CHAPTER EIGHT: STARTING AGAIN

Sirius kept running until he was well away from the Hospital Wing. He couldn't think what he'd done to set James off like that. He realised he shouldn't have got irritated with him, but it drove him mad when James just lay there, not speaking or anything.

Sirius was still crying. He pushed the tears away quickly. He had to think what to do next. It came to him like a flash of lightening. He had to speak to Dumbledore; he would know what to do.

Sirius walked around the grounds thinking how he could find Dumbledore. He knew where his office was, he'd been in there often enough after the Marauders had been caught pulling pranks, but he knew Dumbledore had a password that allowed entry to his office and Sirius didn't know what it was! He was getting frustrated with himself. James was up in that Hospital Wing and the only one who could help him was Dumbledore and he didn't know how to get to him!

Sirius was near the lake now. The cold winter winds blew across the water like ice. Snow lay on the ground, thick in places, black and slushy in others. Sirius pulled his robes around himself. Then something caught his eye. An old man was standing in the distance, on the bank of the lake. Sirius could hardly believe his eyes. 'Professor Dumbledore!' he yelled.

Sirius made his way towards Dumbledore. 'Ah, Mr. Black', Dumbledore smiled serenely as Sirius approached. 'Professor, I'm really glad to see you'. Sirius really was glad to see the Headmaster. He felt like he could have burst into tears again, the relief was so strong.

Dumbledore looked at Sirius as if he already knew what he was going to say. 'You've come to me about Potter haven't you?' Sirius wanted to know how Dumbledore knew, but he nodded. Dumbledore went on speaking calmly, 'I know he is in the Hospital Wing. I understand that he has had a terrible bereavement, but it is time he started on the road to recovery now' Sirius nodded again. 'Yes Sir, but how?' Dumbledore looked like he was deep in thought for a moment and then he replied. 'Speak to Lily Evans.' Sirius looked at Dumbledore as if he hadn't heard him properly. 'Professor, Did you just tell me to….?' 'I told you to speak to Lily Evans. She will know what to do, I'm sure.' 'Sir, Lily Evans? Really?' Sirius asked hesitantly. Dumbledore nodded firmly. 'Trust me Black. Lily Evans will know what to do.' Sirius nodded. He went back to the castle to find Lily.

Lily had decided not to go home for Christmas. There were two reasons for this. First she'd had a letter from her mother, telling her that Petunia, her sister, had got engaged to that horrible Vernon Dursley. The idea of spending Christmas having to endure Petunia and Vernon slobbering all over each other made Lily's skin crawl. Hogwarts was a much better place to spend Christmas.

There was also another reason. Lily felt like crying every time she thought about James Potter. She knew he was in the Hospital Wing. Lily had been in Transfiguration on the day James had shouted at McGonagall before he stormed out. Sirius had gone after him only to come back minutes later saying something was wrong! Lily felt faint when Sirius said that. She felt as if she wanted to run into the corridors and find James, but she knew her legs would never hold her upright. Lily hoped he was better by now, but she couldn't work up the courage to go and see him.

She now sat in the Gryffindor Common Room thinking about James. Suddenly Lily heard someone calling her name. She looked towards the portrait hole. She could have sworn she heard The Fat Lady wolf whistle! Lily heard a voice 'Oh shut up you silly cow!' and Sirius came into the room.

'Lily, thank God' Lily could see Sirius looked upset. She knew immediately why. She didn't need to be told. Lily realised he looked relieved to see her. She shifted nervously in her seat and asked the question she'd been dying to ask for days. 'S-Sirius how is he?' To Lily's astonishment, Sirius flopped into one of the seats, and burst into tears. Lily's heart turned over in her chest. She had never seen Sirius Black cry before. After a moment he pulled himself together. 'Lily will you please go and see him?' he pleaded. Lily felt frightened. 'But he won't want me there! He's ignored me for weeks!' Sirius made a sound in the back of his throat like a grunt. 'He's ignored you because firstly, he thought you hated him for what he did to Slughorn, and secondly because he was told it was the only way you would take him seriously, and thirdly Lily, because his parents were murdered by that evil ba'…' 'But what can I do?' Lily was nearly in tears now. 'Lily you could make all the difference to him, all the difference in the world' Sirius sighed deeply as he spoke. Lily thought about this. Could she really make that much difference to James? She nodded uncertainly at Sirius. 'Yes, all right. I'll go. I'll go now'. She got up and went to the Hospital Wing.

James lay staring into space after his outburst at Sirius. The rage had worn off almost as quickly as it had come. It was replaced by that now familiar weight on his chest, and those voices in his head. 'Your parents are dead…your parents are dead'… 'We'll always be with you James…we love you… I love you James' over and over again.

James couldn't stand it much longer. Those voices would drive him mad. He carried on staring at the ceiling, willing the voices to stop. Suddenly he heard a sound. 'James' He couldn't think where it came from. It sounded different to either of the voices in his head. 'James' There it was again. It was a soft voice. It was a familiar sound but he couldn't think where he knew it from. Where was it coming from?

It suddenly occurred to him that the voices in his head had stopped. For the first time in weeks his head was totally silent. 'James' He sat up slowly. He looked around and then he saw her. The most gorgeous girl he had ever seen was standing by his bedside. He looked up at her, hardly breathing. He gasped. He couldn't think any more. He suddenly felt the weight around his chest lift slightly.

Lily moved closer to him. He opened his mouth. He really wanted to talk to her. But as soon as he opened his mouth to speak he could hear another sound. Someone somewhere was crying. In fact, they weren't just crying. It sounded like they were in agony; the sounds were like an animal being gored to death with a thousand spears. His face suddenly felt wet and even though he was wearing his glasses, he still couldn't see properly. Something was making his vision blurred. He realised it was him that was crying. Then he felt someone put their arms around him and pull him close, someone else's tears fell into his hair. 'Shh, it's all right, I'm here now. Everything will be all right'. She held him in her arms while he sobbed.

Lily didn't know how long she stood like that, holding James while he cried. All she knew was that she cried too, huge, red hot tears fell into his hair. She tried to wipe them away but she couldn't make herself let go of him. He needed her.

After a while she felt his sobs subsiding. He sounded exhausted. 'L-Lily y-you c-came'. She nodded, wiping her eyes. 'I-I'm r-really s-sorry L-Lily, I-I m-missed y-you s-so m-much'. She held him again for a second. 'I missed you too. It'll be all right now'. He pulled away from her and looked into her face. Then he yawned. 'S-sorry, I-I'm j-just s-so t-tired'. 'Lie down and go to sleep then. It'll be all right now' she soothed gently. 'Y-you w-won't l-leave m-me w-will y-you?' he looked terrified. Lily shook her head firmly, 'No James, I'll stay right here. You lie down now and sleep. Everything will be all right'.

James lay down and closed his eyes. Lily sat down in a chair by the bed. Every now and then he opened his eyes, checking if she was still there. In the end Lily took his hand in hers. 'I promise you James, I'm not going anywhere. Now go to sleep'. He closed his eyes and fell into his first decent sleep for days.

How long James slept for he didn't know. He just knew that when he woke up, the Hospital Wing was in semi-darkness. He looked around and could see someone sitting by his bed, holding his hand. His heart raced a little as he realised it was Lily Evans.

His mind went over what happened before he fell asleep. Lily had appeared at the side of his bed and had said his first name. He made an idiot of himself by bursting into tears! Then he realised he was tired and she'd told him to go to sleep, and had stayed while he did!

Lily looked down on James as she realised he had woken up. 'Hi, you've been sleeping for hours. Do you feel any better?' James could hardly believe it. She was here, sitting with him, holding his hand, and asking him how he was! 'Yeah, I think I do'. He swallowed and then went on, bowing his head. 'Look Lily, I'm sorry about the crying and everything'. She shook her head. 'Don't be sorry James. I'm just glad you feel better for it. I feel bad for not coming to see you sooner. I wanted to, but I didn't think you'd want to see me. I swear James, if I'd known that my coming to see you would have helped, I'd have come a lot earlier than this.'

James looked up at Lily and smiled. It was the first smile she'd seen from him for ages. It made her feel light headed. 'Forget it Lily. You came in the end, that's all that matters' She nodded and smiled, overcome with gratitude that he looked so much better. 'Is there anything you need while I'm here?' James thought for a second. Then he smiled again and licked his lips. 'You know what, I'm starving!' Lily laughed. 'OK, stay right there and I'll see what I can do'. James grasped her hand tightly as she stood up. Lily's breath caught in her throat; she felt light headed again. 'Just one more thing Lily' she looked down on him quizzically. 'What James?' 'Could we be friends?' Lily smiled broadly. 'Yes James, we can definitely be friends. Now, what do you want to eat?'