Disclaimer: I don't own FE and MC Hammer and whatever.
The Summer Saga will be lengthened a bit...OK, doubled, to 8 chapters, due to the appearance of Path of Radiance, and I really want to put in some of the characters in there because they are...interesting, and, thanks to the power of writing, they create plot holes.
This chapter will serve as an introduction chapter and give the Erk of this universe a back story.
The moral of today's story: Don't drink alcohol on your prom night. Alcohol is bad, mmkay, Sain?
Someone will get knocked up...but WHO?
UNIVERSITY OF ETRURIA
Chapter 5: THE BIG NIGHT
On the way to school:
'I'm glad I'm outa there,' Eliwood thought, 'one more second inside that house and I would've gone insane! Nergal should be in an insane asylum, Nils needs to get off the hormones, Ninis needs to see daylight for once, and Ninian's too embarrassed to say anything!'
AT SCHOOL:
"HUBBA HUBBA! WOO WOO!" were the resounding cries of the many gentlemen at school as they greeted their dates, who were dressed as skimpily as possible while looking like professional dancers. However, one stern look and powerful kick from Lyn was enough to shut Hector up.
It was a lively night; everyone was very excited and can't wait for the dance. And the alcohol. And what happens after the alcohol. "...I want my beer," Karel commented as he and two other boys, one lanky and the other one with a muscular jock build, stood near the entrance of the school, waiting to be invited in by girls or for the right time to crash the party, whichever came first.
"You'll get it soon enough," the lanky one calmly said. His blonde hair and goatee glowed in the moonlight and his sideburns were clearly outlined by the light as well as he rested his left elbow on the roof of his Pegasus 440-A sedan. He wore a white striped navy blue blazer with a small white t-shirt underneath, and jeans to complete the prep look as well. "Linus, can you check on sis?"
"You call her," the jock replied, "I didn't bring my cellphone. And anyways, she'll be fine. That Ewan kid's coming over, right?"
"That's what you should be worried about," Karel pointed out. "From what one of Guy's friends told me, he's a pyromaniac. Who knows, you two could go home to find the Reed residence in ashes." The other two responded to this with a worried silence.
"Eh, she'll be fine..." Linus said as he stood up from his sitting position on Lloyd's car's hood. "OH! Lloyd, how 'bout those girls?" The lanky one, Lloyd, was about to answer, but Karel interrupted.
"That's my sister and her friends. Go near them, I kick your ass," Karel calmly said. Linus sat back down on Lloyd's car, disappointed.
"I came here for the girls, but you won't even let me have fun with any," Linus complained.
"Summer vacation's suddenly a blast, ain't it?"
"Shut up."
Nearby:
"COMONCOMONCOMON! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!" Serra shrieked into Raven's ear as he tried to drive towards the school; Raven's SUV could be seen swerving left and right rapidly during pink-haired girl's outburst.
"If you keep screamin' in my ear, I'll throw you out the car and run you over!" Raven threatened.
"Now now, Raymond, let's be calm..." Lucius pleaded, clutching onto a car door fearfully for dear life as the van picked up speed and as he felt some lurching. Erk's skinny frame was thrown into the back of the van behind the back seat when he stood up to switch seats with Priscilla. Lute's head is in a barf bag, and Priscilla is rapidly jumbling through rosary beads muttering, "Save us Elimine, Save us Elimine..."
"SHUT UP!" Raven snapped, and looked back to yell at Lucius.
"CAR!" Serra shrieked. Raven looked forward again and turned just in time to keep from crashing into Eliwood's car, which honked at Raven for his stupidity. Erk was thrown again from the back onto the left, his leg knocking Lute's head out of her barf bag and into a window.
"MY WINDOW!" Raven shrieked in horror. "THAT SON OF A..."
Meanwhile, ravens flew away from a nearby telephone pole at Raven's angry cry.
"Guy, what are you doing?" Wil asked the Sacaean.
"Just stretching...getting ready for the ultimate DDR match of the season!" Guy replied excitedly. He flipped over in awe, however, as he saw Karla, Tana, Eirika, and the rest walk up the stairs towards the gym. "Ga...ga...goo?" Lyn waved the girls over while Hector waved his giant hand in front of Guy's face, trying to bring the stunned Sacaean back to life, but not being successful at all.
"Hi guys!" Karla greeted the boys, then looked at Guy. "Um...why is he..."
"He's just excited to see you all," Hector answered for her with a wide smile on his face. He could see Guy nodding a thank you from the corner of his eye. "Now that most of us are here, why don't we go inside? It's getting cold." He waved towards the inside of the school building with his great left hand.
"It's strange," Eirika noted, "that Hector's being such a gentleman today."
"SON OF A..." More ravens flew away as Raven's loud yell could be heard along with the screech of his car tires.
A few minutes later, 8:30 when everybody's there...
"A slow dance to start? Heath..." Guy complained to the current DJ, who was for some reason playing a slow dance song. "No one's gonna dance; we'll all look like idiots..."
"Uh huh," Heath absent-mindedly agreed without paying attention to what his friend just said. "Go to her..."
"What?"
"Go to her...zzzz..."
"Wake up man. Party's just started..." Guy said, shaking his friend to wake him up, but to no avail. "Ahem. Prisc is looking at you."
"I'm...I'm up! OK! NEXT SONG IS...CAN'T TOUCH THIS!"
Outside...
"Can't touch this...HAMMER TIME!" the three college boys sang to the loud noise blaring from inside the school building, enjoying themselves. However, Linus was a bit bothered that they haven't seen any chicks lately.
"Man, I'd like to meet this Devdon guy...He's such a genius!" Lloyd said. "I mean, this song is awesome! The nickname is awesome too! MC Hammer! Wow!"
"I hear he's from the continent of Tellius way down south. He graduated from some unknown music school there and moved to Jehanna a couple of years ago to start a couple of bands, and then started rapping in the underground," Karel said. "Many have dueled him, but few were victorious...he was known as "The Lyric Guru." Many have sought his advice, but few have even found him to ask him for it, as now, news is, he's gone..."
"Guys...How 'bout those?" Linus said, nudging Karel with his elbow. The Sacaean look towards where the jock was pointing to see 3 gorgeous females. One had medium length blonde hair, strangely dressed, wearing a lime green jacket with brown leather and golden ornaments on it, and undersized old and tattered jeans. Another wore a purple tank top despite the cold air, a few shades darker than her short hair, along with large golden earrings and articles of clothing similar to the first girl's below the belt. The last one...was his stepmother.
"...Are you frikkin retarded?" Lloyd smacked his brother's head. "That's Sonia, fool. And the other two are obviously her slutty friends."
"What's your mom doing here?" Karel asked Lloyd.
"I don't know. But I'm sure it's not good."
"Oh, hello boys," Sonia walked towards the three along with her two friends. Karel could notice that the two other women are significantly younger than Sonia, but less beautiful. They lack the distinctive aura of age and experience with men, and look about 7 years younger than Sonia anyways, probably only one two three years older than him. "What are you doing here?"
"Just hanging out," Linus answered.
"Well. I'd like you to meet Selena and Ursula," Sonia said, gesturing to the other two girls who timidly shook hands with Lloyd and Karel. "I'm going to do a little...shopping, and I'd like you boys to take care of these two girls for now so they don't get into...trouble. Could you? Thanks," she said, without even waiting from an answer from her sons as she walked off.
"O...kay?" Karel said. He turned around, saw something he didn't want to see, and walked away towards the school, leaving the other four behind. 'How did they move so quickly and HOW THE HELL DID I NOT HEAR THE CAR DOOR?' he thought.
Inside again...
BAM!
Karel kicked the door open. He went to one of the washrooms to change into a suit before entering the gym...with style. Almost everyone looked at him as he walked through the crowds; they could feel his aura of 'coolness', for lack of a better term, and created a way for him to pass through. Karel headed for his sister, who was sitting on a chair and drinking fruit punch.
"You don't look like you're having fun," he commented.
"I can't find Guy," she replied. "Or anyone else," she quickly added. "Well, everyone's actually off dancing with their dates, and it's hard to tell who actually has a date and who doesn't now."
"Guy...he'll be around the DDR machines. Now get your butt over there before the slow dance starts."
"I don't know..."
Karel took her by the arm and dragged her to where he knew the younger Sacaean was going to be. As he predicted, Guy was on the machine against another player, Wil this time, and Guy was almost laughing his butt off because Wil was sucking so badly. Karel noted that Rebecca and Raven are dancing nearby, and understood why. He walked towards the machines, dragging Karla along with him.
"This is fun," Lyn said while she laughed. She was laughing at Hector's dancing abilities; the big lug was crashing into everything and demolishing everything in his vicinity. Everyone nearby moved away from the couple; the only ones brave enough to stay nearby were Eliwood and Ninian.
"Oh, shut up," Hector grumbled. "Just wait 'til we can breakdance..."
"In that suit?"
"...Oh, shut up."
Outside, the smoking pit...
Erk sighed. He's going to miss this place. All the cigs he burned...the twigs...papers...plush toys...practically anything combustible and inflammable...This was one of his favorite places to hang out. He walked around it, putting his hands on the wall and sliding along, walking, but going nowhere as he circled around the small area just beside the student parking lot. He stopped when his hands touched a familiar mark.
He turned to look at it. It was a heart that was literally burned into the stone with his fire magic; inside were the letters E and I. The E was his and the I was for another girl who moved away to the Isolated Continent of Tellius. Her name is Ilyana. Their relationship ended after year one; she had to move because Elibe's environment was too polluted for her; he can remember her coughing a lot.
She was very skinny; she almost looks like she's anorexic. However, she almost ate as much as Hector did, and that's a bloody lot; Erk laughed when he thought about it. 'A shame,' he thought, 'my time with her was some of the best times of my life, no matter how much they ridiculed us.'
"I thought I'd find you here."
Erk turned around to the source sound to find Lute, surprisingly dressed with a glittering purple silk dress and transparent high heels. She wore the purple leather coat that she always wore when it's cold; Erk couldn't help blushing when he looked at her.
"Aren't you col...Never mind..." Lute stopped midway, and chuckled, almost forgetting that Erk is a master of fire.
"How can you forget?" Erk asked her, smiling. "Besides, aren't YOU cold? You should get back inside..."
"You're coming with me."
"...I still have some...reminiscing to do."
"You can look at Ilyiana's picture every day at home, but I'm going to need you to come to shut Serra up right now."
"Later," Erk said dismissively.
"No. Now," Lute pleaded with puppy dog eyes.
"Don't do that; it's not going to work. Only Prisc could do it and I don't know why."
"Now, seriously, come on," Lute said, "we were wondering where you went. They're all cracking jokes about you. You know that I know that you don't like people talking behind your back. That's the main reason I came to get you." Erk was silent. "Come on, Erk," she said, stepping closer to him. Erk still had his hand on the mark. She grabbed his arm and started pulling, which wasn't so hard since Erk was also incredibly skinny, and that he wasn't actually struggling.
"You're being strange tonight," she noted.
"...I don't have a date," Erk said. Lute paused in her dragging. "If she was still here, I wouldn't be alone tonight," he added quietly. "Just one dance was all I needed...one more kiss...one more...burning of something..."
"You sure know how to make something romantic." There was a great unmasked hint of sarcasm in Lute's voice that hid a tone of jealously.
"I know it's no use dwelling on the past..." he said quietly again, "but I can't help but feel that Elimine's abandoned me. Sure, I have great friends...Raymond, Lucius, Prisc, Ewan, Nino...Serra, even...everyone else...and you. But...I'm missing something. Something I don't think I'll ever find again. That joy...that feeling...of being together, ya know?"
"Deep."
"Your sarcasm hurts," Erk said, "but that's why you're a good friend. You're funny and you easily lift up our spirits." Lute resumed walking, and this time, Erk followed, but then stopped. "Wait," he said, and held onto the girl's hand. "Something I'd like to show you...before I leave it forever in Ewan's greedy little hands."
"...fine," Lute, who can't think up anything sarcastic for the moment, agreed and followed him.
They walked at a brisk pace through the hallways of the school until they came to Erk's old locker. Erk opened it, and pushed on the wall. Then he made some magic pattern on it with his finger; the wall of his locker turned into a white portal. He excitedly dragged the bewildered girl in along with him inside.
"This place," he started explaining, as he waved his hand around, "is a remnant of a magical dungeon. Which was what this school once was in the Dark Ages. The engineers couldn't find all the secret places and the mages couldn't either, and this was one of the few spots they missed." The place itself wasn't decorated much, but it had a sort of an elegant feel to it. The ceiling and walls glowed with magical light; the everlasting kind only the most powerful sages could create. There was a stone in the middle of the room; it was a bed, with a very soft mattress inside; from a front view, the stone looked like a heart. "I'm guessing this was a honeymoon spot. Remember how I kept disappearing during the first year? I was here...with her."
Erk walked towards the bed, and sat on it glumly, looking a bit dejected. Lute slowly walked. She was about to sit beside him on his left, paused, and continued, seeing that Erk made no move to say that she shouldn't or couldn't. She put her right hand on one of his hands, which was on the bed. Slowly, she crept closer. And closer. And closer.
"...Lute?...Will you..."
Back inside...
"I can't help but shake the feeling that I'm missing something..." Wil said.
"Maybe it's...a dance partner?" Heath asked him in an innocent tone. Wil angrily looked at him, and Heath said, "HA BURN!" like Fez from the 70's Show.
Meanwhile, Karel finally got his sister and Guy to dance. Of course, it required a certain amount of force, blackmail, and much unwanted attention from people looking at him, but at least he did it.
"Phew..." Guy panted, "You've a lot of endurance..."
"Well, I didn't dance non-stop for a couple of hours, so..."
Lucius walked around, holding a glass of punch in one hand, looking for a girl that's free so he can dance with her. Suddenly...someone pinched his butt. He turned around angrily.
"I'm sorry, miss, but I can't help but notice how shapely it is," the person who pinched him said.
"And you didn't notice that I'm wearing a suit unlike the actual females?" Lucius replied coldly.
"You mean..."
"I'm a guy, you idiot," Lucius said, and walked away. He smirked when he heard the many 'eewww's coming from the guy.
Karel looked around. He's enjoying his time here; he likes to show off his experience and knowledge of college life to the younger ones, and playing matchmaker is always a fun side activity. He was wondering about what his two buddies are doing outside, when he spotted the Goth girl he saw at the Bowling Alley. He grinned, and forcefully dragged Wil to her.
"What's the big idea?" Wil asked the older boy, half flailing in his confusion. "I was starting to get the hang of the game!"
"No you're not, and it's pathetic," Karel said. "We're going to get you a girl. Before you say anything stupid, let me give you a word of advice; Goths are angsty and love acting depressed, so don't try to cheer them up."
"What does that have to do...Oh no, not her man, DON'T DO IT..BLARGH!" Wil yelped as Karel threw him towards the Goth girl with amazing force.
"I'm evil. Sue me," Karel said mischievously as he walked away to view the results of his handiwork from a safe distance. You never know when those Goths might...just take a cross from out of nowhere and stab herself with it or something, or stab other people.
"Hey!" the Goth girl yelped. "What's the big idea?"
"Oh! Um...I'm...I'm sorry! PLEASE DON'T CRUCIFY ME!" Wil said as he curled up into THE FETAL POSITION OF FEAR.
"...Crucify? I'm not going to crucify you..."
"You're not going to?" Wil looked up, relieved, and dusted himself. "I mean, um...I'm sorry for bumping into you, my friend just threw me here for no apparent reason." Wil looked over her. She looked absolutely stunning tonight; her usual neck band and hair band were still there, but now she wore a dress, silk, just like almost every other girl in the prom, and as usual, black. She wore, like almost every other girl there, high heels, and predictably, black as well. She wore leather gloves, also black, with a silver bracelet on her left hand. Wil's eye was caught by the mesmerizing yellow glow of her eyes, however, and couldn't hear her calling to him.
"Um...Wil? Wiiiillll? Are you okay?" she asked him.
"Oh...I'm...I'm sorry...NO I WASN'T STARING AT YOU PLEASE DON'T STAB ME!" Wil curled into the FPOS again.
The girl was slightly surprised, but smiled a bit. She offered her hand. Wil took it, and she pulled him back up.
"I'm um...How do I say this...Can...Will...Wil...Will you dance with me for the slow dance, Wil?" she asked him timidly.
Wil is in a state of shock and curled into the FETAL POSITION OF SHOCK. Karel, who was watching and listening nearby, shook his head in embarrassment for Wil. However, the girl just laughed and pulled Wil back up again.
"Thanks," Wil said, and asked her, "What's your name?"
"It's Limstella."
'Now we're getting somewhere,' Karel thought. He turned around to check on Guy and Karla, who were actually enjoying themselves. Guy was breakdancing to the delight of everyone. Hector was trying to do his best in his tuxedo, but ended up making a fool of himself. 'Wow, his luck is going to run out pretty soon,' Karel thought. 'Guy isn't exactly the best fitting tampon in the package...'
"LOOK OVA HERE, LADIES!"
Karel looked towards the source of the sound. Some idiot apparently had too much testosterone in their blood, or just too much alcohol, by the sound of the person's voice. Karel followed the direction many people's eyes were facing to find Sain without clothes, but with something...a bottle...which had a very familiar look to it in his right hand. Karel saw the symbol of a rainbow colored spear, and slapped his forehead. 'A Vidofnir 50 percent? No wonder; he's frikkin' drunk!' Karel thought. 'I KNEW I shouldn't have let him smuggle those in...But...this is interesting...OOF! OW! OUCH! That's not supposed to go there! Poor guy...'
Lyn walked away from a ball of flesh that was once the mighty Sain, who then laid down into a human star on the floor, dazed and drunk. And still naked. Kent and Lowen gingerly picked their friend up and carried him to the infirmary. Fiora and Farina, who had smuggled their sister in under a large jacket, immediately stuffed Florina inside again, but not before the orchid haired girl took a peek and fainted.
'Oh my,' Karel thought. 'I'm glad I came. Too bad Lloyd and Linus are missing this. Kodak moments just come one by one rapidly with this crew of weirdos.'
1 hour later:
"OH MY GAWD! ERK!" Serra shrieked when he saw Erk come out from his locker, looking disheveled, with clothes in the wrong places and such. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Oh...Serra! Um...nothing!" Erk said casually, although it was obvious that he was trying to cover something up. He pushed his hand back inside his locker as if trying to keep something inside.
"Erk, your pants are unzipped," Serra told him.
"Er...well, what do ya know..." Erk said, embarrassed, and used his free hand to zip his pants up, with great difficulty.
"Well, whatever, I'll go see you later. Can I expect a dance from you?"
"I don't know..."
"Well, you're going to give me one! Toodles!"
"Scheiza..."
After Serra was finally gone, Erk took his hand away, and an equally disheveled-looking Lute came out. "What the hell was that for?" Lute asked him.
"Do you want her to see us like this? The bitching will never end!"
Priscilla, however, saw this, and excited, she walked towards the pair and asked them, straight to the point, "So, how does it feel...to...um...lose your virginity?"
A loud shriek of terror could be heard from the hallway. It sounded like the person forgot something. And it was louder than Serra's. It was followed by, "IF I GET KNOCKED UP, I'LL BURN YOU ALIVE!"
Finally, time for the slow dance:
People aren't doing very well, because absolutely none of the students knew how to waltz properly; 'ouch'es and 'ow's and 'SON OF A ...'s were heard all through out the gym, and they were all caused by one reason alone: crushed toes. Poor Lyn's expensive high heels now looked like it was torn apart by a dragon after being stepped on by Hector's massive feet. The only ones who could actually dance were Eirika, Innes, Ephraim, Tana, Eliwood, and Ninian (with Eliwood's guidance and mad dancing skillz).
The Renais twins and Frelian siblings were in the center of the dance; they were the best dancers. Well, it was mostly just Epraim and Innes competing on who would dance better than the other. The girls, however, instead of having crushed toes, were dying of cramps. The boys were way too good, and they were having an incredibly painful time trying to keep up and not make their partner look stupid.
"Eliwood...after this dance...Will you come with me? I'd like to show you something," Ninian said, breathing heavily. She had a really hard time keeping up with him even though Eliwood was trying his best to not do such complicated moves. Ninian can ballet, tango, breakdance, you name it, but she just...can't...waltz.
"What is it that you want to show me?"
"It's a surprise," Ninian managed a smile, but her face was red with embarrassment of some sort. She obviously was keeping something. Something big.
After it was over...
"Aww man, it's over?" Guy complained.
"You were hoping that the thing would end all throughout the event," Karel said.
"Well, while dancing with your sister, we talked, and...well, got to know each other a little bit better. You know what?"
"What?"
"After the third to last slow dance song was finished, she dragged me into the girl's washroom and we made out!"
WHAM!
"Karla, why did you do that..." Guy asked her as he was rapidly kicking the air while clutching his crotch.
"You're not supposed to tell random people about these things. That's one way to keep a good relationship. Well, at least the guy shouldn't. Especially not in front of the girl," Karel told the green-haired Sacaean.
Dawn next morning:
"Thanks for coming, Eliwood," Ninian sleepily said good bye as Eliwood got in his car and drove off. Both looked equally disheveled; her usually straight and flowing long hair looked like a bird's nest.
"Sis, your room smells," Nils told her. "What were you two doing last night...Mayonaise on the bed? OOH! Eating in the room...mom's gonna bitch," Nils went to get some on his finger and was going to lick it
"NO DON'T EAT THAT!" Ninian told him, but it was too late. "THAT'S NOT MAYO!"
A few hours later:
"...I think...you may be pregnant," the doctor said to Ninian. "Congratulations!"
"Y...Yay..." Eliwood and Ninian said weakly as they looked at each other. Nergal coldly stared at Eliwood, who then, uneasily, crouched into a fetal position of UTMOST PH34R.
"...You're not pregnant, miss," the doctor said to Lute. "I'm sorry."
"ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS AWESOME!" she yelld at his face while shaking him by his collar. Then he kissed Erk passionately and left along with him.
NEXT EPISODE:
Innes: The ultimate CS tournament...the greatest test of first-person-shooting game skills...The grand prize...fifty thousand gold for everyone...
Ephraim: It is...our turn to shine. Let's go, Z team!
Marcus, Seth, Dozla, Rennac, Oswin, Eliwood, Innes, Joshua, and Hector: FOR THE MOTHERLAND!
Caellach: ...we gotta play against these jokers?
Jaffar: ...
Eliwood: Did someone just kill Marcus?
Jaffar: ... (BOOM! HEADSHOT!)
Eliwood: No, no, I mean, IRL. He's like...all bloody around the head and stuff...
Jaffar: (points at Orson)...(...BOOM! HEADSHOT!)
Ike: STURIIKOOOOO!
Eirika: How can you stand this anime fanboy?
Elincia: Because...I...is...one...too.
Lyon: BEWARE THE FOB!
Roy's gonna be added to the cast soon...
R&R!