(frowns) you know, this was only about a page and a half (in 10 pt arial of course) when I began tweaking it? It's really had a lot added to it. Originally it was my 'extra' because it was so um...well...alright, compared to the last one, it was really short. But now, I could have probably gotten away with putting it in as a full chapter easily.

URGENT MESSAGE TO THOSE READING THIS FIC:

Your beloved servant neurofeces has just gone and done something incredibly stupid...aside from forgetting to put up the picture links (grr) that's fixed, check the end of that rant I call my bio.

Okay, turns out I got myself grounded off internet from here to eternity, hence why this update is on a Thursday instead of a Friday, and also why it's up and so long. I may not get another chance to update for a few weeks...heck, I may not be able to get an update in edgewise until the end of the summer if I push it. So naturally, you should make this chapter last. I will not abandon my work efforts on this, and when I am next able to get on at stable times, updates will again continue on a weekly basis...or perhaps even Bi-weekly if I get enough work done, and enough time away from my beloved internet. So I'm sending out the bad news to everyone for now. The instant I am able, I will update. I will not abandon this fic lightly...heck I've put more work into this than I do for most classes...(grins)

Again, don't get mad about the updates, I am already quite upset about being prevented from giving them, they'll be thrown in when I can get them out. Also, my temper isn't the best in the world, if someone cusses me out because I got grounded (which I have no control over...) I am likely going to be that much more irritated when I end the war against my father.

Thanks for the patience in dealing with my mindless prattling and useless twaddle. I hope the chapter makes up for my annoyingness.

Hmm. MistyStarlight? Is kissing, fluff? (nervous) Does that count? Huh...might be a matter of opinion...if so, then there's fluff for you. (halfhearted W00T)

warnings: Definate obvious shounan-ai this chapter--TWO GUYS SMOOCHING IT UP!(fangirls cheer in the background and wave 'TXT' banners thoguhtfully provided by Neurofeces.)...don't ignore the warning then whine at me, I'll send creepy darklore imps to stalk you incessantly...or worse yet, I'll do it myself and hex your family line or something...using turnips... Oh, this is a second Tomonori-POV in a row...despite the normal switch off in every other instance, this is a double whammy.

Was this what Tsukasa had felt, staring at him? Had he felt this desire creep up over him, as Tomonori did? A longing to simply be close to him, to touch his skin... He stared, cradling the bandaged, half naked creature in his arms, feeling his heating face grow closer, unable to resist this hypnotic sensation. He was close...he was getting much TOO close. He had to stop this! But oh...he wasn't sure if he wanted to...

Trancelike, he bent down. A soft exhale from Tsukasa trickled over his lips, an inch apart from his own. He shuddered, feeling a warm shiver run up and down his spine, through his stomach, and over his skin, which tingled in anticipation. He was unable to back away, unable to resist, though he was trying with all of his might. Some magic hypnotism in those eyes even when they were concealed by their soft lids. He had never remembered wanting to do something more badly in his life, could never remember trying to keep himself from anything so much in his life, he felt as though his very soul was being ripped in two. He was scared, but... He wanted this so desperately, just this little contact, but NO! Again he pulled himself back, stopping himself. He couldn't do that to Tsukasa, he couldn't put them in that sort of situation, he couldn't! This was wrong! He had to stop! But here he was bending down again.

He couldn't stop...ever so gently leaning forward as his mind screamed at him in alarm, fear, shock, and dread, pleading with him not to do it while his emotions screamed just as loudly for their own gratification in the opposite direction

Kiss him you fool!

Don't! You can't!

But he did it anyway. He finally was pulled more in the direction of his emotions, ever so gently brushing his lips over Tsukasa's, heat spiderwebbing through his body out from the electric touch of his skin on even softer skin. Not a good kiss, not a bad kiss. Not anything in particular except the first he had ever dared to give to anyone, though if that meant anything, he was as unsure of as what Tsukasa's reaction to it would be if he had been conscious to receive it. A faint brush of trembling lips over smaller cold ones that sat stiffly and placidly. So placidly that it was as though he was kissing a mask, a mask with lips of painted rose silk, a frozen, perfect mask. He suddenly realized what he was doing, and fought the urge to scream. He jerked backwards, recoiling horror struck, berating himself, filled with such a poisonous acidic sense of self loathing and terror, that he longed for nothing more than a heart attack or a stroke to strike him dead on the spot so he would never have to ever feel this guilt, this horror, this awful disgust with himself, or ever live to throw himself at Tsukasa's feet and beg for some shred of forgiveness for what he had dared to do to him without permission, what he had dared to take from him...

Tsukasa gave a soft moan, his face relaxing, an even softer sigh escaping his small lips. Tomonori's thoughts all flew away from him with that instant. The only thought remaining being that a kiss, HIS kiss...that the reaction to it was not digust or tears--of which, the fact that this might have something to do with him being unconscious was being successfully ignored by the propaganda of his emotions--But nonetheless, his kiss had...he had...

He had brought Tsukasa...peace...

Peace. In a single act of affection, he had...

He had...

His mind snapped back at him visciously in that instant. NO! He couldn't do that! Not again! Perhaps once it had turned out to help Tsukasa, to soothe him somewhat... but it surely couldn't go any further! What if the next time, he... But despite all of his vehement protests, his frantic pleading with himself, Tomonori found himself bending forward again, ignoring them, smoothing those soft blond bangs...feeling so deliciously cool on his bare hands. He looked down on that angelic visage with a soft expression, his mask pulled down for an instant of clarity that nobody would see. Gazing at him with black eyes filled to bursting with emotion. He remained there, so close to him that he could see every perfect golden eyelash, every soft curve in his gentle face, could see him so perfectly. His bare fingers gently caressing a rose-petal cheek and tasting the gentle placing of his lips on Tsukasa's, unable to stop the longing to do something to show his change of heart and mind. His touch barely placing any pressure lest it hurt those small darkened lips. Though perhaps, perhaps the timidness was also because he was hesitant to do such things anyway...he would have never done this if Tsukasa were...no! of course not! He would have never...the only reason he was doing this was to help Tsukasa right? To make him feel better...though he might not feel it in his icy prison of unconsciousness...

Still, his rawly ravenous emotional side just so terribly needed this...probably far more than Tsukasa did, no matter what he told himself. It needed this imagining of how it would feel to have Tsukasa's arms around him, receiving the tenative kiss as though it were a precious gift, rather than a moment of weakness and desire from Tomonori. Rather than a demand for his submission or allegience.Tomonori never intended to demand, only to give! How he would feel if Tsukasa misunderstood... The man groaned internally, sending a mental slap to himself 'how dare you! taking advantage of him like that! You sick and twisted little cockroach! How dare you steal something like that from the defenseless! What's the matter with you?'...but his sensible (and rather acidic) conscience was soon reduced to unintelligable honking as the rest of him dreamed of Tsukasa hiding their faces together in his soft feathered wings, veiling them from the world together, holding him close, as though he mattered to him. As though he mattered to that beautiful complete little angel. As though he was wanted. A ghost of those desperate arms around his neck.

I could never hate you Tsukasa.

He pulled away, gazing longingly at that unconscious form, embracing what would never hold him back.

No, those words that he had spoken were an understatement. Of course he could never hate Tsukasa, beyond that. What he should have added on the end...

...I love you.

He knew it deep in his bones. He just as deeply knew that he could never tell Tsukasa this. He could never tell anyone this.

He pushed his lips against him again. Wishing for an instant that he would never have to stop.

If only he had the chance to say it! He longed to say it even if he knew he couldn't, perhaps the fact that he couldn't was what made him wish to do it all the more. But it really didn't matter in the end. In this instant his soul was longing so deeply for Tsukasa that there was nothing that he wouldn't say! If only he were awake in this moment...If only.

A strange emotion was welling in Tomonori's chest with each second of imagined glorious contact between him and his angel, vivid imagination melded with each second in reality that he spent in tenative tenderness with the very same angel.

Something was melting there deep in him, in his heart. What had been frozen before was melting--no, not even melting--was warm in him. Something was dripping almost scalding droplets into an uncertain hollow in the pit of his stomach. and with it, his thoughts all melded together in something consuming and overwhelming. He couldn't feel whether his protective outer face was on or not. But who would see either way? It was only him and an unconscious Tsukasa. They were alone. He was alone with his bubbling emotions.

He wanted to protect Tsukasa. He wanted to be with him. He wanted more than that, for Tsukasa to want to be with him...impossible as it was. He wished fervently that he could somehow become good enough to be right for Tsukasa...not likely with the sins he was so achingly commiting in the very instant he cast the wish into his mind. He longed for it all as he kissed him, his insides filling with those hot droplets. FIlling him completely until his very being was bathed in that sensation.

Soon after his realization of what he really wanted, his conscious rolled it's imagined, and envious eyes, giving up. Just as soon, it was trying just as hard as the rest of his body to enjoy one tiny taste of what he knew he could never allow himself to have. It was just as passionately wishing it didn't feel like stealing. He was wishing that it didn't feel so much like something horrible that he was doing, that he needed to do, that he wanted to do, that he was just as fervently dreaming he could feel in a scenario without the recipient being unconscious. That someday when Tsukasa was awake...but he could never...that would be wrong! These feelings were so...SICK. He couldn't be attracted to his own sex! He couldn't! The very thought made him want to retch... So why couldn't he stop? Why did he need this so badly? So weak. So WEAK! He couldn't do this, yet lacked the self control to stop himself! He had to pull away! But...he couldn't. He would have been sick over what he was doing, what he was feeling...except...it was Tsukasa, and somehow...it was different that way...

He didn't want to take from Tsukasa. He didn't want to steal a kiss, he wanted to give...what?

The warmth that had filled him was emanating from him now.

Give. He wanted to give. To give to that cold body...this warmth.

He had no idea what he was doing, no idea what this warmth was, if he was controlling it, even if her COULD control it, but he knew that Tsukasa needed warmth far more than he did. That this warmth was somehow exactly what he needed to give him. He gave an unward push, allowing it to spill from him, gushing out in an oddly pleasant yet scalding wave. He could feel it leaving his body into the smaller body he was embracing, through those frigid lips. bringing new life into the boy. Color returning to his golden skin. Tomonori still channeling into him, coaxing warmth into his form. The warmth filled both him and Tsukasa for a breif instant. A breif moment of duality where Tomonori was at once alive, and non-living. He was alive just as Tsukasa was...doing what? In a trance? a coma? At once he was himself and yet nothing, some strange outside force. He could feel himself guiding Tsukasa to awaken, no longer aware of his physical body, of his actions in the real world, only that he was guiding his spirit back to light and warmth, bringing him back to life in a matter of speaking.

He felt Tsukasa's skin grow warm against him.

Suddenly, as he was still kissing the unconscious eraser in his arms, Tsukasa shifted. Tomonori's heart stopped flat out for five seconds straight as he realized that Tsukasa was awakening, he froze as he realized what he was doing, what position they were in, horrified, furious with himself, ashamed, immediately removing his lips and jerking away from the attempted response from that half conscious little mouth, a small questioning little whimper emanating from it. Had he done that? Made Tsukasa awaken? How on earth had he...? His questions were banished to his subconscious by a flurry of sudden worry. He would try to figure it out later! Now was not the time for speculation! He found himself hoping desperately that Tsukasa would somehow not remember, not notice, not recognize what despicible thing he had been doing. He made to push away, to maintain a distance, not wanting to be found with his lips so close and his arms around him. He forced himself to stem the blush that was ready to stain his cheeks in an instant. Crimson with shame.

Suddenly, before he could flee, Tsukasa's arms tightened around his torso. It was impossible for him to escape now! Fear drummed fast in his heart. Had he been caught! Oh God, what would Tsukasa think now? He would think he was a dirty pervert...Tomonori swallowed hard. Forget what he would think, what would he DO?

Tsukasa pulled himself closer as he awoke, still hardly conscious. That sweet alien breath mingled with Tomonori's, arms snuggling himself closer, sitting practically in his lap. Tomonori felt suddenly very awkward and bothered by their closeness. not to mention their position. Tsukasa's eyelashes barely opened, those mirror-like eyes staring up at him so blankly, curiously, questioningly at the human who was trying to bend his body away from him. Tomonori distantly scrambled to hide his soul, feverishly anxious while he struggled to swallow. Was his face as brilliantly red as he thought it was? He couldn't tell. It probably was. If it was... Was he sucessfully hiding his guilty, embarrassed, and shameful feelings as he was sitting there with Tsukasa sprawled all over him like that, or was he as readable as an open book? Was he as visible as he was to himself in those beautiful mirrored eyes of Tsukasa's. OH! He couldn't look at those eyes now! They would hypnotize him for sure! Look away you idiot! Don't look! "T-Tomonori-san?" Tsukasa mumbled, sounding surprised in a tone edging more towards hopeful, voice thick with previously shed tears. Tomonori gave a cough, and looked away. He couldn't look Tsukasa in the eye, he just couldn't! Not counting their intimate position--embarrassing enough on it's own, not to mention with Tsukasa shirtless--What if he saw what he was trying to hide? So wrong. So EVIL of him... Tsukasa's eyes suddenly widened, he released him abruptly, distancing himself, scrambling to get off of a suddenly shy Tomonori. Tomonori's heart sank. He knew! He was backing away from him... His heart lept into his stomach and promptly began drowning. Tsukasa stuttered "T-Tomonori-san! Oh! I-I'm sorry!...for a moment I...oh never mind...you weren't really-N-no of course not, I-ah...sorry!" He mumbled to himself, eyes tearful again. Tomonori blinked, then discreetly and steadily looked away, dreadful realization filling him. 'He thinks HE did something...oh poor Tsukasa, if only you knew...but...I can't tell you...you'll hate me...' Tsukasa cocked his head "Tomonori-san? W-What's wrong? Did I...oh..." He asked tenatively at first, losing control of his words near the end, babbling in a whispering, nervous voice, murmuring something Tomonori couldn't hear. Tomonori felt heat creep up over his face uncontrollably. He steadily and interestedly stared at the wall. He couldn't let Tsukasa see this guilt, this shame, this vile thing that he had done...blasphemous even...a human kissing an angel? Of the same GENDER?

You're sick. You're a pervert! accused his conscience. Internally he hung his head, 'I know. I'm absolutely disgusting. He's much too good for me anyway...but...I just...I want to help him somehow! I've got to help him!' His conscience gave a non-commital growl.

Tsukasa blinked, "OH!" he looked down at the bandages covering the upper part of his chest and shoulders, just noticing them, his slender stomach was still quite delectibly bare. Tomonori forced himself to look everywhere but there, at that beautiful creature's slender human form. "Oh dear...this is what you were upset about...isn't it?" Was there amusement to Tsukasa's tone? Judging by how the boy was covering his mouth like that...he must be smiling, but about what? He thought that Tomonori was embarrassed about seeing him...oh. Well he was right, but still...It was better that he continue to beleive that right? Tsukasa gave a shy smile, drawing his right hand up to his chest in his instinctive innocent posture, his left still covering his mouth politely, apologetically as he quietly laughed at what he thought was an issue of embarrassment for no apprent reason other than hyper morality on the part of a preist.

He couldn't possibly know WHY Tomonori was embarrassed, or why seeing the half clothed body of the one he was falling in love with would make him feel like he had swallowed a bowl full of live caterpillers and they were writhing in his stomach.

Tomonori tried to look away... His shoulders were so narrow, his body so small and slender, and those large eyes...oh God, why did he have to look so appealing in such an innocent position? Tomonori fought the urge to groan. He was going mad, earth and heaven had reversed places and his feet were flailing in the air...he internally moaned in dispair 'this is sick...this is wrong...I'm not good enough...he would never...' his brain told him while his body whispered back 'he's so beautiful...he's so frail...he needs protection...he needs your help...' It was enough to make him lose his sanity as his Id bickered with his Superego. It was nearly enough to make him grab a fistful of hair in both hands and pull until he was bald while shouting wordlessly--therefore giving him several personality disorders at once and all the more reason to escape to a nice padded cell where he would never have to deal with this madness ever again. But, he would never allow himself such a large loss of control, especially not in Tsukasa's prescence. Especially not in front of those liquid murcury eyes. Those eyes that now gazed at him with gratitude, and...trust. Tsukasa looked away, abashedly, smiling shyly. Smokey green dusted, brown washed, jeweled, mirror eyes veiled by golden eyelashes, the faintest tinge of rose gracing the tender skin of his cheeks. He looked so...beautiful... OH! How could he be so sweet and innocent while Tomonori was ready to rupture a blood vessel? It was at once sweetly aggravating, and horrifically endearing. His gentle voice lilted out, soft as a flute, eyes looking up at him innocently, "It's alright Tomonori-san...we ARE both guys...it doesn't really matter I guess...I mean..." He blinked. swallowing nervously "It doesn't matter for you at least...I don't really mind if you...oh..." He whispered, looking away awkwardly. "It's just...different for you, Tomonori-san." He whispered, faintly pink, he suddenly seemed to hide himself, but he still raised his eyes to Tomonori's, questioning, faintly embarrassed and self conscious. Tomonori's face flushed breifly. Oh! Why couldn't he control that trecherous blood flow to his face? He was losing his control! But the way he said that... 'stop! I will not do this!' Tomonori had to use all of his control just to keep himself from giving a cry of aggravated frustration and striking something with his head. He fought to banish the humiliating blood flow from his cheeks. HE, Tomonori Nakaura, did not blush Dam-... Dang it! He blinked. What was wrong with him? Swearing? Why not just buy a broomstick and pointy hat and sell his soul to the devil while he was at it! This was absolutely insane!

Tsukasa picked up his bloodstained shirt and began to pull it back on, wincing at the stretch on the freshly healed wounds over his shoulders. Tomonori put out a hand to help. "Wait Tsukasa, you'll hurt yourself..." He placed his hands on him to help when Tsukasa suddenly closed his eyes, giving a soft moan, brows furrowing as Tomonori's fingers brushed his skin. Tomonori drew back as though he had been burned. Had he hurt him? Tsukasa seemed to regain control of himself seconds after this recoil. His eyes grew apologetic, almost mournful. Almost as though he was sorry for...sorry for what? He tenatively touched his skin where Tomonori had just put his hand, giving a soft murmur.

Oh.

OH!

Tsukasa bowed his head in shame. "I-I'm so sorry. I'm making you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have..." He gave a soft laugh, a sad laugh. "After all I've done it's no wonder you would jump away from me...It's alright...I can understand" Tomonori opened his mouth to say something, but Tsukasa sighed, cutting him off unintentionally "...I'm just so sorry...I never meant to make you feel so bad Tomonori-san...I just..." He made a noise of frustration "oh never mind..." he sighed, drawing the shirt over his shoulders, grimacing in pain. He suddenly shook his head, glittering eyes staring up at Tomonori with something rawly emotional. "I can't expect you to forgive me for what I've done..." He touched his fingers to the bandages, fingertips brushing the area over his heart. "So, why?...WHY are you being so kind to me?" There were unshed tears glimmering in his captivating eyes, but they were tears of gratitude, wonder. Wonder for him? For a simple act of kindness? Tomonori's chest ached suddenly 'Oh Tsukasa,isn't it obvious?...but I couldn't show you that I...if I told you THAT you would never want to see my face again...Of course...how stupid of me...well...Thank you for not seeing, dear angel.' Tomonori allowed a smile to his face, ruffling Tsukasa's hair. "Do you really think that I don't care for you Tsukasa?" He asked quietly. Tsukasa's face suddenly went red. He stared at him with wide mirror-silver eyes. His mouth was half open, he quickly closed it. Tomonori let his fingers ruffle his hair again. "I promised that whatever you did we would do together...Do you expect me to not keep my word?" Tsukasa opened and closed his mouth a few times as though wavering between saying something and not saying a word. Tomonori allowed his hand to rest on Tsukasa's silky crown. The blond locks felt eerily...RIGHT on his hands, sliding through his fingers. Tsukasa's sharp intake of breath, a ragged gasp only added to his own longings. He wanted to keep his hand forever in those blond locks, but he had long ago learned to put his actions on auto-pilot no matter what he was thinking. His hands did not linger on Tsukasa's head, no matter how much he wanted them to. "WIll you be alright?" He asked the boy quietly. His reflective eyes looked up, vaguely confused. Tomonori sheilded himself in iron will. He would look Tsukasa in the eye, and would not be afraid! He managed it, distancing himself, not allowing himself to fall into the void black pupils, instead admiring the iris...

He conveniently forgot that it was those reflective disks around the depthless pupils that had always so fascinated him, and were sure to do it again.

Tsukasa's eyes seemed unusually brown in that moment, the irises seemed deeper, further away somehow. As though someone had taken a smooth surface and allowed a droplet of water to fall, magnifying the pattern and colors beneath, deepening them, enriching the eyes that were neither light nor dark, but somehow both at once. Tsukasa's beauty again made Tomonori only hate what he saw as his own plainess, and focus on the other all the more. His plain black eyes never seemed deep, only black, and colorless...void...He had poor eyesight from them as well to add to their unlikability. They didn't seem anywhere near the lovely color schemes harmonized in Tsukasa's eyes. They were dull seeming to him. Black iris and pupil mingled, the white of the eye, Black lashes, and pale, plain, nearly bleached ivory skin around that, rimless glasses placing a protective layer of plastic between him and the rest of the world, sharpening the lines of the forms around him. He nonetheless for all the definition he could see through those lenses, was colorless. Washed out. Boring. He disliked the way he looked. He disliked his plainess near Tsukasa. Disliked that he could be so inadequate...he wished he could somehow be more pleasing to look at, so that Tsukasa wouldn't be uncomfortable...somehow stubbornly convincing himself, that if he looked at least a little bit less dull, that Tsukasa would be happier. But no matter how often he told himself that he was plain, that he was nothing special, the more he wanted to stay closer so that it would make Tsukasa seem all the more beautiful. He could sink into the background while Tsukasa was the star shining out among a room full of people. The eraser was all the more lovely because he was completely unaware of it, never trying to draw attention to it. He had a sweet, innocent charm to him that only added to how people perceived his loveliness. Tsukasa with never an unkind word to anyone. Tsukasa who stopped to help anyone in need even if there was nothing you could do about it...

Tsukasa who was able to make him lose control of himself, and reduce him to a lovesick fool.

The very fact that this lovely creature could do that to him made him hate himself more--he was plain, and weak, and all around untalented and unspectacular--but he could never even so much as think something horrible to Tsukasa. Oh how he hated his weakness. It couldn't be Tsukasa's fault so he had only himself to blame. 'so silly of me to even-'

"T-T-Tomonori-san?" Tsukasa sounded nervous, even slightly frightened. Tomonori realized that he had been staring at him intently, never taking his eyes from him. Boring holes into his eyes with his own. He had bared his teeth as he thought of his own inequalities, and thus, Tsukasa was left looking into the eyes of someone very angry seeming, with no apparent cause of guilt. Tomonori blinked, catching himself, face smoothing over into blankness, and mild confusion. "Hmm?"

Tsukasa bit his lip nervously, looking suddenly very vulnerable and small. "Did I...do something wrong?" Tomonori couldn't completely conceal his surprise. "What?" Tsukasa looked away ashamedly, murmuring sadly "Of course I did...I shouldn't have done that to you, earlier. I can't blame you for not taking how sorry I am just right off... It was wrong of me to-" Tomonori cut him off quickly. He couldn't let Tsukasa think that!

"Tsukasa! No...No...I'm not upset with you at all...I...well, it's flattering." He adjusted his glasses meaningfully. He forced himself to be disinterested, to play his role in this play, as much as he dispised it. "But really...I don't think you know what you're saying. Once you-"

"NO!" Tomonori blinked, wide eyed, jumping at the shout. Tsukasa grabbed him by the shoulders. His eyes were raw, emotional. Such overflowing emotion... Tsukasa half sobbed his response. Eyes filled with almost desperation. "You don't understand! Tomonori-san, Eraser's are not...Angels...I'm not something so lovely, no matter what you tell me...We-THEY just aren't...They...I..." He looked away, cheeks flaming red with humiliation. "Please Tomonori-san...understand...there are no GIRL erasers." He balled his hand into a fist and pulled it over his heart in emphasis. "What I FEEL won't just go away...I wish it would...You won't want to be around me...maybe for you there are other people, but for an eraser...like me..." Tomonori's heart plunged suddenly into his gut, nervously beating faster. What could he say to THAT? What could anybodysay to that? Tsukasa looked up to him with a wretched expression. "That's what I'm so sorry about Tomonori-san...I wish you could be my father...but that's not what I feel..." He turned away his head in frustration, tears spilling over. "I wish I didn't...B-but I just can't make myself STOP...Please...forgive me..." A tear trickled down his face as he hugged himself, head cast away Tomonori's brain was busy tearing itself to peices. 'tell him! look at him, oh, poor thing, he's suffering because he thinks you don't-' it was interrupted by 'You can't give in! Maybe he's wrong, maybe it will go away. You can't do this. You CAN'T! It's not right! You can't let him-' and even that was interrupted by another voice rebuking him for starting this all in the first place by not letting Tsukasa see other people. His skull was about to shatter and explode. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable...I can think of a way to get rid of it...I'll talk to Kirihara-san, she could change me and make me normal, and we could-"

Tomonori, silenced him with a shake of his head. He tilted Tsukasa's chin upwards, looking at him. "Don't." He said in a tone of finality. Kirihara take away his feelings indeed! "I wouldn't let anyone change who you are, just for my comforts." Tsukasa trembled. Tomonori hugged him gently. What would anyone think if they learned that his adorable sweet angel Tsukasa was gay? Would they hate him because of that! Just because he... No, it didn't matter. Tsukasa would always take precedence over anyone else to him, that was all speculation. Life for Tsukasa wasn't like his past growing up in the church..."Your nature is nothing to be ashamed of." Tomonori looked down at that sweet creature, the creature who supposedly loved him, the beautiful one that he loved in return. And worse yet, both sides could be in perfect agreement but never say a word. "Yes it is!" Tsukasa insisted, pushing away. "I want to be like you! I've always wanted to be like you Tomonori-san...but I can't." Tomonori's eyes widened.

"Like me?" Tsukasa nodded, turning away his head. Tomonori nearly stopped breathing. "Why?" He asked quietly. Disbeleif etched into his tone. Tsukasas eyes turned up to his with equal astonishment. " What do you mean 'why' T-Tomonori-san?...why shouldn't I be more like you?"Tomonori paused for a few seconds in disbeleif. Was Tsukasa joking? He couldn't possibly be serious...could he? Tomonori frowned. "...Tsukasa, what sense does it make for a swan to want to become a crow?...Wanting to become like me will only drag you away from the good traits you already have." He ended with finality. He was done with this conversation. This made no sense. He needed a bit of time, not only to grade his work, but to unwind and unknot his brain. "Do you need anything?" Tsukasa looked at him, a faintly tender hurtful expression on his face. He shook his head slowly. "Alright...if you are going to be alright...I need to grade...you know where I will be if you need me, right?" Tsukasa gave an even fainter nod. Tomonori hesitated to leave for a moment, frowning, but he said nothing else, and swept out of the room. He squeezed his temples irritably. His mind was turning into one great muddy mass of soup. He inwardly moaned to himself.

Why did things with Tsukasa always have to get complicated?

()()()()()()End of part 4()()()()()()

reveiw responses for this chapter and last will be posted LATER (stresses out)