Disclaimer time - ok . . .blah, blah no, I do not own Draco (much to my great dismay), Hermione or any other characters you may recognize, if I did the movies would get far more interesting, trust me. I need to say thanks to, Heather, my amazing beta reader, who brings a sense of order to my overly excessive use of adverbials, an almost obsessive impulse to insert commas and the ever-irresistible run-on sentences, I'm so fond of, and without whom this story wouldn't be nearly as readable ;). And of course, any typos & grammatical errors are, as usual, my fault . . . sorry. Anyway, let's skip anymore of the AN & get back into the story . . .
Chapter 29 - Sacrifices To Be Made
"Harry, are you paying any attention at all?" Ron demanded, throwing his hands up in despair. Their bloody Potion presentation was due tomorrow and not only were they were utterly unprepared, but Harry was completely useless, staring off into space. Ron shook his head in exasperation, turning back to his scroll and suspiciously green potion. Supposed to be purple, my ass, he rolled his eyes, as he tried to figure out what ingredient he forgot.
Of course, Harry had heard Ron, but was just ignoring him. He had bigger problems to deal with than a potion. Between Hermione and Malfoy, Pavarti practically stalking him and Sirius suddenly being engaged (and he still hadn't quite wrapped his mind around that concept), who the hell had time to worry about class or Voldemorte for that matter? Harry unconsciously frowned. If it weren't for that bastard, than he wouldn't be in this bloody disaster that he now called his life. Hermione wouldn't hate him. She'd go back to despising Malfoy as usual, and be able to set both Pavarti and Sirius straight. Things all started to go wrong during that mission.
/Flashback to nearly 2 and a half months ago/
Harry sat across from Dumbledore, Ron was next to him and gathered around were a few members of the Order of the Phoenix – Lupin, Snape and Sirius among others. Listening to the plan, Harry felt increasingly uneasy, wishing that Hermione were here. Dumbledore's suggestion that they exclude her felt distinctly wrong and weighed heavily upon him. Although he couldn't image attempting something of this magnitude without Ron, Harry knew that if given a choice, he'd pick Hermione in a heartbeat. It was tough call to make, even tougher to implement, but between the two of them, not only was Hermione the more competent, but she was also the one least likely to panic and would keep her wits about her. God know that she pulled the three of them out of trouble more than once, simply by being there and knowing the correct counter curse or spell. Doing this without her was a scary proposition and just seemed . . . wrong.
"Professor Dumbledore, are you sure we should go ahead and do this without her?" He asked again, unable to quell his doubts.
"Ahhh Harry, I understand your reluctance to leave her behind, but during circumstances like this certain sacrifices must be made." Dumbledore's voice slipped into a very soothing, almost grandfatherly tone, which in retrospect, Harry realized that perhaps he should have been suspicious of at the time. "While I'm sure Miss Granger would be up to the task at hand, I must insist that you keep to the plan. You must trust me when I say that it is critical that she remain on the school grounds and unaware of the details of the plan."
Still not entirely convinced, but as Harry glanced around, it seemed like he was the only dissenter. Seeing that he wouldn't get any support, he shrugged his shoulders and decided to concede. Looking back on it, he knew that, in truth, he just caved in.
/End Flashback/
Harry ran his hand through his hair and sighed cynically, wondering if Dumbledore's 'certain sacrifices' included his friendship with Hermione. He hated the fact that he was even thinking such things, but then again, it wouldn't be the first time he'd gotten screwed by the headmaster. Harry wanted to smash his head against the table. If only he had followed his impulse at the time and ran off to tell Hermione everything, then maybe everything wouldn't have gotten so fucked up. Maybe then he'd actually have a girlfriend who gave a damn about him as something more than a status symbol to brag about to her catty friends.
At this point, he was willing to do just about anything to fix things, hell, he'd thrown himself on her mercy, if he thought that there'd be any to find. But how was he supposed to tell her how sorry he was and that, by the way, he had just realized that he was in love with her, when every time he saw her, she was glued to Malfoy. The very thought of the Syltherin was enough to make him punch the table. Ron gave him a quick sidelong glance, with a wary eye that he was still oblivious to, before shaking his head and turning back to the disaster, otherwise known as their potions project.
Harry knew he had to figure out a way to show Draco up for the cold-blooded bastard he was, but he had no idea how to do it. And whatever he wound up doing, he had make sure that he did it in a way that no one could connect to him, because Hermione would never forgive him. Afterwards he would make sure that he was conveniently around to console her. He smiled in satisfaction. All he needed now was the perfect dupe.
Turning to face Ron to share his brilliant realization, Harry was hit in the face by a spray of green gob as the potion exploded. Ron turned his equally splattered face towards Harry and closed his eyes, shaking his head. He wiped his face with one hand and opened his eyes, staring at the green goo smeared across his hand and basically coating everything in a five-foot radius, cursing blackly under his breath. All Ron wanted to know was where the hell was Hermione when he actually needed her?
It had been a rough day and she was not looking forward to her detention session today. Things between her and Draco had been painfully stilted today and it bothered her more than she wanted to contemplate. She knew he was waiting for her to break down first and as much as it hurt her pride to admit it, she knew she was nearly at that point. It was just so frustrating because while she hadn't meant to, she had obviously hit a sensitive nerve and he was just taking advantage of it. If he had been anyone else she would have been perfectly content to wait them out, but of course this was Draco Malfoy, the most stubborn person she knew. As prideful as she might be, she knew that he was at least twice as bad as her and unlike her, if he felt compelled too, he'd wait forever and that was simply unacceptable. Sighing, she resolved to break the icy standoff when she saw him later, but damnit, for the record, she was not happy about it!
Hermione was arguing with herself as she rushed through the hallways on her way to Arthimancy, when she suddenly collided with someone as she turned the corner. She looked up to apologize, but was startled to see Dumbledore calmly levitating the books she had dropped.
"A bit distracted today, are we, Miss Granger?" He stood back, waiting for her to pluck the books from the air.
"Oh, I am so sorry, Headmaster," she sputtered out, quickly collecting her books into a manageable pile in her arms.
"No, no, my dear." He waved away her objections. "I'm afraid that in this instance, I am entirely at fault. I was actually waiting for you before your next class." At her look of surprise, he continued, "I was hoping to persuade you to come to my office for a brief chat."
"Ummm, right now, sir?" Despite herself, she found herself slowly attempting to edge her way past him in the hallway. For some reason she couldn't quite place her finger on, she was strangely disinclined towards spend any significant amount of time with him. "I was just on my way to class and I'm actually running a bit late as it is – " She let her words deliberately hang in the air, hoping that that he'd let her off the hook.
"Oh, yes, I know. I've already spoken to Professor Owens who has agreed to excuse you from class today." His cheerful response did little to soothe her.
Feeling a bit as if she had just been railroaded, and unable to think of a way to gracefully bow out, Hermione reluctantly nodded her head in agreement. As she silently followed him, she tried to convince herself that she was just unsettled by her conversation with Draco last night and just being paranoid, but she couldn't quite shake a nagging sense that something was not quite right. Her anxiety grew as they walked, wondering what this was all about. Was she in trouble or what?
As they entered his office, Dumbledore bid her to sit down. She hesitantly perched herself on the edge of the nearest chair, while he walked around his desk and seated himself. Resting his elbows on his desk, his fingers idly formed a pyramid shape in the awkward silence, broken by Fawkes' occasional squawks. Looking at the tense girl across from him, he suppressed a heavy sigh. There really was no easy way to initiate this conversation, but it had to be done. He knew that he would have to choose his words carefully. Any misstep now would send a number of his plans in utter disarray. "Hermione, it's come to my recent attention that you've been spending a great deal of time with Draco Malfoy."
Oh God, here it comes. She closed her eyes tightly. This was it. She was going to get lectured or even possibly expelled. She was going to have to kill Draco, when she got a hold of him.
Dumbledore chuckled and her eyes flew open in confusion. "No, nothing as dire as all that, Miss Granger. You're not in trouble, on the contrary, I'd like to applaud you for being able to overlook house boundaries in a way that I wish more of your fellow students would follow. In fact, I think that a friendship between you and Mr Malfoy would be good for both of you."
But this is where the situation grows tricky, he thought to himself. According to the reports he had heard throughout the day from various teachers, but especially Snape, things were more than a bit strained between them. Based from what he had seen and overheard last night, he could hazard a guess why, but whatever the reasons, he couldn't allow this breach between them to grow. "I've been carefully observing your relationship and noticed . . . a slight disagreement between the two of you and I was wondering if perhaps you might want to discuss it?"
Hermione tilted her head slightly and her eyes grew wide as she briefly pondered the absurdity of discussing her love life with the headmaster, at a complete loss for words. "Ummm . . . ummm . . . " She gave up any hope of being articulate, honestly not knowing what to say to that very loaded question.
"I find it interesting that you've accomplished what most young witches at this school would love to do – capturing the interest of both Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Two young men, so different, and yet so similar in ways, I'd dare say that they would both adamantly deny."
"Similar?" Hermione questioned, choosing what she felt was the least likely to further involve her in a conversation that she would dearly like to avoid, when it became more than obvious that he was waiting for a response from her.
"They've both lived difficult lives, far more harsh then they ever should have had to endure. In Harry's case, we were able to place him with his muggle relatives, hardily an ideal situation, but it insulated him from the dangers of the wizarding world. Whereas with Draco," Dumbledore slowly stood up and shook his head, "I'm afraid that in many ways we sorely failed in our duty to protect him. Has he told you of his sister yet?"
She audibly gasped. "You know what happened to her?
"Yes," Dumbledore kept his voice purposefully level despite his internal anxiety about how she might react. "Lucien had her home schooled, tutors and so forth in an effort to keep her existence as much as a secret as possible, so that when he sacrificed her in the Sacrum Haurire ritual, no one would even miss her."
"Wait. . . " Hermione paused, trying to collect her thoughts for once, instead of blurting something out instinctively. Perhaps she had misunderstood. "You mean that you knew what was happening?" In the silence, he wouldn't meet her eyes and she felt something begin to unravel inside of her. How could this be? She waited impatiently for him to deny her accusation, her shock growing by the second. "You did, didn't you? You knew and you let him do it. . . You knew and you just left Draco there, with them." Her words dripped with disdain. "How could you?" She breathed out, before dropping her eyes to stare blankly at the floor.
He sighed heavily. "I know it might be difficult for you to understand this, Hermione, but there are certain events in this life that we simply cannot interfere with," no matter how much we may wish to, he ended silently in his head.
"Cannot or will not?" Her voice was harsher than he had ever heard it before. Shaking her head, she stood up, her eyes full of a painful mixture of horrified disbelief and betrayal, and began walking out of the room. Standing in the doorway, she faced the hallway. "With all due respect sir, I'd like to remind you that despite the circumstances, the ends rarely justify the means." Then she walked out, without so much as a backwards glance.
Watching her as she left, Dumbledore slumped back into his seat and wearily leaned back.
"Was that really necessary, Albus?" Phineas Black asked from his portrait, peering down from his portrait.
"You know that it was." He replied without looking up. "Whatever happened between them, obviously shook her up and that could potentially jeopardize all of our plans. I've only given her the excuse that she was waiting for to resolve things with him." Dumbledore closed his eyes, rubbing them tiredly.
"But did you have to be so hard on her? You do realize that she will not be quick to forgive you for this." The former headmaster laced his words with acid.
"We all have our burdens to bear and sacrifices to be made in this. He has the greater need for her than anyone else, including Harry. If she must choose a side, it is imperative that she chooses his, otherwise everything else we have done is all for naught."
"I agree, of course." Black's voice sobered for a moment, "but it does seem too great a burden to be placed on ones so young."
Outside of his office, Hermione wandered through the halls aimlessly, with no particular direction in mind. Her perspective of the world had suddenly taken a 180 and she was playing catch up. When she had woken up this morning, she had been torn. On one hand, she felt guilty as hell. If she had known the history between Draco and that deatheater, she would have approached this situation differently, she wouldn't have let Draco kill Gage, but she would have tried to find a different way to reason with him. And what happened to his sister . . . She shook her head. She had heard of similar Dark Arts rituals, but nothing of that scope happening in the past few centuries and to make Draco watch it . . . It was just sick.
Hermione made a mental note to research the spell later on, because the more she thought about it, the more the name sounded familiar and if it was what she thinking of – she closed her eyes, not really wanting to think about it. In her head, she replayed her conversation with Dumbledore, interwoven with Draco's comments from last night. A wave of guilt swept through her as she remembered his stone like persona earlier today in Potions class.
/Flashback/
Fully aware of the stares from her housemates, Hermione slid quietly into her seat at a desk squarely located in the middle of the room, the closest thing to neutral ground. After a moment, Draco strode into the classroom, as if he owned it. He paused for a moment, carefully surveying the room, his hair hanging low in his face. Slowly, he made his way across the room, before he took the empty seat next to her, without a word. Giving him a quick sidelong glance, she felt the need to say something, but the coldly impassive expression on his face stopped her dead.
And any hopes she might have had that things would improve over the class period were to be sorely disappointed. They completed that day's assignment in a very civil if chilly manner, only speaking when absolutely necessary and even then in the most coolly polite of terms. To her disconcertion, not only did he seem oblivious to her subtle attempts at reconciliation, but also to the curious stares that they were garnering from all directions of the room. Every time she tried to talk to him, the empty look in his eyes just shut her down. She was beginning to get worried – she had seen Draco angry, playful, sarcastic, but this – it was like all the personality that made Draco, Draco, had been sucked out of him.
It was times like this where she thought comparing Draco's life to a minefield was an apt analogy. He keeps all these terrible things bottled up inside of him, and considering what he's had to grow up with, she couldn't fault him for that, but it certainly made life infinitely more difficult, when she could never be sure what might set him off. At the same time, she was also mad as hell at him, because last night wasn't her fault!
Yes, so ok, she could have handled things better, but she had no reason to suspect that anything other than the obvious was going on, because no one had clued her in. And after it was all over, he just went off on her, not even giving her a chance to defend herself. Under the circumstances, she had just gave up and let him say his peace, since that was what he seemed to need, but it was still unreasonable of him. And now he was just sitting there, punishing her. She knew damn well that he was waiting for her to apologize, and perhaps it was petty of her, but didn't want to be the one to give in. Ironically, she knew that inadvertently she was the one in the wrong, and had shown up this morning with every expectation of apologizing, but his behavior was making her feel oddly perverse.
For his part in all this, Draco was not ignoring Hermione so much, as that he was running mentally on autopilot, his mind almost entirely focused on reliving the events of last night. While he still believed in what he said and did last night, he wondered if perhaps he had exposed too much of himself. That was the problem with getting too emotional. He forgot to pull his punches and walked the very fine line between scaring the hell out of her and what? He may have said too much for her to accept it or him. The quick darting looks he kept getting from her didn't exactly help to inspire his confidence. He could see the fear in her eyes and it was like a stabbing feeling in his chest.
Seeing Gage last night made him furious, but he wasn't angry with her and despite everything he had said, he sure as hell hadn't meant to take it out on her. But judging by her behavior, not only did she not want to talk to him, she was apparently too scared to even look at him. Brilliant. Now he had to decide exactly how selfish he was going to be with her. If he wanted to, he knew that he could still convince her to continue this relationship, but she was appearing on too many people's hit lists for his taste. Getting any further involved would only up the stakes and if he screwed up, she might die as a result.
Damn, he hated ethical dilemmas. If he only knew for a fact that he'd survive, then he'd just drop off her somewhere safe until he was finished and return for her afterward, keeping her entirely out of all it – damn the consequences. But since he couldn't guarantee that he'd be alive to retrieve her, when this was all over, that was out of the question. His life really sucked. Of course, he laughed grimly to himself, it might all be a moot point anyway, if she hated him. Not that it would necessarily stop him, but it would make things far more difficult.
His sudden burst of laughter startled Hermione and she turned to him, trying to decipher what was going through his head. The blank expression on his face broke for a moment and she decided to seize her chance. Her timing, however, was off. Class was just ending and Draco stood up in a smooth motion and walked out of the room.
/End Flashback/
Based on what she had heard from Dumbledore, it confirmed everything Draco had said last night. She wondered if he was aware that Dumbledore knew what had happened to Madeline. Not to mention why Dumbledore had made such a point of mentioning it to her, it was just so bizarre. And then there was Draco, Hermione sighed, she didn't know what she was going to say to him, but whatever it was, she should do it soon. Checking the time, she realized that she had spent more time woolgathering than she had thought, she had missed dinner and was running late for detention. They still had to finalize everything for their presentation tomorrow, never mind everything else that was going on.
When she finally got down to the Potions classroom, Draco was just finishing up with their Aphrodite potion and carefully pouring the steaming brew into an empty bottle. She hesitated in the doorway, unsure of her reception. "You can come in or leave. I'm nearly finished with the potion itself and you already have all the background info for the presentation in the folder I gave you last week. We can just call a night now, if you'd prefer." Draco's low voice startled her.
The way he knew when she was around was almost uncanny. "Ummm, no. Actually, I was hoping we could talk." Her voice was quieter than she meant it to be.
"Is that you want or what you feel you should do?" He sounded very cool and remote as he kept his back to her.
She sighed as she walked toward him. "You're really not going to make this easy on me, are you?"
A corner of his mouth lifted in a slight smirk that he was glad she couldn't see. "Should I?"
Hermione shook her head as she pulled up aside him and sat down on a chair that she dragged next to him. Staring at the top of his head, as he studiously kept his eyes focused on the potion in front of him, she rested her chin on her hand propped up on the table. "Come on, Draco, won't you even look at me?" She coaxed him, forcing her voice to take on a teasing lilt that she didn't really didn't feel. Waiting to see if her ploy would work, she held her breath and had to fight back her smile of victory, when his head lifted up to face hers.
Cinnamon eyes met silver, curiously lit up with a strange sort of amusement. "Trying to use my own tactics against me, hmmm? Very clever, Hermione, but you're going to have to do better. You're going to have to explain what you want, because what I said last night still stands. I'm not, nor ever will be, a charity case. Be here because you want to be here, not because you feel that you have to out of pity, sympathy or any other bullshit. I don't need that from anyone, least of all from you."
Biting her lower lip, she searched for right words to express how she felt, without him shutting down on her. "Draco, I'm not going to lie to you, I feel terrible about what happened, but I don't think any differently about you today than I did yesterday, regardless of last night."
He arched an eyebrow sardonically at her. "Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?"
"Dammit, Draco! Are you going to listen to me or not? I'm trying to apologize to you, but you make it so difficult, do you know that?" Hermione exploded, her cheeks lightly flushed.
Watching her get increasingly flustered, Draco lazily smiled. "Well, if you wanted to apologize, then why didn't you just say so?" When it looked like she wasn't going to show, he had gotten worried, but since she seemed to be more worried about what he thought of her as opposed to what she thought of him, maybe he was in the clear. Apparently, she thought that she was at fault, while he didn't understand it, he was more than willing to capitalize on it and using that logic, he figured that maybe he'd let her off the hook . . . this time and he smirked at the thought.
"You suck, but you know that, right?" Hermione resisted the urge to roll her eyes, as she relaxed back into her seat. This wasn't exactly the conversation she had intended to have and there were still many things that they needed to discuss, but at least he was actually talking again as opposed to the monosyllabic responses she was getting earlier in the day.
Draco smirked at her, before turning his attention back to the potion. Measuring out small amount of belladonna, he quickly dumped into the vial, corked and gently shook it, watching in satisfaction as it turned a light violet color. Lifting his head, he brushed his bangs out of his face as he presented the completed potion to Hermione. "Done with that, so what did you want to do now, hmmm?"
She flashed him a quick puzzled look, unsure what he was thinking. Sometimes when she with Draco, she got lost in the layers upon layers of complicated subtleties. Did she misread the situation entirely or was he just giving her mixed signals deliberately? Did it really matter? She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever."
Smoothly standing up, Draco slipped the potion into his bag and slung it on his shoulder, his free hand reaching out to tug Hermione up to her feet. "Come on."
Snagging her bag on her shoulder, she allowed him to lead her out of the room. "Dare I ask where we're going?"
He impishly quirked up a corner of his mouth. "You're a smart girl, Hermione. Where do you think we're going?"
"Personally, I think you're up to something since I do, after all, know you Draco." She smiled sweetly at him.
Tilting his head down to face her, he broke out laughing, his lips curving into an all too rare genuine smile. Hermione felt a warm glow inside of her and an answering smile blossomed on her face. Whatever had happened last night seemed to be distant history, at least for tonight.
Sacrum Haurire ritual – A sacrificial blood letting. Latin, literally translated as - a holy thing or place; a sacrifice or victim / to shed blood; to drain, empty a receptacle.
TBCOk . . . as usual, if you've left me your email, then I've added you to my mailing list for this story, so you get a happy little email each & every time I update, if you didn't get one, well obviously I don't have your email or I missed it somehow. If you review this chapter & leave your email in the review or I can get it off your profile, I will gladly add you.
Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, I've had an unbelievably appalling bad last two weeks, which screwed me up a bit. Things aren't entirely resolved just yet, but are at least manageable so I was able to get this update out. I know there are a few unresolved questions regarding the Sacrum Haurire ritual & I promise they will be answered in due time, so never fear. I do my best not to leave plot holes & that is one of the things I love best about my readers, you and your reviews keep my on my toes. Hopefully you didn't hate the flashback format too badly, usually I prefer for the action to take place in the present, but in this instance I found it the best way to fit everything that I needed in the chapter.
Reviewing fanfic is good for your karma (& makes your author feel much better about life in general, especially when it's recently sucked beyond belief, lol). So please, read, enjoy & if you didn't hate this chapter then please review ;)