Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Can I help it that I love Joss's work?
It's not fair that she be so close. That she smell like vanilla and flowers. That her hair be the color of warm sun. That she be funny or smart or nice. It just isn't fair. How can she be sitting next to me yet be out of my grasp.
I hate this outfit. I feel exposed and dirty and slight sexy, but mainly cold. I try to cover myself but she grabs the sheet from me. Damn her. I hope she knows this skirt chafes.
Oh no. she is looking at me. Damn it. Don't let her laugh. I think would cry. Deep breaths, Willow, deep breaths. In 1,2, 4. Out 1, 2, 4, OH! I forgot how to count. What is wrong with me? I mean it's just Buffy, my best friend. The person I met first day Sophomore year. The girl in love with a man, well vampire but that is beside the point. It would be wrong to have feelings for her. It would be wrong to want her. Now I feel even dirtier than before, and my butt is still chafing.
"Wow! You're a dish!" Buffy says leering at me. Damn her. Why does she have to look at me? Why can't she look at … Oh my God what is that thing on her desk? It's orange and grotesque and …Oh it's the kitty that Dawn made her a couple years back. Awe, now I feel bad. It really is nice in its own ... unique way. I try to grab the sheet again but am thwarted. Grr. This getting annoying. "I mean really"
"But this just isn't me" I announce, as if it wasn't obvious enough. I feel awkward, more than usual that is.
"And that's the point" she says, still trying to sell me on the costume "Look, Halloween is the night that not you is you, but not you. Y'know?" Okay did anyone else not catch that or am I the only one completely perplexed by that statement?
The doorbell rings and the grin on Buffy's face grows large and brilliant. Boy she has a nice smile.
"Oh, that's Xander. Are you ready?" she asks expectantly. I am so confused, and not just about Buffy's previous little babble. My life is like one giant jigsaw puzzle and I am pretty sure some of the pieces fell into the cushions. She is waiting for an answer.
"yeah. O-o-okay" I say stupidly. She leaves the room bouncing. I can tell she is excited. I look in the mirror again. I am open and vulnerable and not at all myself. Is this what Buffy wants? If it is I really don't if I can be this person for her. Or maybe she wants this for Xander. Kill two birds with one stone if she gets the two of us together. Screw this. I grab my handy dandy sheet and pull it over my head. I look at myself once more in the mirror.