CHAPTER FOUR: PATROL WITH LILY

James and Lily didn't speak or make eye contact for the rest of the day. James was too preoccupied with the thought of the patrol that night, and how he was going to tell Lily that he was going to leave her alone from now on. He looked back on the start of the day, before Potions, remembering how much he had been looking forward to tonight. It felt like a sick joke now.

Lily was thinking about patrol too. She wanted the time to fly so that she could be alone with James and tell him how she felt. She accepted that she had to apologise first, for treating him so badly earlier, and for dismissing his feelings for her as nothing more than a prank, some sort of crush, or a conquest. But then she would tell him her feelings, and everything would be all right. Lily asked herself what she would do if he didn't accept the apology, but she knew that wouldn't happen. James Potter had been asking her out for years, he'd practically stalked her in the third year. He wouldn't let a stupid argument stop them being together.

After the evening meal, the Head Boy and Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry made their way separately to their own private Common Room from where they would start their patrol. Night was beginning to fall over the castle and it was growing dark outside.

James stood outside the private Common Room, waiting for Lily. He felt the familiar thump of his heart as she got closer to him. To his surprise she spoke first. 'Er…um..er..Hi Potter', Lily said, clearly uptight. 'Hi Evans', James replied flatly. He could tell Lily wasn't looking forward to this at all, she obviously dreaded the idea of being alone with him for long. But he was surprised by her next words. 'W-would you m-mind if we went into the private Common Room for a moment, I h-have to t-tell you s-something'.

James was astonished; she'd categorically refused up to now to go anywhere near the Common Room they'd been allocated at the start of term. He knew she'd rather eat frogspawn than go anywhere near that room with him. He couldn't work out what she was up to, but he didn't question it. He needed to talk to her too, and this was his chance. 'Sure, Evans, but can I say my piece first?' She nodded. James pointed his wand at the locked wooden door of the Common Room, which opened with a click, and he stood aside for Lily to enter.

The Head Boy and Girl's Common Room was large and much more luxurious than the Gryffindor Common Room James and Lily shared with the rest of their house. In this room there was a small chandelier on the ceiling that spread a soft light through the room. Thousands of tiny candles flickered from the chandelier, their flames hovering and dancing slightly as a delicate draft wafted through the room. There was a large leather sofa, with a red throw over it, and two smaller leather easy chairs to each side of that. In front of the sofa, on the floor, which was made of polished wood, was a red rug, which was in front of a large imposing fireplace. A fire was lit, and it created a warm glow through the room. Wooden panels lined the walls from the floor to about halfway up, and then they stopped to make way for a deep red colour on the remainder of the walls. The ceiling was white, but it looked as if it had gone a little yellow over time. James and Lily both wondered how many more Head Boys and Girls had spent time in here.

James indicated to one of the chairs and inclined his head for Lily to sit down. She did so, and James sat down in the one opposite her. He took a deep breath, and began to speak. 'Look Evans….Lily'. He corrected himself. This would be better if he used her first name. 'I want to apologise for the way I shouted at you earlier, after the accident in Potions. I swear to you, it was just an accident, but it shouldn't have happened. If I'd been concentrating on what I was doing instead of watching Slug….I mean, Professor Slughorn, the whole stupid thing would never have happened, and I wouldn't have ended up shouting at you like that'.

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but James stopped her. 'Please Lily, let me finish, this is not easy for me and I need to say this before I change my mind and do something stupid again'. Lily wanted to tell him he wasn't stupid, and that she knew he was sorry and….but he went on. 'I want you to know that I'm sorry for making a nuisance of myself with you, following you, pestering you to go out with me all the time. I'm sorry for messing about with my hair in front of you. I know you think I do it to show off to girls'. James smiled ironically, 'Maybe I do with other girls, but I do it in front of you because you make me so nervous'. Lily raised her eyebrows, she could hardly believe that she would make James Potter nervous, but still, he went on. 'All I've ever wanted Lily is you to notice me, and perhaps care for me, just a little', Lily opened her mouth again, her heart racing, but he ignored her. 'But I know that you don't like me, you probably even hate me. So I've decided that in future I'm going to leave you alone. No more following, no more pestering. I know we have to patrol together and we have classes too, but other than that, I'll stay out of your way'.

Lily wanted to cry by the time James finished speaking. She wanted to tell him that she didn't want him to leave her alone, but the look on his face stopped her. He looked like he was sad, but also determined. He'd made up his mind and that was it. He got up from the chair he'd been sitting in, and Lily rose too. 'Right, I suppose we'd better go and get patrol out of the way then eh?' he said, in a calm, businesslike voice. 'Y-yes, I suppose so'. Lily answered. They were halfway through the Common Room door when James turned 'I'm sorry Lily, we went in there for you to say something, didn't we?' 'Oh, don't worry, it was nothing', she replied quietly, as the tiny seed of hope withered away inside her.

The patrol passed in silence. Both Lily and James didn't know what to say to each other any more. The only words spoken for the rest of the patrol was when one of them found some students out of bed and told them off. James had to suppress a laugh at this. It felt strange to be telling students off for doing something he'd done a million times, but when he looked at Lily who looked pale, and tired suddenly, he didn't find it funny any more. They carried on with the patrol until they'd been right around the castle and then they parted. James went quickly to the boys' dormitory. Lily went to the girls' dormitory, got undressed, climbed into bed, pulling the curtains around her bed tightly shut, and cried herself to sleep.