't seem to believe her. "I'm sure she doesn't blame you if that's what you're worried about."

Tears started to fall from his eyes. "How do you know?"

"She loved you Remus. She loved you as a big brother and I'm sure even now she still loves you. She doesn't hold anything against you and I'm sure of that."

Remus stared at her, thinking. "You know, I think you're right Lily. I know Sissy. She wouldn't want me to mope over her." They stood up and Remus gave Lily a hug. "Thanks, Lils."

Lily smiled. "Let's get to class." And off they went.