Rubbing my ever-swelling belly I think about the fact that I am waiting. At first truly I was scared. Harming my self I could deal with, it was only me. But if I harmed a child, my child I would never be able to recover. Everyone else, mostly Ron and Mrs.Weasley were and still are worried about if Severus will make a good father. That thought never crossed my mind. He loves me and while he may have hurt me in the past that was before we had the time to know each other, I hurt him just as he hurt me. Not until later did I realize that he had protected me numerous times without a thank you or reward. He did it just because. So the fact that he protected me even before he loved me tells me that yes he will be a good father. Now don't get me wrong of course he's still a snarky git but that is him. Just as Ron is stubborn, Malfoy is a right bastard and Mrs. Weasley is mothering.
Oh god. When I told Molly that I was pregnant first she froze and then she exploded with happiness, saying what a good mother I would be. I had to stop her right there. I would be a good parent, or so I hope, but in no way was I a mother! She just didn't get it, there had to be a mother. Who would kiss the ouches when the child got hurt? Who would feed the child? Change the child? I said well Severus better do his damn part! She didn't get it. I tried to explain to her that in some families the dad would stay home and the mom would work. In some families both parents would work and their child would either be with only one parent at a time or a nanny would be hired. Molly just took it all in. Once in a while she will still come to me asking a question, giving me a scenario. I answer my best but Merlin am I happy I don't live there.
So again I'm waiting. I'm always waiting now for that moment when my child will be born but now I'm also waiting for Severus to get back. See I didn't want to know the sex of the child keeping it a surprise. Severus on the other hand said this was unpractical. How were we to know what to buy? So what we did was when we went out shopping we bought what we liked if it was a girl and what we liked if it was a boy. Severus had been told what the sex was and in my moments of weakness, just wanting to know my child, I had asked him. He did not tell me. He simply "shh"-ed me, kissed my forehead and walk out of the room. See what I mean, he was a git for not telling me, but still he's as cute as a button. Don't tell him I said that. Back on subject. He was now returning what things were not needed for the appropriate sex. Most likely we would be having twins because just like in muggle "invetro fertilization" I believe is what you call it; the chance is higher for twins because of the fact that many embryos are created and put into the "host's" body as I am called. Since there is more than one there is a high chance of pregnancy and thus a higher chance of twins.
I am nervous that I will be a good father. The truth is that Uncle Vernon was not the best role model. The closest I would have to a father would be the Sirius and Remus combination, they were my parents for a time, and I wish it could have been longer. I wish that they could have been here to see me being a father. Although I doubt that Sirius would be too happy about whom the other father is. Oh it would have been so funny seeing Sirius get freaked out about it and start ranting and raving on and on until Remus had enough and guided him out of the room for one of their "talks". Oh it would have been priceless.
It would have been nice for my parents to see me now. How happy I am. How happy Severus is. How for right now the wizarding world is at peace.
They would be happy to know that I am no longer ignorant, whether it be to who they were or the world around me. And they would be happy to know that I will let my child have that innocent bliss but never will my child be ignorant. Never with my child know the pain that Severus and I each went thru when growing up.
And that's why I'm waiting. I'm waiting to teach my child everything this world has to offer. To teach my child love and respect. To teach my child that I will always love them.
That's why I'm waiting.