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Love Lost and Found

CHAPTER ONE: A SHOCK IN THE POST

James Potter woke that morning with the same nervous sensation in his stomach that he'd had for the last week. In fact, he'd had it for most of the summer, but as the end of the holidays grew closer, the feeling was getting worse. He tried to shake it off, he was being silly he told himself, everything would be fine, and anyway, the end was weeks, months away, a lot could change in that time. He tried to stop thinking about it. There was no point. But even so, the thought wouldn't go away.

This was James's last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This was the year James would sit his NEWTs, the exams that would decide his whole future. The exams would decide whether or not James could fulfil his dream of going into three years training to become an Auror, that special group of people most closely involved in fighting the one who was intent on ruining the lives of as many people as he could, and destroying altogether, the lives of many more. James shuddered with disgust at the thought of this man, this thing, who brought carnage in his wake.

Voldemort was the man James shuddered at the thought of. He was the darkest wizard who had ever lived. He had made himself famous, or rather, infamous, by torturing and murdering anyone who stood in his way. Anyone who didn't bend to Voldemort's will was disposed of, usually in ways too revolting to think of. Anyone of the wrong sort, in Voldemort's eyes, was fair game, even people considered to be of the right sort, Purebloods such as James' family, a family of wizards for generations, was not safe really, because they would refuse, if it came to it, to play Volemort's repulsive games. The Potters were not only known for their relative wealth, they lived in a house that was large enough, by most people's standards, to be considered palatial, they had money in the bank; they were also known for detesting the Dark Arts. James's father was an Auror, part of the reason James had chosen this particular career path, and worked for the Ministry of Magic. He said often that he'd die before he'd give in to Voldemort. James knew that his father meant what he said, and he also knew that if he was called on to make the same sacrifice, he would do it. He had once heard a Muggle phrase that struck him as true 'It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees'. James knew he could never bow to Voldemort, even if it meant certain death.

However, Voldemort wasn't really James's reason for being anxious. It wasn't even the thought of the exams before the end of the year. His mind wandered to his friends, a group of young men around the same age as him – just turned 17 - he'd known since starting school. There was Sirius Black, a tall, dark, handsome young man who attracted the opposite sex like bees to a honey pot. James once asked him how many girls he'd been out with since he'd started school, 'Dunno', he'd shrugged, 'Probably something like 35'. Since Sirius seemed to have a new girl every month, James knew that was a very rough guess – still, at least Sirius could never be accused of exaggerating his pulling power, James smiled to himself. Sirius was James's best friend. They'd been inseparable since they'd first met when they were 11. Sirius had even lived with the Potters for a short while, only moving out recently. He'd had to move in really, it was a case of life and death. The Black family lived up to their name, and were up to their eyes in the Dark Arts – accept for Sirius, which is why they treated him as an outsider - even going as far as blasting him off the family tapestry, along with a few others who were considered to be 'blood traitors,' because they mixed with Muggle-borns – witches and wizards born of non-magic people - and half-bloods. Sirius said that if he didn't get out of his family's way soon either they would kill him or he'd be forced to defend himself and would end up killing one of them. 'Not that I'd mind', he'd grinned, 'But I don't fancy spending years in Azkaban…..not for one of them'. So he moved in with the Potters. James and Sirius were as close as brothers now, and Sirius even called James's parents Mum and Dad, and they regarded him as another son. He'd moved out just a few weeks ago. A relative, 'One of the ones you won't find on the tapestry' Sirius supplied nonchalantly, had died, leaving Sirius enough money to get a flat of his own and live fairly comfortably, at least until he finished his education and could support himself. James knew that Sirius would want to be completely independent as soon as possible. He couldn't stand the idea of being hemmed in, either financially or personally. He thought that to be answerable to anyone, even the terms of a will, was a bit like being in prison, only with nicer surroundings. James had laughed at that one – Sirius couldn't possibly know prison was like; he'd never been near a prison in his life.

James's mind wandered to his other friends. Peter Pettigrew was a short, plump boy with slightly buck teeth and a tendency to squeak when he was nervous. Peter was something of an oddball. Half the reason James and Sirius took him under their wing was because they felt sorry for him. He was pleasant enough in an odd sort of way, but he was slow to catch on to things. Peter was one of those people you could tell a joke to and he would get it…eventually. The thing was, by the time Peter got a joke it had usually stopped being remotely funny. Peter hero-worshipped James and Sirius and in spite of his shortcomings, James knew that Peter took the friendship seriously and was entirely trustworthy.

Then there was Remus Lupin. Remus was easily the most studious of the four, and was the only one who was as likely to be found in the library as the Common Room at school. He was a skinny young man, who had the appearance of someone older than his years. His clothes seemed to hang off him; he looked worn out most of the time. The odd times he looked well transformed him, and made him appear handsome, not in the striking way that Sirius was, or even in the youthful, sporty way that James was, but handsome in a mature way, like a man who'd gone straight from being a child to being middle-aged. Even when he looked well his eyes never lost a sad look, like he had a pain somewhere and couldn't get rid of it. Remus also had a problem the others had done everything in their power to help him with, a problem that affected them all at a certain time of the month, something that if it got out to the wrong people could ruin his life and could easily get his friends locked up – or at least their way of supporting him could. The problem had led to a particular tree being planted in the grounds of Hogwarts, a measure that had helped, but would never really make that much difference.

The four of them had christened themselves The Marauders, and were considered to be the best pranksters Hogwarts had ever known, and the coolest people to hang around with. They'd done just about everything in the book, and probably invented a few things that weren't. They had principles though, and didn't pull pranks on people who didn't deserve it - not any more. But there was one person who always deserved it. James's mind leapt to his favourite victim, assuming victim was the right word….Severus Snape and James Potter were known to loathe one another. Snape was a greasy haired teenager who rather resembled a bat. He would storm down the corridors of Hogwarts, his black robes swishing behind him, shoving anyone who was in his way. He was also up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts, drawing clear distinctions, like Voldemort, between anyone who was not of the right type. James winced as he remembered in the fifth year, after an OWLs exam, ironically enough, Defence Against The Dark Arts, when Snape had called a pretty redhead 'a mudblood'. James hated that vile expression. It was the derogatory term used for Muggle-borns. James had hexed Snape for it, not that the redhead had been pleased. Her reaction had been to call James an 'arrogant, bullying toe-rag'. After that James made sure he only hexed Snape when the redhead wasn't around.

The redhead, James knew, was the reason he was uptight. He felt warm inside when he thought about her. She made him want to sing with joy and scream with frustration all at the same time. Lily Evans. Just the sound of her name made James feel strange. She made him feel like he could do anything, well, almost anything. Lily Evans was the most gorgeous girl James Potter had ever laid eyes on. She had wonderful thick red hair that flowed to her shoulders and stunning green eyes that sparkled when she laughed - her laugh was lovely, James thought - and blazed like molten lava when she was angry - her temper was amazing. He'd been on the receiving end of it more than once, he thought to himself, frowning. James remembered the first time he'd spotted her, in the Great Hall at Hogwarts on their first day. She'd been put in the same house as James and all his friends, Gryffindor, the best house to be in, in James opinion. On that first day he'd seen her, looking lost and frightened, he had fallen in love. He'd nudged his new friend Sirius and, staring across the hall, announced 'That is the girl I'm going to marry'. It wasn't part of the plan that she would hate him and go on hating him, even now. She was supposed to find him irresistible and completely charming. She was supposed to think he was handsome and kind. She was supposed to be his girlfriend by now…but she wasn't. She hated him. She'd refused to go out with him, turning down every attempt he'd ever made to get her to go to Hogsmeade with him. James knew that she wouldn't even walk to classes with him unless she could help it, let alone to Hogsmeade.

'This has to be the year', James muttered to himself. 'She has to notice me this year, if she doesn't that's it, I won't get another chance, and I'll have lost her'. He cringed at the words, not because they embarrassed him, they didn't because they were true, but because he knew that if Lily Evans didn't fall for him now, in the 7th and final year at Hogwarts, he would spend his life alone. If he couldn't have Lily Evans, he didn't want anyone…..

James was pulled from his thoughts of Lily by a tapping sound on the living room window. He went over to open the window (all the windows of the house were kept locked these days, just like in all the houses of everyone the Potters knew) and found an owl perched outside on the windowsill. The owl had something tied to its foot, which when James freed it, he found to be a letter from Hogwarts. James paid the owl for the delivery and watched it fly away. He closed and locked the window and then he opened the letter. He knew this was his booklist for the forthcoming year. He glanced over the contents absentmindedly and he went to fold the letter up. As he did so, he noticed there was a smaller piece of paper inside the envelope. It was a note. James read it quickly, not really understanding what it meant. He could tell immediately that it was from the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. James read the note again. He could hardly believe what it said. He took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirtsleeve and then read the note for the third time, but still it said the same thing:

Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that for your 7th and final year at Hogwarts you have been awarded the position of Head Boy.

Yours sincerely

Albus Dumbledore (Headmaster)

P.S. I know you can do this James. You won't let me down, and you may find you benefit from it in more ways than one.

James was stunned. What on earth could the old…er, the Headmaster…mean by that, 'you may benefit from it in more ways than one'. 'What does that mean'? James read the letter a final time, still trying to take in what it said. He, James Potter, one of Hogwarts best pranksters, he who had never been a prefect, he, who along with the Marauders had probably set some sort of record for the number of detentions a student could receive, was Head Boy….James shook his head, making his permanently untidy black hair even more untidy and then he let out a yell, 'Muuuuuuuuuuuum!'

Mary Potter heard James shouting from upstairs. She threw aside the book she was reading and dashed down the stairs two at a time. Something was wrong with James and he needed her now! He was still yelling for her when she found him in the living room.

'What's the matter?…what's happened?…are you hurt?' she panted, gasping for breath. Mary Potter was a short, slim, slightly built woman with dark hair and bright blue eyes, which were wide open as she looked anxiously at her son. For reply James grinned at her, his hazel eyes seeming to dance as he beamed. 'James, speak to me, what is the matter with you? Will you stop grinning at me, you look like you've been Confunded', she looked around the room apprehensively, as if she expected someone, something, to leap out from behind the sofa. James started to laugh. 'James Potter if you don't stop that right now I'll….' Mary looked at her son and was immediately suspicious. 'OK, you win, what've you done?' she eyed him warily, looking stern, or as stern as she could when she was telling James off.

Everyone who knew her realised Mary Potter adored her son. He was the apple of her eye; she'd been completely devoted to him right from the moment she first held him in her arms on the day he was born. She lived and breathed her son, and knew she would die for him and willingly, if she had to. But even though she worshipped the ground he walked on, and the air he breathed, she realised he was far from perfect, which is why she knew he was up to something.

'Read this' James stopped laughing at the look on his mother's face and handed her the letter. She read it and then handed it back to him. 'Well yes dear, it's your booklist, and I realise books are expensive, but there is no need to be hysterical, we can afford books for you, and for Sirius too of course, if he needs our help to get them'. James looked at her as if she was mad, and then, taking the piece of paper from her, and giving her the smaller note he spoke through gritted teeth, 'Not that, THIS!' James watched as she read. He scanned her expressions as she took in the words, every now and then glancing at James as if she thought that at any second he would burst out laughing and tell her it was all a joke. He just kept watching her face intently. Mary knew James well enough to know that he would never look her in the eye like that if this was a prank. She read the note again and went red in the face and then paled. She sat down on the nearest chair, quivering slightly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. As quickly as she sat down Mary got back up and flung herself at James 'Oh my dear, my darling boy…you clever, clever thing!' James gave her a brief hug, but he knew that wasn't the end of it. 'My son, my James, Head Boy at Hogwarts!' the tears started to flow down her cheeks. James was starting to feel uncomfortable; he hadn't expected her to cry! He hated it when she cried. 'Get a grip Mum, it's hardly a reason to get so emotional, I thought it was hilarious, I mean the old g….er, I mean the Headmaster has gone barmy or something. I wasn't even a prefect and now I'm Head Boy, it's a great laugh….he has y'know, the Headmaster, he's gone barmy!' Mary Potter wiped her eyes and shook her head at her son. 'James really, you shouldn't say things like that about Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore is the wisest wizard in the world. If he's made you Head Boy he's done it for a reason. Dumbledore is never wrong; besides, you're Head Boy now, you should show the Headmaster some respect. Fancy you calling him barmy, I mean, you're Head Boy!'

James noted that his mother had used the term 'head boy' three times, like she was trying to convince herself it was really true. He smiled broadly at her, he was enjoying this, but then Mary went to throw herself at him again and he braced himself.

Before Mary could land on James there was a popping sound in the corner of the room where the Potter's cat Mabel was sprawled out having a nap. The cat hissed loudly and her hair stood on end. She hissed again and launched herself out through the living room door just as Sirius Black appeared. 'Bye Mabel, love you too' he winked at James, who found this scene highly amusing. Mary was distracted from further displays of emotion towards James and went over to Sirius, hugging him lightly. 'I can never understand why that animal doesn't like you dear, she is usually a very affectionate little thing'. James found that hysterically funny for a reason Mary couldn't understand, and she looked at Sirius with a puzzled expression. 'Don't worry Mum, it must be his time of the month or something' Sirius said, looking serious. James now guffawed loudly. 'He always goes a bit funny at a certain time of the month'. To Mary's confusion both boys now fell about laughing, but they stopped abruptly when they could see Mary was getting annoyed.

'Sorry Mum', Sirius grinned, 'How are you?' 'I'm fine dear,' she smiled warmly, her irritation forgotten. 'How are you, are you eating properly? I don't like the thought of you alone in that flat, starving yourself for want of a decent home cooked meal' 'Come off it Mum', James groaned, 'You only saw him yesterday, and anyway, look at him, does he look like he's starving?' This was true, Sirius glowed with health and vitality, his hair shone, his eyes sparkled; he was youth personified. 'Thanks very much' Sirius pulled a face at James, 'Now Mum won't cook for me'. 'You and your stomach Sirius Black', Mary laughed, her blue eyes shining. 'What do you fancy dear?' 'How about I cut you some of the chocolate cake I made this morning?' Sirius licked his lips hungrily. If there was one thing Sirius Black enjoyed more than girls, and pulling pranks with James, it was food. 'How come he gets offered a piece of cake and I don't?' James complained. 'Because he is a visitor', Mary frowned mockingly, 'While you merely live here', Sirius laughed loudly, the sound was more like a bark than a laugh. James muttered something about '…..move out then….' before he grinned at his friend and remembered the note from Dumbledore. He showed it to Sirius. Exactly as James had done earlier, Sirius read it three times before it would sink in. Then he beamed at James and exclaimed 'Bloody hell mate, the old git's gone and made you Head Boy, he's bloody barmy!'

James roared with mirth and Mary Potter rolled her eyes before she left them to their fun. 'There really is no hope for those two,' she sighed, and went back upstairs to read her book.