CHAPTER THREE: AN ACCIDENT AND SOME ADVICE
The new term began in the usual way, new students were Sorted at the Feast; 'We were never that small!' Sirius laughed as the new intake of first years went to have the tatty wizard's hat placed on their head that would decide which of the four houses they would be in – Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and, the least popular house Slytherin. New timetables were given out; Sirius and James were in all the same classes, as was Lily Evans. James was delighted by this. It meant that lessons wouldn't be dull because he could either spend the time talking and plotting the latest prank with Sirius, or he could sit and look at Lily without her getting angry with him.
James expected to see Lily a lot this year. Not only did they have classes together, they also shared a new Common Room that was purely for the Head Boy and Girl – although Lily had flatly refused to use it with James, so it had so far remained locked. They had patrols to do together – and James could hardly wait for the first one. The two had also had to attend a meeting with Dumbledore to discuss their duties as Head Boy and Girl. James was highly amused when Lily tried to illicit from Dumbledore some explanation of why he'd made James Head Boy when he hadn't even been a Prefect. Dumbledore frowned slightly, and then he'd smiled benevolently down on Lily and said something about it being 'to your mutual benefit', and then, James was sure, Dumbledore winked at him, before dismissing the two. Lily was furious by the time the meeting was over, and rushed back down the corridor ahead of James. He, on the other hand, was puzzled as to what the wink might mean, but he didn't care. Dumbledore was allowing him to spend time alone with Lily Evans, whether she liked it or not!
Before he realised it James was two weeks into his 7th year, in Potions with Sirius next to him and Lily with her back to him. She was at the front of the Dungeon, right in front of Professor Slughorn, who was giving them their task for the lesson. He wanted them to make a potion to remove warts from the skin, and had written the ingredients out on the board for them to follow.
Professor Slughorn was someone who James disliked intensely. He was one of those teachers who selected his favourite students, indeed, his favourite people, high achievers or students whose families were well connected with the Ministry, and stuck to them like glue. He treated the objects of his attention like pets or trophies. He wallowed in their achievements, basking in their reflected glory. One such favourite was Lily Evans.
Lily Evans, unlike James, was brilliant at Potions. James loved to glance over to her during the class, her beautiful face made even lovelier by her concentration. James loved to watch her bite her bottom lip when she was thinking, or watch her push her hair behind her ears when it fell down into her gorgeous green eyes…..but today he couldn't see her face at all, she stood resolutely with her back to him right from the start of the lesson. She was clearly still put out from their meeting with Dumbledore. James watched instead, as Slughorn fawned over her, telling her how well she was doing and how her potion looked just right.
Slughorn walked around the room, glancing here and there into a cauldron. When he got to James he wrinkled his nose at the smell that was coming from within, and pointed to the list of instructions on the board. James looked up, and sure enough, he had forgotten an ingredient. Slughorn went back to Lily, a creepy smile all over his face. He gazed down into her cauldron and slipped an arm around her shoulders.
James felt his stomach turn over and his heart race 'How dare he touch her', he felt like rushing over there and giving Slughorn something to distract him from Lily, like his fist, or a hex, but he knew he couldn't. If he did, he would annoy Lily who would never speak to him again, disappointment Dumbledore, who would have to take his Head Boy badge away, and he'd probably end up being expelled. That would mean he couldn't take his exams and he wouldn't be able to be an Auror.
The thought of how upset his Mum and Dad would be if he let them down that badly was enough to make him try to focus on what he was doing, but still he couldn't help it if every now and then he looked up to find Slughorn with his arm around Lily, who was turned towards him a little now, whispering something to him and smiling. The side of her face was visible to James. He could see her lips were moving, but he couldn't hear what she was saying.
He wanted to know what made her smile at the teacher like that. Slughorn's breath disturbed Lily's hair a little, so that it fell into her eyes. James felt his breath catch in his throat when Slughorn reached out and pushed one thick red strand back into place. 'Pervert!' James thought furiously, and went into the store cupboard for his missing ingredient. He searched absentmindedly through the herbs, grabbing the one he wanted, feeling it sting vaguely on his fingers, but not bothering. He had to keep an eye on Lily with that revolting little man leering all over her!
James chopped up the rest of the ingredients for his potion roughly, as if they had offended him in some way and threw them into the cauldron. The potion hissed and spat violently for a second before going a foul dark green colour. Sirius raised his eyebrows at this. He looked at James questioningly and then muttered, 'Mate, I don't think that looks right, no else's spat like that, and everyone else's is light green', but James was too livid to notice and just shrugged. 'It'll be fine, don't worry about it', Sirius tried to say something again but he could tell James was in no mood for a lesson in potion making. Sirius noticed how Slughorn was being so attentive to Lily and he knew this was why James so angry. Sirius knew not to be bothered about Slughorn by now. Slughorn was just being his usual slimy self, and didn't mean any harm, but Sirius realised that James didn't see it like that, and he knew there was no point arguing with James when he was in this mood.
Towards the end of the lesson Slughorn said he would come round and test each potion. He waved his wand and three large warts appeared on the back of his hand. Then he started his walk around the room. He looked at Lily's potion and dipped his finger into the cauldron, before rubbing it onto his hand. Suddenly the warts had gone, and he awarded Gryffindor 5 points.
Slughorn carried on around the room waving his wand to make more warts appear on the back of his hand in front of each student. Some of the potions worked, and others didn't. Each successful student was given 5 points; each one whose potion failed was ignored. Then Slughorn got to James's cauldron. He eyed the contents suspiciously, wrinkling his nose at the smell, which now resembled rotting flesh. Then he dipped a finger into the potion. James watched as Slughorn flinched for a moment, and then rubbed the potion on his hand. James couldn't believe it when Slughorn went pale, before quickly going crimson. Slughorn smothered a yell, biting his tongue before groaning through gritted teeth, 'Potter, that potion contains nettles! stinging nettles! if you look at the board I have clearly written camomile, not nettles!'
James looked on in horror as a large blister was forming on the teacher's hand. He looked at Slughorn, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, and then he went to the store cupboard. He looked down to where he'd reached for the herbs he'd put into the potion. James gasped as he saw the container he'd got his missing ingredient from. Written in large letters were two words 'STINGING NETTLES'. James was mortified with himself. His temper had blinded him from concentrating properly and in his haste he'd grabbed the wrong ingredient. The correct one was in a jar right in front of him. He went back into the classroom, contrition all over his face. 'I'm really sorry Professor, I used the wrong ingredient' he admitted honestly, his guilt evident in every word. Professor Slughorn was wiping some sweat off his face, he waved his wand and the blister disappeared, leaving his hand as good as new. James could have wept with relief. 'No harm done Potter', Slughorn was smiling kindly up at James, 'Just be careful next time eh?' 'Yes Sir', James replied, and Slughorn dismissed the class.
'Wow, that was lucky mate,' Sirius whispered to James as they made their way back into the corridor. 'Yeah I know, did you see the state of his hand', James was shaking as the relief of Slughorn being able to rectify his mistake hit him. He grinned at Sirius as the shock started to wear off.
'I suppose you thought that was funny Potter', a familiar voice called from behind him. James spun round and was immediately confronted with Lily Evans, who was incandescent with rage. 'He should have taken points off you for that at least, or given you a detention!' she yelled, 'But no, Potter gets away with one of his pranks again, you arrogant, conceited….' 'It was an accident Evans, just a stupid accident', James tried to keep calm. He understood why she was angry with him, he had made a stupid mistake, but there was no need for her to go mad like this. He had apologised to Slughorn, and no lasting harm was done. But Lily couldn't let it go, she was absolutely livid with Potter this time. He had gone too far. She stood for the next 5 minutes in the corridor lecturing James on his responsibilities as Head Boy and how his stunt with Slughorn – James tried to explain to her that it was an accident, but she wasn't listening to him – should have got him expelled. She went on and on, lecturing him, drawing quite a crowd into the corridor which was now filling as early morning lessons drew to a close.
Suddenly James couldn't stand the way she was looking at him any more. He'd seen her angry at him, he'd seen her irritated at him when he kept asking her out. He was convinced she hated him but he had never seen any real proof of that until today. But now, the contempt she clearly felt for him shone from her eyes like a torch. James couldn't stand it any more. 'YOU CAN BLOODY WELL STOP LECTURING ME', he yelled at the top of his lungs, 'I KNOW I DID WRONG AND I APOLOGISED FOR IT, BUT IT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF HE HADN'T BEEN PAWING YOU! YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU WON'T EVEN PASS THE TIME OF DAY WITH ME! BUT YOU LET THAT CREEPY PERVERT TOUCH YOU LKE THAT AND YOU STAND THERE WHISPERING AT HIM AND SMILING WHILE HE DOES IT!'
James panted. He didn't yell like that very often. The whole corridor was deathly silent now. Even Lily appeared to be holding her breath. She looked like she was trying to think of something to say, but couldn't find the words. James breathed deeply. The silence was getting on his nerves. He had to get out of this. 'Look, I'll see you later', he said to Sirius, and walked off down the corridor alone.
James kept walking while his temper wore off. He'd let Lily Evans make him so angry he'd told her how he really felt about her! He, James Potter, had told Lily Evans, who clearly hated and despised him, that he loved her! 'You stupid idiot', he chided himself, 'What did you have to go and say that for? Fancy going berserk like that, honestly, keep going on like that, they'll be carting you off to St Mungo's!'
But even in his temper, he knew that what he said, at least about his feelings for Lily, was true. He'd known since the third year that what he felt for her wasn't just a stupid adolescent crush, that he loved her as much as he loved his parents, and more than Quidditch or anything else he used to consider important, but to tell her like that, when she was clearly not in the mood to hear it – assuming she would ever be in the mood to hear it – and in front of virtually the entire school – was just too stupid for words.
James stopped walking abruptly when Professor McGonagall came towards him, looking slightly flustered. 'Ah Potter, just in the nick of time, I could do with some help' and before he could say anything, she dragged him into her classroom.
Professor McGonagall was the Gryffindor house mistress, she taught James's best subject, Transfiguration, and in spite of his ability to get into trouble often, he got on really well with her. Over the years he'd known her, he'd mastered the art of avoiding detention with her – well, most of the time. He'd learned to smile at her in a certain way, which made her forget what she was supposed to be giving him detention for. But he did genuinely think a lot of this teacher. She was firm, but fair, good at teaching, and best of all, loved Quidditch as much as James did.
James followed Professor McGonagall into the classroom, his thoughts distracted briefly from the scene with Lily. 'Now then Potter, I wonder, could you reach up for me and put these books on that shelf there?' she said, pointing to a shelf high on the wall at the back of the classroom. 'Er, yes Professor, but excuse me, why can't you use magic to get them up there?' 'Well, it seems silly to use magic to do something that would only take a moment anyway – but I can't reach the shelf' she explained casually.
James started to put the books, all about Transfiguration, onto the shelf. He sighed deeply as the image of Lily and him yelling at each other in the corridor burst back into his thoughts. 'What's the matter Potter', Professor McGonagall asked softly. 'And don't say nothing, I know you better than that'.
Minerva McGonagall liked James Potter, even if he did misbehave sometimes. He was one of Hogwarts best Quidditch players of all time, but he also had a kind heart, which was capable of deep feelings, especially, McGonagall knew, for a certain redhead. James sighed again; sometimes he thought Professor McGonagall knew what everyone was thinking. 'It's Lily Professor, we had a huge argument'. McGonagall nodded wisely. 'Go on', and James told her what happened in Potions, making certain she understood it was an accident, and that Slughorn was fine, but then how Lily had gone mad at him, yelling at him in front of everyone in the corridor. 'And then', he grimaced at the memory, 'I told her that if she hadn't been letting him paw her, and hadn't been whispering and smiling at him it wouldn't have happened. Oh and just to make it even worse, I told her I love her'. James wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. He was in a classroom at school discussing his love-life with a teacher!
'Do you?' James stared down at Professor McGonagall when she posed the unexpected question. 'What?...I mean, pardon Professor?' 'I said do you love her?' she repeated, looking over her glasses at him. James thought for a second. 'Yes Professor, I do. It isn't just her hair, or her eyes, even though she is gorgeous', James blushed, but McGonagall didn't react. 'It's everything about her…I love her so much Professor, it's driving me mad'. Professor McGonagall nodded wisely again. 'Well if you love her Potter, there is only one thing to do', 'What can I do though? She hates me'. 'She doesn't hate you Potter, she wants to like you I'm sure, but you never let the real you out do you?' 'What does that mean?' James was defensive again. 'You put on a show for her, your pranks, playing with your hair, asking her out all the time'. James was shocked that his head of house knew about all this! 'The only way you can put this right Potter is to do the one thing you don't want to do'. James didn't speak, just asked the question with his eyes. 'You have to leave her alone Potter. If you want to stand any chance at all with Lily Evans, you must leave her alone. I was going to ask you if you could help her with her Transfiguration at some point this year, it isn't her best subject, I'm sure you know' James did know Lily struggled with Transfiguration, he watched her face enough in the lessons to know she found it difficult. 'But I think that can wait for a while. No, I really think for now you must leave her alone, it's vital that you do'.
'But what if I can't?' James felt desperate now. 'Well then you will lose her Potter, and that will be a tragedy for you both'. James nodded at his teacher, put the rest of the books on the shelf, and left the room. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't know if he could do it. But it had to be worth a try. A future without Lily in it didn't bear thinking about.
James met Sirius in the Common Room, which was otherwise empty. He told him about the conversation he had with McGonagall. 'Maybe she's right mate. I mean, it's virtually what Moony said on the train, isn't it?' James remembered Remus telling him on the train that he needed to leave Lily alone. He wished he hadn't dismissed him now! 'Well I'm going to do it, but I'll need some help. Keep an eye on me will you? If you notice me staring at her, or doing something stupid in front of her, tell me and I'll stop', Sirius nodded. 'Course I will mate, no problem'. James sighed deeply. 'I've got to go on patrol with her tonight, and I'll tell her I'm going to leave her alone in future.' he said sadly.
Lily watched as James walked down the corridor after the fight with her. She was still struggling to understand exactly what had just happened between them. She'd never heard James yell at anyone like that before.
Lily knew things had got out of control. She realised that somehow she'd made a mistake and that the incident in Potions was an accident that James regretted. She could see how Slughorn's behaviour to her during the lesson probably looked, he was always making a fuss of Lily, and he was tactile with her, but it didn't mean anything. She often whispered cheeky remarks to Slughorn when he was fussing over her, but that didn't mean anything either.
Lily tried to reason with herself that she didn't go mad at Potter when he was playing up to McGonagall, smiling at her the way he did to get out of detention, but then, she realised, McGonagall never put her arms around Potter, never pushed strands of his hair back into place – he could do that well enough on his own, Lily thought. But even though Lily knew all that, she realised that Potter had overreacted because he was worried about her. He was in a state because of her.
'YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL I LOVE YOU……' the words kept going round in Lily's head. Potter had said that he loved her. Lily could hardly believe it. Sure, he followed her around, trying to get her to go out with him, but she had always thought he was just showing off to his friends, or that he wanted her to be another in what was probably a very long line of girls he went out with and then cast aside when he got bored.
Thinking about it now, Lily had never seen Potter with any girls. Oh, he smiled a bit, and fiddled with his hair for the girls, but he was never actually with any of them. Lily realised now that she'd got Potter wrong, maybe what he felt for her was deeper than she'd given him credit for.
Lily's conscience gave her a sudden jolt. She knew that if she didn't care for Potter at all, she wouldn't be remotely bothered how he felt about her. She wouldn't want him to upset himself for something that was never going to happen, but she would be able to tell him it would never happen and it was no use him pining for her. If she didn't feel something for him it would make no difference to her at all that he was furious with her for letting Slughorn touch her the way he did. It wouldn't bother her at all that he probably thought she was some sort of tart because she'd let Slughorn do it.
When James said he loved her, Lily hadn't known what to say. Part of her had wanted to run, the part of her that looked at his face and was shocked by the intensity of the feelings that shone from it, but part of her wanted to…..She realised now that she was bothered about what James thought of her. She wanted to find him and apologise for the way she'd lectured him like that, in front of everyone, in the corridor. She wanted him to understand that Slughorn was just being his usual self, basking in the pleasure of watching a student he taught doing well at his subject, and that the tactile stuff was just his way. She wanted James to see that she wasn't the sort of girl who threw herself at men, or flirted with them for fun. She wasn't a tart. She wanted to tell him that she…
Lily felt like crying. She realised, as she stood, alone now in the corridor, that she, Lily Evans, who was scared to death of flying, didn't know the first thing about Quidditch, and was hopeless at Transfiguration had fallen in love with James Potter. The realisation seemed to jump up at Lily to mock her. She'd tried so hard to not let this happen, but it had. She didn't know how it had happened, James had driven her mad for years, but as the memory of his words and the sight of him walking away went through her mind again Lily knew she had fallen for him and had probably loved him all along. Lily flushed as she realised that she had patrol with James that night, but then a tiny seed of hope was planted inside her somewhere. 'I'll apologise for lecturing him and for treating him so badly, and then I'll tell him how I feel', she thought, and walked calmly to her next class. Lessons were about to start again after the morning break.