HBP Spoiler! ...though if you still haven't read the latest book or already heard what has happened, I'd like to know just exactly how you managed it.
a/n: This whole piece is based on a premise that the death of Albus Dumbledore may well have been hedging on a simple thing like choice (though not a simple choice). The choice left in Snape's hands once he took the oath for Narcissa Malfoy. The song in this fic inspired the story. I am a Snape-aholic and even though I'm resigned to read in the last installment that he is truly evil incarnate, I'm grasping at straws to prove it isn't black and white, good/evil, but about survival, choices and regret.
Disclaimer: I do not own either the characters of JK Rowling, or the song Savin' Me by Nickelback. Though I do suggest listening to the song while reading the story, they fit well together.
---
Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
'Come please!' I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
'Hurry I'm fallin'!'
Show me what it's like
to be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
---
An oath. A shudder. A cry of rage.
Stuck again in a tangle of webs and the harder he seemed to struggle, the tighter they were winding. Trapped, forgotten, forsaken.
The boy's life was now his own: finish what he could not or death would trail them both like long, thin shadows in the setting sunlight. Eventually, there would be no light left to save them and shadows know well how to breed in the darkness.
For the first time, he wondered if his whole life was worth this trouble. If all that he had done and would do would ever be anything worthwhile in the fight, or was he just jaded to think he could make a difference?
He had spent a lifetime dancing in and out of the shadows. He basked in the sunlight, pretending to close his eyes; then shrouded himself in the darkness remembering how the warmth of the light felt.
---
Albus knew in the omnipotent way he knew everything. He hoped the man would have screamed, fought, felt; but all he got was a slow nod and sad smile.
Damn the fool for giving him the options of another's life. He wasn't a strong man, wasn't a just man, he had no right to pick and choose who would live and who would die. A child, a Death Eater, a leader?
---
"What do you want me to do, Albus?"
"That is your choice, Severus. I trust you to make the one that is right for you."
"...at times I wonder if I'm too old to play these games."
"This is no game, Severus. What you do for us is important."
"... You hold too much faith in me."
"I trust you, Severus."
"And you're a fool, Headmaster."
---
He watched in growing horror as each killing stroke was taken. He didn't know if he felt more ill when they came, or when they failed. The boy would hear no instruction, would take no criticism. He would kill them both.
Albus would hear none of his talk on the subject.
Young Malfoy was a fool. The progeny of an equally jaded man. Wealth and inheritance do not make a man, but then again, Draco Malfoy was no man.
---
"This is no game, boy."
"It was my choice, sir, I'll do it."
"You don't know what you're doing."
"I'm not a child!"
"Then prove it."
---
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
'Hurry I'm fallin'!'
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
---
Damn the Granger girl for her quick thinking. He could feel them about the castle, an ache that ran through to the bone on his left forearm. He couldn't ignore what was happening. He couldn't pretend that he had no choice to make any longer. He followed her up the stairs in silence, passing Remus Lupin, a handful of Gryffindor's, aurors...
They barely spared him a glance.
Damn them all.
---
Someone stop me. Someone call out. Someone hit me, kill me, choose for me...
---
The flight to the forest was a blur of shadow and wand light. Potter was behind him. Potter screaming, Potter crying... You're too late. How that boy managed to spark the hate in him, even in the wake of his mistakes. He avoided him, danced out of the beams of Potter's hate and snarled into the darkness. The arrogance, the pride...much like that of a boy who'd made him make the hardest choice of his life.
So he ran from the light, burning in the wake of its brilliance.
Both Malfoy's met him beyond the border. One glowing with triumph, the other a shattered wreck. The boy couldn't meet his eyes.
---
"The Lord will be pleased, Severus."
"We need to leave, they're right behind us."
"What did he look like when you betrayed him?"
"... Surprised."
---
Damnation. A razor's edge, a tightrope walker, balanced precariously on Justice's scales. Severus Snape was now plummeting into a well, icy solitude enclosing him in its dark embrace. He had no hope left anymore, all that remained for his future was the never ending dark and a memory of the light.
It does well for one to remember: at one time, even Lucifer was the most beloved by God.
---
Hurry I'm Fallin'
And all I need is you
'Come please!' I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
'Hurry I'm fallin'!'
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hurry I'm fallin'
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me