Having gotten 2 whole reviews on my first one, I decided to write another ficlet. If I wasn't so lazy, I would consolidate the two but that would mean figuring out how to change the name of a story. So here it is, part two of musings, enjoy, and for the love of God and or anything else, please please review.
Peter looked around his rundown and decaying apartment, and reflected on the dilemma facing him: Spiderman. His alter ego, his secret identity, simultaneously the bane of his existence and his greatest pride. Spiderman, the dichotomy that both crippled and freed him.
He wondered why he couldn't give it up. Why he couldn't leave the world to its own troubles. Why he couldn't live a normal life, couldn't hold a job, have a girlfriend, have friends, keep his grades up, and, above all, mind his own business.
Maybe it was because of the way he was raised. Although he had always lived in poverty, he had been taught the importance of right and wrong and the responsibility of the individual to the society to which they belonged. He owed it to the people of New York to use his powers for the betterment of city life.
More specifically, maybe it was because of Mary Jane. She needed someone to save her. If it weren't for Spiderman, Mary Jane would be dead three times over. Also, how could Peter Parker be of use to someone like her? She was always with someone else, and he never could work up the courage to say more than a few awkward, stumbling words to her as himself. But with his mask, as Spiderman, he was loved not only by her, but by the rest of the city.
Which led to another reason. As Peter Parker, he lived in obscurity, a science nerd unnoticed by everyone, just another stone in the river. As Spiderman, he was revered by children and adults alike, he was written about in the papers, he had power. There is a secret part of everyone, sometimes not-so-secret part, that loves the rush of showing off, that relishes in performing the extraordinary, in being different. The feats of Spiderman were unrepeatable by anyone else, and that let Peter be special in a way nothing else could give him.
As many reasons as there were for him to maintain his superhero identity, there were just as many to discontinue it. His strength was failing, for he hardly slept. He couldn't pay his bills, for he was always late and could not keep a job. Spiderman was driving a wedge between Peter and his best friend, Harry, who had vowed vengeance upon his other personality. There was no time for homework, for someone always needed saving, criminals always needed stopping, and so, Peter Parker, genius extraordinaire, was not passing a single class.
Lastly, there was the dilemma with Mary Jane. Spiderman made it impossible to maintain any relationship with her, and he always came off looking like a flake because he could never resist the call of duty. Spiderman made Peter and Mary Jane keep just missing each other, and, moreover, kept Peter from having a truly open and honest relationship with her or anyone else.
Life was never easy, but since that high school field trip, things had just gotten harder. But there was no more time to think about that. He had homework to do, and another job to find. His spider sense was tingling, but he would ignore it, for now. Spiderman might be back one day, but not just yet. He had to pick up the fragments of the life Spiderman had shattered before he could do anything else.