Title: You were always on my mind (ficlet)
Author: Cosmicpudding, aka pikapika217
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A while back I mentioned to iboughtyouavcr (another LJ user) that he should make a BBM doujinshi and we decided that I should write the story part. I wanted to give him a writing sample before the end of December, but my computer (that crashed a week and a half ago) decided against that. So, now, I'm typing a sample for him (on the school's computer), and I figured, why not share it with everyone? So here it is… (Jack POV; Takes place right before the re-union) the only real difference are the letters, because I couldn't remember what they said.
Anyway, enjoy!
You were always on my mind
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Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel second best
(Girl) I'm sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind……
You were always on my mind…...
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The low hum of the radio filled the hotel room as the song marched forward. As it immersed itself inside the small living space, Before I turned of the radio and headed to my truck. As I listened to it, I could feel as smirk coming to my face, because it reminded me of someone I had met a long time ago.
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To truly know Ennis, you have to accept the back fact that you will never truly know him. Everything learned about him is either from observation or true coincidence. He wasn't exactly the most open person, but he generally didn't have to tell you what he was feeling. And although he can hide his feelings pretty well from others, for some reason, it never worked on me.
Anyone who watched him as much as I had could have found the 'tells' of his emotions just as easily as I did. When he was worried, you could find him off somewhere, chopping down something and claiming that it's for firewood. When he smiles, it's because he's either embarrassed or trying to keep himself from becoming so. Anger meant short, but polite, responses, and subtle fake yawning done in such a way so that most would think he's tired, instead of upset at you. In fact the only time he that felt ok enough so show any true feelings was in the heat of passion or when he slept.
Ennis, as I remember him, was a man of few words. It wasn't because he was bitter; he just wasn't the best communicator. But sleep seemed to bring all of those feelings out. The first time I was him asleep, it was by accident; It had rained the night before, and we turned in early. Me, being not that big on sleep, usually got by on 5 or 6 hours, so when I woke up the next morning, I caught the sun was just rising, something I usually miss.
I turned then to face Ennis so as to wake him up, but ended up just watching him. You'd never know it, mostly because he kept to himself, but Ennis was very possessive during sleep; more so than anyone else I'd known. His armed were wrapped tight around my stomach, pulling me back to him, and his nose was buried in the crick of my neck, his breath making slow relaxed sounds, as his face was left with an expression caught between fear and content.
He looked so peaceful, that waking him up would have seemed wrong, so I just let him be, instead getting up to go by the river to catch up some breakfast (he usually did it, but he was also usually up by now); but not before slyly kissing his forehead.
When I got back, he was awake, smiling tiredly at me before grabbing me from behind and leaving kisses along my neck.
"Thanks for fetching breakfast" he whispered in my ear, his low voice seeming even deeper that usual. Before I could say something in response he continued "Last night was rough on me." He added gruffly, as his hands slipped into the back of my jeans and slipped into the pockets. I knew what he wanted, but now wasn't the time.
Without turning around I whispered back "later" and stole a kiss, before tending to the salmon I caught.
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The rest of the time I spent doing the same; getting up early (and sometimes even staying up late) so I could watch him, then catching fish for us to eat, before we started work. On the last night, when he took me, it was different. While all of the other times were desperate and hectic, this time he was slower, more passionate. His touches lingered and his kisses were longer, as if searching me for something. Maybe it was because we both knew what the morning meant: A return to the lives chosen for us, instead of the ones we intended. Well, at least that was what I thought, but he never said anything about it, and when I'd bring it up, he'd distract me in other ways.
As much as I wanted to bring it up, I wanted this last time to be special, so I said nothing, instead deciding to enjoy the moment.
As the sun rose and seeped into our tent, I turned to look at Ennis sleeping one last time. When I went to kiss his forehead, he pulled me down to him in one swift motion. The kiss was hungry and ended too quickly, but it left us both with a smile.
"How long have you been watching me sleep, Jack Twist?", He asked in a tone that was more playful and coy than anything else.
"for a while" I just replied quietly.
"That long, huh?" The amusement in his eyes lingered a bit longer, before they grew serious and worried. The change left me curious as to what was wrong, but he continued.
"Y'know…… I will miss you.", he started quietly. I could sense that there was more that he wanted to say, but didn't know how to. But I stroked his face in a way that meant, that I understood, and felt the same.
He briefly smirked before sitting up and changing the subject. "Well, I guess we better get goin'…." There was a tinge of sadness, but just slightly, so I decided to not make a big deal about it.
"I reckon you're right, friend." I replied, before starting to pick up camp. And even thought I didn't see him do it, I could tell that he was smiling just then.
After breakfast, we got on our perspective horses and headed into camp. Half way there, he pulled something out of his pocket. It turned out to be a scraggly piece of paper that contained writing that looked even worse. A nod in his direction, and I put it in mine before writing down my own address and handing it to him. He smiled and we entered camp shortly after.
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I wanted to write him as soon as I got home, but I figured that doing so would be weird. Besides, I wasn't sure what to say anyway. The first letter was the hardest to write, but it came several years after. I must have re-written it four or five times before finally coming up with the right words:
Friend,
How have you been? (this replaced "I miss you")
I'm headed you way (which really masked "I need to see you. Now.") and I thought maybe we could share a drink ('or something more', I mentally added)
I reckon it would be quite nice. ('I love you' I had to stop from adding)
Jack
It was about a week or so later when the reply arrived.
Friend,
I think that's a mighty fine Idea. Hope to see you soon.
Ennis
As I slide the letter into my pocket, I pushed the gas petal harder. If I hurried, I could make good time and be there early enough tomorrow to get a room to use before meeting up with him. For a second, I wondered if he knew what I wanted, but that was soon dismissed. Even though I didn't say much, and neither did he, in the letter I knew he understood what I wanted. And by the looks of it, he wanted that too.
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Okies that's all folks. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Comments are appreciated.
As far as 'Boy' is concerned, do not worry, the conclusion is on the way despite losing all of my other work (although, I hadn't written any new 'boy' stuff) and adjusting to a new computer. But fear not, the conclusion will be yours by April.
K?
Bye!