Chapter Seventeen: Lost in a Mist of Emptiness
He awoke slowly, lying on a blackish path of sticky threads, somehow as though they were covered in honey. Rubbing his eyes with his left hand he waited a moment before taking in his full surroundings. The area he sat in was a reddish black color, almost like it was a sunset. 'Perhaps a sunrise.' He mused to himself silently. The old sayings told that red sunsets were a sailors delight and the red sunrises were ones of warning, given to the elves from Ulmo. Shaking his head briefly before rising to his feet, Elladan took a deep breath trying to distinguish the smells around him. They were ones of lost hope, grief, and death.
Swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, Elladan took his first step, his foot sinking deep into the murky mud like substance. Sluggishly, he treaded his way through his brother's black abyss, searching for signs of life within this now dangerous territory. 'Dangerous indeed.' Elladan smirked sardonically. He knew that if his brother died while he was within his brother's fëa, he would be trapped in his brother's nightmares for all eternity. Shivering slightly at the thoughts of eternal nightmares, Elladan continued on bravely.
Elrond stood at the foot of the bed and watched as his son fell deep into sleep. He scrunched his eyes straining his hearing as his son's breathing evened out, and whispered words softly that Elrond couldn't understand. Elladan's hand was placed above Elrohir's heart, feeling for signs of life, and his head was curled up nuzzling his youngest son's neck. Clearing his throat, Elrond took in the appearance of his son's. Not looking like one another any longer, he knew that time was running out for Elrohir. His eldest son held a pallor of a healthy elf, while his youngest was ashen, almost gray in color. Elladan's eyes were clear, focused, his face slightly flushed. Elrohir slept with his eyes closed and sunken, dark circles made them seem larger, and appear to be two identical black eyes.
His youngest son's frame was frail at best. Elladan still held his taunt muscles, and strong build. Closing his eyes at the distinguishable differences, Elrond pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed waiting for his wife to return with her farewell gifts. With all grief stricken elves, they were bestowed with gifts for their trip to Mandos' halls. There they would be placed before the Valar's feet for safe holding until their time was given to be reborn. Wiping a tear from his eye, Elrond felt his heart contract at the thought of loosing his son's well before their prime years. "Still so young." Elrond whispered softly.
He refused to move from his children's sides as they were fading rapidly. Elrond promised to be there for Elros when he had passed, but when he had remembered his gift to his brother still inside his saddlebags, he had rushed out to retrieve it, he had returned moments too late. Never forgiving himself, Elrond had hoped one day to make amends. This was that day; he would not miss saying farewell to his son's.
The door creaked open revealing a tear-stained face. His wife had returned.
"Any change?" She whispered closing the door behind her softly.
Elrond shook his head, not taking his eyes off his wife. She bore with her two small stuffed toys, which had been the boy's favorites. When they had turned three, they had been placed inside a golden crafted box for safekeeping. They had belonged once to Elrond and Elros and had passed to Elladan and Elrohir. Before that they had belonged to many twins born into Elrond's family. Fresh tears welled up in Elrond's eyes. Swallowing hard, he lifted a shaking hand and gripped his wife's outstretched one.
Celebrían placed the small toys into Elrond's lap. "Did you aid Elladan to Elrohir's bed?"
Nodding, Elrond picked up the toys and held them tightly in his right hand, while guiding his wife into his lap with his left. They sat there silently, watching their children as they battled the evils and horrors of a grief fëa.
Elladan continued to trudge through the vastness of black that surrounded him. Demon visions darted in and out of dark shadows, horrifying shades screeched loudly, causing Elladan to cover his ears from the dreadful sounds. He remembered those sounds, those dark cries from another world. That had been so long ago.
Searching his memory for where he had seen those monsters before, he grimaced as death and pain slammed into him with such force it nearly caused him to loose his footing. 'The Gur woods.' He gasped softly, not wanting to disturb the shades around him. 'He dreams of the horrors of those woods?' He concluded to himself. 'I thought my dreams were dreadful.'
Continuing on, Elladan heard faint whimpers and terrified cries that only one person would make. His brother was within this terror and he began searching with all his senses. Elladan could not have prepared himself for the pitiful condition his brother was in when he finally caught sight of him. Elrohir sat crouched in a dark corner, his pale essence almost completely diminished, pale white skin on his fëa was cracked and peeling away. The thin form was tightly curled into a ball whimpering for peace. Blood dripped from the corner of his brother's mouth, and his lips were blue.
With a startled cry, Elladan raced forward, and slammed right into a barrier. Knocked off his feet, Elladan cried out to his brother. Dimmed gray eyes met his, and Elladan saw a faint spark of hope, which quickly faded to one of intense sadness. Crawling on his hands and knees, Elladan slammed his fist against the wall yelling out to his brother, who seemed to either not see him or pay any heed to his words.
Frustrated, Elladan continued crying out to his brother, who faded before his very eyes. The skin peeled away more rapidly, the eyes growing dim and the blood slowing. His brother's breathing slowed, and became gasps of air. "Elrohir! It is Elladan! Come talk to me, please!" Heavy eyes met his and Elrohir shook his head, his lips formed the words, 'impossible.'
"Come now! Listen to me. It is I! Please Ro, talk to me. Please!" Sobs escaped his throat. His words became whispered pleas. "I am nothing without you, Ro. I need you here with me, for alone I am not whole, but a broken and torn form. Please! Please talk with me, see me for who I am!"
Elrohir continued to look at him sadly, tears welling up in his eyes. Elladan then noticed that his brother was not looking at him, but threw him. Glancing over his shoulder, Elladan saw nothing. Confused and horrified, Elladan continued his pleading.
Glorfindel leaned against the wall next to the twin's room. Elves had begun to gather around to bid their silent farewells to the boys, but Glorfindel would not give up hope. He couldn't. Silently he wandered over to the window, and whispered softly into the wind. "If I have ever asked for a favor from you, let this be it now. Spare their lives, I will gladly take their place if you so desire, but please, they are so young and full of life that they don't deserve to drift from this world thus. In battle it would be honorable, but not from grief. Please."
Stepping back when a silent reply echoed through his head, Glorfindel fell to his knees at the ferocity of it. Gripping his head with his hands, he fell forward and moaned into the polished marble floor. "Be at ease, balrog slayer. This day is far from over, and the trials of life are at their beginning."
As quickly as the voice had come, it had disappeared. Sitting up shaking the remnants of dust from his brain, Glorfindel looked around him. Figwit had rushed to his side and knelt beside him. Worry and fear filled his eyes. "I – alright." Glorfindel gasped confused. Pushing himself to his feet, Figwit aiding him, Glorfindel walked over to the bedroom door and placed his hands on the smooth wood. Resting his forehead on the solid door, Glorfindel took a deep breath. Try as he might he couldn't understand the meaning of the words that had been spoken to him, only wished that it had been regarding the twin's.
Elrohir saw the image of his brother slamming his fists on the barrier and he felt his heart pump with hope. As quickly as his brother had been there, he was gone. There stood the banshee snarling with mirth, laughing at his demise. Talking to him in that dreadful screeching voice. "Your brother is not here, elf boy. He has left you, and will no longer be with you."
As much as Elrohir hoped the banshee's words were false, his heart could not connect with his brother. He was alone, he felt tattered and worn, and his fëa was lost. He watched the banshee howl with glee, and swirl around in front of his face. He no longer cared, if his brother were dead like the shade said he was, waking from this nightmare would cause him to loose himself. He would be alone, no one to laugh with, play pranks with, and hunt with, train or even cry to. His brother would wait in Mandos halls for him he knew that. "Soon I will be with you, brother." He felt his lips turn upward into a small smile at the mere thought of it.
Elladan narrowed his eyes, who was his brother talking to? Concern and anger filled him. He saw his brother form words, but no sound escaped the invisible barrier separating them. 'Why can't you see me Ro?' Elladan thought towards his brother, if words could not penetrate the wall, then perhaps thought could, without the silent form noticing and blocking that also. 'Use your mind. Follow your heart. I am here.'
Elrohir felt something tug at his subconscious. Lifting his head startled, he glanced around him confused. He felt something just outside his boundaries, but couldn't make out what it was. Letting his eyes drift past the banshee Elrohir slowly focused on something behind it. A prone figure was kneeling at the barrier. Scrunching up his eyes, he tried to make out the blurry figure but couldn't make out who it was. His mind slow and dim he couldn't even comprehend who it could be.
Elladan felt his heart leap into his throat when his brother seemed to focus on him, however the hope faded when Elrohir furrowed his brows as though he were trying to focus. "Ro, it is Elladan!" He shouted loudly. The shade spun around quickly screeching angrily. Elladan fell back from the force of the cry, and scurried backwards as the beat descended on him quicker then the eye could follow. The icy cold hands gripped his throat and lifted him off the floor in one swift fluid motion.
Gasping, Elladan raised his arms and tried to grip the frail arms that held him. To his horror his hands went right through the thing. Choking, Elladan felt his strength ebbing from lack of air. Something out of the corner of his eyes caused him to look past the banshee towards the barrier. The invisible wall wavered slightly, and grinning like a mad man, Elladan continued to fight with everything he had left.
Elrond sat up straight when his eldest started gasping for air. Elladan's hands immediately went to his neck trying to fight off whatever held him. His youngest son remained motionless. Concerned, Elrond got to his feet and raced to Elladan's side trying to ease his frantic thrashing. A hand on his shoulder prevented him to drift into his son's fëa. Looking over his shoulder, Celebrían shook her head. "I will not risk loosing you, Elrond. I cannot live through this grief without your aid. This is their battle, allow them the chance to fight what evil befalls them."
Opening his mouth to protest, his wife placed a finger to his lips silencing him. Defeated, Elrond watched as his eldest son fought with some unseen force and slowly eased his thrashing to calm kicks. Great heaves filled Elladan's lungs, and Elrond swallowed. He nodded and took his seat once again, and picked up one of the stuffed toys taking in every detail. It had once been his brother's. It was a small puppy, gray and white. Black beads were the eyes; fine elven stitches kept the stuffing from falling out. The body consisted of the finest silk and tufts of fur. A small patch covered a tiny hole that his son had opened while teething.
Smiling slightly, Elrond remembered Elrohir gnawing on the stuffed dog non-stop. The ear was slightly worn, and part of a stitch had come loose. Reaching for a needle, Elrond pulled a strand of his hair and began repairing the torn stitching.
Celebrían watched as her husband sewed the toy silently. She knew that once the puppy was done, Elrond would inspect the other. She sighed silently, anything to keep her husbands mind off her son's for a moment.
Elrond bit the knot and placed the puppy aside and reached for the small horse that had been his and now Elladan's stuffed animal. He lifted it to his nose and still the smell of a baby lingered on it. It was now faint, but still noticeable to an elf's fine sense of smell. He drifted back in memories to when his eldest held the small horse.
Smiling once again, Elrond remembered when Elladan had taken both animals for himself. The puppy cradled securely in his arms, while the horse dangled from his tightly bound fist. Elrohir had been in tears. Elrond had had to chastise Elladan for taking the toy and made him give it back. But even after all the twin's small fights, and some rather large ones, they had always remained close.
He drifted back even further to when the twin's had been born. Elrohir had been a complete surprise. Even though elves were able to choose the begetting day of their children, they could not choose how many or the exact sex. With careful planning, the couple could plan on which sex would be born, and most times got lucky. However some got the opposite sex and were just as thrilled. Elrond knew that through his mortal blood twin's had been possible, and Elrohir had been an unexpected but joyful surprise to them. Elrond had grinned foolishly and had presented Elladan with the horse. Immediately it had gone into Elladan's mouth. When Elrohir had been born, things had to be retrieved and had been a full day until the smaller elfling had been given his gift. It had been a battle with them through the first night who would gnaw on the stuffed animal, but had ended that they both had a piece in their mouths.
Chuckling to himself, he felt Celebrían also smile when he realized he had shared the memory with her. "Remember when we got them confused? You had bathed Elladan, and I had Elrohir?"
Elrond nodded thinking back on that full day of events. The twin's had been no more then a few months old. Elladan had been in his arms and wrapped tightly in a fluffy blue towel. Elrond had placed him inside the crib beside his brother who had been wrapped in a green one. Elrohir and Elladan had squirmed so much that the towels fell loose and mixed together in a heap on the floor. Both elflings were naked and cooing rather amusedly as they watched their parents horrified faces when they had realized what had happened.
"Even then they enjoyed fooling us. Took us all day to figure out which was which." Elrond grinned.
His wife nodded smiling sadly.
They sat there through the night musing over their memories watching over their son's as they fought with their dreams. Elrond and Celebrían sat there with tears in their eyes as the sun began to peek over the horizon. Within the hour day would be upon them and the farewells would have to begin before it was too late.