The Price of Love
Author: meroe
Pairings: EdWin
Disclaimer: I wish I owned it.
A piece about love. For true-blooded EdWin fans! If you hated how the movie ended, read this. Even if you haven't watched the movie, it still works. Sit back, cry and appreciate. It's worth your time. If it's not, then sue me (no, don't).
The potter must break the vessel before he can make out of the material a new and beautiful vase. Our hearts must be broken before the richest content can leak out and flow forth to bless others.
The Price of Love
She understood that love is an act of total surrender and suffered because of it. In pain, she became happy, for there is no happiness without tears; there is no forever without pain.
Does it hurt so much that she knew they are no longer coming back? Equivalent trade. What was the prize of her continuous waiting and devotion?
It was the certainty that she was now alone. Alone with memories of the had been and could be, if it was not for the now.
She stood by the window of her excessive self-consciousness. By that window she waited for the two brothers to come and play. When they left, she waited for them to come home broken. Men come home only when they need to be fixed. By that window she smiled the nights of her dream home: a home that could only be in her dreams. It was too fragile for reality, because her dream home was innocent — the same children when their innocence was not forced to be gone.
In a little less than an hour, she would visit the graveyard. She would lay two bouquets on her parents' grave and leave the last for Pinako. Then, she would spend the rest of the day near the grave with three people underneath. Where three people died when the marker was raised.
Trisha Elric. Her death was death for her two children. That day was goodbye to innocence. That day was goodbye to bliss. Her grave was where the promise started. The science, alchemy, that took away the younger's body and the older's heart or soul.
Heart or soul. She had loved him and loves him as one could love enduring memories. But his heart or soul was missing, or he forced them to be gone. Be gone so that I may not be distracted in this journey that has no end.
And what would she do by that grave marker? On times she could feel their spirits, she'd lay down her armor and masked smile. The tears wouls keepnon flowing, without her knowing if it was pain or joy. Yes, she had been happy. With the little attention she got those six years and few days, she learned that happiness is greatest when it was found when nowhere in sight. Have you felt that kind of love? When you love, you expect nothing in return. Hence, Equivalent Trade is not perfect. And because it is not perfect, it is beautiful.
That kind of love was her only consolation. After six more years of delusion and illusion of that home — that home where the family waits — she had no prize but the certainty that now, they are gone. Gone to a distance no amount of devotion could cross, gone and left her behind. She dreamed of becoming their comfort when their journey is over. For whenever we end something, we always return to where it began.
But now, in that world where they vowed to stay, they will find comfort in the arms of someone else. Someone else that will grow in their hearts, for the brothers will carry on, as she was sure she would. Perhaps that person would even look like her, but it will never be herself.
How painful was that? I cannot describe, because true love, like a butterfly, is a feeling I rarely capture in full glory. But to those who lived in this world and loved with it, a sphere of memory will rekindle the heart. And when you feel something deep, a kind of frustrated joy, rather s frustration that has move to the realm of spiritual and transmuted to an understanding of the laws of love, by reading this, you know you have felt that glory.
And because that was true love — when she accepted her fate that she could only love them and expect nothing in return; accepted that no matter how much price her faith pays, her dreams will not necessarily come true — when she accepted these all, she understood her kind of love was a feeling that not too many people are blessed to enjoy.
While she stands there and waits, she knew the two worlds prod on. She might find another boy and fall in love with his amber-colored eyes. And that other boy, for whom so much of her heart and trust had been invested, may one day decide his journey has come to an end, but the start can nowhere be found. Then he will decide to leave their childhood in a happy place in his heart; a time when he loved everything in the world (except milk) and the world loved him back. Their feelings would be mutual, for their shared memories are enclosed in a spiritual shell. This is beautiful, and both would keep it that way, when their hearts would connect because of the same, beautifully indescribable pain.
That is how far it goes.
Meanwhile, she stands in front of that tomb that was her daily vigil — a vigil that she knew would wear down — she'd like to believe someday, somehow, they would meet again. She doesn't know how, but you don't always have to know in order to beliveve. Would you not agree? As long as man lives, he or she have to live by some hope. For even though we might not get what is worth the price we pay, we always gain a kind of something from it.
In the end, three things matter most:
How deeply you loved,
How much you've trusted,
And how graceful you've let go.
MEROE, 12/29/05
A/N: I'd like to believe every story has a happy ending; it is always for us to view how happy that was. Perhaps, by writing this, I am trying to console myself. I am an EdWin fan, a truly EdWin fan, because I kind of understand how much love is needed to keep a childhood friendship that way. I also have a childhood friend (O.o), one I've known since grade one, and I know that childhood friends understand each other in silence or in pain. There is a grand link in spirit that is formed by the innocence of growing up and that illusion — no — feeling of home. I was just thankful I was blessed by it. xD But as you grow that same link is wrought by multiple complexities, and it is painful. The feeling of watching your 'home' find another 'home.' When you come to accept it, I believe that is love. It is unconditional, very much like a parent's, which is the closest thing to divine love you'll (or I'll) ever feel.
But just as our story is not yet over, I believe Ed and Winry's isn't too. Its many happy endings will live on us fans! Because love, even if it's childish, is still powerful and always triumphs.
Yay! EdWin forever! Hahahaha. Winry will still be taller though, Ed still hates milk. And he is way past his growing-up years! ;P
BTW, (this is turning out to be the longest A/N I've ever written) I had, erm, satisfaction(?) in the writing itself, but if you can, please REVIEW! There is no limit to satisfaction, and hey, isn't it nicest when we can give them both?
Thanks very much!