This is dedicated to Kelly. You know who you are dear. :-)
Chapter 6
Before I Knew
By Poet
XXXX
Scowling hard at the boy standing before him, Severus Snape dusted ash and soot from his clothes. Tentatively he took a step foreword, out of the massive fireplace. Once again he found himself at Number Twelve Grimauld Place. A dwelling he utterly loathed, it's inhabitants rarely spared the same contempt. Free at last from the confines of the hearth, Severus reared up to his full height. A glare settled at once across his pale features as Harry Potter motioned him to enter.
"Potter. I see that you have taken time from your no doubt busy life for our little chat." The sarcasm dripped from every word as the sour faced Potions Master followed the man before him. They entered the kitchen through a side door. Without looking behind him, Harry answered.
"You said it was urgent Professor. But I regret that I don't have as much time as you might like." There was bite in the words, and a touch of insolence. It made Severus's lip curl in disgust. Pulling a chair away from the table he settled into it. Harry chose to lean against the counter instead. "So, how can I be of service? Come to smash another head in, Sir?" Now Harry affected Snape's usual tone perfectly. Sarcastic and cold, the boy who lived glared at the man who had intruded into his home.
"Hardly. The matter I am here to discuss, as I promised you I would, is Hermione Granger." The boys snort of derision pricked itself against Severus's nerves.
"I hardly see that as your business. We're all thankful that someone helped her, but you're involvement seems rather pointless."
"That is your problem Potter. You don't see. You and that idiot Weasely have spent years blinded to anything but your egos and quests for fame. And now with this situation you once again choose complacency. Rather then confronting Weasely and his grossly apparent problem, you'd rather let it all blow over." Severus was sneering dangerously. His tone had lowered and even sitting a menacing air radiated from the man. "Has it occurred to you that perhaps this time, this particular problem isn't one you're going to be able to charm away. To write off? Or has all that hero worship bestowed upon you addled your brain? Harry shoved himself away from the counter and into the darker man's directions.
"You presume to lecture me? You. About morality? Voldemorts favorite, a traitor and now a martyr? You're wasting your time." Without warning Severus had stood and drawn his wand from its place inside his robes. Harry was not far behind him.
"I beg you Potter, finish what you were saying." His voice shook in fury as he pressed the tip of his wand against Harry's throat.
"Hermione isn't your concern. We never mattered to you before. Why should it be different now?"
"Circumstances change boy. You of all should realize this." Harry waited for the inevitable curse. It never came. Instead he was surprised when the tip of the wand withdrew from his throat. Eyeing Snape warily, he watched the older man put his wand away. Harry was still armed, though not defensive.
"I think perhaps I realize more then you'd ever given me credit for. Indeed, circumstances do change. People change. Which leads us back to the beginning more or less."
"Your choices or your question?" Snape asked, guardedly resuming his seat at the table.
"Both I think. I wont choose between them. And I wont decide against either. This is theirs to work out. I'll still be there in the end." That was all he would say, folding his arms across his chest Harry glared at Snape.
"Very well. I will leave you then." Suddenly the Potions Master looked weary. As if a great weight had pressed itself upon him. Rising and gripping the chair for one unsteady second he turned from the boy. Making his way back towards the fireplace. Footsteps followed him and he cursed silently. Hoping for nothing more.
"You've intruded into my privacy Professor. Now I think I am entitled to an answer from you as well. What makes this so important to you?" The boys voice was accusing, or so Severus believed.
"Dumbledore has asked me.." Harry cut him off.
"You wouldn't be here now if that were it. You.." Suddenly he looked at Severus, his jaw dropping a bit. The chain of thought was almost visibly written in his eyes as he stared at the man before him. "Impossible." The whisper was barely audible. Wanting no more then to leave, Severus was at the end of his patience.
"Speak, I have other things to do then watch you gape openmouthed at me!" He practically snarled the words, his teeth gritting together.
"You're in love with her aren't you? Of course you are. Everything..it makes sense now. The garden, the fight upstairs. The reason you're here now isn't because of her. It's for her."
Snape stared in open mouthed shock at the dark-haired boy.
"Don't be a fool."
"How could I be wrong? Everything, all these months. The past few years. The way you've treated her." Snape cut off the ramblings before they could strike any deeper. He was truly unnerved now. Too many things had come to mind. Taunting him as if to say 'See. I told you.' Better to escape then face this now. Clearing his throat, he fixed his best sneer onto his features and spoke once more.
"Obviously you are mistaken Mr. Potter. If that is all I must be going." Severus didn't wait for any more accusations before throwing a handful of floo powder onto the fire and shouting 'Hogwarts!' In a flash he had arrived into the fireplace in his office. Before the barest hint of safety could register he took in the form hunched over his desk. 'Oh Merlin. I forgot I'd asked her to come.' Swallowing hard, feeling his stomach churn in protest he stepped from the fireplace. Not bothering to brush the soot away from his robes he stopped behind Hermione. Driving as much spite as he could into his voice he spoke.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing in here?" It had the desired effect. Startling her into the realization that she wasn't alone. She whirled to face him. The anger written across her features stunned him for a moment. Casting a fleeting glance to the piece of parchment she held in her hand realization dawned on him.
"You!" She was enraged. 'Here we bloody go again.' Hardly in the mood for another of her angry tirades Severus glared at her. His own anger bubbled to the surface a he quickly drew over his conversation with Potter and his foolish accusations. The nagging in the back of his head had turned into a steady roar somewhere between Grimauld and Hogwarts and now the cause for it stood before him. Glaring at him. He wouldn't have it. In a dangerous voice, icy and smooth he answered her.
"Me."
XXXXXX
She'd been yelling at him for twenty minutes. He had chosen, and wisely so, to stay silent. Opting to keep his body parts. After tuning out her general rant, he'd heard several words repeated. They seemed to be key. She didn't appreciate him going around, threatening people on her behalf. She was eternally grateful that he'd saved her. She was torn because he had been the one to save her. She was distraught because she'd felt abandoned by her friends. Angry at the injustice for her isolation.
It had become increasingly hard not to grin at her. Quite used to their frequent and explosive arguments now, Severus opted to take her in. Begrudgingly he admitted she was indeed pretty. Wondering to himself when he'd begun considering her so. Potter's words kept ringing in his head. Taunting him relentlessly. 'You're in love with her. You're in love with her.' The pit in his stomach had filled with lead at the prospect. He wouldn't allow himself to dwell on the implications of that statement. Couldn't allow it. If he did then the little voice started to agree that somewhere along the lines Hermione had become decidedly less loathsome. But what was she now? Surely not a potential lover. Severus was not a foolish man inclined to petty hope, he wouldn't even think that she'd consider him. Not when there were so many others out there, far more suitable. Suddenly he was drawn from his internal conflict by the silence that had settled over the room. He glanced into her eyes, she still seemed angry.
"Well!"
"Well, what?" He hadn't heard a word she'd just said. Snapping back was his only response.
"Well what? Is that all you have to bloody say!" He could sense a second, more vocal tirade about to begin. Sighing hard he pushed himself away from the desk he had settled against earlier. His steps were quiet, most pointedly in her direction. She watched him warily, her lips twitching with his every footfall. To an outside observer he looked absolutely menacing. When he had stopped, barely six inches from her he glared haughtily down at her. "If you think for one minute that I..."
It was in that second that Severus, for the first time in his life, threw general opinion and his own personal thoughts aside. Now, his only desire was to silence the woman so agonizingly close to him. He allowed himself to wonder about Potters accusations. Shrugging softly, he'd address them later. If Hermione started again there wouldn't be an end in sight for minutes. Swiftly he pressed his lips hard against hers. The force was bruising, leaving no room for protests. She stiffened against him. He knew because one hand had slid up, around her waist entirely of it's own accord. With a hard tug, she was pulled firmly against his body. His lips never left hers, and he began teasing her gently. When his tongue darted out, caressing her bottom lip she practically melted into him. All tension left her body with a sharp sigh. Suddenly he felt her arms slide up, wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer. Obliging, he secured his other arm around her, lifting her slightly.
He parted from her roughly, tearing himself away. Sure the slightly dazed look on her face mirrored his own he tried to collect himself. Finally she looked up to find him still standing near her. He smirked at her. It was an arrogant look. Hermione couldn't decide whether to slap it off of his face or kiss him again. He decided for her. Leaning in, he whispered.
"Ms. Granger. Kindly shut up!" That had done it. Pulled from her daze she stared at him. Bewilderment written clearly across her features. Tentatively she reached up, a lone finger running across her abused lips. The question was in her eyes but he offered no answer. The smirk was set on his features once again and he could see the glare in her eyes. He'd gotten the best of her. The Gryffindor in her was starting to rear it's competitive head. Irritated that a Slytherin, that this Slytherin had rendered her speechless. Severus found it to be a small miracle. Bending again, he touched her lips gently wanting nothing more then to taste her. She didn't recoil. But after a few long moments she withdrew. He saw her take a step back and followed her lead. Before he knew it his back was pressing against a counter, but he didn't take his eyes from her. Hermione opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. What was one to say after that particular event?
"One might inquire into your motives for that Severus." She offered him a smile, curious and amused. The Potions Master stood contemplating. She hadn't hexed him yet. Perhaps things were going to be all right.
"Indeed they might. I was merely trying to silence you."
"I see." The dazed look crossed her face for a moment and Severus felt pleasure roll through him. He'd done that. To her. He couldn't help the smirk if he tried.
"To think, all of those years spent in the presence of the incessant know-it-all with no relief. And now, knowing I can render you silent, even for a moment is worth all those years." He baits her, almost hoping for a rise. She recognizes his ploy and lets sarcasm tinge her voice.
"I'd have thought Dumbledore might have a policy against his professors shagging students. Was there some sort of excepting in your case Severus?"
"I hardly made it a habit to shag any of my students." 'Or anyone for that matter.' He didn't add the last. The tiny voice from before was back to nagging him. Sighing softly, he regarded the woman before him. Care would have to be taken there, that much he knew.
"Severus."
"Hermione."
"I was going to ask why, but I don't suppose I'd get an answer."
"You learn faster then I thought. I wish you had been this enjoyable when I had to suffer through you everyday." Sneering he saw her roll her eyes.
"I'm still not happy about your little chat with Harry."
"It was never my intent to please you. I was merely doing what I saw fit."
"I see." Hermione bit her lip for a moment. Withdrawing into her thoughts. Severus took the opportunity to step forward, closer to her. When she didn't regard him at all, he place a hand on her shoulder.
"You have no need to worry Hermione. They're still your friends. It's just a matter of working out things with Mr. Weasely."
"Ron was always Harry's friend first."
"Mr. Potter is smart enough not to let the petty actions of his acquaintance get in the way of his friends." Hermione finally looked up, meeting his eyes. Unshed tears were a testament to the things that had been repressed. He had yet to see Hermione truly unnerved by all of the events. Grief and stress had conspired against the girl before him. Her shoulders slumped visibly and he pulled her against him again. "Hermione.." He didn't know what to say. What comfort could he be. She sobbed once, a hard wracking force that ripped through her body. Wrapping his arms tighter around her he held her. Fleetingly he wondered once again how she'd managed to slip herself inside his defenses.
"He tried to rape me Severus. Drunk or not. That's all it was." Her voice was thick with tears.
"Yes, he did."
"I want to hate him for what he did. But I don't think I can. Am I weak?"
"No. Love for your friends is never a weakness. It can lead to foolish acts but it's never a weakness." His voice was uncharictaristly harsh. His throat burned and suddenly deeds of the past came to him. Trying to save friends, making the wrong decisions. Trying to make his amends. A war fought...part of it lost within himself. Shaking his head slightly he cleared the ghosts away. This had to be about her.
"You were always the strong one Severus. Always there for Harry. Always ready to give up everything. No one ever saw that." Out of nowhere his conversation with Dumbledore rose to mind. 'You know Severus, that there were some who trusted you above all others. Despite the treatment they received from..other parties.' Other parties. Him. He had treated her horrendously in the first years of their acquaintance. Gradually, despite his protests she had become more involved in the Order, specifically working with him. Then the war had ended and she'd gone off to the Ministry. They had corresponded, had met several times to work on potions.
Had grown closer.
The admittance was like a slap in the face. Try as he might, she'd needled into his system. His open hostility had dimmed somewhere, years before. But he'd kept her at arms length. Choosing cruelty for the sake of saving his own skin. And from what? Rejection. It disgusted him that he was so weak.
"You saw it Hermione. I didn't realize it at the time, but I do now. I appreciate it." She hugged him for a moment before pulling away slightly. He wanted to wipe away the trails the tears had left on her face. But his hands were glued to his sides, as if immobilized.
"I see it Severus." She lifted her hand and gently ran her fingertips down his cheek. It was a gesture of tenderness that nearly made him flinch. Offering a weak smile she pulled herself from his embrace. "It's late. Again. I've kept you from work." Now her smile was embarrassed and she cleared away the last of the tears still wetting her cheeks. Her hand brushed her lips, bringing a blush to her cheeks as she remembered his kiss.
"I..Goodnight Hermione." He wanted to stop her. To keep her with him. To make her stay, even for the night. To touch her. But he couldn't. The moment was broken, and stepped past him. As she passed their hands brushed and she turned, whispering a goodnight before once more disappearing. Severus stared after her long after she had gone. Leaning against his desk he willed her to reappear but knew she wouldn't. Sighing softly, he retreated into his chambers.
XXXXXXX
AN: fluffy fluffy. I couldn't help it. The chapter made me do it! I got it into my head last night. But don't worry. That's not it. They aren't going to fall into bed. Nothing is perfect in this world. You should all know that by now.
Kelly, this one is for you!
More soon to come everyone. Thanks again for the reviews.