Things Kid Flash Needn't Do
A Story by Travis "I should have better things to do" Johnson
I don't own the Teen Titans. I don't anybody else who's been in the show either. They belong to DC comics and Warner Brothers, the latter of whom is really, really dumb.
Diary.
Men. They suck. And not in the after-midnight, swinging-door-in-the-back-of-the-video-store, Brokeback Mountain way.
I've been a good sport up till now, I think. I put up with all the men in my family well enough (except for THAT…but then, we didn't need Uncle Bob OR those 2X4's). I've endured the spandex-wearing freaks at the school. Hell, Cyborg didn't even affect me, and he took me dancing. That's when I should have known. Super villains can't dance.
Oh yeah. The school. Quit. But I'm the only one who'll read this, so…
But men and their sucking. I've been patient. I've waited for some half-decent individual to show up and convince me not to go crew-cuts and work boots, and what do I get for my work?
Kid Flash. KID! FLASH!
Firstly, Uggh! With two G's! He couldn't come up with ANYTHING better? The Shadow. Doc Savage. Batman. THESE are names. Not only does he have to copy the name of someone else, he throws in a KID! Does he have any idea how stupid that sounds? Or how complicated that makes things?
I notice I'm bush-beating, which is unacceptable.
So I have a crush on a super hero. Again. And this time he's not even lying to me.
Not completely.
At least this time he likes me backs. There was all the flirting back at the base, after all. But he could break the sound barrier during a morning jog. He can afford to flirt with just about anyone and not get caught. But there's also the rose.
Obviously, he's been to France before. He can get there in just under an hour, I wager, so he probably knows all about romance. They're the only people in the world that speak romance. It's why they surrender so much, I think. But anyway, he obviously got me that rose, because he's at least pretending to have some kind of attraction to me.
But fuck roses. I've been walking these streets for two weeks and he hasn't once shown up. And I know he can be in at least six places at once, and he doesn't visit me? Not even to mock the logic of going out at night in the city, dressed in striped stockings and a mini skirt?
It's sad. I'm actually depressed-burning the sides of the pages, even-over the fact that just about the biggest asshole I ever met, and that INCLUDES Gizmo and Blood, hasn't stopped in to make fun of me. I'm only supposed to LOOK like an emo bitch.
That's something he shouldn't do. He shouldn't talk the way he does when he's insulting you. He really cuts to the quick when he when he does-probably because his brain moves pretty fast. too-but that tone…it's like he's saying he's kidding without saying it. A bit like the stoners back home, but they ALWAYS sounded like that.
Another thing is that costume. I understand the concept of tights, don't get me wrong. Aerodynamics 101 states that flying around in a rucksack is about as efficient as dragging a parachute behind you. So in theory, a guy who moves at hypersonic speeds should pretty much be wearing a second skin. And skin isn't selectively form fitting. I got a good enough look at him in that cage (a cage? And I thought I was going to amount to anything HOW?) and I just KNOW it wasn't a trick of the light that the pantlegs sagged where the seat didn't.
That's why I was looking so long, right?
Jinx, you sad, sad little obsessive.
It's not like he'd have to show it off. Which is another thing. He runs everywhere. If he had any flair for the dramatic, he'd walk places just to aggravate people. Which isn't to say he's not aggravating NOW, but you can't do that kind of thing half-assed.
And I'm back to asses.
Which is to say, I'm back to completely avoiding my problems, yet again.
My problems, which include being stuck in the city and having no idea where to go or what to do, just like I said before, because some smooth-talking dickhead superhero showed me that just about al of my life up till now has been wasted, and now I can't even find him to talk to me.
Everybody at the HIVE will kill me. The Titans would probably beat me to a paste and put me in jail, allowing the HIVE to kill me.
That's the worst thing. Even though nobody fits the bill, the only way I'm gonna get out of this is by depending on PEOPLE, in some way.
And I HATE people.
Well, except…yeah. Yeah, I'm just completely without charades anymore.
I can't pretend like I'm going to be a villain and that people will suddenly respect me.
I can't pretend to not need anybody just because I decided I didn't at the ripe old age of eight.
I can't pretend that I don't fall in love at the slightest allusion to anything deep.
I can't pretend like I can't do better.
Of all the things Kid Flash needs to quit doing, he REALLY needs to stop being right.