What is wrong with this story?

EVERYTHING!

FIRST CHAPTER: HERMIONE IS DRUNK AND EVERYONE IS OOC.

SECOND CHAPTER: EVERYONE IS OOC AND EVERYTHING IS SO CONFUSING AND THEY KISSED WAY TOO EARLY. I'M SO MAD. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO KISS IN A LATER LATER CHAPTER AND BUILD UP TO IT. SO MUCH FOR SUSPENSE AND "BUILDING UP TO THE CLIMAX." WHATEVER.

I almost deleted my second chapter, but I voted not to because I did spend time on it.

Thank you for all who were honest and told me that my chapter was… odd. If you didn't, thank you anyway. And thank you especially for dan4me for inspiring me fully to complete this chapter today. And not wait a week. Also, FarDeep for the very cute review and Monday Mornings, ShortStuff10, and HRInuyashaFan16 for the reviews that made me realize that this story was sort of OOC or confusing. Thanks a lot.

LOTSA SWEARING IN THIS CHAPTER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

For an hour or two, it had been silent.

The dark crimson clock ticked and the annoyingly loud cricket chirped harder than usual.

In a dining room

On a table

Sat two young and ravishing adults

Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy

The past hours have been painfully silent.

They were recalling back to when everything started.

Ad- Draco- Brenda- department of mystery- Hogsmeade- argument- house- bird- band aid- kiss- shock- table- and then, there was silence. The chain of events that day was truly remarkable.

And now, it was time for the argument.

"What the hell was that?"

Draco shrugged.

"I mean, one minute, you're screaming and crying and the next, we're… Is it just me, or is it just me, but did we actually… kiss?"

"It's not you."

Hermione glared at Draco. "That wasn't an option you know."

"But it's the truth"

"That- that- kiss was…" Hermione trailed off, thinking.

"Unexpected" Draco suggested.

"Odd"

"Unacceptable"

"Forbidden"

"Fantastic."

Hermione had to agree.

"You know what, Draco? Malfoy? I can't be your housemate. Look at what just happened. That can't happen again! I'm scared that'll happen again. You're just going to have to find another place to stay."

Draco looked in awe and partial anger. "Why? Who says it WILL happen again? Come on, Granger. I don't and can't live with a complete stranger!"

"No. As much as how both of us are desperate for a roommate, it's not going to work out."

"Yes it will"

"No, it won't! Don't argue with me! I can't get tangled up in something with you when you're my worst enemy and I hate you!"

"We won't even talk! We won't even acknowledge each other! I'll just have my room and I'll be all set!"

Hermione shook her head. "No."

"God damn it, Granger! Stop being such a bitch and get over yourself. That kiss will never happen again, okay? Happy?"

"NO!"

Draco's face turned blank. "W-what?"

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU! IF YOU'RE GOING TO SIT THERE AND SCREAM AT ME AND BOTHER ME LIKE THAT- IT'S MY CHOICE AND I CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE YOU. GOOD BYE"

"Granger-"

"I'm serious! Get out! I've had it today! It's been the longest day of my LIFE. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Longest day? LONGEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE? WELL, CRY ME A RIVER, BUT HAVE YOU EVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH? Here I am, pathetic and poor, before my least favorite PMSing mudblood, begging to share a house with her, and I get attacked by a bird and now, she's screaming at me to get out! Long day, huh?"

Hermione didn't reply. Her eyes yelled kill.

Draco could almost see the fire and hell behind those two originally dirt brown eyes.

He knew what that meant.

Crazy, PMSing, furious girl attacks.

From reflexes, Draco grabbed her wrist that was about to slam down on his fragile skin. He held her, fretting, pushing, and hitting.

"GRANGER! GRANGER! OKAY OKAY! LET'S MAKE A COMPROMISE! COMPROMISE- GOD DAMN IT! A FUCKING COMPROMISE!"

"I- WILL- KILL- YOU- YOU- EVIL- CRUEL- STUPID- ARROGANT- ARISTOCRATIC- BASTARD- I- WILL- TAKE- YOUR- NECK- AND- HANG- IT- TO- THE- FIRST- FUCKING- TREE- I – SEE- AND- HANG- YOU- BY- THE- FIRST- FUCKING- ROPE- OR- LEASH- I – SEE- YOU-DEAD- SON- OF – A- BITCH-"

Sighing of a loss of confidence, Draco took a deep breath and landed his lips on Hermione's screaming mouth. After a brief kissing war, Draco let go of her.

"What the fuck was that for? YOU SEE WHY I CAN'T ROOM WITH YOU?"

"No. Why?"

"Because THIS is what's going to happen. Why the hell did you do that? You just made everything more complicated."

"I did? How so?" Draco said, clearly amused.

"I- You- NEVER MIND."

"For your information, if I hadn't kissed you then, you never would have shut up, not like I would have heard it because you probably would have killed me. See? I did it for self defense. You're not killing me now, so I guess it worked." Draco said nonchalantly, sighing and leaning on hes chair.

Hermione glared.

"I hate you."

"I love you too, Granger."

"You're the most disgusting, filthy, annoying, arrogant, dumb, and repulsive creature alive in this planet."

"What about dead? Are you admitting that I'm actually not as disgusting, filthy, annoying, arrogant, dumb, and repulsive than dead things? I am so honored."

"SHUT UP! YOU HALF WITTED GIT! THIS IS MY HOUSE AND MY RULES AND I WANT YOU OUT."

"You can't force me to get out. And you know it."

"No I don't."

"Really? Well I never! I thought our brainy little Granger knew EVERYTHING."

"Well-"

"Look, Granger. I promise I won't kiss you again- unless you wish me to- if you promise that you won't go all crazy on me again. I swear I won't even talk to you and I'll stay out of your way. Please? I'll do anything you wish me to. I'll even stay locked up in my room 24/7. Or I won't even ask for food. Trust me, Granger. You'll never find a roommate as good as me. You won't regret it. I may even show you some of my things I never show anyone."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

Draco winked. "Let your imagination wander, love. Good night." With a small peck on her delicate and very shaking hand, he strutted off into the hallway of her home and walked into his newly declared bedroom and didn't show up again.

Shivering, Hermione trudged to her own room and fell into her bed.

Her imagination did wander.

Too much.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Good morning sunshine!" A voice called early in the morning. Hermione dug her head under her soft pillow. Footsteps marched in as she heard her floral curtains being drawn to release the bright and happy sunlight.

"Lemeflone"

"Hmm, darling? You said something?"

"Leave me fucking alone. And don't call me these little saccharine nicknames."

"Why not, sweet buns? I thought you would especially like them!"

"Go away. Let me sleep."

"Aren't you going to work today, cinnamon?"

Hermione's head jerked up as she stared at her pink clock that read that she was very very late and everyone was impatiently waiting for her.

"Shit."

"Language, honey."

"By the time I get back, I want your fucking ass out of my house. Understand?" She said coldly as she jumped out and ran into her closet. She came out, dressed in a knee length green corduroy skirt and a simple white blouse.

"Nah, that skirt complexion doesn't match the blouse, love."

"Are you GAY?"

"Go either way." Draco said, running his hand through his untidy blonde hair. He was already dressed; jeans and a casual striped polo shirt with far too many undone buttons and sleeves rolled up.

Draco Malfoy was definitely a morning person.

Taking Draco's queer advice, Hermione slammed back into her closet and came out with long khaki pants and light green collar shirt.

"Nice."

"Shut up." Hermione mumbled as she stuffed her make up kit inside a small white purse and played with her hair until it was nice and curly.

She ran across the house, with Draco tagging along. As Hermione got ready to step into the fireplace, Draco held out a mug of steaming hot coffee and a bagel.

"Have a fun day at work, daisy."

Raising a perfect eyebrow, Hermione threw her floo powder in and yelled, "Department of mysteries!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"H-hello Miss Granger." Brenda nodded nervously as Hermione walked in.

"Hello Brenda." Hermione stopped at her desk and smiled.

Brenda looked like she was going to cry.

"L-look. About Draco- he came to the office, but I didn't let him in because I didn't think you would want to see him. And he kept flirting with me and he e-eventually got me to spill that you…"

"Brenda?"

"Y-y-y-y-yes?"

"You're fired." Hermione tossed the papers on Brenda's clean and tidy desk and walked into her own office.

That felt good.

Hermione was evil.

She looked at the bagel.

It could be poisoned.

It could be not.

Smiling, Hermione exited her room again and sat down by a shocked Brenda.

"Hey, Brenda, could you eat this bagel for me? Thanks."

Throwing the mystery bagel on top of the papers, she left her ex-secretary very bewildered.

Hermione chugged down her coffee and forgot to wonder if that had any poison in it. Hermione relaxed in a small couch by the wall. She could hear her fellow workers talking as clear as if they were speaking in her ear. It was her biggest office secret. Every rumor, every backstabbing, every secret, Hermione heard it. Of course, she could only hear distinctly from her special sofa, but it was there and Hermione loved it. She knew who in the department hated her, loved her. thought she was a crackpot, worshipped her, and etc.

Now, she heard John and Brenda. John liked Brenda. She had heard John tell his office buddy, Ted.

"Miss Granger acting high today again?" John fell under the extensive list of people who thought she was a crackhead.

"Even worse. I'm fired."

Pause.

Hermione grinned. She knew John would do that. After all, who would want their biggest crush to go away and never speak to them again?

Well, it just happened.

And, Hermione caused it.

She laughed.

She was purely evil.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Draco yelped.

Yelped yelped, like "Ah!" or "Yes!" yelp.

Slamming the book cover down, he grabbed his wand, muttered a spell and after a few seconds, one red and healthy balloon sprouted from the tip of his wand. Giggling feverishly, Draco made more and more and more balloons until balloons covered the entire floor.

Oh, would Granger kick him out now?

It was a party. A real live party thrown by a real live Slytherin for a real live Gryffindor. Unbelievably true, yes, but it was the last strand of desperate needs. A need of a home.

Wouldn't Granger flip when she saw what he had planned?

Yes. Totally. Definitely.

Draco was the sweetest thing alive. He could be the meanest creature alive and dead as well. How else would he have gotten some of his girls? He would charm them endlessly; fake diamonds here and there, cute kisses in public, and flowers every week. Then, he would break their hearts and make a complete idiotic fool out of them and laugh at their crying face running to hide and be shunned forever.

So of course, planning a party was not very hard.

Granger would come home at seven, the house would be dark, the lights will go on, and she'll see balloons everywhere and flowers everywhere, and then BOOM! The music would turn on and Draco would enter in sexily, rose between his teeth and the delivery guy would come right at that moment to bring a basket full of a woman's fantasies.

And then, she'll realize what a sexy beast he was and fall for him and keep him and he'll have a place to stay.

Draco gamboled to the kitchen where the "to do" list lay ready and mostly checked off on the table.

Balloons: check.

Call delivery guy: check.

Flowers: check.

Signs: check.

Sexy cologne: check.

Outfit: check.

Hermione: empty.

No Hermione. How to reach Hermione? How should he tell her to come home by seven?

Draco paced around in circles. Around and around and around like a merry go around.

He doubted he could ever call her. After he had left his home, he had learned how to use the fellytone from some of his family friends in the ministry. But he hated it because it would ring in his ear and it bothered him.

He had lost his owl when on his abrupt departure and had left it hanging somewhere in his house or Blaises' house.

He would just have to go there himself.

Unbuttoning a few more buttons, he entered her decorated fireplace and mimicked Hermione's call for the department of mysteries.

The day before, he had entered the same building and met her very hot secretary. Beatrice? Belle? Whatever her name was, she was one hell of a chick and he could just see the greenness of one of the employee when he was fondling with her.

Today, he strolled in, shaking off his immaculate shirt and smirking at the killer male employees.

"Hello there."

The girl looked up. Brenda. That was it.

"What do you want this time? Could you just leave please?"

"Me? Why would I do that when I can stand here and stare at a beautiful woman standing in front of me?" he smiled his most handsome, charming, gorgeous, jaw-dropping, girl fainting, fuckable flash.

He could see her pale cheeks grow rosy.

Oh, what a naive girl she was.

She wouldn't be able to go far in life like this- looking like a model every day but falling for the easiest seducing lines in the book.

"Could I see your boss, please?"

Brenda's face hardened. Okay… maybe she wasn't that stupid… yet.

"No."

"Oh, come on sweetheart."

"No. She fired me this morning and it's your entire fault."

"Aw… I'm sorry about that." Draco sighed and fell back on a chair in front of her.

"I'm serious."

"You know what? Me too."

"Just stop it! You can't seduce me to let you see her!"

"Yes I can."

"No, you can't!"

"I believe I did so yesterday."

Brenda was fuming. She was so cute when she did that.

"Listen, love. I need to see your boss. I don't have time to sit and drink tea with you. Cry me a river- I'm going to see her."

"Why."

"Excuse me?"

"Why do you want to see her? Give me a good reason."

"Is it just me, or is our little Brenda… jealous?"

"NO! Why do you want to see her? If you're not going to listen to me tell you what I need to tell you, the most you can do for me is to tell me what I want you to tell me."

"That made no sense, you know that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay"

"Just give me a reason to see her and I'll let you in… if it's good time."

"I don't need a reason to see the love of my life when she's at work, okay?" Draco grinned. She would probably fall for this one as well.

Brenda's perfectly chiseled chin dropped.

"Sir? Draco- you're not going to want to go in there."

"Yes I will."

"No you won't."

"Oh?"

"Oh."

"Who says?"

"I do- and her former fiancé."

This time, it was Draco's turn to drop his jaw.

"Fiancé?"

Brenda nodded. "Two years ago? She was supposed to get married to her best friend, but she broke it off when it was the decision of that wedding to this job. And she chose the job. Got a lot of respect by that around here… probably the only respect." She added grumpily.

"Best friend?"

"Yep. Er- Donald? Conald? Ronald? One of those."

"Ron Weasley? Red hair, tall and lanky and ugly disgrace to purebloods?"

"That's the one. Except I thought he was pretty cool. He cracked us all up you know. Broke some tensions here and there and threw in a silly joke here and there."

"She was going to marry him?"

"Duh."

"He's in here right now?"

"That's what I said. So I don't think you should go in there… wait a minute."

"NO." Draco shot out as he tried to get past the desk.

"Wait-" Brenda stopped him. "If Miss Granger is the 'love of your life' then how come you don't know about Ron? Perhaps…" Brenda gasped. Pretty smart for a dumb blonde.

"You were a virgin and she got you laid and you think she's the love of your life because of that but she threw you away! Wow. Man, that's pretty tough. Although that would be hard for you considering how much of a seducer you are…" Brenda sighed.

Draco rammed his head in his hands. Back up that thought about her being 'pretty smart for a dumb blonde.' She was stupider than a dumb duck.

Brenda giggled. "You know… I'm quite single… and I can say I can definitely take you into my place to teach you some stuff about… well you know…" She giggled feverishly. That was disgusting.

"No thanks."

"I can promise you a night you'll never forget."

"It's all right."

"I'm not a virgin you know…" She blushed. He groaned.

Draco looked from Hermione's lovesick secretary to the hard mysterious door of the office.

He chose the door.

Pushing past, he let out a small sigh and made his way into the office.

True enough, Ronald Weasley was sitting on the sofa, talking in serious but quite flirtatious manner with Hermione. They both looked up.

"What the hell do you want?" Ron spat.

"You're coming with me." Draco huffed and grabbed Hermione's wrist, pulling her toward him. She winced. Ron tried to dive for her.

"Hermione! No! Malfoy- you stay away from her!"

"Make me." Draco shot back as he twirled Hermione around and captured her lips into his. Their bodies molded into one as they both tirelessly were wrapped up in their own fantasies and wishes.

Draco- getting Hermione to fall for him so he could stay with her in that wonderful house of hers.

Hermione- getting rid of Ron.

It was a win-win situation that would never occur again.

Or so they thought.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sure, Draco was hot. Very hot. Immensely sizzling.

Ronald was nothing compared to him. He was a bony and skinny boy who ate five times as much as a normal human being and was too tall for his own good. He had a brain as big as a walnut and knowledge of feelings as big as a grain of sand. But he was funny.

Draco was tall, muscular, and gorgeous boy who ate only twice as much as a normal human being who had a brain half of her size and knowledge of feelings as big as a walnut. But he had the wisdom of the act of seduction.

So there Hermione lay on her couch, reading her Witch Weekly when a pale Brenda peeks in and whispers that Ronald Weasley was there.

Oh joy.

Sure, she had to love with him a few years back. He made her laugh. He made her smile. He made her quit work.

But there was a difference of loving and falling in love. And for Ronald, it was closer to love. She had no regrets that she had called off the wedding and shed no tears. Sure, she was disappointed that she would have to leave Ron's family who treated her as their own. But she could always meet people and find people.

Then, Ron had sauntered into the office, thinking he was much of an improvement.

He wasn't.

His hair was a red as ever, he was as tall as ever, he was as lanky as ever, he was as freckled as ever, and he was not as funny as ever. He was simply trying too hard.

"Hey, 'Mione."

"Hey yourself."

"So… nice place you got here."

"Yeah."

"I heard about your money problems. And I just want to say that you are always welcome to come to me and I'll take care of it. I have money now, 'Mione. I can help you."

"No thanks."

Ron bit his lips. Certainly not the answer he wanted- or even expected.

Red-haired ex-fiancé gets turned down by the love of his life.

Ouch.

"Look, Ron. I love you, but you're just a friend to me. I never thought of you as a love interest and I wasn't at all sad that I left you before our wedding. Really, Ron. I would have ruined my life. I was relieved I didn't make that stupid decision of marrying you. I mean, you're my best friend. I didn't want to mess that up."

Red-haired ex-fiancé looks like he's about to cry.

Nice one Granger.

Then, he tries to smile and crack some stupid joke when the god bursts in the door and grabs me.

Oh Draco Malfoy. What could I do without him?

Ron tries to hold up a fight. My wrist is hurting.

Malfoys have a grip.

There's a small verbal abuse that goes along the line of "No- Hermione! Get your hands off her, Malfoy" to the sexy drawl of "Make me."

Who knew that immature and overused lines would sound so sexy.

Then, Malfoy brings me in and kisses me for the third time in two days. Seriously, people could have thought we were dating.

Ronald stands there, alone, confused, and bewildered. Poor guy. Maybe I'll buy him a drink one day.

But the smart, witty, and evil Hermione Granger wasn't ready for Ronald. At least not yet.

So there was a free kiss when she it was offered. Being a boss, she knew a deal when she saw- or in this case felt- one.

This was a good deal. She'll get rid of Ron and at the same time share this incredible kiss with a total HUNK.

Okay… Hermione was definitely PMSing. Talk about moodswings.

She smiled and glanced over at Ron's face turn into pretty colors as he finally takes off.

Smart, witty, and evil head of the department of mysteries accomplishes her job for the day.

She looks at Draco.

"Thanks."

"Any time, hon."

A small kick and the two inevitable roommates were off.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WOW. LONG CHAPTER. IT WAS FOR THE LONG WAIT. I WAS IN A WEEK-LONG SCHOOL TRIP AND I WAS GOING TO FINISH THIS CHAPTER THE NIGHT BEFORE I LEFT BUT I REALIZED IT WAS OING TO BE LONGG. SO I DIDN'T FINISH IT UNTIL AFTER I LEFT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. IT WAS EITHER THIS ENDING OR WHERE DRACO WAITS FOREVER IN THE HOUSE FOR HERMIONE TO GET BACK TO THROW THE PARTY, BUT SHE NEVER COMES BACK BECAUSE SHE'S OFF WITH RON AND HE FALLS ASLEEP AND HERMIONE COMES BACK AND SEES WHAT HE DID FOR HER AND LETS HIM STAY.

Yeah. This chapter was confusing. I know it. I'm being really quirky lately so I have some weird phrases that are really odd so just ignore them. I'm strange. But I think this phase will end soon. I hope. I change views fast like I'm doing a third person view and then I switch to first person. Yeah. Don't worry- I don't think it'll stay that way.

Thanks for the support guys. Hope this chapter is good enough.

Toodles.