Control

by neurofeces

TxT Tsukasa's nursed his crush on Tomonori for long enough, but when he takes action it only seems to drive the human further away. But does Tomonori really not feel the same? Or is he just afraid of a lack of control?Rated for sensuality in later chapter

6. 6 Replace: Tomonori

I LIIIIIIIIIVE! (lighting crashes and duckies squeak)

(crickets)

Ah...Good old chapter six...

...Right. (sounds bored and tired)

Mmmhmm...Heheh, oh don't mind me. I'm just being a grump. Angst-Demon me, doesn't like to write sappy stuff unless I have to (Don't want people to get the wrong impression or figure out what a loser I am...ha ha ha. (nervous laughter))

It's been a long time. A few months I believe. Lots of things have happened for me. This doesn't mean that I've forgotten the story (no, quite the contrary.) but what I'm worried about is that in such a short span of time, my writing style may have changed dramatically (it does that to me, it's rather alarming personally) so more what I'm worried about is having this go all non sequiter (not the comic—I'd rather like that—I mean in the sense of a conclusion that does not logically follow) I don't want my characters to suddenly act different, so please, go over it razor fine this chapter and tell me if something's strange (like a sudden seeming 'time change' in how a character views another, that sort of thing.) I've already caught myself pulling supernatural elements into possible later chapters, which means I may or may not have to rewrite, I'm not sure if they all work together yet. If I sound rather frazzled, it's because I am. I'm looking forward to school so I can RELAX.

This also unfortunately means that there may be delays in posting…ie. I may no longer be able to keep my update-a-week schedule. At the worst, it may become once a month (NOOOOO!) I still don't quite know which direction I'm taking this. It's not writers block…it seems to be the opposite, I have so many ideas that I'm having trouble trying to pick out the one that best follows.

(awkward silence)

And for the time being, I seem to have lost my mind (oh damn.)

But I do have one thing I want to share as a tidbit for my story. I've done it again on the eyes. I think I have another winner. It's fun to describe Tsukasa's eyes because since he's not human, I don't have to make them plain like a human's. I can do things with him that would never have been possible to describe had it been anyone else.

Can anyone tell why I love writing for Juvenile Orion? It gives me all sorts of possibilities that would have been impossibly perfect or beautiful for a more ordinary human to possess. Bwahahaaa! (cackles in glee)

I've got to find more ways to make people into angels… (grins)

(sigh)

For future reference, whenever something so called 'humorous' like this (points below) happens, that's just me being a turd-I mean being my normal wiseacre weird self of course. Ha ha ha! I said nothing strange! (cough))

My speculations on possible reasons for receiving almost obscene numbers of reviews:

1) I am in the twilight zone/the matrix and all these wonderful reviews are in my head and I'm in a padded cell cackling maniacally and banging my head against stuff. (nope. too everyday of an instance...)

2) I am a solipsist and I am the only real person in the entire universe and everything else is just a figment of my elaborate imagination, in which case, a disclaimer would be redundant and pointless because I have in fact written Juvenile Orion and Sakurako Gokurakuin is just an elaborate thought of mine designed to amuse myself. (I believe this one least of all the list because Solipsism is not the religion I follow at the moment...and it's a little ego centric even for me...)

3) Angsty moody romance really sells the fangirls and I should make TXT t-shirts to sell on the street to pave my way through college and a degree in psychology, after which I can psychoanalyze the world at my leisure. (I wish, but it's probably true.)

4) People think I'm a guy and are secretly in love with me and my mad writing skillz. Word. (Gosh I hope not! That's like one of those shojo crossdresser romance mangas I pretend not to acknowledge the existence of...oro!)

5) Tomonori and Tsukasa have visited these poor blokes in epic dream visions telling them to go to egypt and read fanfiction for a living, and they were spiritually guided to read my fic and are now using it as a soap opera romance for dummies-style manual... (This I somewhat doubt, but still believe over the solipsist idea at any rate.)

6) My proboscis monkey brethren have finally secured control over the hierarchy and are showing me their support by pretending to be real, cool people. (er...noseness!)

8) the number seven is evil and splits apart happy bishounan slash couples.(noooooooo!) It deserves having it's penmarks bashed in with a day old preservative-less loaf of french bread...(DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!) Oh...heheh...yeah...umm...and one of my plants ate me and I'm hallucinating as I am digested into compost. (boy does life suck for me if THAT's true)

9) People think I am a really great hetero writer trying to create a profile in the closet, and live a double life. (This is actually close to true, except I was an anti-romance angst/humor writer...this couple destroyed any chance of that quite effectively. TXT weirded out my life! It can do the same to yours! But I doubt people guessed that, so I don't think much about this idea.)

10) people like me in reviews, but are secretly banding together into an anti Neurofeces club, and burning strawberries, and hexing my herb garden, and leaving threatening yaoi pictures of Tomonori and Tsukasa with other partners in my box, and really hope I will choke on a plant and die so they don't have to read this crap any longer (Er...I REALLY hope not... My mail lady's kinda weird anyway, she'd probably burn my mailbox. And getting such pictures would make me want to run away to Canada where I can be attacked by marmosets because I really don't look at that sort of stuff…contrary to popular belief.)

...(crickets)...

um...ANYWAY... (feels much better now)

Congratulations for surviving the summer in agony! (wince) or...maybe I'm being overconfident (gee, you think?) but thanks for waiting!

(insert shameless plug)If you've read my humor fic 'Sex ed' which would have probably humored you quite well over the summer (it turned out being one of my best humor stories ever penned. quite good, even for me)--and likely still will now if you haven't read it--the wait may have gone more (or possibly less) smoothly...if the people who told me to update fast are any evidence, I'm probably going to get tarred and feathered for DARING to go on vacation--THREE visits with family! This was the busiest summer in my life no joke! My grandparents kidnapped me on a trip to California for a week. Literally across the country for me, because I live in way southern Florida. (not like I had any choice of going or not) And my family still complained I was acting like a hermit--this story's really running out of me as fast as the food in Mexico! But I went over this chapter probably twenty times and it steadily grew and grew in length until it was really long...twenty pages last I checked (I get really into the whole Tomonori-guilt thing...I admit it.) But hopefully the next chapter is long too...I hoped maybe I could get more done...but it seems I just went perfectionistic again so i have only certain chapters that are insanely long and a few others which are sad, but more normal and readable. (sigh) oh well. Plus I don't even know if I'll keep them.(clears throat nervously) Like I said, delays. Maybe I should pray or writers block so I actually pick something. This is like the third time I've completely revamped the story and am left with unused chapters that I have to junk. Oro.

Someone wish me some luck getting a good place to be decisive. I mean, do I trash them, or delay them, or just use them? Oro oro oro. (grabs head tsukasa-style)

I think I'm having a meltdown. (eye twitches)

...And now, what is undoubtedly on everyone's mind--THE PARAGRAPHS! (ominous lighting and screaming temporal doom, etc, etc...) Yeah, I know! (wrings hands) I try and try and TRY to get them short, but I get caught up in the story I'm writing so much that I just read and read and write and write and make a spelling error which I fix in the next twenty seconds! And write...and look it over, and write. Then...finally the chapter ends. I still can't sleep. Viewpoint change! CLICK! More obsessive writing! Squee!

(sigh)...yeah...My writing schedule is loony...meaning, there IS none unless it's self assigned, so naturally it's chaos. I sometimes don't take the time I should to try to unravel the end of a thought and smoothly transition--but not so smoothly that it seems the ideas would have been better together--into the other paragraph...gee. I really should take up the offer I got for a beta reader, but when I'm done with something, I don't like to let it sit. If I do, I might forget about it. (Forget Control? How is such a thing ever possible! NOOOOOO!)

er...I know I'm crazy, I know I'm weird, but I AM trying. Honestly. Forgive me if I make mistakes, but I like things to stay done. And if I start revising something, I may end up completely changing the story...I see it enough with just my chapters. Each time I start to alter something it makes things just a little bit different. The control I have now, completely tossed out the original chapters three through six that I had when I started off. I'd rather not risk the possible damage because it might stick me in a serious rut later. I don't think it's safe for me to start looking over my shoulder. heh. I get distracted too. Please forgive my past errors, but I really am afraid to try to fix them, because I'll start reading and typing, and before I know it, the new chapter will be just...strange...

(gulp)

But hey...I told you it wasn't the end! (stands up grinning stupidly, and gets punted across the website by aggravated reveiwers who are tired of listening to her ranting)

reveiwers: JUST GET TO THE POINT! WE WANNA READ! WE'VE BEEN WAITING ALL SUMMER!

fangirls: (squeal) TXT! (wave flags and show off slogans) WE LOVE TXT!

NF: (blink)...er...that's new (waves sheepishly at the fangirls)...um, sorry! (waves down reveiwers) Okay! I'm going! please don't kill me! (rubs backside) oww...

Just to make up for it:

(random bishounan dance across the screen doing the cancan)

Neurofeces: (runs after them blindfolded for her own mental chastity's sake) GAAAAAH! PUT ON SOME CLOTHES! (runs into a pole) OW!

Reveiwers: O.O! holy crap!

fangirls: (drooling/passed out with nosebleeds)

that mental image probably puts me back in everyone's good graces (or has made select people with non-perverted minds want to lynch me...(gulp))

Dedications:

Many thanks to MistyStarlight', who never ceases to help me with my japanese problems on LiveJournal, and show me groups I never knew existed such as 'kanji of the day'. You are awesome beyond reckoning, and know so much more about the anime/manga subculture and world than I could ever hope to catch up with, but thank you anyway for imparting what small parts of it you have shown me! Half the fun of putting up new chapters is bragging about them to you afterwards. And basically being annoying as heck. Thanks for putting up with my insanity so good naturedly! I'm working on your fluff! Sappiness! And um…bad poetry. (shrug)

To Argent Inluminai who gave me the longest, and most interesting review, and reassured me that everything I hoped to bring into the story is indeed getting out to people on the other side! You make me shout out 'yeah!' in the middle of a quiet library full of sane people and therefore ruin any hope I might have had of being adopted by the librarians (Don't worry, they still love me…). Thank you for keeping me crazy! Thanks for the awesome pocky and kudos...You made the bishies very happy and well fed!--see the end for the final fate of your thoughtful gifts and a full long rant in return from me! I salute you!

To Emily who will never read this (at least I hope she doesn't, she would probably have to go off to confession or whatever Jews have that's the equivalent…poor girl) But thanks for the laptop with Microsoft Word!

To the YGOverse icon making community on LiveJournal, which unknowingly enlarges my poetry library each week, and inadvertently directed me to the perfect lines I used this chapter some monthes ago. (and keeps my personal icon stash full of poetic lines (smirk))

And to every single person who stumbled upon my fic this summer and cared to leave a review telling me to update soon, and that they liked the story, and my paragraphs suck,(ha ha ha) your wish is granted, glad you like it, and yes, I know... Giggles and Gratis. Take a strawberry or a fresh pineapple slice for your troubles. Forget citrus! Pineapple is better! ORANGES!

Disclaimer: I'm not a solipsist. I am not responsible for Sakurako Gokurakuin's creations. (which is probably a good thing, because as an American, lily-white, rocker/goth/nerd chick with protestant backgrounds, the very use of an Islamic Archangel like Israfel would probably mean a bomb in my garden, planted by the plant expert division of the Islamic radicals. No offense to any brits of course. We Americans are worried, and praying for you guys. But really...)

I am responsible for all the situations all these poor characters seem to be getting themselves into, blame me for their horrible lives thus far and for their agony getting worse and worse in later chapters. The poem portion is not mine, but that's already noted. Neither is Alice in Wonderland for the quote on cats and kings, that honor is due to Lewis Carroll who is weirder than I am by two whiskers, the jack of spades, and a rook. The verse about hope ('Sometimes the bravest thing...is to hope') is not mine either. It is taken from a spoken poem on a cd by the band Brave Saint Saturn entitled "Atropos". Or my cousin's computer (affectionately dubbed 'babycakes') where I first burned the mix CD that held the line and the song...In other words, if you see me under a bridge asking for change, old mangas, or good report cards, don't be surprised because I own absolutely nothing and am otherwise a complete and total geek and loser with my finger up my nose! (sigh) Great, now I'm depressed, nice job, you should be ashamed of yourself! Now the chapter's going to be angstier! Hmph. I hope you're happy (winks and smirks)

Warnings: Shounan-ai (DUH! You should know that by now!), um… cutesy fluff (cringe) mingled with angst, some less than pure thoughts, low self esteem/self image problems, mild swearing (not much worse than usual but more common), excessive thinking which leads to a state of panic and heightened stress and other unhealthy things...(though knowing the world there's probably a pill for that too which won't work for those with liver or kidney disease (eye roll)), intense personal guilt, some slightly uncleam speculation, rather worthy of the 'T' rating I gave it...

To all those who like Tomonori-san. I present you with a deeply psycho-babble-ish chapter in his POV. For all those who've been wanting me to simplify things...um...you're going to hate me more...and um sorry. You are officially allowed to flame me. (just remember I reply to everything (cough))

Enjoy, and remember to sip with a swizzle stick. Pinkies out blokes! TXT goodness!

-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-

"If it's possible, I want eternal time

But, I'm not an Angel

Which is surrounded by white eternity

I'm not a Devil

Which is shadowed by eternal rage

I'm just a human

Who is more and more fragile of time

Who is chained by my own mind"

-Henritsu, THE LIMITED TIMES

'why is he looking at me like that?' Tomonori's eyes glanced over the flushed face of the dear eraser on the other side of the table. His mind responded sarcastically before he could stop it, 'Why do you think Dumbass! He kissed you! He's got a crush on you for some unapparent reason and you think it odd that he's looking at you?' Tomonori blinked for a moment, then quickly sent a small prayer for forgiveness from his sin of profanity.

'you mustn't overreact. This will pass. If you panic...it could just get worse.'

He paused in the act of pushing his hair away from his eyes and caught Tsukasa staring at him. He promptly forgot his own internal advice.

Tsukasa! Staring! At HIM!--His expression as rapt as though Tomonori was something glorious, something wonderful...

He felt his stomach twist.

Nervousness. Fear. Shock. Unease.

Something wriggling within him that he could not explain, an unease he couldn't shake off. It happened more and more frequently as his gaze met Tsukasa's, that same jolt in the pit of his stomach...

He couldn't take this much longer. How had Tsukasa even survived this long?

'Oh...Don't look at me like that Tsukasa. Please don't look at me that way! I can't stand to disappoint you so badly when I fail to be all you think I am...please...for both of us...don't look at me...don't look at me!' Tomonori whispered in his head, fighting the urge to cringe. 'I would never fulfill what you think I can do...please, don't do this...'

Oddly enough, the quote from Alice in Wonderland came to mind.

A cat may look at a king...

Tomonori shook it off uneasily. He was hardly greater than Tsukasa in any respect. And definitely not good enough to merit such...adoration...

No king...no indeed not even the cat...perhaps a simple card? Two of spades, dark, unnoticeable and next to worthless in most games, and not even in the book. The book was about the suit of hearts anyway. Spades never even came into play in the story. And Tsukasa...a king he didn't so much as dare to look in the eye...

hmm...Off with his heart...

He banished the oddly out of place thoughts from his mind (english literature? Where did that come from? Was he losing his mind?)

He wished he could say what he was thinking. He wished he was brave enough--or even foolish enough-- to say what was running through his head, to say exactly why they shouldn't, or even couldn't let something like this happen...

'Say something. Before it's too late. Before this goes too far.' He told himself in a moment of fancy. 'do it!'

But that would mean certain death. It was also impossible. It was impossible for him to ever not overthink things, impossible for him to lower his guard long enough to let the words spill.

It was already too late. He had already stopped himself with the thought of Tsukasa's hurt at those unchecked words, already stopped himself as he realized he was arguing with himself.

If he was ever even able to let down his guard, it would only hurt people. That was why he always thought before he spoke, why he checked his emotions before they registered...only it had never felt like it cost him something before...

He could never tell Tsukasa not to do something, even if he was hurt by it. Even if it destroyed him accidentally, if it broke his own guarded heart, he could never shield himself if it would cost Tsukasa something--anything...

Sacrifice of self...one of his many weaknesses.

He couldn't hurt Tsukasa, not by action or inaction. He simply couldn't let such a thing come to pass. He would give his life in place of the young eraser's without a second thought. And that was one of the only things he never gave a second thought...He'd never realized what a problem it was.

That lack of extra thought was the chink he couldn't seal away in his emotional wall. Tsukasa could find it and peer through...and see...

But if he saw, it would doom them. This romance couldn't be...if Tsukasa saw...this seed planted deep within him, hidden in his heart might swell upwards and beyond all control. To flower but never produce fruit. This seed must remain barren and hidden away.

He had to be extra careful...everything grew for Tsukasa...

This couldn't be.

That was why this couldn't happen. He would be trapped into something his morals and his religion told him was utterly wrong, while his heart wavered between wanting to be with Tsukasa--which would make him happy, which was all he ever wanted to do--and wanting to never feel like this again. It was like he was in the end round of a chess game. He, with nothing but his King to protect as the pieces slid one by one into place, counting down to checkmate he couldn't stop.

A cat may look at a king.

The cat certainly seemed to have all the advantages. And once again he was not the king for cats to look at. Only a mouse, once pounced, once caught, once broken free. If he were ensnared again by Tsukasa's gentle claws, he would let himself be devoured, consumed by this longing...

He would lose. He would win.

What would happen to him anyway? Where could they go from there? What was to come when the game ended?

That was the question, now wasn't it?

Tsukasa blushed once he realized he had been caught by Tomonori's silent glance, quickly looking away. A delicate shade of red washing over his cheekbones, making him look like a painting...like an angel…

Tomonori fought the urge to kick himself at the thought--Of course he looked like an angel...He was one!

Tomonori couldn't help but allow a smile to slowly slip past his guard as he noticed. Tsukasa just looked so...so innocent...even cute... He suddenly blanched. Had he just thought that? What an inappropriate thought! This shouldn't have been happening! He had only just begun to love Tsukasa mere hours before!

Untrue. He had discovered he loved Tsukasa mere hours before...how long he had loved him, he didn't even know...it felt like this longing had hidden within him forever, like he had been born with it, like he had ached for him all his life...

Oh God, this was wrong!

It could never be! He kept reminding himself. It must never be...it would ruin them!

He had to struggle! Perhaps he could get away. Perhaps the horrible unstoppable game would end in a stalemate...Perhaps he could get away if only he controlled his mind, his heart, and these accursed impulses of his...But even as he thought it, his eyes were drawn again to the portrait perfect visage across the table from him. His heart softened. Those eyes...they were so sad...so hopeful...so gentle...He loved those eyes, every single emotion he saw in them seemed to be enough reason--even on it's own--to love him...

God, what was wrong with him!

"Are you feeling better?" he asked Tsukasa softly. He couldn't help but worry for Tsukasa, and yet...with his soft white wings framing his face, his eyes large reflective jewels in his face, and his hair mussed from the many times Tomonori had been unable to resist touching it under the excuse of affectionate tousling...Tsukasa looked more fragile than ever. Fragile as glass...but somehow still hopeful.

Strong as iron in those hopes.

Sometimes, the bravest thing of all...is to hope.

The human had to wonder in that moment if Tsukasa's will was stronger than his own. When he looked upon the determination not to give up on those hopes, on the innocence driving such determination, the purity... he couldn't help but be amazed. He could be so frail...so fragile...so easily giving and impressionable...yet he could be so hard to change as well in the midst of his fragility...

Tomonori's heart just seemed to soften at the merest glance at that delicate face peering shyly from a frame of fine white feathers and soft golden hair...that in itself disturbed him--this softness deep within him...but not enough to keep him from looking.

Tsukasa's eyes were fragile as the first tendrils of frost over water. They shone out with a crystal clarity in the rose brushed golden porcelain of his face, with it's flat cheekbones that made his eyes seem all the larger in his childishly built face. A perfect little delicate figurine that would shatter at the wrong touch, at the slightest pressure upon the frost just beginning to harden. The little, delicate, painted porcelain angel, his eyes so sad, and so hurt, and so hopeful...trusting... His perfect little feet balanced upon shards of ice that were already creaking under his slight weight. So carefully balanced that Tomonori didn't know whether Tsukasa would save himself or if the slightest touch would send him plunging into the freezing water. Could he ever hope to save him? Or would he watch him drown? Drowning, while he, Tomonori, could only stand there and know...

...his fault...

Unease stirred in the pit of Tomonori's stomach as he looked at Tsukasa, as he looked upon his inhuman ethereal beauty.

Since the moment where he had felt that strange warmth bubble outwards from deep within him Tomonori had felt...different. As though whatever it was hadn't properly hardened and still lay softened within him, where it would seep outwards at the slightest provocation. As though if Tsukasa were to hug him, or--God forbid--kiss him again, this strange heat would rise up from him. He couldn't explain what it was It was deeply disturbing to him that he didn't understand something about himself...

Had this heat from within him destroyed the ice that Tsukasa stood upon?

Was he responsible for the boy's downfall?

Was this really his fault? Of course it was! But...was it because of this weird...power now sleeping uneasily within him, that Tsukasa was beginning to break?

The thought made him even more uncomfortable and guilty than ever.

Tomonori's very control depended partially upon the knowledge he had of his own mind...His understanding of his expressions, and his thoughts...if he didn't know what some part of himself was doing, or what it was, he certainly didn't know how to control it. So he didn't know how to control a part of himself...or even if this strangely new ability, or feeling could be controlled. Whatever strange warmth in him had caused the boy to wake...he didn't understand it... He had to be careful nonetheless. No gaps could show in his control now. The faintest slip could seal his doom!

His nervousness grew.

That slip would be all it took. The instant Tsukasa discovered his feelings, expectations would follow, and Tomonori knew, that he would never be able to deny Tsukasa anything--that was his weakness... even then, once he gave in and tried to fulfill Tsukasa's wishes, he could never be good enough to serve the boy's desires adequately...he would never measure up to the trust and wonder in those mirrored eyes, He couldn't stand to disappoint Tsukasa like that!

He inwardly made a face of distaste at himself. What was the word used to refer to a dam running over?--besotted, he was besotted with the boy. The whole thing had an oddly ancient twist to it. Perhaps some greek myth: Ganymede being spied upon by Zeus...unintentional enamourment…

Any action would only lead to their downfall, both of them! No matter what it was this strange emotion--he couldn't quite put his finger on it...was that another loss of control? Whatever it was, he knew it was inappropriate!

It was not fitting for a preist in the service of the Lord to suddenly gain desires--strong desires-- for one of his own gender-and one for someone eight years younger than him at that! His thoughts raged harder.

'This is entirely wrong on so many levels!...It doesn't matter if I'm too young to be his father! Even if he were a female, the age difference between us is enough to shock most people...and who am I fooling? He's an angel!...Even if he dared to feel something towards a lesser being-- towards a human--why would he bother to choose me?' Tomonori would have gone on, but he cut his thoughts short as Tsukasa finally spoke. He was pleased to find he still had control over when he thought or not if not what he thought.

"a bit." said Tsukasa in a would-be light tone. Tomonori pressed the rewind button in his memory (when had he been so scatterbrained?) He'd asked him if he felt better, right?

So what was THIS answer?

A bit better? 'he expects me to believe that he's feeling a bit better when he has that sort of expression on his face?' Tomonori wondered incredulously. Tsukasa's face had been transformed into an unconvincingly fake smile. Tomonori searched his expression. He could feel his worry, his good intentions... 'Oh, bless him...he must not want me to worry...oh, dear Tsukasa...' Tomonori frowned internally as his outer face's expression softened. Was that a smudge on his lenses, or were Tsukasa's eyes watery? Was he going to cry again? Tomonori's heart hurt at the thought of Tsukasa crying again. He recalled the coldness there...and shivered. He pulled off his glasses, cleaning them with the hem of his robe.

The room slipped out of focus, and faded from sharp clear images to vague, softened shapes. Tsukasa's face had dulled into a soft oval with two darker, huge, circular eyes. His wings had blurred into pale streaks of white. Tsukasa looked as he had in Tomonori's recurring nightmare.

beautiful (he always was so stunning, so breathtaking...)

innocent (when didn't his face look so wonderfully sweet and his expression so naive?)

utterly unattainable (what would happen if he was attainable?)

Tomonori fought the urge to shiver at his own thoughts, frowning outwardly as well. "Tsukasa..." He didn't finish his sentence, trying to choose his words carefully. Trying to pick out the smoldering sentence from the wreckage of his train of thought. "Are you going to be alright?" Tomonori tried to keep his voice soft, his brows creasing in concern. Premature lines wrinkled his smooth forehead making him seem suddenly older, wearier. Though he couldn't see his own face as he did it….He would have only thought it another reason why he was unlovable, unspectacular anyway.

'Perhaps it was too early to expect Tsukasa to deal with his new difficulties in life first this... rejection...'(Tomonori couldn't feel worse about that either--that he was part of the reason Tsukasa was in pain.) 'Then the shock at being unable to fly...it must mean so much to him...'

He was expecting the boy to suddenly snap back in a few hours from all of that? 'Tsukasa's not you, you fool. You can't honestly expect him to put on a front that everything is alright, can you? He's not able to hold himself in like you...if he thinks he'll be okay eventually, then you shouldn't push him.' Tomonori rebuked himself sternly.

Deep down, he knew why his mind was doing this... He knew this frenzied behavior was his guilt. He knew why he in turn had been staring at Tsukasa. He knew he was attracted to the boy--he would have to be blind not to notice his loveliness to begin with...but it only made matters worse.

...If he continued this, the loss of the game, would mean his loss. Total loss. Of everything, perhaps even of Tsukasa himself...Would he leave if he found out about this...attraction? Would he run away from Tomonori, leaving him to loneliness? Or...would he accept the confession and embrace him? ...could he even acknowledge in some part of his mind that they might become lovers?

Did Tsukasa want that?

There was another twinge of unease deep in his gut at the thought.

What would Tsukasa ask of him? He was so innocent...so pure...but what if he asked for Tomonori to do things that were not so pure? What might he want...? Tomonori swallowed. He had vows against this, DIRECTLY against this! While he might not mind kissing Tsukasa--which wasn't exactly harmless, but was hopefully not a damnable offense--what if the boy expected him to do more?

How much would he give up to make Tsukasa happy?

His inner self shivered.

If this twisted game of love turned out to be no loss, if it was not a loss for both of them, but rather a victory under a different name? Then the surrender, the act of knocking over his king, of swallowing his pride and confessing his feelings, bringing Tsukasa his relief would mean his victory as well as Tsukasa's!

...And with that relief, would come the expectations. How far would he go, if he was asked by Tsukasa? Would there ever be a relief? Could he ever wake up and think nothing of these feelings knowing that they were returned? Would he ever be able to relax again? What if this wasn't something wrong or evil, but something...good? There was an eerie sensation, his skin prickling, but this time it wasn't unease, an almost pleasurable wash of warmth within him...

However, he was a chronic worrier.

That thought was only a dream! It wasn't possible...

Somehow he realized the Tsukasa in his dreams HAD to be unattainable, because he didn't know what would happen if he took his hand and trusted him...Would he really be happy if he and Tsukasa were to enter a relationship? No, he didn't trust that either of them would be happy with such an event...he wasn't enough...and Tsukasa...

DAMMIT! He trusted Tsukasa!

But...apparently not enough to brave the things he didn't trust in order to do so.

He felt shame bubble in him. 'This is why it could never happen-I'm a human. I'm insignificant and weak next to him...I could never be enough.'

He didn't know the battle taking place in his unconscious mind, he didn't know he was arguing with himself in the proper sense of awareness, but it had translated into agitation and jumpiness quite efficiently nonetheless. His stomach churned more violently.

His conscious mind held the reins though...

Tsukasa's blurred eyes were downcast, staring into his hazy drink. "...maybe." He said, directing it at the drink, then suddenly straightening, pulling his arms over the table and settling his head down in his arms like a bird on it's nest. Tomonori cocked his head, unsure what to make of that answer too.

Maybe he would be okay!

He hadn't been expecting that...Tsukasa was usually honest, uncomplicated, so that meant...he really didn't know? Tomonori carefully controlled his face. Was this really so bad?...That Tsukasa didn't know if he would ever be alright again? Was the issue more serious than he had expected? The boy's eyes were hidden by his bangs and the downcast tilt of his head...but Tomonori was quite sure that he was still watching him. ...He could see those reflective pools beckoning to him in his mind's eye, whispering to him to just linger as he gazed upon them...just linger a moment...

He swallowed, forcing his head to clear itself of such thoughts.

Still...those eyes directed at him made him even more nervous...

What could he say to help Tsukasa feel better? Think! His expression changed without his consent. "If there's anything I can do..." Tsukasa's face drooped suddenly, too fast for him to read.

Wait...why couldn't he tell what Tsukasa was feeling?

Suddenly he felt a greater sense of unease drift over him...had he always thought he could tell what Tsukasa was doing? What he was feeling?...yes, he did...

Selfish...but...If he thought such a thing, why were Tsukasa's feelings suddenly a mystery to him! He frowned internally, gradually becoming more and more worried.

He had thought Tsukasa was simple and straightforward...suddenly there was a whole new aspect to him that Tomonori had never even seen before. Had he ever paused to consider that Tsukasa could be as complex as him? Had he ever stopped to even consider that Tsukasa might want to wall off parts of his feelings as well?...Never mind that! He banished his wonderings suddenly, wrenching his concentration away to another question: Why couldn't he place what that expression meant? Had Tsukasa decided to block off his emotions the way HE had?

Tomonori felt suddenly and oddly upset about that.

He didn't really like the idea of keeping things from Tsukasa, he really didn't, but he HAD to hide himself away sometimes...he could hurt Tsukasa's feelings badly if he didn't. But...Tsukasa wasn't supposed to do something like this though! He wasn't supposed to hide himself away like that! It was frustrating, immeasurably frustrating. He had done everything he could to keep Tsukasa from becoming like him...Tsukasa was always so joyful and innocent...it wasn't fitting for him to suddenly become so quiet, to suddenly hide what he felt!

All because the boy wanted to be like HIM...

'No...he can't have...'

The sudden harsh stab of grief and guilt was quashed by an idea sprouting quickly in Tomonori's head. ...Was he just noticing something that had always been in place?

Relief filled him but mingled in it was a pang of despair.

His heart sank. He was so blind. He had been so content before...so content in his seeming omniscience...now he was unsure of his very feelings, his very understanding...even his very mind...

Was he going mad?

Perhaps he was insane, that would explain all of this very nicely...

Tsukasa's expression softened into something recognizable again, but Tomonori's unease didn't abate. Tsukasa rested his chin on his arms. His eyes were conflicted, uneasy, somehow he couldn't seem to decide what to say. Tomonori could see it in his eyes. He was silent, struggling with one of his heavy burdens...perhaps even one that Tomonori didn't know about. 'please...tell me what you want Tsukasa, I'll do all I can to bring it to you. Just...tell me. Anything, Tsukasa! Just...don't hide from me...please?' He almost wished he could say it, but the sentences might lead to questions he didn't want to answer. He waited, biting his tongue. 'please Tsukasa...I know you have burdens...but perhaps, if you tell me, we might be able to share this weight...perhaps I can offer some form of peace to you...something safe for us both...'

Tsukasa didn't answer Tomonori's thoughts at first. He sighed, then finally murmured "Tomonori-san...don't change...that's how you could help me...don't become a different person." Tomonori nearly flinched. Had Tsukasa seen what he had been thinking! Was he really changing? He certainly wasn't the 'father' Tsukasa had once had...what kind of father would kiss their son the way Tomonori had kissed him while he was unconscious? What kind of son would fall in love with his father and tell him it so...hopefully, longingly?

God, what a screwed up family they had turned out to be.

There was incest in the world, but this was ridiculous. It was good they weren't really related, or this would be even MORE wrong than it already was…

Tomonori was tempted in a sudden flash of aggravation to add 'Fine, I won't change, and the same to you' but he held it back. The flash of emotion passed.

He felt a sudden stab of shame that he had even considered saying something like that to Tsukasa.

Tsukasa didn't need sarcasm or snippy comments right now, least of all from him. He was struggling and needed something to make him feel better. This was Tomonori's chance to do what Tsukasa asked and make him happy. He needed help, he'd had a rough day, and he certainly didn't need Tomonori giving him a hard time. He needed support. Tsukasa depended on him for support...Tomonori smiled internally at that.

That he was sure of. Sure enough that both his inner and outer selves smiled as one at the thought. He liked having Tsukasa trust him--no, he cherished it! He wanted to help Tsukasa, more than almost anything, he wanted to be nothing short of a servant to Tsukasa. His every whim was something for Tomonori to try to bring closer to him, faster. If Tsukasa was happy, he couldn't help the happiness he felt in return.

Tomonori was suddenly struck by how similar his care for Tsukasa was to his devotion to his God...

Thou shalt have no other gods before me...

...It was at once disturbing yet strangely thrilling. Tsukasa had become his idol...but such a thrilling and beautiful one...

Something squirmed in his stomach 'Oh my father, please forgive my sins against your holy word...' He desperately longed to confess in prayer, to purge this uncleanness from his heart...

But Tsukasa...he had asked him to do something. He needed the support...

This was how he could serve. It was to the good of the Lord to serve the needy...

"I'll always be here for you, that won't change." Tomonori was suddenly painfully aware of Tsukasa's eyes on him... Hey! How long had he been polishing his glasses? He looked away to avoid the electricity that would shoot between them in an instant if he met his eyes. He inspected the rimless glasses, carefully. No smears, no problems. Excellent. The world resumed it's sharp corners and edges. Tsukasa's eyes regained their incredible draw--He had to look away again, swallowing hard and resisting the urge to blush.

Somehow he wanted to meet those eyes, look at them...but...he couldn't!

DAMMIT! ...Like an addict to a drug...

It was incredibly ironic, he had fallen for a person he couldn't even look in the eye...Once again, he HAD to avoid those eyes! If he looked upon them, he would be caught, helpless, enchanted by his effortless beauty, by the sheer swell of colors, and emotions surging in his gaze. The mirrored irises never ceased to shock him with their portrayal of his own enamoured face, back to him, sending him into a maze of panic, a sudden flash to cover himself.

He always felt so naked before the angel's gentle eyes...so like his dream—and though he would never admit it, even to himself….His mind wished in some dark corner to meet them…

To feel all the strange yet oddly thrilling and frightening feelings that raced through him when he saw the longing in those large eyes... he had to look away. He hoped Tsukasa wouldn't misunderstand and think that he had lied. He forced himself to look up and meet Tsukasa's eyes...or to at least train his eyes on his eyebrows...close enough!

He didn't want to seem dishonest, Tsukasa mattered to him. He cared what Tsukasa thought of him. Other people...with perhaps the exception of his mindbreaker, and the WIZ-DOM faction, other people could think what they wanted of him, and he wouldn't care...

Scratch that, he didn't want to seem like a pervert, or one of the child molesting priests that the world was so careful to point out seemingly behind every bush and corner. The thought of someone doing something like that, so dirty and foul to a CHILD made him shake with anger and nausea. Who could do such a thing and still claim to serve God--HIS God?

Tomonori loved children, he had hoped for a long time to have some of his own, to have a son, to show him the care that he had lost when he became an orphan...children had always seemed so precious and dear to him, that he felt absolutely wretched if he heard of someone committing a crime against one. He wanted to end the Aquarian Age, so that children could live on without one day having to fight, to kill one another. The son...Tsukasa was supposed to be that son to him...

That was a thought that made his heart sink...He loved Tsukasa, but, even if he did...it wasn't as though they could ever have children...the very thought of sex was appalling to Tomonori, even frightening, especially with Tsukasa. And it wasn't as though the eraser would ever conceive by him, or vice versa. Adoption? It would be hard on a child to have TWO fathers...it simply wasn't meant to happen that way. Would children be something he sacrificed forever if he continued to love Tsukasa?

...It wasn't accurate to say he didn't care at all about what others thought.

But Tsukasa mattered somehow, just simply more.

He cared more for Tsukasa than he did himself.

He disliked his form, his ordinariness, but Tsukasa didn't seem to see it...he didn't care how ordinary, how unspectacular he was.

Maybe that was part of why he was special to Tomonori.

Tsukasa could love someone so ordinary...

He cared more about what Tsukasa thought of him than any other person. He wanted the boy's approval. He wanted to see him happy. He wanted to please him. He hated to see Tsukasa worried...he felt horrible at the visible tension in Tsukasa's slender form now.

He forced himself to do what he had been telling himself not to.

His black eyes met Tsukasa's.

It was as though he had hurled himself at a steady run into a gong expecting it to bounce him back, and it cracked and shattered. The same unease, and alarm as though there was too great a momentum. He stood, stunned, alarmed, confused as their contact broke off through an action--and not his. The boy flinched when their eyes met, there was a flash of some intense emotion, too fast for Tomonori to even guess. Then Tsukasa looked away, as though he had done something wrong--as though he had something to be ashamed about.

Tomonori blinked, stunned, suddenly wondered if he had done something wrong. He could never accept that Tsukasa had done something wrong that would give him such a sense of...tension. Had that emotion that had filled Tsukasa been guilt?

'Why won't he look at me?' He eyed Tsukasa more concernedly. "No matter what happens...we are still family." He said quietly, outer mask not betraying the fact that his blood pressure was likely going through the roof with agitation and stress. Those words had always soothed Tsukasa before...had always brought a smile to his face...their magic had to work this time! ...It had to!

Heart, pace thyself.

He forced himself to breathe, to get a grip on reality. This wasn't the time for rash behavior. Though he would be uncomfortable if Tsukasa disliked something he did, he wasn't going to become uncontrollable at a temporary loss of the eraser's approval...was he?

Of course not! ...What a liar he was. He was devastated at the mere thought.

Tsukasa closed his eyes for a long moment, mouth slightly open (Tomonori reigned in another blush), sighing, then finally he met Tomonori's eyes. His lips curved upwards in a trembly smile. The world seemed to burst into bloom with bright sunshine as he did so.

Tomonori's heart swelled with joy as he could see the renewed trust in those lovely eyes.

He had done it! Tsukasa no longer seemed so grim. He seemed reassured even.

He couldn't help but smile back, eyes resting fondly on the boy.

Oh that gentle creature...His smile could light up a room...

"That's my Tsukasa." Slipped past Tomonori's lips softly. He felt himself freeze internally. His worry flared. Panic. He fought harder to control his body's attempt to blush.

He'd lost control again?

Too possessive...Tsukasa wasn't his...He wasn't some object to be owned.

he never would be...never could be...his in any way shape or form.

Tsukasa's eyes went through a flicker of emotion, a thought he couldn't read... What was his problem? Tsukasa had given a little smile, so his barriers had broken into rubble? What was the matter with him? That shouldn't have happened! His eyes were still on the boy, he nearly flinched with the realization...it was so dangerous that he could lose sense and find himself gazing upon Tsukasa with barely a flicker of worry about how much his own eyes hid--or didn't hide. He had to find something else to look at...but... Tsukasa was so beautiful...it was so nice to look at him…

He stared for a moment, feeling doubt creep over him.

Tsukasa was faintly flushed...Was he well? Tomonori left off worrying about himself, and began worrying about Tsukasa. "Are you tired? You've had a rough day..." He asked, hearing the concern evident in his voice. He inwardly flinched. Was he showing too MUCH concern? He couldn't tell...oh damn...

Tsukasa shook his head 'no', a tentative smile on his face, his cheeks suddenly pinked, he hid his face in his wings for a moment of bashfulness, then peeked out again. Tomonori wanted to smile again at this endearing act of shyness...so adorable...

Wait a minute...what was he thinking?

"...can I stay here for a while? Can I watch you work?" Tsukasa asked, in a voice somewhere between a mumble and a whisper. He blushed a delicate shade of rose with the hopeful look of a hungry puppy begging to be fed scraps at it's master's side. Fearing...rejection...?

His eyes...filled with such hope…

Tomonori's heartbeat was suddenly loud in his ears, something squirmed in his stomach again. His heart leapt into his throat. He blinked in surprise, controlling a powerful bodily desire to blush. Something was crawling in his skin, raising the hairs on his body, giving him a sudden urge to shiver. What was going on with him? Was he losing control of himself again?

His eyes unwittingly stared into Tsukasa's...

He immediately couldn't look away.

Fear curdled his stomach in place of that dancing feeling of a few moments earlier. His mind reeled. What was happening to him? Was this what Tsukasa could reduce him to? He swallowed past the lump in his throat, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

"Of course Tsukasa." Of course he could stay. He could deny Tsukasa nothing...not when he was sure his rejection would bring tears...Not when the words that had slipped past his lips would cost so little, and bring so much to the boy...

Tsukasa's look of grateful happiness more than dispelled any second thoughts or worry over his choice from his mind. He seemed overjoyed! ...At something so simple...oh what happiness a simple 'yes' could bring him! Tomonori's heart melted as he promptly forgot his fear of those eyes, and allowed them to re-capture him without a thought.

He gazed, as though hypnotized.

He'd missed a change...Tsukasa's eyes were suddenly tinged more with deep golden brown in his amazing palette of colors; gold and silver mingling into a dull brassy shade darkened with gray and green and blue…and just about every other color he could think of that might have ever graced a mere human iris...so complex, still reflecting in that inhuman, enrapturing way they always had been. Fractured prismatic rainbows of every humanly possible color trapped beneath their deep surfaces, violet and blue and green, and honey brown fractured into a plethora of colors that any fractured mirror would have been beyond blessed to have the luck to possess, all reflecting on a background of deep reflecting silver-gray, like a pool of rainwater. Tomonori was put in mind of a fractured crystal he had once seen, with snakelike rivers of rainbow light dancing over it's jagged, cracked, broken interior when it caught the sunshine. It was like he was seeing that once more with a more profound sense of wonder. The facet-like lines in a normal iris were like tiny rainbowed prisms for Tsukasa.

The most incredible artist could never hope to capture those angel's eyes in pencil or paper, or even photography.

Tsukasa's eyes weren't just beautiful, they seemed inhumanly deep as well. 'Maybe that's why I'm worried…maybe I could drown…drown if I keep staring…' Tomonori thought to himself distractedly as he looked again upon Tsukasa's eyes.

He corrected himself. They were more like pools of honey than pools of rainwater. The mirrors hidden within...would they have been sticky within from such a shade? His eyes were so open...as though he had nothing to hide…like you were being given a gift if you were so much as allowed to look at them.

And so happy...He looked so happy, like a dog fearing a beating and instead receiving a pat on the head and a fond look from it's master.

Such joy...

Tomonori felt suddenly curiously light headed, his heartbeat rushing through his ears. He wanted to smile at Tsukasa (would that make him even happier?) He resisted...yet...How could he worry if Tsukasa was content? Tomonori glanced at the blushing creature for a moment, before dismissing his feelings of agitation and becoming quite at peace. He was happy knowing that Tsukasa would be okay, '...he must not want to be alone or something...poor thing, he's scared...but if he feels better around me...' A guilty thrill tingled in Tomonori's stomach. Tsukasa wanted to be near him! His heart suddenly soared. He wasn't going to let anything else hurt that poor creature today. He vowed this, his protectiveness rising instinctively...

...And then he noticed quite suddenly what he was doing, and was overcome with self-directed rebukes. He forced himself to dissolve his thoughts back into the work he was grading. And with it, he gained back his worry, losing altogether, the peace Tsukasa's happiness had bestowed upon him.

'Idiot! stop thinking about Tsukasa long enough to do your work!' But, had his expression duplicated his inner feelings, he would have suddenly born a dreamy smile. Like a ripple of that former joy had struck him and melted his worry for an instant...

His mind was filled with a smile. Oh...Thank you Tomonori-san...

Tomonori's insides were suddenly warm. His inner self giggled giddily at his conscience.

Yes...stop thinking about him...like he could ever do that...that would mean...

...Stop thinking about how soft his hair was--flaxen strands tossed over his eyelashes, little tendrils brushing his cheeks...strands of softest spun gold...

He could see it...a soft mass of glittering gold framing his face.

...Stop thinking about how sweet he is--that he could work for hours in a garden filled with wasps and bees and never once lift a hand to do them harm...about how the bees would circle around him, drinking sweat from his skin, preferring it to nectar, and would never once sting or harm his tender skin...

He could hear that clear joyous laughter, shy little giggles that cascaded around him.

...Stop thinking about how good those soft velvet lips would feel on yours right now, oh yes, definitely stop thinking about how he would taste...you know it haunts you. Give in to your dreams...

He saw that angel lift his arms, felt them close around his neck, and felt the heat of his skin as it pressed against his mouth in a hot electric circuit.

...Definitely stop thinking about how wonderful it would feel to have him kiss you back, how he could make your outer defenses crumble fall with a single simple brush of his skin against yours, with a single special look from his hypnotic eyes...how you long to hold him tightly and never have to let go...never have him want you to let go...

He felt that smaller body cradled against his, as he threw himself, weeping into Tomonori's shoulder, felt the delicate curves his arms looped beneath as he carried him...felt those fingers tracing along his midriff through the fabric as his words breathed close into his ear...

Tsukasa...

'No...Don't fool yourself into thinking that this could be love that's okay, that this could be possible... Just...stop thinking about it...before you get hurt...before you hurt him…even more than you've already done…'

STOP!

Tomonori jerked himself out of that train of crystal clear memories, quite suddenly, feeling shame creep over him, heart sinking. He felt his breath stop for a moment, then he breathed deeply and evenly, trying to calm himself. He forcibly kept an even darker blush away from his cheeks. He couldn't get himself not to look at Tsukasa for a brief instantaneous glance. His heart pounded with fear of being caught--at least that's what he told himself it was pounding from.

Oh God... How could he do this? What was wrong with him! He could never-he would never-...No! He couldn't even so much as allow himself to THINK about Tsukasa in such ways. It was wrong! He reminded himself feverishly. WRONG!

...this is so wrong...

'I can't do this…it's just not right…what's wrong with me? What's happening to me!'

He tried to focus on an algebraic equation for the fourth time. It was a rather futile effort. He could stare for twenty minutes at the variables and numbers and never have their meaning come to him in this state. His mind was wandering into dreams beyond his worst terrors and his darkest wants. He was frightened by the images, the scenarios, the desperation he could feel in himself. He was frightened. Unexpectedly alarmed by the hunger deep within him.

He gritted his teeth. He would rather kill himself than let his desires hurt Tsukasa in such a way! He would rather slit his throat than allow himself to do something to Tsukasa to sate this sudden awful need! But oh...how dark they were to him. How foul these wants of his...

He was forced to come face to face with the fact that what he felt for Tsukasa was more than just deep caring, more than a selfless caring love...He wanted to hear him laugh, see him smile, but he also wanted to feel his hair on his cheek, wanted to feel those fragile fingers entwined in his, wanted to kiss him, wanted to hold him, wanted to do MORE...wanted, wanted, wanted! Oh what wretched truth it was to Tomonori, worse than a slap in the face. He wanted Tsukasa

He shuddered, feeling suddenly ill.

He had no right! He had no right to long for such things!

But he did...oh how he did...

He could see clearly in his too-vivid memory, Tsukasa working in the patch of yard he had turned into his garden. Everything grew there. Tsukasa never had the heart to pull up weeds, to uproot a single thing--which was likely part of the reason why it was a mere patch of yard that he used... He would never pull anything up to make the patch larger, but only planted where nothing else grew. Despite the fact that Tsukasa never pulled out weeds, his plants grew sturdy and strong. Green and graceful...as graceful and slender and beautiful as the one that cared for them.

A young sapling tree he had found uprooted in a neighbor's trash, and had pulled free and replanted at home...it thrived at his gentle care. Surrounded by flowering weeds, it lifted branches towards the sky. Small green buds had unfolded into leaves of the palest translucent green, then strengthened, thickening, and soon after had fallen with the autumn chill. It was nearly bare now. The garden was getting ready to sleep through the winter, and the tree's blossoms would wake again in the spring to Tsukasa's gentle touch and tender care. Tomonori had never longed more to be Tsukasa's tree. Never envied a plant more than he did in that instant of memory.

He had seen Tsukasa murmur things to it, seen him hug it once, not at all ashamed or aware of how strange it was for someone to wrap their arms around a tree. Once he had even seen him glance around to see if anyone was watching, then he quickly kissed the bark, blushing softly, then scurrying away before Tomonori could come out and ask him what he had done, mystified, and curious...but however strange the behavior, the tree had gone from near-dead, to flourishing, just taller than he was...And with all he'd seen, he didn't doubt that Tsukasa's tender love for a plant enabled it to grow strong, and tall, and green so astonishingly.

What would Tsukasa's love do if he had bestowed it upon him? What else had he given Tomonori with that kiss? His subconscious whispered to him. He ignored it. The question brooded there in the back of his thoughts, waiting for it's own opportune time to arise. It would.

Tomonori could see Tsukasa kneeling in the soil, his hair covered beneath a bandanna (It had made him look rather feminine, but it was better than getting dirt in his pale golden hair), a smudge of dirt had somehow landed itself on his cheek…had it been this past spring? Yes it must've been back in the spring...it felt so long ago...

He could see how Tsukasa had turned and grinned in sheer joy at being outside in the midst of the life of his new planetary home.

Tomonori could hear his voice in awe-struck, wondering tones calling him over. "look Tomonori-san!" A tiny nest had rested in the branches of the tree. Looking closely, Tomonori could see a few glistening strands of blond hair woven into the nest. Tsukasa's? He didn't know. He never had found out. But he had watched Tsukasa's childish sense of wonder. He had seen how the eraser had gazed with wide eyes as the dull, and drab little bird within had diligently raised it's young. When a young fledgling had failed to learn to fly, despite how Tomonori had warned Tsukasa not to get his scent on the fledgling, to leave it on the ground, not to touch it, the mother hadn't minded at all. Indeed it hadn't minded the eraser's kindness when he raised his hands high, stretching himself up to put the tiny creature back in it's nest...so strange, yet not unexpected.

Though the bird's own feathers were dumpy and gray, completely nondescript, unspecial, there were feathers in the nest of a shining, clear white...eraser feathers.

Tsukasa's

No wonder at all, he was part of the family.

'He could be part of anyone's family but he wants to be yours...he wants to be the companion of a lonely orphan, and the sweet creature doesn't even give it a second thought...It's no wonder you're in love with him...'

Tsukasa had watched the fledglings leave the nest with wistful eyes, as though this was his own family he watched fly away. He had watched the mother leave behind her nest. Taken it down. The nest, was a treasure to him.

Like a child, so innocent. Unspoiled, unsoiled by the horrors and troubles of the world around him...His wonderful, beautiful angel...and his love for all things living...He had gazed at that mass of twigs with sadness, and care, and an overwhelming complex emotion--understanding.

Tsukasa who seemed to know so little, actually understood things in a way even Tomonori now recognized that he could not fathom.

He had known this, and still he had not been able to see that Tsukasa might have his own secrets, his own locked doors to hide behind. For all his intelligence, he had not been able to fathom that much complexity, that much humanity into Tsukasa.

And therefore, Tomonori had been stunned to find himself locked out, when in truth, he had been locked out all along...

Underestimation: the weakness of all humans. Overconfidence in his own knowledge and expectations...arrogance even, if he dared to actually put the word to it.

'and he can look past it...even when I can't…'

But no matter Tsukasa's hidden features, his purity and goodness still shone out.

Tomonori stared down at that bothersome equation, unseeing. How could he even dare to do this to Tsukasa! He had rejected Tsukasa's feelings gently but he had done so without giving it any serious thought other than frustration, and blind question as to why Tsukasa would do such a thing. Nonetheless, he had rejected him...hurt him when he had done so...

His chest gave a pang at the thought of hurting Tsukasa.

'I'm sorry...I shouldn't have assumed you would get caught by my faults...I should have expected such loving blindness from you...perfect angel...'

There was no way Tsukasa would take him back now...not after he had hurt him so deeply...so why was he growing so hopeful?

Why was he GIVING himself false hope! one instant rebuking, and the next absolutely enraptured by the very creature he had to turn away from.

'I must keep my priorities straight...I was such a fool to ever think that this would be simple...to ever think of Tsukasa as one-dimensional when oh dear GOD, he's so much more complex...so much MORE than I ever thought, more than I ever could be...how could I have ever thought of him as something so much less than what he IS! Something I could understand at a glance... How could I have been such a FOOL!'

Infinite frustration filled Tomonori, stirring anger within him. He was deeply upset with himself. He began to call things into question, things that he had never given a second thought.

'I was so quick to reject him, so sure that I would never feel something like this...that Tsukasa's feelings weren't really what he said they were...that he wasn't serious...Oh! How fast this has fallen! How can I even be sure of what I feel? I should never have questioned Tsukasa! Oh, as though Tsukasa could ever tell me something he didn't truly FEEL...but what if what I'm feeling...' He felt himself beginning to despair. Internal struggles twisting within him.

The fumes from his coffee were suddenly unappetizing, his stomach gave a wrench.

'Am I so degenerate?...Am I even capable of love? Even for something as pure and beautiful and lovely as Tsukasa, could I ever go beyond this wretched hunger? Could I ever know for sure what I am feeling... Could I ever even feel more than...more than lust? ...What if what I'm feeling isn't love at all?' His heart sank into his belly. Oh no...that was it, it had to be...

This wasn't love...it couldn't be...

It was lust.

Cruel, hungry lust.

Tomonori's self directed rage reached a new level with this realization.

He was a distant creature, never before touched by love...and he couldn't possibly hope for even Tsukasa to change that. This was all a sudden lurch of hormones, a sudden wrench of body chemistry to desire...Tsukasa certainly was beautiful enough! But Tomonori was still incapable of something greater than cruel, horrible lust for him. Thus, his own wretched body had betrayed him. He was inexplicably angry with himself.

Disappointed, wretched.

How could he?

He had to stop this NOW.

'I will purge myself of these inappropriate feelings! I will! Tsukasa deserves better than this. I should at least try to guide him to another far better than I...it is...the right thing to do...I am unable to help him, as well as being unable to feel to him what he wishes me to...I MUST at least assure that he will have someone good enough for him...if I can ever find such a person...' A cloud of misery had descended over him. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so ashamed...How could he do such a thing to Tsukasa? How could he hope to mend this with replacement? He knew he should sacrifice himself in this way, that he should ask Tsukasa for another chance, but he was too afraid.

Afraid, he was afraid! He didn't fear death, he had his God there, he had hope for his life, but Tsukasa...he had just immense, unshakable fear, even dread of what he knew he should do. But he couldn't do it.

It wasn't arrogance this time, he would never presume himself to be right for Tsukasa--the moral sense alone would always be utterly wrong, wrong for him to ever enter anything with Tsukasa, despite this terrible draw. This would always be a sin, would always be forbidden. But he knew Tsukasa would never allow himself to feel the same way he had proclaimed he did for him. Tsukasa's word was like a passage of scripture to Tomonori. He could never believe it to be wrong. Tsukasa had been so sure...

And he had rejected the lovely angel...it was as though he had stabbed him... He remembered the blood... Tsukasa had bled for this. Had bled for him.

He couldn't describe the helplessness that gripped him with all this worry. Because of Tsukasa...

Sweet, dear, innocent Tsukasa...

His eyes searched for the boy with a will of their own.

The subject of his treachery... He had betrayed him utterly, and he had no choice but to do it again...

This was wrong! It was wrong to do this to Tsukasa, to hurt him so...but it was even more wrong for him to give in and start this off...this terrible chain reaction...

But Tsukasa...he would suffer...would he bleed again?

Tomonori felt another sudden horrible coldness grip his chest where his heartbeat was pounding into his throat, his stomach, his temples. He could feel it in one dull throb, felt, not heard...

Tsukasa's blood...

Was this a sort of machoism? That he had to hurt himself by looking upon him when he felt he could never hold his head up again? He had to look upon the one who could never know his anguish at this discovery...had to look at the beautiful creature he had wronged...would wrong again...

He was surprised. Tsukasa's head was cradled in his arms, wings tumbled askew. Dark blond eyelashes shaded his delicate skin.

Asleep.

Tomonori stopped, and was suddenly moved by the sight. His expression softened. His eyes instantly riveted to the slender form. Tsukasa's expression was relaxed in peaceful slumber. His incredible shining eyes were closed behind soft eyelids. His white feathers framed his sleeping figure, hunched against him like a bird's wings.

He quietly questioned himself 'what choice is this?' Too afraid to give himself, to sacrifice everything for this...

Tsukasa's left wing slowly curled tighter against his head, he snuggled deeper into his own arms in slumber, murmuring something. A perfect, soft flush of pink was spread over his childish, yet strangely ageless cheeks...

beautiful...

That strange warmth flooded Tomonori's torso, spreading over his arms and legs with a vague tingling, a prickling. He hurriedly tried to pull it back...it was hard, and once he had done so, he felt no accomplishment, no satisfaction, not even relief, simply coldness...

He couldn't take his eyes from Tsukasa. He loved him...more than anything...

Except when it was everything...or so it seemed.

'Selfish...you selfish bastard.'

Tomonori choked down the lump in his throat.

How could he have done this to Tsukasa, how could he let himself do this to him! What cruelty was in him to do this?

No...not cruelty...you couldn't be cruel and kind at once could you?

Tomonori quietly stacked his papers and set them aside for school, lifting himself from his seat, and moving quietly to the sleeping figure close by. Tsukasa breathed quietly, deeply, and evenly. His face was serene.

Tomonori's rage burned higher after a moment of sudden wishing. His sins, his weaknesses compared to something that...perfect...his breath caught in his throat.

Astonishing.

How could he ever have done something like this to a creature so pure? What forbidden prayer had he uttered to twist Tsukasa's feelings to long for him--HIM of all people! What moment had he knelt at the alter and prayed for Tsukasa's love? What moment had he dreamed of Tsukasa as more than a 'son'? What moment had God answered his prayer in sympathy and sentenced the poor boy to suffer at his hands? His stubborn, gloved, unlovely hands... 'What has he done...what could he have ever done to deserve what terrible things I have done to him-what I'm going to have to still do to him?'

What mockery was this?

Could he be cruel and kind? Had he found his way to be both at once?

What confusion dwelt within him at this thought...

He gritted his teeth. He would have to do this AGAIN if Tsukasa still...somehow felt for him. He had to keep Tsukasa further away if all he felt was desire, because whatever he did would only sate himself, and take away from Tsukasa.

Yes...Tsukasa trusted him too much...he didn't know of this cruelty...he certainly didn't have that...no...he was too perfect to do something like that...Tsukasa would sacrifice himself...Tomonori smiled sadly at the thought.

He didn't want Tsukasa to hurt himself for him, but he cared...Tsukasa cared for him...

His expression flickered into a deep frown. He gripped the folder holding his papers until his knuckles ached.

Frustration suddenly lashed through him.

He didn't want to hurt the boy like that, he couldn't stand it!

Forget morals, in this instant he would do anything!

'If I knew what I am feeling isn't lust...then I would do all I could to help him, to make him happy from this instant onward, the poor creature...but my soul has been tainted with the fruits of sinfulness. I...I cannot...I WILL not spread this curse to that sweet angel. I refuse to poison him like this!'

He couldn't.

It wasn't simply that this attraction was wrong.

He was wrong. His attraction could never compare to Tsukasa's selflessness...

Looking upon that gentle face, he wanted to meet those small lips with his own as he had earlier that day, but his rich self directed anger created a barrier upon which his desires splashed harmlessly off. His mind thus cleared by rage, almost dangerously calm, he set himself to the task of taking Tsukasa to his room to sleep properly, without waking him.

...The puzzle was formidable indeed.

And distracting enough to perhaps make him forget...forget this inadvertent act of treachery.

Tsukasa's head was set comfortably over his arms. His wings hung loosely from just behind his ears. The boy's slender, fragile body hunched over so he could rest in a hunched position on the table. Tomonori eyed him, wondering how on earth he was supposed to move him without disturbing his peaceful sleep...Nonetheless he approached--cautiously. Stopped before he could touch him.

Had he had a lesser amount of control over himself he would have gaped.

But he was Tomonori Nakaura.

He was bound by a will and stubbornness greater than chains of iron, his outer mask of steel would not allow him. So instead he not only refused to stare, but found his reaction as greater proof of his guilt, more fuel to fan the flames of his self directed fury and push himself further away from this temptation.

He forced his suddenly shaking hands to still in their rage. He had to get Tsukasa to bed--lying like that couldn't be comfortable...

Since when had he become so scatter-brained? he wondered indistinctly.

'Stop thinking, and attend to the task at hand!' He rebuked himself.

He didn't budge, thinking all the more, trying to come up with a solution.

How to move him?

He had to be careful not to pull any of Tsukasa's white silken feathers, cascading down his back like a waterfall...

To Tomonori, it seemed more attractive even than his golden hair. Long glistening feathers paler than his soft skin...he was unable to stop himself from touching one with a fingertip, shivering inwardly at the sensation on his uncovered hands. He stopped himself, swallowing hard.

After he found a way to move him he could worry about how wrong what he was doing was...but first he had to find a way to take Tsukasa to bed...and none was coming to his mind. He felt himself becoming distracted, looking at him...

Tsukasa was so close...

He tentatively tried to get the boy to sit up normally, but there was a faint moan of pain as he touched his shoulder by accident.

Tsukasa hissed softly in his sleep, a hand moving to his shoulder, he whimpered softly. Tomonori drew back with a jolt as though he had been burned. His heart was beating rapidly in fear...shock, as he remembered.

'IDIOT!...you should have remembered that Tsukasa was injured!' He really wanted to kick himself... 'Oh God, forgive me for hurting him...I didn't mean to...' He swallowed hard, and breathed deeply to calm himself.

He felt himself relax slightly...ever so slightly...

'Focus...'

He breathed deeply one last time and tried again.

Thinking carefully. Ideas crackling like static on a cloud, occasionally giving a sudden flicker of lightning as an idea hit.

Tomonori was hardly stupid, no, he was brilliant in fact. Ideas came to him fast as lightning, his mind worked with an enviable quickness. Unfortunately, such brilliance often led him to jump to conclusions, like the gift of intelligence often affected other people. His mind raced with self abuse, almost with self loathing. For all his intelligence he could not accept his own actions. Unlike Tsukasa's simple, open, trusting mind, Tomonori's was far more pessimistic, more heavy handed in it's conclusions. He was by nature, kind, but this kindness didn't seem to extend to himself. He didn't take mistakes lightly if he made them.

He was determined not to screw up again.

He tried to move Tsukasa's body without waking him, carefully curling an arm around his waist onto the underside of his right arm, lifting slightly, careful to avoid the bandages...carefully...slowly...his heartbeat thudded in a dull beat similar to a heavy jolt of bass noise in his ears, in his chest, in his throat. His breathing seemed unusually loud in his throat.

Thud...Thud...Thud...

Without warning a warm set of fingers suddenly clutched his. Tsukasa gave a moan. Tomonori couldn't veil his shock, he gasped. His heart hammered suddenly, a sudden sharp pain flared in his chest.

Ouch!

He tried to control his breathing. What was that? What was Tsukasa DOING? He could feel his face warming in a flash... It felt so...strange...and his fingers were so hot against his own... Tomonori felt a sudden stab of worry in the midst of his sudden nervousness. Fever? No...just Tsukasa's drink...That's right, he'd been holding the drink...left hand? Yes...his left hand had been holding the drink...

He relaxed slightly...then tensed again.

He gazed, trembling slightly, at Tsukasa's fingers tightly woven with his, the small hand holding his in a death grip.

He swallowed.

Wrong choice of words.

His head was awkwardly close to the soft clothed shape of Tsukasa's left upper arm and shoulder from where he had bent over to lift him. He could hear the soft whisper of his breathing, Tomonori could practically hear his heartbeat if his own wasn't thudding so loudly or so fast... His right hand was held around Tsukasa's chest, his elbow desperately trying to avoid contact with his wounds. He was practically draped around the eraser's waist. He couldn't turn his head to the right lest he dig his chin into Tsukasa's arm. His own black swathed left arm was hooked under Tsukasa's knees so his whole arm's reach curved like a rather uncomfortable capital 'G' where the hooked tail of the letter was formed by Tsukasa's, and his hands...together.

Tomonori gulped, eyes wide.

His muscled were trembling from the strain of avoiding touching Tsukasa's body, lest he awaken the angel.

Tomonori's elbow was so close that he could feel the heat of Tsukasa's skin radiating from him. A wicked fiery pulse tingled over his skin, raising the hairs on the back of his neck. Tsukasa's eraser energy...like the strange warmth that had flowed through him when he had awoken Tsukasa earlier that day, but so much more complete and live now...warmer, like the crackling heat of a warm fireplace, causing the coldness in his body to vanish like mist.

Tomonori held his breath quietly, filled with a sudden aching desire to touch that fiery energy. Quiet, like glowing coals, but still...power...his power thrumming quietly in a steady hum, unwavering, unmodulating. It seemed to crackle between the small of the eraser's back, and Tomonori's trembling elbow where he was almost touching him, crackling like sparks of lightning between them, it was burning over his hand, held in the eraser's grasp.

Tomonori was rigid in fear.

What was happening? Was he waking up? This was just like before, he felt so...guilty at the thought of Tsukasa awaking to him holding his hand... It wasn't SAFE for him to do that. He could be CAUGHT! And... It wasn't fair to Tsukasa to do something like that without him knowing...like when he'd kissed him. It wasn't fair to him. And he would be hurt by it if he woke up in the middle of it. Tsukasa suddenly gave a soft sigh, and relaxed, snuggling closer into the nook of his right arm. His fingers ceased to clench so tightly on Tomonori's, relaxing. Tomonori waited for them to uncurl from his...

They didn't.

He could feel slight unease trickling in a droplet of icy sweat between his shoulder blades. There was an ache in his shoulder muscles from the strain of not touching Tsukasa. More worry played beneath the surface of his shield. Would those flawless liquid eyes open and widen in horror, would they cower, asking what on earth he thought he was doing? He could see the anger in his minds eye, shock...

Wh-wha?H-How...What are you doing? Y-You said you didn't feel that way! 'I know...I can't tell you how sorry I am...I'm so sorry...I was wrong.' He could see the flawless mirrors suddenly cold and gray as ice, could see them narrow in distaste, could feel those delicate fingers jerk away from his... You're SORRY? The tone, twisting and incredulous. Mocking. His delicate lips twisting into a sneer. It's a bit late for that, don't you think, Tomonori-san? 'I...I know...' He would twist into suspicion. "I'm sorry" won't heal these wounds...you caused them! You KNEW my body reflects my emotions, and you HURT me! How could you? Why would you do this to me?

How could he? He knew he didn't have an answer. All he had were apologies.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you, I didn't know!'

Yes you did! My friend TOLD you. Or don't you remember? "an angel's body reflects his emotions"...Wh-Why would you do this to me? You...I TRUSTED you, Tomonori-san... His tender eyes would cease to be hurt, and would be slivers of hard jagged ice. I hope you can tell what my body is saying NOW! I HATE YOU! You don't want me! You said you didn't, so just...just leave me alone! I HATE YOU!

He could feel himself tremble, but not from exertion. Quivering at the imagined rage, the rawness of the scream even in his mind.He could see the rage, the pain, the frustration Tsukasa would feel.

It scared him.

He should have known better...

His chest gave another sharp twinge of pain. He grimaced, swallowing down a faint hiss, pressing his free hand to the stabbing pain, pulling it from under Tsukasa's knees. Heartburn? Odd. It must be from all the stress of the day...good thing it was just one day. Just one evening...

He trembled all the more at the prospect of months like this...Tsukasa must be far stronger than he to take this strain so quietly, so passively...

The ache in his chest dimmed at the quiet hum of Tsukasa's energy. It soothed him, despite it all.

His mind cleared slightly. "Task at hand..." He reminded himself with a mutter. The task at hand. He glanced downward, throat tightening. Why were metaphors so poorly done?

It was beginning to get damp as well as hot in that grip...He was suddenly aware that he had forgotten to put back on his gloves again...or perhaps he had taken them off again? He couldn't remember...but he could always remember! He was Tomonori Nakaura...he had photographic memory...why couldn't he remember? Why was his head buzzing like this?

He swallowed, starting to feel faintly warm in the face. His heart began to thud louder, audible in his very skin, reminding him, this wasn't just any hand...Tsukasa's hand was on his...it was so soft...so small...so perfect...a blossom with five delicate petals on a slight stem of a wrist...warm too.

A sudden flash of memory, flames dancing over the hand now entwined with his, their delicate fingers curled around a core of white hot flames…

That was who he really was. The angel whose hands burned with a power he could not explain or remember. Tomonori had never quite been able to come to terms with that. To him, Tsukasa was a human, a young boy, with no parents, an orphan just like him, a boy who seemed so much younger than his seventeen years of age.

'An angel, sent to me by God. Who God has asked me to protect with all my strength.'

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. First things first, he had to free himself from this grip, it was making his mind wander. 'Yes, your increasingly more hormone driven MIND you pervy baka! God...Can't I stop thinking about him for just ten minutes straight? I'm supposed to protect him, not molest him.'

Bad sign...very bad sign...his stomach felt nauseous even thinking about that sort of action.

But no matter, he had to get free, if not because he wanted to, then at least so he could think straight. Those delicate fingers felt so...right in his. Tsukasa's smaller hand in his...It felt like it belonged...like he belonged holding it...

He moved slightly forward, skirting around the back of the chair to Tsukasa's other side, unwinding his arm from around Tsukasa's waist, agitated. All of that didn't matter! He had to get away before his blood pressure skyrocketed, and especially before Tsukasa woke up! He looked down hastily. Tsukasa's fingers were perfectly folded between his. his fingertips resting softly on the back of Tomonori's hand. His slender thumb cradled in the web of skin inside his own thumb, cradled between forefinger and thumb.

He could see how ghostly pale his own skin was, blue veins shockingly visible beneath his thin, colorless, tanless skin. Kept almost white by the concealing gloves he wore. Tsukasa's golden skin seemed too perfect to belong entwined with dead fingers, deathly pale, bleached from lack of exposure to the sun. Those slender golden fingers warmed the 'dead' hand, coaxing some shred of humanity into it's coloring. Tomonori felt a strange pang of guilt...He wanted those fingers to stay. It no longer felt oddly moist...it was actually comfortable, the grip gentle, barely holding. His hand felt...good entangled like that in his fingers…and it was so nice and warm...

He could almost imagine…that Tsukasa had taken his hand in a conscious sign of affection.

He sighed softly. 'but he wouldn't ever mean it that way' He reminded himself.

He didn't want to let go...but he had to...even just to move him...and if he awoke...

No...he couldn't do this...either way.

He carefully brought up his other hand to unwrap the fingers holding his. His heart hadn't slowed yet. And he was beginning to notice his own shortness of breath. He gave a sigh. 'I just need to get his hand off mine, that shouldn't be so hard...Then maybe...maybe I'll be able to relax.' Something in his mind retorted that THAT was probably a bit too much for hope for. He sighed again, willing his breathing and heartbeat to slow down to normal. Then he began to pry the fingers away from his hand. Finger by finger off of his. He had just managed to slide the hand loosely away from his, and was starting to breathe more easily when...

It was like a rubber band had been stretched back and let go, The fingers snapped up suddenly and clenched his hand more tightly, then jerked backwards HARD. Tomonori gave a sharp gasp as he was yanked by the arm, he stumbled forward with the force.

He was going to run right into Tsukasa!

His free hand snapped a grip on the table to stop himself from falling right into Tsukasa's back (or worse, his lap!) and waking him so rudely--not to mention painfully! Tsukasa's hand suddenly let go of his. He instantly used that one to balance himself better against the back of Tsukasa's chair and stop this momentum. One of his legs was caught in a chair leg. He tried not to move, frightened that he might accidentally knock over the chair or fall and--if the fall didn't wake him up first--make enough noise to wake up Tsukasa.

He didn't dare move, didn't dare breathe.

He felt the sudden sensation of arms around his waist, grabbing at him.

He froze, wobbling unsteadily, not so much as daring to breathe.

Was he awake? Had Tsukasa woken despite his efforts? He craned his neck to catch a glimpse of Tsukasa's face. Fear hammered in his heart, worried that the reflective eyes would be unveiled, that they would turn upon him, luminous, curious and he could see his own wretched fear there in the mirror-like surface...

He sucked in more breath to hold, hoping, dreading...

Tsukasa's eyes were sweetly closed, his forehead resting against Tomonori's breastbone like an infant's, wings gently furled. Had he been awake he would have surely heard the frenzied pounding of the heart within the ribcage. But being asleep, he heard nothing, there was a gentle murmur from his lips, something Tomonori couldn't hear. His brow was furrowed in an expression of worry.

Tomonori could suddenly see a possibility to what he looked like much of the time.

Tsukasa held tightly as though he was clinging on for dear life, he whispered something. Tomonori held his breath for an eternity, balanced precociously mostly upon his hands. His single good foot was too far forward to pull him up--having slipped. His knee was balanced on the seat of the chair, he didn't dare move it an inch.

So he had to rely on the one hand grasping the edge of the table, and another balanced on the back of the chair. Both were too far back as far as his comfort was concerned. His body shook from the strain. His strength wasn't enough to support this for long!

Tsukasa slept on. Tomonori finally let out the breath he had been holding. A beat of sweat tricked down his neck. He thanked God that the boy hadn't awoken, breathing deeply.

Close, too close...

Tomonori quickly moved to get his second foot away from Tsukasa's chair--away from his body, and on the ground again. New muscles were aching from the strain. He gave a soft sigh of relief as his captive foot made contact with the tile of the kitchen. He was gradually able to disentangle himself. He felt as though he had been involved in a rather nasty game of twister. His shoulders ached...but he was more conscious of the soft weight against his chest, of those arms around him...

Well...at least now he could move Tsukasa somehow. A part of him was incredibly relieved. The other part of him couldn't seem to get over how close he was to Tsukasa. He swallowed hard. He could see every eyelash, every glistening blond hair, every feather in his wings. Tomonori paused, curious. He searched for any blemish he could find, any reason why he shouldn't be attracted to him.

He felt something slosh uneasily in his stomach.

Nothing. There was nothing.

Not a single pimple, not a freckle, not a mole, or one tiny blemish or scar.

Eerily, inhumanly perfect...Of course...Tsukasa wasn't human...

His feathers framed his face, his large eyes closed in peaceful slumber. The only thing that was amiss was his expression of worry, and this desperate grip the young eraser had on his torso. A troubling dream?

Tomonori shook his head to clear it, sending his black hair into disarray, he pushed back an irritating independent lock that seemed to be trying with single minded determination and a mind of it's own, to land in his mouth.

No matter.

He had to move Tsukasa.

Perfect face, perfect body, and perfect soul notwithstanding…

That was all he had to do.

His eyes flickered over the boy's form. He would have to carry him in a position that wouldn't touch his painful scars, or mess the feathers on his delicate wings. Tomonori gently bent down to hook his now freed right arm under Tsukasa's knees. Tsukasa murmured in his sleep, letting go of him, drooping against his body. Tomonori fought an urge to smile. But it faded quickly, he frowned worriedly. It would be hard to keep Tsukasa's body upright without the angel holding on...

Tomonori paled at the thought of what he would have to do. He wasted several minutes just trying to think of another way...there didn't seem to be a less embarrassing one, though there were several that were worse...it made him want to cringe, but there was nothing else he could do…

He swallowed hard, irritably pushing that annoying strand of hair out of his eyes—at times like these, he really missed the bangs he'd had when he was younger…The irritation was distracting for only a second, before his unease returned at the prospect of what he was about to do.

He removed his arms from the small of Tsukasa's back and under his knees, then trembling, he lifted Tsukasa's arms, and placed them around his neck. His body shuddered violently, remembering for a moment what Tsukasa had done to him...what he had felt when the eraser kissed him—badly…but still...

He could hear this heartbeat pounding in his temples.

Tsukasa shifted, with a soft noise. One of his wings gave a twitch. Tomonori's stomach was clenched in knots. He couldn't awaken now! Not with how bad this must've looked! Tomonori swallowed another icy lump, feverishly watching Tsukasa's eyelids for the faintest flutter…

He didn't wake though, only moving instead to pillow his head on Tomonori's shoulder, holding tightly onto his neck.

He mumbled something again, and gave a little smile. He sighed in his sleep. Tomonori breathed a sigh of relief when Tsukasa settled back into his slumber. Tomonori scooped him up beneath the knees, cradling him in a half sitting position, with Tsukasa's side against his chest. One arm hooked under Tsukasa's knees, the other around the small of his back. Tsukasa's own arms around his neck, helped to keep him upright without accidentally hurting him.

Tomonori frowned. Odd. He felt light...maybe it was his eraser form...birds had hollow bones, maybe Tsukasa had some similar adaptation? There really was so little he knew about Tsukasa's past, about his race… but Tsukasa still couldn't remember large parts of his past either…besides, it would hurt him to ask for such personal information.

He'd probably forgotten things for a very good reason…

Sometimes Tomonori envied him for it. Sometimes he felt so genuinely sorry for it, that he wanted nothing more than to try to help Tsukasa remember with all his strength. But both thoughts were kept locked behind his mask—the helping feelings, to a lesser extent than the envy…

Tomonori pulled himself from the past, but not before a touch of sadness pervaded the soul behind the mask.

'…At least I'm not alone' He thought to himself, the faintest flicker of the shadow of a smile flashing over his solemn face. He turned his head slightly to look at Tsukasa 'At least I have Tsukasa.' He thought, gratefully.

It would be impossible for him to not appreciate having Tsukasa here with him. The boy was a blessing to him. If his God had ever given him a gift, it had happened the day he had noticed a blood streaked body huddled against the ground, rain pouring down all around it. The day he had found a boy, his long blond hair wet with rain and blood trailing in the grime of the wet street. his large eyes disfocused with pain, his body naked, and bleeding, and bruised, and his lips trembling as he begged for help from the one person who had stopped to listen…

How had he betrayed him so easily?

He was upset again, his fond mood gone.

Tsukasa murmured something close to his ear. His name, a faint whisper that was his name.

"mnh…Tomonori-san..."

Tomonori couldn't explain the fear, the joy, the simple wishing he had to speak back to him, even if he was sleeping, to confess this all to him with that single word he'd known as his from birth echoing from Tsukasa's lips...

But he was asleep! That was absurd! It wasn't as though he could hear him even if he spoke...

All the more reason to do it then, reasoned the longing part of himself.

He shook his head to clear it of all these conflicting emotions. All these strange things that had happened, his heartbeat becoming so loud, the longing so intense he felt it in his gut...longing just to speak back to him...asleep though he was...

Tsukasa's head nuzzled into his neck. His hot breathing trickled over the skin connecting the faintest edge of jaw to throat, just under his earlobe, sending strange feelings through him.

Danger... Whispered his stomach, his heart, his mind.

But his body was instantly lost in a strange feeling, like he was floating up and out of his skin on a cloud of the eraser's gentle breathing against him. His wing moved, touching his other cheek. Hidden, he was hidden away like he had dreamed of. Those soft feathers touching his face for a single moment where he held his breath, then they gently furled back along Tsukasa's neck and his shoulders, and Tsukasa's head tilted downwards further.

Tomonori fought to remain standing, suddenly breathless.

The moment passed. But he still couldn't resist pressing his lips to Tsukasa's temple as he walked slowly out of the kitchen, cradling his body gently. He used his elbow to bump the light off in the kitchen as he left.

The window at the end of the hall showed the moon, and the lights of the city of Tokyo, turning the sky pale even at this late hour…somehow Tsukasa could see the nature in this, but he certainly couldn't. All he could see was the lighting.

The lights of humanity, drowning out the stars he had enjoyed as a child. There were crickets chirping, but there was also the chatter of people crossing on the street, running errands even at this late hour.

He sighed, quietly so as not to disturb Tsukasa.

He really didn't like the city much, but Tsukasa enjoyed it…he liked to see people. Not necessarily talk to them, but just watch them.

He looked at his shoulder where Tsukasa rested. Another twinge stirred in his stomach…guilt, longing, sadness…all those emotions, just thinking of him.

He was warm against him, it was comforting. Comforting in a strange way that made Tomonori almost want to stay holding him for as long as possible…

But he knew he couldn't. He also knew he shouldn't be feeling sadness at that fact. The fact that he would have to let go.

He looked at Tsukasa, his perfect Tsukasa, and all he could see were his own faults…his thoughts aimlessly meandered over the reasons why he couldn't do this, how this could go wrong if he did, how Tsukasa might feel…

But still, what frightened him the most was this hope, this longing…how it was making him question…

Despite what he had thought…Could this be love?

Even with the experience of being mindbroken, it was a different kind of protectiveness that he felt towards Kirihara—she was a sweet girl. He didn't want anything to happen to her, and she had a good goal, one which he believed in as well: an end to the war, an end to the Aquarian age, a world where nobody would suffer…But it wasn't the same…it lacked the special closeness he felt towards Tsukasa. Somehow Kirihara felt more like the protection of a friend…while Tsukasa felt like…well…more.

He called Tsukasa his family, and he was. Tsukasa he had known for close to two and a half years. He had saved his life! And Tsukasa had certainly returned the favor. They cared for one another, looked out for each other. They enjoyed the other's company, something about them staying together just seemed to work.

Then there had been today…

And…the sweet angel he protected so zealously had somehow managed to gain…feelings…for him, of all people! And he had discovered his own feelings weren't as chaste as he would have had himself believe…

Today had turned topsy turvy everything else he had taken for granted as being true.

It felt like forever had passed by in this single day.

He felt old. He felt weary. And he was becoming rather sad at this whole prospect. He didn't want to hurt Tsukasa, he didn't want to feel this, and fight with himself for the rest of his life…or however long Tsukasa decided to stay with him…

He felt tired. Tired of all this.

He wanted to tell Tsukasa but he couldn't. He wanted not to tell Tsukasa but that would hurt him, and he couldn't do that…except he was going to, which made him angry…and…

He gritted his teeth, and began his ascent up the winding stairs, trying to still his whizzing mind.

It was darker here, but he could still see, and the feeling of Tsukasa's warmth close to him, was enough to tell him that this was real, in case the question arose—even he couldn't admit that amidst the worry he had, it felt nice to be close to Tsukasa…today that was wrong.

His mind was clearly elsewhere. He tripped, stumbling on the edge of his robe as he stepped on it, intending to make his way up the spiral staircase.

He caught himself, heart beating fast. Tsukasa shifted in his arms. "Unnh…?" He mumbled unintelligibly in his sleep. He moved slightly, tightening his grip on Tomonori's neck, cuddling closer, then drifting back into a deep sleep, his breathing still slow and even.

Tomonori gave another sigh of relief. What number was this on the growing list of close calls?

He had to get Tsukasa to bed soon, or he would be jumpy and stressed out until he did. This day already had enough bad surprises for him thus far.

The stairs winded on, upward. They seemed to last forever as he ascended to the floor where their separate rooms were located. Some part of him almost wished it could last forever.

He felt a blast of frustration run through him.

He hadn't wanted this to happen this way, he just wanted a family!

But he loved Tsukasa. He didn't have a family, not in the sense he had wanted at least…

But there were still other types of families…weren't there? He shook his head to clear it.

This wasn't what he'd wanted…but…it was what Tsukasa wanted. Tsukasa was like him too…wasn't he? Orphaned—for all he knew at least. Alone. Abandoned by his very race, and left here on this planet to die.

He didn't want all that either…What choice had he had? Just because HE didn't want something, didn't mean it wasn't going to happen anyway.

Tsukasa would have laughed at him. He felt so foolish.

You're so serious Nakaura-san…

He paused. Why had he remembered that? It had been so long ago…Tsukasa had barely known him…

But he'd had the same laughter…the same sweet smile…

Even almost three years ago when they had first begun to be friends.

He could remember like it was yesterday…

Tsukasa seeing earth almost for the first time—for the first time given his amnesia.

He'd practically skipped in his hospital gown. Free.

His memory faded back to a moment in a hospital garden, years ago.

"Is the sky always so blue?" had come the innocent question as the young boy stared up at the sky with obvious wonder. Tomonori had been taken aback, stirred from his internal broodings. He couldn't remember what he'd thought about back then, just the conversation with Tsukasa.

"Um…not always…why?" Tsukasa had turned his strangely empty eyes to him, shy confusion in them. "Because it seems…strange…a blue sky…" He had replied. His eyes had drifted to the ground. Pale blue hospital gown waving gently in the breeze. He'd put his hands to his head, a frown creasing his face in concentration "But that's probably just me…I mean…All I can remember is the rain…the sky covered in clouds…and…lying there…that's all…just rain…and…your face…asking me if I was okay…"

There was a tense moment of silence.

Tsukasa lowered his hands hesitantly from his temples, then blushed slightly in self consciousness, looking down at the ground.

"I'm sorry…I must sound so silly…not remembering the way I do." He'd smiled his sad smile to the dirt, golden hair shrouding him. A sort of deep loneliness was spoken of, just through his body language.

Tomonori had been strangely touched by this, strangely saddened, and moved, as he hadn't been in years, not since the day he had become an orphan. Not since he had become part of the Aquarian Age. He wanted to make Tsukasa feel better, wanted to comfort him. He felt compassion for Tsukasa. "No…not at all." He said hurriedly before his own social ineptness caught up with his voicebox. He fiddled with his glasses to distract from how flustered he was.

"Um…I'm just not used to talking with people…I'm so sorry. It must be awful for you…to not remember anything."

Tsukasa's vacant, distracted eyes turned to him, he smiled a bit more lightheartedly, shrugging. "It's not so bad…it's like everywhere I turn I see a miracle. Something new…" He raised his face to the sky again, sunlight pouring down on his long golden hair. His hand went over his heart

" I want to remember some day, but until then…this is fun. It's like being an explorer, just I'm rediscovering things I must have already known…it's kinda weird" He'd laughed softly, shyly at those last words. He spun around on his heel, gown billowing around him. He stopped with bright shining eyes, and a big smile. "But it's not so bad…and You're going to help me Nakaura-san…and the doctors are going to try to help me get back my memories too. It's not bad since I have all these people who want to help me like this…" Tomonori had smiled at the optimism of this strange boy.

Tsukasa's face became contemplative. He blushed shyly, somehow making Tomonori feel more at ease with him--It wasn't an awkward sort of shyness that he had, it was an endearing, childish act of innocent naiveté, that seemed to ask for someone to care for him.

Tsukasa mumbled to his feet bashfully. "The doctor said I had 'disassociative amnesia'. He said it usually doesn't last for very long…" Tomonori nodded quietly, touching a flower with a fingertip, then lowering his arms, uninterested. Distracted. "And it's brought on by a traumatic event, yes, I know. But it shouldn't last long, most cases don't from what I hear." He'd glanced at Tsukasa, half expecting him not to care, to be off skipping again. But he wasn't he was looking at him, like he was listening, like he cared. Tomonori had been surprised into holding his eye contact. Most people had just passed him off as an antisocial know-it-all by this point. But Tsukasa…he was…listening.

Tsukasa had smiled "Yeah…I'll probably have my memories back in no time!" Tomonori hadn't been able to stop his sigh, his worry. "I hope you're right…" Tsukasa's smiled had faltered for a moment, then it had come back even wider. He'd giggled, putting a hand over his mouth. "You're so serious Nakaura-san…" He had shrugged, somewhat self consciously to himself. "I'm not all that good with people." He'd admitted. Tsukasa had smiled at him "Don't say that, I like you, I really do!" Tomonori had been deeply surprised by this. People generally learned to tolerate him. He was quiet, he was part of the background, unnoticeable. But someone actually liking his company…it warmed his insides, he felt happy, for the first time in years, he felt happy. He'd managed a smile. "I like you too." He'd said back, quietly. Tsukasa's eyes had widened even more, his smile had faded into a stare of amazement. "Even…Even though I can't remember? Even though I'm asking stupid questions?" Tomonori had shrugged embarrassedly, fixing his glasses as he always did when nervous or thoughtful. "Sure…" Tsukasa had blushed deeply.

There had been an awkward silence between them for a few long minutes.

Tomonori had finally smiled at him. "If it helps you out, until we find out what happened to your family…um…" He broke off, embarrassed. It was too much to ask. But Tsukasa's expression had become delighted "You want me to be like your family? Really?" Tomonori had nodded "If you'd like…" Tsukasa had laughed. "That would be wonderful. Thank you." Tomonori could remember that he had imagined a great soar of happiness when he gained his family. But really all he felt was a vague sort of nervousness, like he could still somehow screw this all up…

His memories cleared away like smoke under a stiff wind with the fire put out.

'And three years later…I did. Wonderful. What a stupid father figure I turned out to be.' He thought savagely to himself climbing up the final stair. Tsukasa slept peacefully against him. A thin line of drool had snaked from his mouth. But for all Tomonori was trying to do. To see it as disgusting, he was possessed of a horrible urge to smile.

Dammit, it was cute to him.

He was going to have an otherwise disgusting wet spot in his shoulder and he still felt a strange stirring of attraction to Tsukasa.

There was nothing else for it…this had to be love.

Lust would have died out with Tsukasa's drool.

He still looked so sweet, with his eyes shut, fans of gold eyelashes resting on his skin, his expression relaxed, his mouth slack and open, his wings making tiny movements and jerks in his sleep…

Tomonori was strangely aware that Tsukasa's body, though slender, was full grown. Something in his mind wouldn't let him ignore the fact that Tsukasa wasn't a child. Tsukasa was nearly an adult. Another year…no, not even that! From this day to March when Tsukasa turned eighteen. Tomonori's heart gave a twinge at the thought 'Will he leave…?'

For him, turning eighteen had meant leaving the orphanage. It had meant his independence. It had meant he had gained his title as a demon hunter simply by surviving to that age--which wasn't quite easy in and of itself. It had meant something to him…but to Tsukasa…he didn't seem to have any plans…no college, no education beyond high school…

Now, Tomonori was faced with the question of whether or not, he may have been the cause for that.

He grimaced internally. He wanted what was best for Tsukasa. And he was quite sure that was not him. Tsukasa had to go off and function as an adult…perhaps what was best for him was if Tsukasa forgot about him completely.

The thought made a lump rise in his throat. He was nearly to Tsukasa's room. He noticed the bathroom door was open. His vision could remember the scrap of clothing poking from the door…how he had run, fearing the worst.

'No…I can't force him away…if anything happened to him, I would never be able to forgive myself. It wouldn't be right.'

But nothing was right, now. Not today, not from now on.

He sighed to himself at Tsukasa's door.

'I need to pray…consult God…perhaps when I have no answers, He will have one.' The thought comforted him a little.

But only a little.

He was disturbed by that. Before all he had was his God. He had only God before Tsukasa ever even came to him. The fact that Tsukasa seemed to matter more than even his God to him, was one that chilled him to his very bones. Had he a free hand he would have crossed himself, but he didn't have a free hand.

Guilt shifted uneasily in his stomach.

'I have to go. I have to go NOW.' He swung open the door, entering into a room as blank as his outer mask. It made him want to ask the room what it hid of Tsukasa. Tsukasa wasn't this blank…no…this much of a guest. He belonged here. But it seemed as though he didn't…

Tomonori made to set him down on the bed…and froze.

His bed still wasn't made.

Tomonori experienced a moment of blankness in his mind. He sighed again, allowing himself to sit down, still cradling Tsukasa. 'Now what? He can't sleep here…'

Tomonori considered taking Tsukasa back downstairs and setting him on the couch…but that couldn't be comfortable…and he was injured…so that meant…

Tomonori's blood froze at the implications to the unwary mind. But his sense of duty made him stand up and walk out of the room.

His mind was desperately searching for an alternative, it scrabbled like the claws of a cat being taken off to a bath. Tomonori knew it wouldn't find one. His feet still carried him. His mind was screaming not to do it. What if anyone found out and thought wrongly? 'They won't find out' Tomonori told himself grimly. He didn't like this…but Tsukasa deserved his sleep, and he didn't have the time to make his bed for him…there was nothing else he could do. He couldn't turn Tsukasa away and give him the lesser choice. What were the chances of anyone finding out?

Tomonori gritted his teeth, opening his own room.

His room would have been as unemotional, as guest-like as Tsukasa's, except for a few subtle differences. The desk in the corner was strewn with test papers. There was a day-by-day calendar with King James Version Bible verses for each day…and there was a picture on his desk as well.

It wasn't the same picture. It didn't carry the same memories that Tsukasa's did. He hadn't even been present at it's taking. He had been too busy. Mana had turned seventeen with a party. Part of the fun it had seemed, was a face painting. And apparently…Tsukasa had taken a turn manning the paints.

Somehow he'd been called on to do a design for every person in their little group, save Shiba, who like Tomonori had been unable to attend…

Marriage plannings were rather hard to get out of.

His wedding would be soon, judging from the rumors. Poor Shiba.

He didn't sound to happy about his arranged marriage, but his fiancée absolutely adored him, and he couldn't seem to get himself untangled from his family's expectations.

Mana and Kaname were next to each other on the left, with Itsuki and his twin sister Haruna on the other side, with Tsukasa in the middle

Mana's face was a glittering butterfly mask, with incredible detail to black veins in the wings, making her face look like a fabulous stained-glass picture. A mask of an unnaturally rainbow colored butterfly on the minbreaker's smiling face. She looked happy.

Itsuki had blacked one of his teeth, and Tsukasa had applied makeup that made him looked bruised and beat up…if he hadn't been grinning so broadly and sticking out his tongue, Tomonori would have been rather concerned. He'd put a patch over his eye so he looked more like an inter-city pirate than a high school student. Oddly enough, the look worked for him.

Kaname's face was split into halves, one half done up in red paint, demonic looking, the mouth painted into a snarl. Teeth had been painted onto his mouth to complete the expression. They were pointed. The other side had been painted a pale blue and white, with a faintly rosed cheek. This side of his mouth was transformed into a smile, the eyebrows made to look relaxed and more serene. If not for his eyes peering out blankly from behind the paint, he would have either terrified or made the watcher smile. Tomonori got chills just looking at him. Paint or not, Kaname was a darklore.

Haruna looked like a bird. She had a painted cone on her head that seemed to be a beak…except for the fact that she seemed to be laughing uncontrollably, her beak lopsided on her forehead, like a unicorns horn rather than a beak, an arm slung around her brother's shoulder.

Tsukasa looked embarrassed, but happy, squeezed in the center of his friends. Haruna and Mana each had one of his hands held up in front of them.

His delicate, slender hands were covered in smears of color, his face was just the same as ever, save one thing. Apparently he had accidentally touched his face because there was a mottled streak of red, white, blue and orange paint slashed across one cheek.

Tsukasa, upon coming home, had told Tomonori stories of the party for hours…his face had glowed with happiness when he had come home.

A few pictures had come in the mail some time later. Tsukasa had been trembling with excitement. He had run to show Tomonori the pictures. Then told him to pick one he liked. Tomonori had protested at first. These were supposed to be Tsukasa's pictures! But Tsukasa had insisted. Saying that he had to fill the otherwise useless frame one of the students had given him.

And so…he had chosen this one.

Chosen it because not only was it his master, and his fellow soldiers, but because it was Tsukasa's handiwork. Because it was Tsukasa who had told him the stories.

Maybe…even back then, there had been another reason…

Even now, the picture smiled bashfully at him.

The real version of the image shifted slightly in his arms. Tomonori moved through his room, and gently lay Tsukasa down, placing him on his stomach, lest he hurt Tsukasa. Tsukasa shifted, wrapping his arms around a pillow and burying his nose in it, smiling blissfully.

Tomonori felt a strange longing in him. It wasn't sexual—if it had been, he would have run from the room. It was protective. He wanted to crawl in beside Tsukasa and hold him.

As long as he held him, he would be safe…

His rational mind came back in an instant, indignant. 'Who would attack him here? He's at home. Nothing's going to get him…God…What's the matter with me?' Tomonori frowned. His expression softened as Tsukasa mumbled in his sleep. He carefully tucked a blanket over him. Tsukasa's shoulders squirmed, but he relaxed, snuggling down into the pillow some more. Tomonori's lips twitched. He held back the smile before it broke over his lips. He gently smoothed the hair out of Tsukasa's face. His wings spread out behind him, moving faintly with whatever dream he was so caught up in. His lips murmured something Tomonori couldn't hear.

Tomonori sighed softly. 'What am I doing here? I was going to ask my God for guidance…for some sort of relief from these feelings, and here I am, watching him sleep…like some sort of perverted stalker.' Tomonori faintly wondered what Tsukasa was dreaming, then felt embarrassment flutter in his stomach. 'Tsukasa thinks he loves me…he said my name…it's probably better that I don't know what he's dreaming…that's private…I shouldn't pry. I shouldn't be here right now…'

He felt like a stranger, in his own room. All the unease of the day seemed to be hitting him right now. He could feel his guilt, pressing heavily down on him. He nearly fled from the room.

He was sinful! He had to do something!

He had to confess what he had done…what he was feeling.

He practically fled from the house—Tsukasa would be fine on his own when he was asleep! Right now he was in dire need of someone else to talk to. The church doors were locked, but he had a key. He was a demon hunter. He always had a key. You could never be too careful. To him, a church was like an ammo supply cart to a person in need of more shells for their shotgun. But he wasn't looking for weaponry tonight.

He was looking for peace.

He fell to his knees before the alter and began to pray feverishly.

(((End of part 6))))

Hi. (waves nervously)

Because I know it's going to come up in at least one person's mind: despite the fact that this MAY BE a PG-13 level fic, Tsukasa is NOT having a wet dream about Tomonori! (groans and rolls her eyes) Seriously, I'm not that kind of writer! Honestly, do you think I would pull a stunt like that on my first beloved fic? I think not. Hee, I'm not that daring. (looks awkward) He might be having a dream about him, but it's not a dirty sex one. Seriously!

Glad you guys waited for me!

Thanks LOADS! I feel SO loved!

Um the seventh part…well…I guess at this point, it gets up when it gets up. The best guarantee that I can make at this point is…within a month, maximum. Unlike from projected chapters 8-11, I have almost nothing written for parts seven and eight. Plus, as a warning, eight's probably going to be a touch religious. (shrug) hey, sorry guys, but Tomonori's a priest. It happens. Deal with it. I'm not shoving it down your throat, I'm just fleshing out a character in an IC direction.

Yeah, I know. Tomonori's got a great memory eh? (sweatdrop) I've made him a sort of photographic memory…um…if you have Photographic Memory, you might want to describe it to me (it would be a big help) because I'm an auditory, and I have no clue what it's like. I can remember conversations in near-perfect detail, but I can't remember visual things for squat, so it's going to be a bit of a stretch for me to write at this point.

IF YOU HAVE REVIEWED THIS CHAPTER AND DO NOT SEE YOUR NAME HERE, IT JUST MEANS YOU REVEIWED AFTER MY LATEST CHECK FOR REVEIWS, AND YOUR RESPONSE WILL BE FIRST UP (in order of most recent pre-post on down, then the same for this chapter's reviews) NEXT CHAPTER!

Don't worry. I always reply. No matter how redundant the review—even if it's just to tell me to stick my head in a blender and clear myself from the face of the earth—it shall receive a reply!. (smirk) though in the case of the 'stick my head in a blander thing' it might not be…exactly nice. (cackles)

Oh…um…tell me please, are the paragraphs and the spelling better? I've been trying to work on them…it took me AGES to get my NEW (secondhand) COMPUTER to recognize all the weird japanese/juvenile orion words without doing little red lines. Hopefully it shows.

How'd I do? A little long, a little detailed, but hey, I've spent longer on this than anything else so far…it'll be like that anyway!

And anyway…on a lighter note (clears throat)

NF: Greetings reviewers, and welcome to another display of rampant insanity brought to you by HAMPSTERS!

Hamsters: (cut to hamsters treading in scientific looking spinning wheels generating electricity)

NF: HAMPSTERS! Have you changed your pellets today?

Hamster: (has big cute shiny eyes, makes an adorable little rodent grin) Feed me brains! (grows fangs)

NF: (nervous grin, shoves the hamster back in it's cage) Er...that's enough out of you. Now...to the good part of the parody/humor lines where I talk to the MANY reviewers who got bored over the summer and could only alleviate it with my shounan-ai work. Hmm. Note to self, feed the rodents double portions in the future whenever I need to go on vacation...I think this is what they would call an excellent example of big bang theory...There was a bang, and suddenly reviews pop up. NO PARAGRAPHS HERE BWAHAHAAAA! (snickers) I'm evil.

Argent Inluminai- Congrats to you my super-reviewer. Because you wrote an insanely cool long review, you get to go first in the responses! (bwahahaa) You seem to ramble nearly as much as I do...except yours actually has a point and doesn't repeat over and over the same thing the way mine does (I suck...). You officially ROCK! And um...thanks for the pocky I guess. (internally wonders 'what the heck am I going to do with sugar in my system?' insert mental maniacal laughter) Gee, how to respond to all the awesomeness you put in your review...I'm going to settle for being systematic for once.

1) Personally, the fifth chapter seems a little more OOC than usual (especially with the 'dream scene'. Literally two hours after I posted that I began to ask 'oh God, what was I thinking!'), but I'm glad you think it runs smoothly. That's a huge ego trip you've given me just for saying that. 2) So...you think it doesn't go overboard on the emo-ness? GOOD. Hee. You sound like quite the Tomonori fan...either that, or you just tend to think through these things the way I do, and go into really deep thoughts about hypothetical story situations the way I do. (smiles) I agree with you that he'd obviously have to deal with obstacles like this if he were to have this sort of 'feelings problem' (which would be why I'm writing it this way. ha ha ha.). And you sound like you'd typically be a rather 'tough reviewer' from what you seem to like in the story (reality can be hard to write) which makes this feel all the more like a reward to get a great review like this. However, warm fuzzy feelings aside, you know, I love a straightforward happy ending as much as the next person, and sometimes I hate to write struggles into what seems like the perfect setting, but in order to have an interesting story, you've got to have struggle. And if you put the reader fully in the character's shoes the way I'm trying to, you feel the strain, psychologically, emotionally, sometimes even physically. You're RIGHT THERE. And you aren't watching from the sidelines anymore like most third-person stories where the reader takes an omniscient view, as though they're God, hovering over the story (zooms around ghost style shouting 'whoopee!'), You're seeing through the character's eyes, and hopefully, feeling as they do, when they do. I think I really reached you, judging by your rave review (claps hands excitedly, cheering). You seem to be accepting the struggle as part of the eventual happy ending. That's great. Really great, because that's what I envisioned when I was typing this out. People like you are really a joy to write for. Thanks! (beams happily)

3) That's partially it, Tomonori's very rational and logical (think math.) But also, it is at once a touch simpler than that. Tomonori's wavering mostly because not only does he have limited self confidence (remember? He thinks he's not good enough for Tsukasa whenever he dares to even consider what he feels...insert eye roll) but he's struggling with a very definite set of morals which are SCREAMING at him that this whole thing is completely and utterly wrong. Psychologically speaking (especially Freudian psychology), he's trying to repress the urges in order to please his superego or conscience. Any person going through repression of a strong urge is put under tremendous strain. But also, he has his powers to deal with too. Remember. They're PSYCHICS...heh, I can't exactly go into what I used that particular thought for (not without giving away my evil plan. Muahahaa.), but think about what else could be effecting this problem of his...what he could be picking up that's weakening his conscience.

Notably, Tsukasa doesn't seem to have the same very definite set of morals that Tomonori does (I have a reason for this planned for revelation in a later chapter, so I once again can't go into deep thought here.) Tsukasa doesn't have to struggle against his Superego, what he has to worry about is Tomonori. He's worried about offending him, about making him uncomfortable, about whether he might think this is wrong or not (Though Tomonori seems to be refraining from passing judgement on him because he's afraid of hurting Tsukasa in turn.) and even past all those possible problems, he's worried about rejection anyway. He's got his past looming over him in this big dark cloud, which he feels makes him inferior, even deformed and therefore not good enough.--Technically, he already thinks he's been rejected, so now he's also trying to hold back, to stop himself, because he wants to please Tomonori. And on and on and on.

There's no single reason why they aren't together already. (There never is just a single reason in real life situations, you know...) Each person has their own number of reasons, even if there's a mutual attraction between them. There is a very real chance...if either conscience gains dominance over the rest of themselves then they'll likely never get together...but I'm probably going to cheat to make the ending happy anyway...probably...bwahahaa. Lets just hope I don't get depressed and give a bad ending. (crosses fingers)

4)heheh. Hold on. Does everyone think I'm looking for pervy pairings to write? Gee, actually I wasn't asking for things to write...I mean, usually what people suggest to me I use as a springboard instead of snatching the idea. It was more a matter of interest, asking for unexpected pairings and laughing about it to myself...(I'm so easily amused...) But your ideas did light up some interesting thoughts for me, even if it's only for an idea for a non-romantic encounter...but maybe...maybe a thought will come up for me to write one of your ideas...I'd say it's much more probable to have ItsukiXTomonori than TomonoriXWhite Rabbit. But...You never know. I'm really very fond of TsukasaXTomonori ((sigh) my great weakness…)...but maybe I'll get an idea that works, and if I do, I'll dedicate the story to you, because it IS an idea with potential, ItsukiXTomonori I mean... (thoughtful)

5) Squee! Bonus points! Yay! So you don't think I'm an insensitive jerk, you think I'm worth laughing at. Well good, you have a sense of humor in addition to actually thinking through the eyes of a character. Boy do you rock! I'd be really happy to get another review from you if you have the time (and the boredom (wink)) Thanks again for being the perfect little test gerbil reader for me! Here...have a pineapple! It's fresh and it's from Florida...you know, I would give you some ACTUAL non-pervy citrus, but we're not allowed to grow them where I live because they had a canker scare and they didn't want the disease to spread to any possible major crop farms in the area. (does that suck or what?) But...er...that pineapple ought to be plenty sweet! (flings pineapples) Thanks again for the review and the pocky! I have more weirdness for you at the end of the reviews...just in case you need a laugh still. Please keep reading!

Shisshi- Bravo! Finally, someone else who reads DD! If I wasn't so weird about lack of touch, I'd glomp you...but maybe I'll just send you a bishie in the mail or something (Raenef glomps Shisshi then goes back to eating tomatoes like nothing ever happened...) Y'know...It's funny but there are vague parallels on the surface between Eclipse and Tomonori and Raenef and Tsukasa. Heheh, not to mention both sets make great couples (devilish laugh) But still. Here's tons of tomatoes for you! Happyfaced ones! (shifty eyes) Make sure nobody does a death drill with one eye on them eh? (laughs) Um...I believe I have addressed the paragraph thing and the descriptiveness crap quite a bit by now (sweatdrops). You officially can whack me on the head for being too far along (not to mention too obsessively crazy) on this past chapter to do anything about the descriptiveness factor. I spent seven times as long on this chapter as I did on any other pervious(--ahem! PREVIOUS! What a weird typo! (cough)) one. So my fingers seem to have attempted to compensate with something insanely long. (sigh) Expect long chapters for a while I guess. I have parts done up to chapter eleven you know (chapter eleven in particular's rather lengthy right now...)... Er...paragraphs I'm working on still, though. GIANT TOMATO! (grin) Yay for pathetic demons! Though technically, Raenef's a demon LORD, and Eclipse is the demon...but Eclipse isn't pathetic enough (Eclipse sets her on fire and she goes screaming off the screen shouting 'please keep reading! AIEEEE MY HEAD!')

Evfrosyne, empath89, and Tha Wrecka- I'm very glad you liked it! I hope you keep reading. Yay for TXT slash (passes empath a banner and a new TXT T-shirt), and yes...paragraphs are hopefully improving...gee, are they that bad? I have ...(counts) er...an almost obscene number of people telling me my lack of paragraphs royally sucks. Note to self: convert to visual learning! I honestly can't tell if things are badly spaced half the time because I'm too absorbed in my own little world. Again, I apologize most humbly. You may now throw your rotten fruit. (blindfolds herself and cringes)

Shi Ting- (convulses in horror) Oh...(twitches) and nice name. Hee Hee. Shi Ting. I like it. (cough)Well...(swallows) You have established that I'll never have a pervy mind as long as people like you can refrain from provoking the neurotoxins and expensive therapy from going to waste. (weak smile) I guess I asked for it. Good thing I don't have to write that...God, that would kill me... (sticks some soap in her ear and scrubs around a bit) Thanks nonetheless for actually reading the note. (smirk) poor Tomonori would have a nosebleed at best at the suggestion... (giggles at that bit, and adds clueless Tsukasa) (cackles) I believes I haves an idea... (giggles) I suggest you keep an eye out for your appearance in the next chapter's and of chapter parody, okay? You've given me a brilliant idea. Thanks loads for being such a great sport too. You are hereby placed on the list of 'people to get the bishounan angst slaves to glomp for me' (eyes the cage) Who's the lucky guy? (sniggers) angstslaves: (gulp)

saiko-hannah-chan- (looks vaguely uncomfortable as she's hugged) er...thanks! It's really nice to get people who despite catching whiffs of OOC-ness still go so far as to call it 'brilliant' (though my thesaurus like brain thinking that it would be nice to have a 'shiny' story instead kinda ruined the moment by becoming unbearably weird on me again...) Hopefully you won't have to wait all that much anymore for updates, no matter how beautiful or descriptive my story may be, it's no good if it stays in one chapter forever! (blinks as she's sprayed) gee...and the doctors told me that a bite from a six headed evil venus flytrap wasn't going to get infected...(sigh) that's the last time I visit that quack! Don't worry. I might not like my ideas sometimes, but they don't often run out on me...writers block isn't a big issue for me most of the time--especially when I have other people's ideas to bounce off of. But thanks anyway! The thought is extremely kind, and I appreciate it. All you really need to worry about is my superiority issues--if I don't think my idea or story is good enough, I won't post it! The real thing I worry about is having a lack of good ideas. ...'psycho' eh? (laughs) well done. I don't suppose you have a particularly colorful assortment of straightjackets? ...lime green and black striped anywhere? (hopefully) Heheh. You rock. Here...take some dancing strawberries. (strawberries hop over and begin breakdancing)

Pell-mell- hahahaahaaa! And you thought last chapter was long! (grins irritatingly) But you're someone I EXPECT is a fan of Tomonori (judging by your own story that is), so hopefully this one is a bit more to your liking. Technically I wasn't ungrounded when I updated chapter five, I cheated. Shame on me.(slaps herself) Hey...update YOUR story, okay? It...grew on me, alright? (looks shifty) Technically when I copy/pasted it all to my personal disk for my laptop fanfiction library, I wasn't ungrounded either...I'll have to check and see if there are any updates. Oh, and I swear when I get back, I'm giving you so many reviews that your head spins! Your story is far more creative than mine, I'll have to struggle to be as inventive as you! Grr...(You're so cool!) Few people can pull of a romance with Tomonori without Tsukasa, and you're one of them! Keep up your own good work, okay? I'll go review it until the cows come home when I have a free moment! You get some dancing strawberries too...er...these ones seem to be...bellydancers. (sweatdrops and chucks the plant over.)

Bo Jang- Oh I dunno...wish you could read it too? Hmm...can you even read this? (jokingly) Hope you can catch up and tell me to fix my paragraphs like everyone else! (smiles) drop a review when you get the time to finish, alright? Sorry for the long chapters which are giving you difficulty, I just hope you get the chance to read them... (smiles) tell me what you think when you finish, alright?

Worthless Shadow- Now now now...sometimes random fluff is good...small doses can be nice or even show a contrast if used in a sad story, but still I'm glad you DON'T count my story as a plotless bit of decorative poofy cotton to blow off and let flutter in the breeze. Fluff tends to snag on the plot line, it doesn't work very well --unfortunately enough-- in most stories. (sigh) Often times it makes you feel good, but doesn't really do much else. It's fluff. It tends to be pretty useless if you're trying to string along a plot. It's a suspense killer. Suspense has spikes. Covering spikes in cotton kinda defeats the purpose of SPIKES. (wow I feel poetic writing to you...(giggles)) Still...I MAY have something fluffy coming up...but not with Tomonori and Tsukasa--so it attributes to the angstyness! (tell me what you think when chapter eleven comes along...assuming I don't have a radical plot changing idea, it'll be there. And yes, it'll be quite obvious...) Oh? I amuse you? For shame! Gee, if you want to be amused, I think 'Sex Ed' my one shot would be good for you if you haven't already read it... (grin) But still...there's parody at the bottom of the review responses. (grins) Enjoy! (or else! (wink)) I'm considering making it a more or less customary morale booster from now on, because it's fun to write. (sniggers) Should I?

Moon Maiden of Time- CUTE? (aghast) oh dear. My machoness is insulted...and I'm a girl too! (smirk) Don't tell anyone...if they find out it's cute I'll have to change my name and hop over the border to Mexico to escape the shame. (giggles) When will they learn? (cackle) Well if I told you, it wouldn't be good storytelling now would it? Not to mention I haven't even written the chapter yet, so I couldn't give you the specifics anyway...(eye roll) Um...The response at the top to Argent Inluminai details what problems I can see that Tomonori and Tsukasa have to deal with in order to reach the happy ending. I feel cheap copy/pasting in the same review response to two people (it's just not fair I guess), but that response has the deep psychological crap in it if you want to look (around number 3 I believe). I tried to explain most of the basic issues that may, or may not be clear to everyone right there. (smiles) Thanks for reviewing though, I really appreciate it. Notably though, Tsukasa doesn't exactly think it's the best idea in the world to love Tomonori either, (because it makes Tomonori uncomfortable etc.)...er...it's a two way problem you see...actually more than that, but you get the point. (waves hand dismissively) Here's a CUTE strawberry for you. (washes hands afterwards) Er...I think it's a chibi too...notice the big sappy eyes and all (shudders) and to think it was growing in MY garden! (venus flytrap eats a dog passing by in the background) I don't understand it at all (mystified by the presence of 'cuteness')

Remeira- is the washcloth because you don't feel well or because chapter five had some embarrassing situations? (wince) If it's the former, I hope you feel better. If it's the latter, gee I'm sorry...want a blindfold next time mental picturing calls for naked people? (folds up a giant TXT banner to make a blindfold and ties it on Remeira's head) (grins) and it's stylish too! You know... I've never tried talking to spiderplants, but when my herb garden starts growing, I'll berate it constantly for spreading too fast and choking my ever-bearing strawberries, and I'll tell them that they're famous, and they'd better shape up before the camera crews come asking for autographs. (giggle) You want a dancing strawberry? Hmm...here's ballet...here's 'slow dancing'...which sounds good to you? (the ballet plant balances on it's root tips and begins imitating a prancing unicorn battling against a small scale hurricane/blackhole opening in the middle of it's peaceful meadow while the slow dancing ones seem to be involved...doing something rather graphic) er...your pick?

Ryzuki- fear not oh eraser fangirl...for you are sadly going to have your mind split up into thirds forever and ever...oh boohoo...NOT. Here...um...well...I don't seem to have any Gabriel paraphernalia...maybe I should work on that for you... (crosses out 'TXT' and writes 'Gabriel') there! Now you have a Gabriel banner! all betters. Um...don't let Lafayel hear you talking, he'll probably get overexcited and something bad will happen because of it(cringe) I STILL don't have that muffin mix off the ceiling... (mutters to herself)

(((For everyone who liked the 'parody'...er sorry. this is my vent you see, it makes me feel much better after writing in a characters head for too long. This time's is especially long.))))

NF: (ahem) Welcome back reviewers! This week's 'review chat' is brought to you by millions of evil hamsters running in their wheels.

(cuts to hamsters)

hamsters: (whirring wheels and feral growls)

(cuts back to NF)

NF: and now... (ahem) Ryzuki, I can assure you, Gabriel is fine...in fact, I think his master rescued him somehow with a giant wet noodle and they skipped over the rooftops into the sunset somewhere...(waves hand dismissively)

Remeira: (blinks. the massive banner blindfold is off-balancing him/her) (Remeira falls over under the crushing weight of fandom)

Tsukasa: (innocently to Neurofeces) Really? How can you tell that's what happened to Gabriel?

NF: how else would Lafayel be lying over there, KO-ed with a giant wet noodle and muttering about insolent inferior humans?

Tsukasa: (blink) oh...when you put it that way...

Tomonori: (eyes the noodle) ...hn...whoever cooked that noodle overdid it.

NF: that would be your expert opinion oh mighty master chef.

Tomonori: ...(A vein pulses in his forehead)

Gabriel: (pops in out of nowhere to make Ryzuki happy) ...Master? (wondering where his master just went)

NF: Hey you! (jabs a finger at him) You'd better look...oh, I don't know...Gabriel-esque? Whatever...DO IT so I keep another reviewer happy!

Gabriel:... (tries to look more noble, but just seems confused)

Tomonori: You know...you could leave us out of this...(rather annoyed)

NF: (shrug) yeah, I could. But me dancing with an accordion and a pile of strawberry plants and a hat out to collect reviews doesn't work out as well as something filled with lots of pretty-boys. It's a marketing thing. (waves hand absently)

Tsukasa: (blink) We're a marketing ploy, Tomonori-san?

Tomonori: (looks pissed at Neurofeces, but hugs him anyway reassuringly) apparently...but that doesn't mean I care for you any less, Tsukasa.

Tsukasa: (beams and hugs him tightly around the chest)

NF: (whistles loudly to catch their attention) HEY! Get a room!

Tomonori: (glares and gets quietly embarrassed)

Tsukasa: (blinks)

NF (walks off muttering to herself)

Tsukasa: You know, she's a very strange person Tomonori-san...

Tomonori: (left eye twitches as he glares at Neurofeces' back) that's one way to put it...

Lafayel: (groans and sits up) (eyes narrow as he catches sight of Gabriel)

NF: (notices he's up) Oh good, you're not dead yet...I might have had to get someone else to wear the costume... (smirks and looks at Tsukasa)

Tomonori: (protective) Don't you dare put him in something like that!

Tsukasa: (innocent and helpful)Why not Tomonori-san, I don't mind...

Tomonori: (blanches)

(Sudden silence...crickets chirp and fangirls look overjoyed)

Tsukasa: um...what's wrong Tomonori-san?

Tomonori: (flushes then whispers to him) Tsukasa...Do you have any idea what the fangirls would do if they caught you in something showing that much skin?

Tsukasa: (hesitates then looks over at Neurofeces)

NF: (shrugs and grins nastily) Don't ask me, I don't count as a fangirl. I'm the anti-fan. I'm nobody's fangirl, in fact, I dedicate my life to making happy bishounan like yourself, angsty and miserable. bwahahaa. Fear me. (grins)

Tsukasa: (unsure what to say to Neurofeces) Oh...(turns back to Tomonori) But...it would be bad...If I looked like Lafayel does?

Lafayel: Look bad? (insulted) How dare you suggest I don't look fabulous!

NF: (sweatdrop) Easy Lafayel. You still have more fanboys than anyone else except maybe Mana Kirihara herself. And you're not even a mindbreaker! (Thinking to herself that she's gonna die for this later)

Tomonori: (huge sweatdrop)

Fangirls: eeeew...

Lafayel: (looks rather pleased with himself)

NF: (turns back to Tsukasa) What your overprotective preist-friend is trying to say...

Tomonori: (insulted) I'm not overprotective!

NF: (waves hand) Fine. You're not overprotective, you're just paranoid.

Tomonori: (bristles and seriously considers dismembering her but decides it wouldn't be good for Tsukasa's virgin eyes)

NF:(clears her throat) What he's trying to say is, if you were in that costume, I'm guessing you would be ripped to shreds--your clothing included--by the exuberant females on site. ...And if not, then you would possibly be glomped thoroughly by a group of people who all want to have your babies...but that's the general idea. And typically the fangirls who would go so far as to have your babies don't tend to think that far into the future...(waves hand dismissively) But a lot of your other ones aren't too bad...You'd probably get candy or something from them and people wanting to take your picture because you're cute or something. (rolls eyes)

Tsukasa: (shivers at the 'extreme fangirls' mental image)

Tomonori: (glares in case any people might try to rip Tsukasa to shreds, protectively holding him closer)

NF: OOH! Speaking of candy, I'm not a sugar person. (passes out tasty looking reverse pocky and kudos snack bars) A very kind reviewer named Argent Inluminai passed them by. If you see her Tsukasa...give her a hug. It'll probably mean more coming from you than from me

Tsukasa: Oh! How nice of them! Is this for me? (eyes get even wider)

NF: It is now! Take them! OH!...and share with the rest of the angst slaves, okay? Can't have people thinking I'm becoming a fangirl or anything (shudders and controls the urge to go wash herself clean or something)

Tsukasa: (smiling cutely) OKAY! (takes a bite, beaming) Here Tomonori-san, try some! It's delicious!

Tomonori:...(isn't a sugar person either) Well...

Tsukasa: Please? (uses Bambi-eyes version #53 on him)

Tomonori: (sighs but can't resist the cuteness) oh...alright... (tries some pocky)

Tsukasa: (waiting)

Tomonori: (blink) ...you know...actually...that is QUITE good...

Tsukasa: (beams)

NF:... (both begin devouring the sweets) (Neurofeces sweatdrops)

Gabriel: ...um...Is there a problem?

Lafayel: I WILL ANHILIATE YOU DOWN TO YOUR VERY LAST CELL! (Attacks Gabriel)

Gabriel: (looks vaguely worried) I really am not enjoying this tendency of yours to violence... (shoves him off in another direction)

Lafayel: (swearing loudly as his scarf tangles around his head temporarily blinding him)

NF: (whips out a giant contract and glasses) (squints and reads while Lafayel struggles with his strange clothing choice in the background) Well...you're in luck Gabriel, the fine print says that you don't have to enjoy this...the reviews go up for you just showing up! (grins at him and rolls up the giant parchment scroll again.)

Gabriel: (frowns) (Doesn't remember ever signing a contract, but is too polite to make a fuss about it) ...We really do not have to get into this Lafayel...

Lafayel: (snarls, fixing his scarf up again) You've stolen yet another fangirl from me, you longhaired twit! I WILL KILL YOU!

Gabriel: (sighs resignedly)

NF: (claps hands excitedly at the thought of violence and incidentally stops Lafayel as he looks around for whoever is 'mocking' him) Wonderful! Smashing! You go and do that! I'm going to go get some REAL food...like PICKLES! (turns around and ignores the fact that Lafayel is glaring death at the back of her head)

Lafayel: (muttering to himself)

NF: (skipping happily towards the refrigerator, beaming) Now I can scratch 'cause chaos and mass destruction' off the things to do list...I love this job! (scratches it off humming contentedly) now let's see... what else to do...(remembers Ryzuki) AH...HEY RYZUKI! I FILLED IT UP WITH ERASERS!

(soda machine begins spewing 'pink pearl' erasers all over the place)

Ryzuki: (grins nervously and glomps Gabriel to remove the frightening experience of being leered at by Lafayel/being pummeled by rubber erasers from her mind.)

Gabriel: (looks vaguely surprised but again doesn't say anything)...Hello... Have we met?

Ryzuki: (waves, then shakes head 'no') (puts on a big smile)

Gabriel: (sweatdrop)

Lafayel: (plows into both of them and snarls) NOW you've stolen my fangirls AND you've just stolen my story opportunity! (screams) I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Gabriel: (looks mildly concerned) oh dear...again?

Ryzuki: NOOOOOOOO! (glomps Gabriel tighter)

Gabriel: (trying to breathe)

Lafayel: (hisses like a cat)

NF: Oh don't worry Lafayel, I might make a story with you in it anyway...and you're not listening to me...uh...sure...right...(scratches head absentmindedly and begins plotting for more stories while muttering to herself) Thanks for waiting Ryzuki! I'll update soon! (backs away slowly as Lafayel and Gabriel continue to fight, now with Ryzuki permanently attached to Gabriel's waist)

Tomonori&Tsukasa: (taking to opportunity to squeeze each other inseparably in the background now that nobody is looking at them)

NF: (stares at them glowering) AND YOU STILL CAN'T ADMIT YOU HAVE THIS WHOLE FORBIDDEN LOVE ISSUE--which is a load of balderdash by the way--AND REALLY THINK THE OTHER IS SOME SORT OF PERFECTION ON EARTH? GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO! BLIIIIIND!

Tomonori&Tsukasa: (fall over in shock at the loud shout and land in a rather 'compromising position) (blush brilliant scarlet)

NF: (grins evilly) (whistles and skips away into a fake sunset and splats.) ow...my skin...derrrn...(passes out in a mass of cancerous ash)

Tomonori&Tsukasa: (pretending that they didn't just fall on each other and whistling 'innocently' while the other two erasers plus eraser-fangirl bicker it out)

Gabriel: (stops) Master!

Mindbreaker (is his name 'Kuro'?): ...(grins) What have I told you about playing rough, Gabriel?

Gabriel: (looks ashamed) I'm sorry master, it will not happen again.

Kuro: Hey...it was a joke--oh...it's you again. You know, you really need to work on this whole 'clothing covers skin' issue...

Lafayel: (hisses)

NF: (tosses Kuro the noodle)

Kuro: (whacks Lafayel with the noodle)

Lafayel: (knocked clear across the room and lands muttering semi-consciously about Mizunagi being a baka who stole his teddybear)

Tomonori: (blink) Tsukasa...do you get the feeling we're the only sane people here?

Tsukasa: (blinks innocently) Huh? Um...No...not at all. (looks down at the ground, blushing)

NF: (clears throat) HEY! WHO WANTS TO EAT THE NOODLE!

Tomonori: (sweatdrops a waterfall) Oh...good...me neither.

NF: (finds a giant stewpot of broth) BWAHAHAAAA! GIANT RAMEN! (dunks the noodle in)

Tomonori: (sighs resignedly)

Kuro: (grabs Gabriel's hand and the two of them skip off happily into the sunset)

Tsukasa: (watches them, blushing) (looks up at Tomonori and blushes redder)

NF: ...(stage whispers to Tomonori from the corner) PSST!

Tomonori: (turns around) (blink) Er...yes?

NF: If you're looking for a scenic time to confess your undying love to him...now seems pretty good...right? (wicked grin)

Tomonori: (ignores her, and is surprised nearly out of his skin as Tsukasa jumps on him and begins trying to kiss him senseless)

NF: (bears a pasted on smile of horror while fighting the urge to sweatdrop)Er...okay... Well, at least one of them has good timing... (sweatdrops anyway)

Shiba: HEY! YOU!

NF: uh oh...

Shiba: You-- (catches sight of Tomonori and Tsukasa making out) (goes super pale and runs away screaming)

NF:huh...That was rather...different...

(the single light behind the fake sunset goes out because the hamsters have gotten free and are now hunting for brains.)

NF: Oh bugger...(screams of agony as the hamsters devour her brain)

Tomonori & Tsukasa: (completely oblivious--still making out)

hamsters: (ignore the two bishounan) BRAINS! (they look suspiciously like those weirdly adorable hamtaro hamsters except hamtaro didn't have fangs with blood dripping from them...)

(a wave of killer hamsters descends into the world of the Aquarian age)

TO BE CONTINUED WITH FUTURE BOREDOM! (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN, DUN DUN!)

No bishounan, fangirls, or LOVELY reviewers

were harmed in this sudden and unexpected plague

of killer cutesy hamsters

...just the loony authoress...and don't worry.

I'll get better...

eventually...

you know…

with lots of chicken soup and expensive therapy? (nods sagely)

This week's featured couples were: Tomonori & Tsukasa, plus minor, halfhearted Kuro & Gabriel...plus evil hamsters and dead Neurofeces and noodles...etc.

From the person who's nuts about postscripts:

Er...yeah, I'm still here. Um...I just wanted to say...Thanks for waiting guys! I wanted to say, I have a few more stories in the oven (I can't bake, notably, so I expect at least half of them to catch fire and never make it to post...but still, I'm working on it!) expect those to pop up every once in a while...I write just about every genre, so you'll probably find something in not too long...Oh, and I'm not a person to add romance in everywhere (despite what this might look like...) so a few of them are bound to not have pairings if that's really not much of your thing (in which case, I have to ask...er...why are you reading this? I'm not that weird of a writer am I? (nervous))

See you again soon! Wish me luck on that 'rampant ideas' problem of mine.

REVEIW PLEASE AND TAKE SOME PINEAPPLE ON YOUR WAY OUT! GOLDEN RIPE!

(the screen is invaded by evil hamsters)