Seth sat with his yamaklus on sipping eggnog. He was getting it from the bar where the rum had been added, not from his kitchen where his father was watching it like a hawk for jokesters who might spike it.
"Hey, pretty lady," Seth slurred hugging Summer from behind. He rubbed her belly.
Summer spun around and faced him. "Don't do that," She folded his arms and shoved him back.
Seth stumbled, " Well we have a winner over here."
He shot his arm out and grabbed Summer's hand of support as his entire body awkwardly swung towards the floor. Summer helped him up and gave him a kiss for show in the crowded living room. "Yum, have you been drinking?" Summer asked kissing him again deeply.
"Not the response I was expecting," Seth said with a lopsided grin.
"It tastes so good," Summer said kissing him again.
"The true words of a recovering alcoholic," Seth said taking another swig of his drink.
"I am not," Summer said making her way towards the bar. Seth followed, not as politely, crashing into people left and right.
"How did you do it so gracefully?" Seth asked winded, leaning against the bar.
"I turned my shoulders," Summer said, " You can't ram through people with your shoulders squared."
"Thought I'd try," Seth smiled his eyes glassy.
"Can I have a glass of Merlot?" Summer asked the bartender flirtatiously. She lean her elbows on the bar and smiled making sure that he could see down the plunge-neck of her dress. He smiled shyly and poured her a glass.
Summer winked at him and walked off with her prize. Seth looked at the guy bleary eyed. " Can I have a mojito?" Seth asked, " a MO-JI-TO!" he repeated amused.
"Can I see ID?" The hired bartender asked.
Seth scoffed, " I live here dude!"
"Yeah and Mr. Cohen said to watch out for his kids," The tender said wiping the counter.
"Well you suck then," Seth said holding his cup in front of him like a homing device. He turned and walked to the other end of the bar and helped himself to more eggnog.
Summer sat on the front entry staircase and sipped her wine. Seth stumbled to the bottom and waved offhandedly. He slowly climbed the steps stopping and closing his eyes and holding the handrail every so often.
" You realize that my father would kill you if he saw this," Seth said plucking the wine glass out of Summer's hand and downing it.
"Seth?" Sandy bellowed from the other room. "We want to light the candles."
Sandy walked in the hall and looked at the kids on the stairs sitting side by side.
"Yeah dab" Seth slurred, " Jesus, I jibst said, dab,"
"Is he drunk?" Sandy asked Summer running his hands through his hair anxiously.
Summer nodded with a crinkle in her forehead but a slight repressed smile on her lips.
"Better me than her," Seth said putting to Summer, shoving his finger dangerously close to her eyes.
"Seth, for god's sake this is your party, you are Mr. Chrismukkah." Sandy looked back into the other room, "And your grandfather is here, couldn't you have chosen another time to act like a fool?"
Summer helped Seth up. He laid his head on her shoulder and smiled sloppy.
"I think that you should just light the candles," Summer said turning Seth around to walk up the stairs.
" Thank you, Summer," Sandy said shaking his head at Seth.
Summer struggled getting him up the steps. She walked him into his bedroom and stopped supporting him at the bed. "This is your stop," Summer said dropping her arms after standing him up straight. Seth fell forward and fell face first on to his bed.
"Ouch," He said muffled.
"Come on roll over," Summer whined pulling at his suit jacket. Seth didn't respond. Summer pushed and tipping him enough to remove one arm. "God it's like moving a futon."
"Ha, like you've ever even seen a futon." Seth said his body still paralyzed.
" I have too, I did a meditation retreat once and they had them there." Summer pulled off his converses. "Why am I doing this?" she asked throwing the shoe across the room.
"Because your maternal instincts are kicking in," Seth said with an exhausted drunken smile.
"Not likely," Summer said pulling his other shoe off and chucking it at the back of his head causing his yamakluse to slide off.
"Ouch," Seth said rubbing the back of his head and sitting up.
"You're up!" Summer said spinning around, "Now unzip me!"
Seth didn't need telling twice and Summer's brunt sienna dress was shed. She climbed into his bed after taking her shoes off and Seth took off as much of his clothing he could manage. He climbed back on to the bed wearing socks boxers and a shirt and tie.
"Are you that eager for sex?" Summer asked seductively.
"Well, it's more that I'm too drunk to figure out how these buttons work," he admitted.
"You're in luck, I don't really care," Summer said pulling him down by the tie.
Summer sat at the table reading the comics from the paper. She was drinking a cup of orange juice and eating bacon.
"What are you eating?" He asked pulled her plate off the table and dumping it into the trash.
"Bacon," Summer said still chewing.
"My mother is coming today," Sandy said flustered.
"Right no bad food for the pregnant girl," Summer said popping the piece that she had was holding into her mouth.
"This family has to act like good Jews for the next three days," Sandy said pulling all the pork products out of the refrigerator.
"Oh," Summer said perplexed, " Does all the bread have to go?"
"What are you talking about?" Seth asked groggily heading for the coffee pot.
"The Nana is coming in two hours," Sandy said throwing the ham into the garbage can.
"So all the bread?" Summer asked fingering a loaf on the table.
"The bread is fine, it is only not Kosher for Passover," Sandy said pulling a book out off the bookshelf by the stove.
"I want to drill holes into my temples to relieve the pressure." Seth moaned laying his head on the table.
"Serves you right," Summer said patting him on the back.
"Here Summer," Sandy said dropping a big yellow and black book on the table in front of Seth.
"Judaism for Dummies," she read the title.
"Think of it as an early Chrismukkah gift." Sandy said walking out of the room.
"The Nana is going to rip you a new one when she figures out that you are a christen." Seth said sipping his coffee carefully. His eyes were puffy from drinking and sleep.
"You want me to pretend that I am Jewish?" Summer asked harshly.
"Now, now, there is nothing wrong with Judaism," Seth said offended.
"But there is something wrong with lying to an old lady." Summer said storming out of the room.
"Well someone is high and mighty," Seth said aloud in the empty room.
Sandy and Kirsten entered the house. Sand lugged a beat up yellow suitcase straight out of the 1970's. "Ma, come on," Sandy yelled to the older women standing in the driveway looking at the other homes.
" I can't get over how plastic this neighborhood is, so isolated from reality," Sophie said walking into the house.
"Nana," Seth called holding his arms open for a hug.
"Oh look a touch of reality, how refreshing. How is my walking soap opera?" She asked licking her finger and wiping a smudge off Seth's face.
"Good," he sighed accepting the grooming. " You remember Summer," he asked re-introducing the two.
"Nice to see you Mrs. Cohen." Summer said politely and with drawn.
"Well she certainly has waspy manners." Sophie told her son, loud enough to be heard, "The temperature dropped, ice princess," She muttered.
Summer looked desperately at Seth. He walked over and whispered into her ear, "See read the book, she isn't really a lady at all."
Summer laughed and kissed Seth gently. "So she thaws?" Sophie asked smiling at the couple's interaction.
" Sure," Summer shrugged bravely ready to try to win The Nana's heart.
"So Summer what do your parents do?" Sophie asked during dinner.
" Well," Summer wiped her mouth with her napkin, "My dad is a plastic surgeon in L.A."
"And your mother?" Sophie asked intrigued by the avoidance.
" Well my step-mother is a self-medicating bimbo," Summer said with an undertone of resent.
"Oh, well it isn't crack whores but I suppose Newport has it's unfit parents," Sophie said picking the spinach out of her teeth.
Summer smiled at Seth who flashed her the thumbs up.
"So who's the father," Sophie dead panned.
"Excuse me?" Summer asked caught off guard.
"I know that Seth would never be so irresponsible," she said cruelly patting Seth on the head.
Seth pulled his head away and looked at his grandmother with utter disgust.
"You, know what?" Seth asked The Nana, "I am that irresponsible and I am horny. I not only did I knocked up Summer, but…"
" Oh god, " Kirsten muttered, "Not another girl,"
"No!" Seth said shocked, "I was just going to said that we got a formal write up that you have to sign and return to the office for having sex in a closet."
"Seth!" Summer and Sandy yelled at the same time for two very different reasons.