The Trinity Sitch - Book3: Blade of the Fury
Chapter 13: Regret
At the very foremost tip of the Trinity was a small cabin, just large enough for two heavily upholstered seats that looked as if they had been taken from the first class section of an airliner. Much care had been taken in their design and construction, making them almost obscenely comfortable. There was a small console off to the left of them that could be positioned in front of the seats, essentially to be used for remote piloting. As the computer was taking care of all that at the moment, it was retracted partially into the wall and the screens were all blank.
When Kim had first entered the room they had been displaying the same exterior view of stars flying by in hyperspace but she really didn't want to see that at the time being and told the computer to turn them off. At least it obliged her with that.
The cabin was paneled entirely in honey-colored teak, all except the very front. The seats were facing a clear alloy bubble, treated so it would not reflect any interior light. At the moment the bubble looked like a twelve foot wide computer lens as a series of metallic leaves had irised protectively over the observation dome.
She had utterly no desire to see rainbow hued stars flashing by them like they were staring at a viewer on Space Passage.
At that very moment all she wanted was to be alone.
They had been in space now for two days. At first they had frantically tried to get the ship turned around, heading back to Earth. Unfortunately, the AI was in total control of the ship and would not, at first, even speak to them. Once they finally calmed down, it started answering some basic questions. Yes, they were in hyperspace. Yes, they had a specific destination. It would take just over five days to reach that destination at their current velocity. Besides operational data (which neither of them knew how to fully interpret) that was all the computer would tell them.
What was so strange was how the computer behaved. Before when they had watched Wade speaking to it, it had a pleasant, almost human personality to it. Now it was cold, aloof and, well, just a machine. Kim had little knowledge of such an advanced artificial intelligence but she realized then that somehow it had been changed. Their best assumption, then, was that some outside force had taken control of it and was stealing the ship. They were just unfortunate enough to be inside when it happened.
At least, that was until Ron's innate paranoia kicked in. He became convinced the Trinity was actually kidnapping them!
"Look, KP," he said then, "It waited until we were alone, without anyone who could help us. Anyone like Wade for instance! Maybe Doctor Drakken did something when he was here, something that waited just until it had the chance!"
That made a little sense, though it seemed highly unlikely. Three and a half years of study and Wade, who was light years ahead of Drakken when it came to computers, and he had only scratched the surface! How could their old enemy have devised something like this in the short time he was locked in a stateroom with no computer access? Still, she checked into it as well as they could. The room where he had been held offered no clues.
Still operating in 'mission mode' the two of them took stock of their situation. The ship was as fully serviced as it could be using twenty first century technology. Critical supplies, like the water tanks, were full. Even the kitchen was stocked, though considering it was mostly for Wade it was full of stuff like Pop-Pop Porter's mini corn dogs and other junk food. There were a few other things that had been hastily loaded when they flew to Greenland to search for them, but that would not last too long. Still, they had enough food, if they were careful, to last a few weeks. Ron at least would be happy with the ghastly choices.
If we get…no when we get home I am going to have a long talk with Mrs. Load about her son's diet!
Beyond the necessities of life, they really didn't have much. No super-suits, no standard mission clothes, no grappler, no lasers, nothing they would normally have with them. All of their spares (what hadn't been incinerated when the Blue Fox blew up) were either sitting in her car back at the Space Center or were stored at home. They had precisely one set of clothes and their pajamas with them, as well as their now almost completely useless Kimmunicators.
We're whole, healthy and relatively safe, she kept telling herself.
No, not quite whole.
Ron was distraught. They had searched the ship from front to back twice now.
There was no sign of Rufus.
She said a silent prayer that their (this is how she thought of him now, not as 'his') little buddy had gone with Wade. Over the last couple years, as they had become more physical in their relationship, Rufus had taken to leaving them to their privacy. After all, he was more like a person than most other pets and he felt embarrassed intruding on intimate moments.
If he was aboard, the moment the first corn dogs came out of the food preparer, he would have been there waiting for his share.
Logic aside, worrying about Rufus took its toll on Ron. Coupled with the fact that neither of them had any interest in getting any more sleep for more than twenty-four hours, it was no wonder he had snapped!
The fight had been loud and furious and, for the most part, utterly pointless, to the degree that now she could not even recall really what had triggered it. The argument reached the point where they were nose to nose, screaming at each other at the tops of their lungs.
Afterwards, Kim retreated to the master stateroom, crying her eyes out. She stayed there in the silent room for hours before going back upstairs to check on Ron. She found him fast asleep on one of the bunk beds in the crew's quarters. She sat there on the floor, watching him sleep until boredom and the peculiar exhaustion of doing almost nothing claimed her as well.
She awoke to the sounds of him swinging his feet out of the bunk. He regarded her with narrowed eyes, still hurting from some of the things she had said. Things she wished she could now take back.
At least, until the fight resumed.
Halfway through the blowout, he suddenly collapsed in tears, apologizing for what he said (which she now mercifully could not recall) and for being such a buffoon. Rage changed to grief as he poured out his real and imagined faults to her. Moments later she was doing the same.
Spent, they sat there in the small room, just looking at each other.
Kim pulled her legs up under her on the leather acceleration lounge. The first time they had been on the ship a few years ago they had been ushered into the tiny cabin. They had only been together for a couple months then and everything was new to them then. It was a marvelous time in their relationship when everything could be fulfilled just by holding each other and kissing. They spent that golden time alternately making out and staring out into space, watching Earth slowly spinning beneath the ship. Everything about their love could be expressed just by kissing back then.
It seemed like a century ago, not just three and a half years.
So much had changed in that short span of years. So much had changed in the last few days!
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She thought she was done with the crying, but she was wrong. This is not how it is supposed to be! I'm supposed to be whole now! Complete! I should be crying for joy!
Instead she felt guilty and not just a bit dirty.
After their apologies, they held each other. It was the kind of embrace that carried with it all of the love and support they had for each other. They crushed themselves together as if they wanted their bodies to merge into one.
Then she kissed him. It was a tender kiss, soft, hesitant, simple yet full of so much more. In moments the kiss became more passionate as Ron returned it. All of their fear and anger at their predicament spilled over into the longing and hunger within them. They knew that kissing was not enough any more as they stumbled back to the stateroom.
To the large, soft, warm bed.
Inhibitions were tossed aside along with their clothes.
As she lay there in the afterglow dark thoughts filled her head. What had they done? What had she done?
Everything they wanted, the coming together in joy and love had been thrown aside in favor of desperation and need.
It didn't feel like the joining of two souls she had imagined it to be. Instead it felt like some greedy lust, as if all the torment of their situation could be washed away by such an act. The very thought tore at her. She was supposed to be such an intelligent, rational person and she had done this!
She loved Ron with all her heart and she knew he loved her just the same, but some how, some way, this seemed like a betrayal of that love, not a celebration. Without a word, she shrugged into the first thing she picked up and ran from the room, fresh tears welling in her eyes, leaving him with a look of utter shock on his face.
Some 'adult' I am, she thought, over and over, sitting in the observation lounge. I am an awful, selfish person!
After a long time the tears finally stopped. She sat there sniffing, feeling absolutely terrible, knowing that she had ruined the most wonderful thing in her life, the love she shared with Ron. Almost absently she realized she was wearing his old blue sweater.
Memories floated back to her like a tender mercy as she recognized it. Once it had been his nicest winter sweater, the one he almost always wore around her during the cold Colorado winters. It was almost too small for him now, but he still insisted on wearing it. She remembered finding it stuffed in her closet one Christmas day, Ron's spare set of mission clothes missing from their usual spot.
He had taken on Drakken by himself just so she could have Christmas with her family.
Oh, I am such a selfish little bitch! She thought suddenly. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, aware the sweater smelled like him. It was as if his arms were wrapped around her as well. He loves me so much and all I can do is sit here and feel sorry for myself?
As if by some form of magical telepathy, she knew he was standing right behind her. She choked up just a bit as a large hand touched the bare shoulder that peaked out through the too-large v-neck.
"Ron?"
He didn't say anything. He just walked around the seats and sat down beside her, concern etched across his features. She stared at his chocolate brown eyes, at the golden freckles pasted across his cheeks, at his corn silk hair.
Tears fountained from her eyes once more as she collapsed into his arms.
"Oh, Ron, I'm such an awful, awful person." She cried.
"Shhhhh." He whispered, stroking her hair. "There's not an awful bone in your body KP."
"But I've ruined everything. I've ruined us."
"How can you have ruined anything? You're just scared, scared because we're in a sitch where we can't control anything." He said in soft, almost inaudible tones.
"I know now we weren't ready. Look how I'm handling this!" she sobbed.
"Maybe. Maybe not. It wasn't what I had in mind and what's done is done. What matters now is where we go from here." He let go of her and looked her straight in the eye. "What matters is I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul and all of me. What matters is we have each other, for the rest of our lives, whether that's stranded on some distant planet or safe back home once this is over, I don't care."
"You think we might never go home?"
"I don't know. Even if the computer didn't have us locked out, neither one of us knows how to fly this ship other than the barest basics. We might not even know how to make it take us home once it gets wherever we're going. We just have to wait and see what happens over the next three days or so."
"Yeah, but what about…" She trailed off, taking his hands.
A sheepish grin spread across his face. "Actually, I was kinda hoping for more."
Her slight sob turned into a half-hearted chuckle. "You are such a man, Ron." She looked down, away from his eyes. "I just wish I knew why this felt so much like I was betraying what we were all about."
"Kim, for good or bad we've been taught all of our lives that this is something…dirty. That's just sick and wrong. Our parents make it seem like there's something bad about it because they wanted to protect us when we were children. The difference is we're not kids any more. We did grow up and now it's not wrong or dirty, not since we love each other. Maybe it happened for some of the wrong reasons, but that isn't betrayal. You're just confused because of all the other emotions we're feeling right now. That, and all the conditioning we've had all our lives."
"I guess you were listening when we had our counseling sessions with Rabbi Katz and Pastor Grayson." They had been meeting jointly with the two spiritual leaders for a couple months, a condition both men placed on consenting to perform a marriage.
"Kim, when it comes to the two of us, I was paying all the attention I could. You mean too much to me to let my wandering mind get in the way."
"Ronnie…" she let his hand go and touched his cheek. His eyes closed at her tender caress.
"Kim, if…if we don't get back. If it looks like we're not going to be able to go back home, will you consider yourself to be my wife?"
That question took her aback. Yes, she considered that they might not be able to get home, but it was something she didn't yet want to think as being fully probable. Yet, everything they knew would make them man and wife now existed, save for a pledge before God and their families. She knew in her heart they could make just such a pledge if they were cut off from all of humanity from now on but..
"Ron, let's not take that step just yet. This may all be over in a few days…
…but, yes, if we can never go back home, yes, when it becomes clear there is no other way we'll say the prayers as best we can and then we'll be married, at least before God."
"Thank you."
"I love you so much, Ron."
"I love you too."
Kim turned and lay back, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close.
After a while they went back to the room and stayed there for a long time.