Disclaimer: I don't own Radiata Stories. Nor do I own any of the other things I shamelessly ripped off for this chapter...well, except for where I ripped myself off but I'll have words about that with myself later. XD
Well, for better or worst – here's chappie three.
Idiocy Is Contagious
Chapter Three
Enter the Archenemy - Mwahahaha…
The sweet rays of early morning had found their way to the quiet and peaceful streets of Radiata. Tucked in their homes, the many many people were sleeping soundly, holding dearly to that last 5 minutes before time to wake. The birds flew gracefully in the skies and the pigs raised their heads and yawned a deadly yawn. Yes, the place was the true picture of paradise.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH," Jack ran through the streets, hands waving frantically over his head.
"Yo! Wait up dude," Alvin huffed. "Like, slow down will ya?"
Jack had no other choice but to slow down. His whole night had been spent running.
-Flashback-
He remembered the pink bows. They haunted him viciously. Pink ribbons, pink bows and pink bonnets. Pink, pink, PINK!
He was only five and his older sister had a mean streak. She took her younger brother and dressed him in pink from head to toe. Thus, to this day he suffers from a severe case of pinkaphobia.
Felix sat straight up in bed and screamed.
Wait! Wrong flashback… Sorry about that… Oh, forget the flashbacks – they're overrated. Okay, first Jack had run into Charlie.
"Hey, get it right! The name's 'The Super Powered Masked Avenger'," the Avenger corrected.
Oh, yeah… The Super Powered Masked Avenger had first run into Charlie who wanted an autograph on his…elbow. (Hey, this is a T rated fic) Needless to say that this was a horror beyond words.
It had just struck the hour 9pm on the phantom clock.
"Yeah," the Avenger stated to no one in particular. "That clock just randomly pops up in the western sky. Kind of creepy…"
Anyway, it was 9pm and The Super Powered Masked Avenger was innocently scouting the city, peeping in on anyone he could find – innocently; when he spotted the perfect location for a crime. The Olacion Order! Yes, he would snoop around there for signs of injustice.
Before long he had found his way to the confession stand and sat in the comfortable (not) chair.
"Yeah, even us super heroes need rest."
Okay, shut it Jack…err, The Super Powered Masked Avenger. I'm trying to tell a story here. Where was I…
…
…
O.o ...
…
…
PINK!
"AHHH, LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PSYCHO FANGIRL!"
Sorry Felix, force of habit. Back to the story…
The Super Powered Masked Avenger sat in the chair when there was a tap on the window beside him. He carefully slid the window open slightly.
"Who's there?"
"You gotta."
"You gotta who?"
"You gotta get out of that box you juicy hunk of hero you," Charlie giggled.
Ahh, I'm going to skip straight to the chasing part. Ja… The Super Powered Masked Avenger was fearful for his life and he ran. He ran straight out of the Olacion Order Chapel and into Vitas who was wondering the walkway.
"Well, it's the capped weirdo! You know, there might be a cat stuck in a tree somewhere you can rescue," Vitas taunted.
"Yeah, well any damsel in distress will do. You guys are on your own."
Vitas glared at him, her eyes shining red and her hair standing straight out from her head. "What did you just call me?" the voice of a demon asked.
"Whoa," Jack waved his arms frantically out at her. "Didn't mean… Aw crud!" He turned and ran, once again, for his life.
As irony and misfortune would have it, his run took him straight into the heart of the Void Community. But he didn't stop, not until a voice called his name.
"Jack!"
The Avenger stopped in mid run and turned. A girl leaned against the wall. Her dark hair was up in pigtails and her eyes were yellow.
"Who? I'm none other then The Super Powered Masked Avenger!"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah… anyway, something just has to be done about Rachel."
"Is the fair Rachel in danger?"
"No, it's more like Aldo's in danger."
"What about Rachel?"
"She's the danger."
"Huh?"
"She's trying to force Aldo to learn the Achy Breaky and Cecil the Electric Slide."
The Avenger looked at her in shock. "The horror of it all! Wait, I thought you said Aldo's in danger. You didn't say anything about Cecil."
"I don't like him much."
"But you like Aldo?"
"It's the whole men in uniform syndrome."
"Men in uniform…And I don't count? I'm in uniform."
"You're dressed in your PJs with a bath towel tied around your neck and a sleeping mask with eye holes cut out on your face."
"Cool huh?"
"Not. But seriously, you need to go take care of Rachel."
"Rachel, oh right… I call on the Super Powers of the Mask!" The Avenger said in a failed attempt at a deep tone as he darted away.
"Um, yeah. I think I'll go stalk Elwen now." Lily announced.
The Avenger ran through the streets and straight to the Red Lotus Metropolis Party Room. Sure enough, there was Aldo and Cecil dancing in a horrid fashion. Rachel stood over both men, a bull whip in hand.
"DANCE FOOLS! Dance like there's no tomorrow! If you don't get it right I shall force you to do the Macarena!"
"So!" exclaimed the Avenger, putting his hands on his hips and standing very super heroish. "If it isn't my archenemy Freaky Dance Step Girl!"
Rachel laughed hysterically. "You'll never stop me The Powered Super Avenger Mask!"
"That's The Super Powered Masked Avenger. Why can't anyone get it right?"
"Long names lead to easy blunders," announced Genus.
"Oh, I need another person for the Congo Line." Rachel smiled evilly. Believe it or not, the girl is evil I tell you…evil.
"Eek!" exclaimed Genus, disappearing.
The Super Powered Masked Avenger looked around the room, searching for one way to stop his formable foe. Then it hit him, an idea so brilliant…so cunning, no one would have expected him to think of. He darted across the room and snatched up every record in sight.
"Nenner nenner nenner," he sang, running out the door.
"Theif!" Rachel shouted, taking chase.
The Super Powered Masked Avenger had just rounded the first corner when he all but ran into Charlie and Vitas.
Now our…err hero had a mob of three angry people chasing him. Well, Charlie wasn't exactly mad, but Rachel and Vitas were.
The Avenger had a head start as he led the group through the streets. Vitas stopped momentarily when she noticed Franklin tossing his hair on the street corner. "Come on, Franklin. We're running mad herdish like after the capped weirdo."
"Nope, aint goin' ta. I would get all sweaty and my hair would mat down to my skin. Very not good."
"He's got your shampoo," Vitas taunted.
"HOLD ON BABY BUBBLES! DADDY'S COMING TO GET YOU!"
From this point the crowd in pursuit grew and grew as other's called out to them.
"He called you a good boy, Elmo!"
"He swears your sister is prettier then you, Elena!"
"Hey Dennis, he wants to know what kind of fertilizer you use to make your weeds grow so fast!"
"You might just be a redneck if your name's…Clive!"
"Hey Gil, he said yo mamma was a human!"
The insults went on and on until the whole city was after him.
"Wait a minute…if the whole city was after me, then why's Alvin the only one left?"
Well, the phantom clock struck midnight. Sorta like Cinderella. The loop starts over at 12am.
"Um, okay…so why didn't Alvin disappear?"
Alvin chuckled. "I play the part of The Stalker Fan Side Kick Wanna Be."
The Avenger hung his head in shame. "Is this the end of this chapter? I think this is the worst one yet."
Maybe…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
PINK!
"That's it. I quit!"
Sorry, that just doesn't get old to me…you really aught to see Felix's face. Anyway…
"Hey, Jack…um Avenger sir?"
"Yes, Side Kick Dude."
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so, but I don't know if you can add strawberries to spaghetti."
"Not that…didn't you say something about getting Felix a girlfriend."
The Avenger's eyes lit up. "Why yes, yes I did."
"I think we can do better then that." Alvin whispered something into Jack's ear. Jack's eyes lit up and he balled his fist in his usual 'victory' pose.
"Good thinking Stalker Kick to the Side Dude. I'll inform Kain at once."
The Avenger skipped away. Alvin set out to scout the streets for potential victims.
Then the circus came to town and pigmy vampire elephants trotted through the streets with cabbages on their backs while whistling the theme song to Star Wars…but that's not the point.
—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo——oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—
This whole thing just comes to me randomly. So thanks for bearing with my strange humor. I just love Felix! I try not to be hard on him, but it's so irresistible.
And that last line is a rip off. Yes, I ripped off dark-pheonix1 by using a line from the fic The Stupid, Short Fanfic in the Star Ocean section and then I ripped myself off with the whole pigmy vampire elephants from my fic Star Crossed Enemies, also in the Star Ocean section.
And I like Rachel...honestly. She was just in the wrong fic at the wrong time.
Anyway, I hope someone finds this amusing (at least). Humor fics are a real challenge for me.