A Very Riviera Christmas
DISCLAIMER: Obviously, I don't own Riviera; if I did, I'd get the drama CDs translated or at least get translated scripts. The only ones I know of that HAVE been English-ized are "Malice: Leaving Her Past" and "Private School Riviera"... which we got via Angelica the charm witch. Bah. But obviously, I don't own... so just don't sue me...
Author's Note: Woo, fun. Finally, their first kiss. I've been waiting to write that since I began this little fanfic of mine...
We've only got about three chapters or so to go, including this one. This is probably the fastest I've ever written any fanfic besides "Far Gone". I guess it helps when your obsession is fresh... and the rate I'm going, I'll have each of the girls' endings before my enthusiasm even starts to fade. (I still can't quite believe the fact that I got the Rose ending on my first try... that's supposed to be really hard.) I'm working on the Fia one right now, in case anyone's curious--at this moment, I'm about to go into Chapter 5.
On that note--no, I don't really have anything against Fia. I think she's a bit of a goody-two-shoes, to be completely honest, but let's face it, she powns, and she's your only healer. She's a sweetheart, and her crush on Ein is as obvious as the fact that I'm a yaoi fiend. (She's even a vegetarian, if you haven't noticed--she doesn't have any skills for Meat-type foods besides "throw" and "can't eat", even though no one else has a problem with them.) I like her, I really do, just like I like all of the girls--Serene kicks ass, Cierra's a cutie, Rose is awesome, and Lina is just an entertainment (no, Malice is not on this list... I just feel sorry for her because of her screwed-up background...)--I just like Ledah more. :3 But it's in consideration for her feelings (and because Megaolix has been so nice, for someone who dislikes yaoi) that this chapter even exists. Otherwise, I'd just be skipping straight to Chapter 8, with a little addition to show the passage of time.
I think I ought to warn people: by the time I post Chapter 8, this fanfic's rating will be raised to M. That chapter's content is far too graphic to be contained in a T-rated fic... I think you know in what way. O.o;; I scare myself sometimes, I really do. But that specific scene is extremely important to the development of Ein and Ledah's relationship, which is why it's being included at all--not just as fodder for my fellow yaoi fangirls. Besides, I've taken care to make the moment a very sweet and tender one, refraining from including anything too kinky. :) I like pairings for relationship value, not because the characters just happen to be hot together. And the scene will definitely not be as graphic as the ones that are to come in my temporarily postponed FF:U fanfic, "Kokoro no Hanashi". I'm not saying this to scare you off... I just want you to be forewarned is all...
Well, enough of that! As long as you're sticking around in the Riviera section, I hope you check out my little vignette collection, "Diary". The chapters are super-short, but they're designed more as snapshots than epics, and I've worked hard on my prose in them. Also, I'm toying with the idea of writing a Ledah deathfic (we have one for Malice, but Ledah gets no attention? You know I have to do something about that...), which (if written) will be released under the title "Adieu". (Which I actually put up before I finished this chapter... I am so lazy :P)
In case anyone's interested, the things Ein said in the last chapter about Malice's past -are- true. As previously stated, my online friend Angelica (charm witch to all of you) owns the Riviera drama CDs, and she was able to get two tracks translated, one of which happens to describe a lot of the reasons that Malice is so screwed-up. As I can't give you a link to the LiveJournal forum where the scripts are posted (stupid FF-Net...) I'll sum things up as best as I can. Basically, Malice lost both her parents when she was little--her father, Aleid, was killed by demons at Heaven's Gate under extremely suspicious circumstances, and her mother, Rizuna, was badly wounded by said demons and died after a few years of sickly and heartbroken half-life. There were rumors that her father had actually raised the demons himself and was leading a rebellion against Asgard, and it's also said that their family, which was once nobility, has "mixed wings" (which I take to mean mixed blood of some sort...). Basically, after Aleid's death, the Ructor family lost all its wealth and prestige, and Malice was raised from then on in poverty. She was a really cute, sweet little midget too... but after her mother died, she was never quite the same. Of course, then she got handed over to Hector, who didn't even treat her like a person. It's kind of understandable that she's so spiteful and cold, even though that's still no excuse for the things she's done. Malice has problems... (sigh)
As another note, Rose is -NOT- the only Riviera character with a last name. :) As previously mentioned, Malice's last name is Ructor, and Ledah's last name is Rozwelli. No, I do not know anyone else's, and I only know Ledah's last name because it's part of his angelic code (Grim Angel's license, which includes your registration number, power class, and name), of which Angelica informed me. :3
And Thalia, before you ask, I did not go writing "Ein Rozwelli" all over everything. You and your little "Alexis Claudin" fits are ALL yours, believe me. XP Stupid fangirl. (pot calling kettle black)
Okies, on with story now--I think I've rambled enough. :3
---
Still half-bewildered, the two angels came up for air, looking breathlessly into each other's eyes. Ein's arms were still cinched tightly around Ledah's waist; they were standing close enough together that he could feel the blonde's ribcage shift as he breathed. Still luxuriating in the feel of being wrapped in both his love's arms and wings, he was about to rest his head on Ledah's shoulder when he saw the faint traces of tears on the seraph's cheeks.
"Ledah...?" he began hesitantly, uncertainly, raising his right hand to brush the shining teartracks away. "Are you alright...?"
"I am now..." With a small sigh, Ledah slumped against Ein, now resting cheek-to-cheek with the wingless angel. "Because you're with me..."
"But, but..." Ein fidgeted in Ledah's embrace. "You were crying... I made you cry... I... I'm really sorry, I... we both know how stupid I can be."
"Don't put yourself down," the blonde insisted softly, curling a little closer. "If you hadn't come after me... I might have... Ein, I think I may owe you my life again."
"Don't talk like that."
"It's true. Please... Ein... I never told you, but it was my desire to see you again that held me back from the gates of Valhalla long enough for Ursula to retrieve my soul. I have no reason to live, other than to remain by your side." Ledah pulled back to arm's length from Ein, pure pain and anxiety rising to the surface of his eyes' carmine depths. "You must never let me go, and never forget... because, if you do... I don't know if I'll be able to go on..."
"Don't worry about things like that, Ledah," Ein whispered. "You can't ever forget just how much I love you..."
Each at a loss for words, they stared desperately into each other's eyes as if by doing so, they could see into each other's hearts. Then Ledah leaned forward a bare inch, Ein rushed the rest of the way, and they were kissing again.
Feeling Ledah's lips shift against his own, Ein yielded up his mouth without thinking. Though Ledah's advance was gentle, it still came as a surprise; it took an effort not to draw back in shyness at that initial flick of tongue against lip, but Ein trusted the blonde enough not to retreat. His heart surged as their embrace deepened; he felt almost as if he were drowning, his consciousness slipping away from him in the warmth of Ledah's arms around him, sleep weaving through him in the sweet sharp taste of the other angel's lips. At that moment, Ein could have died with no regrets.
Finally, reluctantly, the two of them pulled back, both gasping for breath. Ledah's carmine eyes were hazed and tranquil, the yearning in his face temporarily quelled. Ein understood. There would be a time when the two of them could go further, explore each other even more deeply... but that time was not going to be now.
Tenderly resettling his hold on Ledah, Ein pulled the blonde close, heart pressed to beating heart as he softly whispered his promise: "I'll never let you go."
---
Fia ran blindly, not seeming to see where she was going, or to care very much about it either.
Following Ein out of concern, she'd seen the whole thing--the wingless angel's desperate confession, and Ledah's acceptance. Those three words given and exchanged, taken freely on both sides, like the triple strike of a gavel spelling out her fate. Ein kissing Ledah. Ledah kissing Ein back.
How had this happened? It had just appeared out of nowhere... how could the two of them just suddenly be in love? What had she missed? And if she had missed anything, why hadn't she seen it before? Why...?
All those moments, all those treasured smiles... hadn't they meant anything to Ein, anything at all? She'd loved him... how could he do this to her...? How...?
It was all wrong... all so wrong...!
Oh, Ein...
Vision starting to blur with tears, Fia tore down the makeshift corridor of snow, turning a corner and running smack into someone else.
"Fia...? What's wrong?"
It was Cierra, who'd put her hands consolingly on Fia's upper arms, holding her still while trying to give her some sense of comfort and stability.
That did it. Just one simple act of kindness, and the floodgates were open, with Fia helpless to stop them. Collapsing against the scarlet witch, the young fencer sobbed in earnest.
"What... what... what did I do wrong? Why doesn't he love me? He was supposed to love me...! Ein, why...? Why...? Why choose him over me...? Why are you doing this...? Ein... oh, gods, Ein...!"
Even with such a scattered explanation, Cierra seemed to understand. "Then, I suppose Ein gave Ledah his answer...?"
Fia stared up at her out of huge, pleading emerald eyes. "It wasn't supposed to be like this! Why can't he understand that I'm the one who loves him! Me! I do! He needs me! I hate this...!"
"Fia..." Cierra said slowly. "You must understand that even though you've cared so much about Ein all this time, which is worthy of a great deal of respect, Ledah has loved him for far longer. They were best friends before any of us met either of them. Fia, please... this was bound to happen sooner or later, with one of you. Ledah just got the courage to speak up before you began considering it."
Fia wasn't listening. "I hate this! I hate this! How could Ledah be so selfish! Ein belongs to me! That's just the way it was supposed to happen! I hate this! I hate this! I hate him! I--"
A sharp crack rang through the brisk winter air. Fia, her tirade successfully quelled, stared subduedly up at Cierra, her hand to the pink mark on her cheek where the witch had slapped her.
"Stop talking like that, Fia," Cierra said sternly. "It isn't like you."
"But--" the fencer attempted timorously.
"You love Ein, right?"
"Yes," Fia said in a tiny voice.
"You want him to be happy, don't you?"
"Yes, but--"
"Fia, one of the hardest things you have to learn while growing up is that sometimes, when you love someone, the best, kindest thing you can do for them is to let them go."
"I don't understand."
Cierra sighed. "I was in your position once, and all the thoughts that are running through your head now were going through mine then. Because... two years ago, while we were on our journey together, I started to notice that I was getting to have my own crush on Ein."
Although Fia didn't interject, her eyes widened slightly as she stood silently, listening.
"He only thought of me as a friend, but I persuaded myself that he knew how I felt, and that his smiles and compliments were little tributes that he gave to me and only me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, but I was so happy, knowing that I liked Ein and that he apparently liked me back.
"Then, after we'd gone through much and thought that Riviera was saved, we were called to go to Yggdrasil when Ursula told Ein that Ledah was leading an attack on the Aquariums. Do you remember how suddenly inconsolable Ein became? He was lost in his own world all the time, no matter how hard we tried to cheer him up or to get him to tell us what was bothering him. Even after you finally convinced him to open up a little, he was still so worried and so depressed. Nothing I tried could make a difference, and I was confused. Didn't Ein care, the way I cared about him? Even though he was going up against his own friend, why couldn't I say or do anything to help? Shouldn't he have been able to take comfort in the fact that I was willing to be there?
"And then there was the way Ein behaved when Ledah was wounded so badly by Malice. You know the way he reacts when one of us is hurt--he's concerned, worried for our sake, hovering a little just to make sure we're okay. If one of us were to be hurt that badly, he'd feel horrible, of course. He might try to fight fate for a while, but he would be able to accept our condition or our death eventually, and move on with his life. I'm not saying that it would be as sudden as all that," Cierra clarified as Fia began to protest, holding up her hands to stop the younger girl from speaking. "It would take Ein a great deal of time. But it would happen. However... Fia, when Ein seriously began to think that Ledah was going to die in Yggdrasil, life came to a standstill for him. If you or I or Lina or Serene were killed along the road to save Riviera, he would probably be able to set aside grief for the time being, in order to keep fighting for the greater good. But you saw him then--he refused to pursue Malice, refused to take what might have been his only chance to prevent the Retribution, all for Ledah's sake.
"Why was that? I couldn't help wondering, once I thought about it for a while. And then I started to notice all the other little things that didn't quite match up.
"When Ein is happy with one of us, you know. He'll smile, kid around, be indulgent to whatever we want, and you know he's in a good mood because of the things he does when he's not talking to us. But when he's talking to Ledah and he's happy, it's different. Have you ever seen that, Fia? His whole face lights up, almost as though his heart is shining. And I don't think even Ein notices this, but he tends to use every excuse he can to actually touch Ledah during their conversations--whether it's just a hand on the shoulder, or playing with his hair, holding his hand, whatever. And even back then, Ledah would respond to that. Despite the very damaged condition of his heart, he would smile back, and you'd be able to tell that he was happy, or at least content, which was probably as close to 'happy' as he could get.
"They were able to fulfill something in each other then that I couldn't reach with Ein, no matter how hard I tried. I was upset at first, thinking that it wasn't right, that Ledah was butting in on something that Ein and I had built up together, but then I realized... those things weren't true. Ein saw me, and sees me, as a friend, a confidant, someone who'll be there on the hard days when things aren't working out. And the really awful, beautiful thing about it all...? That's when I began to realize that if I told Ein how I felt, he'd probably stay with me if I wanted him to, but he wouldn't be happy, not really. Not in the way that Ledah can make him happy.
"And because I do love Ein, and I want him to be as happy as he can, and live the fullest life possible, I decided that I wouldn't say anything. I would be disappointed and upset, and I'd cry for a while, but I'd be able to move on. And that's part of what it means to be an adult."
"But..." Fia plead, spreading her hands wide inconsolably. "But I can't...!"
"I'm not asking you to do this all in one day," Cierra said kindly. "You should probably spend a little time away from it all, with your grandfather and Ladie, to get used to the idea. All I ask is that you don't tell Ein the truth about your feelings for him unless you can both understand and disagree with what I just told you once that time is up."
Fia sighed and hung her head. "A-alright. I'll do my best..."
"Good girl," Cierra told her, ruffling her hair supportively. "Now, let's go back inside. It's cold out here, and I'll steer you away from the two of them for the rest of the night. I can set things up with the Elder, so don't worry about finding something to say."
"Okay..."
And so, the two of them headed back into the town hall, finding a relatively quiet corner where Fia could sit and dry the tears she still couldn't help without too many people noticing.
---
As Ein and Ledah slowly made their way back to the well-lit building, hand in hand, Rose (who'd been standing just inside the door) stood and planted her hands on her hips.
"It took you two long enough! Where have you been all this time? Ledah, I was seriously starting to get worried about you!"
"Sorry," Ein said with an awkward laugh. "I know I've been an idiot tonight..."
"I told you to stop apologizing," Ledah murmured to him, his voice gentle.
"Guys," Rose groaned, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. "What am I going to do with the two of you? Jeez. Without me, the both of you would be completely hopeless."
"We know already, mother," Ein said pointedly. "You gonna let us in, or what?"
"It's a funny thing about you men," the former familiar remarked, shaking her head. "You never seem to learn from your past mistakes."
"And just what does that mean?" the wingless angel asked with some trepidation.
"Just look at you. Holding hands, standing side by side in the doorframe. Does that mean anything to either of you?"
Ein and Ledah just stared blankly at her.
"Do you remember the reason you had to chase him down in the first place?" Rose asked Ein in tones of slight disgust.
The dark-haired angel's face colored. "Oh."
"Not again," Ledah said softly, that faint blush creeping across his cheeks once more. "Ein..."
However, Ein was eyeing his partner with a slightly mischievous look in his eyes. "Well, I suppose that last time we really didn't do the thing justice..."
Ledah drew back slightly, his hackles up. "Ein, I don't like that look in your eyes. What are you going to--mmph!"
Not even allowing the blonde seraph to finish his sentence, Ein had grabbed Ledah firmly by the shoulders, pulled him close, and kissed him full on the lips in the clear view of everyone standing anywhere near the door.
After a brief, somewhat shock-induced (and rather unsuccessful) struggle to pry himself out of Ein's vicelike grip, Ledah relaxed and submitted, surrendering as fully as their public location would allow to the other angel's advances. Slipping his arms around Ein's waist, he softly pressed their bodies together as Ein's hands slowly ran down his sides. While the younger angel deepened both their embrace and their kiss, he folded his wings around Ein once again, suddenly very conscious of the fact that his friend and lover no longer had his own and wishing almost to compensate (as well as screen them from the eyes of passersby).
Pulling back slightly, Ein slowly scanned Ledah's eyes for the deep love and trust he now knew would be there. The two angels stared at each other for a while before Ledah leaned in again, this time gently kissing Ein's cheek before snuggling closer, letting his young lover nestle into the soft hollow between the his solid clavicle and the underside of his chin. "...Ein..."
Shifting slightly, Ein softly nipped the sensitive skin near his lips, then planted a lingering kiss on the same spot. "My Ledah..."
They stood like that for some time; the only thing that brought them back to their senses was the scattered applause and whistling from the various watchers who'd just realized that they were done. At that, they released their hold and stepped away from each other very quickly.
"Now that was more like it," Rose said with distinct satisfaction.
"Go, Ein," Serene cheered, looking impressed.
"Oh stop it," the wingless angel grumbled, making sure that he and Ledah were well away from both door and mistletoe. "You guys are way worse than I ever was."
"You better not keep peeking on us now that you've actually got a significant other," she remarked with a giggle. "Somehow, I doubt Ledah will approve."
"I think I have better things to try for now," Ein told her casually, blatantly giving Ledah a go-over that made the blonde shiver in what he would never admit to anyone was delight.
"The next time I need to bathe, I'm taking Lorelei with me, just in case," Ledah informed his scheming companion.
"I consider myself forewarned."
Serene headed off to forcibly remove Lina from the bowl of dried Applecots with a cheerful wave; Ein and Ledah headed towards an open wall. Along the way, the blonde slipped his hand into his lover's and gently squeezed it.
"Yes?" Ein asked, looking up at him with a sultry smile.
Ledah leaned in and softly kissed his cheek. "Whatever else must be said about you, Ein... you certainly are a swift learner."
"Aren't I, though?" Ein laughed and Ledah smirked; they then commandeered chairs to lounge in as various Elendians got up to dance.
---
When the two of them finally returned home at the party's end, the first thing they realized was that Fia wasn't there.
Noticing everyone else's curious looks, Cierra explained. "She wants a little alone time after being stuck with us for so long. So she's going to be staying with her grandfather and Ladie for a little while. She said not to worry, she just needs breathing room."
"I hope that's all it is," Serene said, shaking her head. "We've had enough issues in this house as it is already."
"Amen," Rose concurred. "Oei, loverboys..."
"Reehhh...? What now?" Ein asked, turning and sounding more than a little irritated at the interruption. He and Ledah had been so fixated on each other that they'd barely registered the conversation, staring deeply into each other's eyes exchanging the occasional light, brief kiss.
"Can we trust you not to do anything too bad upstairs? Without Fia, the current sleeping arrangement will work better than before, and it'd suck to have to change it because you two can't keep your hands off each other."
Instantly, both Ein and Ledah's faces flamed. "What do you take me for!" the wingless angel exploded. "I... I can't believe you'd think we'd do that this early!"
"... ... ... ..." Drawing slightly back from the others, Ledah finally said "I have my honor" in a low but thorn-edged voice.
"Well, that's a relief," Serene told them with a wink. "The way you usually behave, Ein... we really do have no way of knowing."
"Yeah, 'cause you're such a pervert," Lina put in.
"Uggh. C'mon, Ledah, let's get outta here," Ein said in an undertone, slipping his hand into the other angel's and tugging on it.
"Right with you." Still giving the girls wary looks, the two of them retreated up the stairs.
"Well, that should keep Ein out of Ledah's pants for a while, at least," Rose said to the others with a satisfied sigh. Cierra, Serene, and Lina all giggled.
---
"Have a good night, Fia," Graham said with a nod as he closed the door to his granddaughter's room tightly.
Lying on her back in bed, the green-eyed fencer sighed. She was exhausted, but greatly doubted that she'd be able to drift off to sleep easily.
She still felt like crying, though she'd sobbed her eyes dry. Not much had changed in her emotional state, aside from the fact that she was now extremely grateful to Cierra for suggesting this arrangement. She shuddered to think of the questions she would be facing from the others if she had stayed with them... especially Lina, who had an uncanny ability to read most of Fia's emotions no matter how she tried to hide them. And she didn't think she'd be able to stand being in the same building as Ledah...
Let Ein go? She just couldn't! It couldn't be for his own good, as Cierra had told her. He would be better off with her, not a barely-functional angel who just served to remind him of everything he had left behind in Asgard... the one who'd kept him away from home for so long...
She loved Ein... she loved him... and had for so long... hadn't she waited for him, prayed for him every day he'd been gone...?
With that thought, she closed her eyes and softly drifted away, still wrapped in thoughts of misery and pain.
---
"Ein..."
The wingless angel opened his eyes, a little confused, and turned to where Ledah lay on his side next to him, an anxious look on his face.
"Whassit, Ledah?"
"Please... hold me..."
Now becoming a little concerned, Ein rolled over so that the two of them would be facing each other. "Is something wrong? If you've been having more nightmares..."
"I... I just can't sleep..." the blonde whispered, those beautiful crimson eyes vulnerable. "Every time I believe I might... I get this feeling that everything that's happened has just been a dream, and that if I close my eyes longer than a second, it'll all be gone in the morning..." He shivered beneath the down comforter, his voice cracking. "I can't... I just can't let that be... I'd die if this were--so I can't sleep, I just can't."
His heart instantly doing that wonderful lurching pulse, Ein smiled crookedly. "Come here," he murmured, gently patting the mattress right before him. Carefully, so as not to make too much noise, Ledah scooted towards him. Once there were barely four inches of distance between the two of them, Ein slipped both arms around the other angel's body, pulling them together. "It's not a dream. When you wake up, I'll still be here... waiting with a kiss to meet you." As if to confirm his words, he softly pressed his lips to Ledah's forehead. "I've loved you for so long, I really had no idea that that's what it was I was feeling whenever I was with you. I won't let it be a dream. We'll wake up together, and then we'll have all our lives into forever to stay that way."
With a small smile and a smaller sigh, Ledah snuggled closer, curling tightly against his friend and lover's body with his unruly bangs pressed to Ein's collarbones. "I... I'm just so fortunate that it was you, Ecthel..."
Sensing Ledah's vulnerable state of mind, Ein didn't even protest at the use of his true-name. Instead, he blew gently on the nape of the blonde angel's neck. "I never knew you were so insecure. You didn't exactly let on when we lived in Asgard..."
"Of course not..." Ledah's voice was already hazy; he didn't even flinch at the sensation of Ein's breath against his skin. "I had to be strong... to protect you..."
Ein's eyebrows shot up; he sought fruitlessly for the words that would express how deeply touched he was at those sweet words, but realized after a moment's time that there was no need--Ledah, exhausted, had already fallen asleep against him, the shifting of his ribcage deep and even.
"I love you forever, dearest," he breathed, resettling his grip on his lover and gently resting his head above the blonde's, so that that fluffy golden hair would be pressed to his skin.
---
A pair of snowbirds twittered to each other as they coasted on a gentle breeze outside. Hearing their chatter, Fia smiled briefly to herself as she neatly folded the laundry pile beside her.
It had been three days since she'd slipped back into her grandfather's household, and she was beginning to step back into the old role she'd had before she and Lina had moved out on their own. So far, she'd said nothing of her real reason for returning, and neither her grandfather nor Ladie had confronted her about it. It was a massive relief--the pain of having Ein pulled from her grip before it had even become definite was still too sharp to speak about.
In the gentle quiet of the afternoons when Ladie was out helping some of the others clear out more snow and her grandfather was writing more of the village chronicles, she'd had enough time to think that she'd come to the painful realization that Ein had never really noticed the truth about how she felt for him, and probably wouldn't unless she spoke up. She still hated to admit it, but she knew that if she did say something, it would put Ein in a serious quandary, caught between two of his friends, who each loved him dearly. Fia knew Ein well enough to know how much he hated having to hurt the people he was close to, and confessing would mean that he would have to reject one of them, thereby wounding them deeply. It would cause him so much pain...
And yet, what could she do? Not simply stay silent, surely? Speaking might hurt Ein, but this forced nothingness was killing her. She hated the thought that she might cause him pain in any degree, but living like this was absolute torture!
Twisted every way, and she had no idea where to turn...
Well, she supposed it was far past time to seek solace from her usual source. Folding the last bit of laundry with a sigh, she pushed the wicker basket beneath her bed and padded softly through the halls to her grandfather's study.
She'd timed her entrance well; Graham was just setting aside his umpteenth dusty, ancient-looking volume when she opened the door.
"Come in, Fia," he said with a welcoming smile. "Is there something you need?"
Smiling wanly in reply, Fia headed over to the high-backed chair that rested against the edge of the study, at a right angle from the desk where Graham sat.
"Cierra told you why I'm here, didn't she?" she began, the smile fading away.
"She said you would need some time after losing young Ein to the heart of another," was her grandfather's reply.
Leaning back against the chair and staring up at the ceiling, Fia sighed. "It's so hard," she said softly, the pain within her finally leaking out of the thin crack in her speech. "I understand that there's not much I can do now--not without really hurting Ein, at least--but I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. There's this big ball of hurt inside me, and it makes me think and feel all these awful things... oh, Grandfather, I've never hated anyone in my life, and it's so horrible! I can't help but feel so wicked for it, but right now all I can do is hate Ledah for all I'm worth. There's a black ugly pit inside me, and it's killing me from the inside out... I can't eat, I have trouble sleeping, and I can't even pray. What should I do...? Oh, what should I do?"
Graham was silent for a moment, then spoke in his slow, weathered voice, choosing his words carefully. "While hate is a sad emotion, it's part of what makes us human. As long as you do nothing to act upon those feelings, Fia, it's alright to be angry at Ledah... perfectly natural, in fact."
"But I don't want to be angry anymore," Fia protested wretchedly, wringing her hands. "And I can't help that I still want to be with Ein! I love him...!"
Graham cleared his throat. "Fia... did I ever tell you the story of how I met your grandmother?"
Confused, the green-eyed fencer fell silent. "N...no. But what does that have to do with...?" Her voice trailed off as she gave her grandfather a curious look.
"Then listen, please. I think perhaps it may help you.
"When I was a young man, only a few years older than you are now, and Elendia was in the charge of my own grandparents, we received an unusual visitor. A young valkyrie from the eyrie to the west of Valhalla Forest arrived in mid-autumn after having been attacked by wild beasts. Her injuries weren't bad, but they were significant enough for her to stay with us for some time.
"She was a beautiful woman, with long, elegant red hair and sharp hazel eyes. We didn't have any valkyries in Elendia back then, so she was something of a curiosity among the young men. I seem to recall that Rebecca's grandfather had an eye on her for a while, but was eventually discouraged. Because it was my parents, then the village healers, who took her in and cared for her, I like to think I got to know her fairly well.
"She was a right firebrand in her own way, but also charming and able to hold an intelligent conversation, something that the girls around our village had never been able to have with me. We exchanged life stories, and she entertained me and the other friends she'd made with her spearplay.
"You may already have expected this, but it wasn't long before I grew to love her.
"She grew more and more beautiful every day in my eyes; each smile she gave me was the most precious gift I'd ever had. I felt sure that I wouldn't be able to bear the rest of my life without her.
"She'd been staying in Elendia for quite some time, and by that point, the midsummer festivals were just about to begin. I resolved that I would tell her my feelings and propose to her at midnight on the last of the celebrations.
"However, in the middle of the festivities, another valkyrie from her home arrived in order to take her back. It was clear from the way they behaved around each other that they had been involved for some time, and she introduced him to us as her intended. She thanked us for caring for her for so long, and left with him.
"I was crushed. It seemed as though my life was all raining down on me--I'm sure you can understand. Before long, I'd fallen into a deep depression, knowing the woman I'd loved was out of my reach forever. I spent most of my time sleeping or scorning the company of others, until one day a village girl I hadn't known very well named Katrine approached me.
"She expressed concern at the state of mind I was in, and gave me a lunch she'd prepared herself. A little confused, I'd accepted it; every day from then on, she sought me out to spend a few hours with me around midday.
"I was intrigued that she'd slipped beneath my notice for so long, but she'd always been a rather quiet young lady and spent most of her time in her parents' home reading. I wasn't quite in the state to notice it, but looking back on those years, it's easy to see that she was becoming fond of me.
"After a few months, she confessed that she'd grown to care for me. I was surprised, but rather desperate, and although she wasn't my unrequited valkyrie love, I decided she was better than nothing and asked her to marry me shortly later. She accepted.
"That was probably the best decision I ever made in my life. I grew to reciprocate her feelings more and more every day, and grew to love her in a friendly rather than passionate fashion. She did her best by me, and I made sure she knew how much I appreciated it. Thanks to her, I was blessed with your mother and my wonderful son-in-law, bless their souls.
"And my unfortunate relationship with the young valkyrie was not without its benefits... in a few years, their eyrie extended bonds of friendship to Elendia, and a few of their young people came to settle here... eventually, that number included her daughter, Ladie, who has been a blessing to us ever since."
"Grandfather..." Fia murmured.
"I'm glad I chose to marry Katrine instead of Ladie's mother," Graham told her. "I'm the person I am today because of her. And if I hadn't allowedKatrine into my life, I wouldn't have you now."
Fia blushed.
"So perhaps you aren't destined to stay with Ein. Only time will tell, as his relationship with Ledah develops and they stay together or fall apart. If the two of you aren't meant to be, you can be sure that there is someone in this wide world who should stay with you. Your prince will come someday."
Slowly, the young fencer nodded. "I... think I understand now. But... until then, what should I do about Ledah...? I don't want to go on feeling this way forever..."
"Understandably, child. If all else fails, try talking to him... you've never gotten his side of the story. I'm sure you'll be able to understand more easily if you do."
---
Another day had passed before Fia got her perfect opportunity.
Ein had gone off to help Cierra and Serene set up the Christmas decorations at the town hall, and so Ledah (according to Rose, at least) had gone off to the newly-cleared Grove of Repose with a book. Murmuring her thanks, the fencer headed off to the mostly-bare trees and benches on the walkway that surrounded the World Tree.
The still-solitary angel was there, all right; he seemed completely absorbed in whatever he was reading, at least until Fia approached and softly cleared her throat.
"Ah..." Looking up with some surprise, Ledah dogeared his page and closed his book. "Would... you like to sit down?"
"Yes, thank you." With that, the blonde seraph scooted over on the bench he was sitting on, and Fia carefully folded her skirts to light beside him.
"And to what do I owe the honor of your presence?" Ledah asked with a slight smile and upraised eyebrow.
"Curiosity," Fia admitted. "I know it's extremely forward of me, but I was wondering about you and Ein... how far do you really go back?"
"About fifteen years," Ledah replied. "And no, I don't think it's forward. We haven't really explained to anyone, after all... He and I met as children, and have been close ever since."
"Really?"
"It was probably more due to the unusual circumstances of Ein's birth than anything else," Ledah admitted with a shrug. "By that time, the Magi had realized that demons were beginning to reappear in Riviera, and had decided something had to be done. They combined their powers to create a life that would one day rise to become a Grim Angel and destroy the demons for them... an angel who came into the world under the name Ecthel." At Fia's questioning look, he continued. "Yes, that was Ein. He dislikes being called 'Ecthel', although sometimes he lets me get away with it. Ein was what he was called as a child, and he prefers that name.
"Although he was going to be a powerful angel, and eventually a hero to Asgard--and Riviera too, of course--things were awkward for Ein. He was mistrusted by most of the other children because of his origins, and the fact that he had no family. All he had to return to every day were the soldiers the Magi appointed as his guardians.
"It didn't help that Ein's wings looked different from ours, either--his feathers had an almost iridescent greenish sheen, which the other children found disturbing for the most part. All they really cared about was that he was different, which made him an instant social outcast.
"We didn't really meet until he was about four years old, although I'd heard of him before. I was on my way to the library that day... as I recall, there was a dispute with a few older children. He'd been playing by himself, and they'd taken the ball he'd had and started teasing him, picking on him for his appearance and lack of proper parents.
"They didn't mean him any serious physical harm, but Ein didn't know that. He was crying, terrified... I caught sight of him by chance, and my heart just went out to him then... I told the other kids off, and took Ein with me to the library so he wouldn't have to stay there.
"Even though we were both so young, there was... sort of a connection between us from the first time our eyes met. All through his childhood, I had a driving desire to protect him from anything that might hurt him in any way... he was just such an innocent boy, and he hadn't done anything to deserve the treatment he was receiving. It was quite some time before I started to realize that he was becoming attractive, but there was love between us for longer than that. It's just changed over the years."
"I... see," Fia said slowly. As he spoke of the past, Ledah had acquired a distant look in his crimson eyes, and a faint smile had played about his lips. It made him seem so much more gentle than he'd appeared when the two of them had met... with his heart intact, he was no longer the stern and judgemental angel who was completely unable to care for the sake of the Sprites who were dying by the thousands to raise Seth and actuate the Retribution. It was easier to see how Ein had come to care so deeply for him...
"It's funny, considering my past attitude towards Ein, how our positions have been reversed by fate," Ledah continued, his smile growing as he shook his head, tucking stray tufts of wild blonde hair behind his right ear. "I was always so convinced that I needed to protect him, and now... now I'm so dependent on him, I can hardly believe he used to be so helpless."
"Are you really?"
"I owe everything to Ein," Ledah said decisively. "My heart, my well-being, my life--several times over. If it weren't for his interference, I would be dead, or still emotionless, several times over. Thinking of the night he gave me his answer still scares me. If he hadn't come to me then... I really might've..." He closed his eyes and shivered slightly, his wings resettling. "I really might've killed myself."
Fia's eyes widened. "What? But... why would you even consider that?"
Ledah sighed. "One of the drawbacks to getting my emotions back was that I lost my purpose. I couldn't return to Asgard, and even now I don't completely know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. The only thing that kept me alive was the knowledge that I was in love with Ein, and that I might still have a chance to persuade him to love me in return. While I was still so sick with that fever... one night when I was delirious, it just slipped out, and his reaction was shock. When I woke and realized what I'd done, I panicked--that wasn't how I'd meant to tell him, and I was mortally afraid that he would reject me. I avoided him all day for fear of those words, and that night, when I met up with Ein, I didn't notice the mistletoe on the door until it was too late and Rose wouldn't let us get out of it. Ein was clearly flustered about about the idea of having to kiss me, and protested--that was when I started thinking I was right, it was too early, I'd destroyed my only chance, and he would hate me now because of how I felt about him...
"He didn't say anything even after I had to kiss him on the forehead, but when he started, all I could think was Gods, here it comes--I couldn't bear hearing it out of him, so I just ran. It the only thing I was able to do... I didn't even think to fly. Without Ein to love me... my life was over. I didn't care how I died, so long as I did. I couldn't stand the thought of life with no love and no purpose...
"If Ein hadn't caught up with me, I would be dead now. It's not just a matter of our feelings for each other... I need him to stay alive. I know it's selfish of me. I wake up every day sure that it was all a dream, but it isn't, and I can't believe I've been this lucky. Ein is everything to me. And I know he'll take care of me, because that's just who he is."
Lightly, Fia laid a hand on Ledah's shoulder, offering him a trembling smile. "Well, I just want you to remember that the rest of us are all here for you, too... thank you for telling me this. You've helped me understand a few things, and I appreciate that you told me the truth. Thank you, Ledah..."
"It's I who should be thanking you for sitting through all that," the angel replied, looking a little red-faced. "That's another problem with getting my emotions back... now I talk far too much. I've been keeping you from your chores at your grandfather's--I'm sorry. Good luck, and please come back home soon. It's cramped with seven, but we miss you."
Fia's smile held. "I'll be back sooner than you think. You know, no one ever warned us that you were so sweet, Ledah... but you're right, I do have to go. But thank you. I don't mind when you talk a lot... it just gives me more to think about. I'll see you again soon..." Standing, she dashed off, waving to him as she did.
Once she was back on the path to her grandfather's home, she slowed her pace to a walk.
She hadn't known... and now, how could she intrude, knowing just how deeply Ledah's need for Ein ran? Perhaps her grandfather was right, anyway... her prince might still be coming in the future.
She would cry a little... but eventually...
Her heart considerably lighter even though her vision was blurred, she headed off to give Cierra the answer she had promised.
---
NEXT TIME: The moment has finally arrived... their first time. :3 It's Christmas Eve, and Ein and Ledah have grown closer than ever. With their relationship solidifying and Fia on her way to acceptance, they only have one barrier left to cross before their hearts are made one forever. Oh, I am gonna have FUN with this chapter. XD
Rating will be rising due to a scene of fairly graphic yaoi sex. Please do read, but just be forewarned... XD XD XDDDD