Disclaimer: I don't own Disney. But I do own Johnny Depp. Isn't that right, Johnny?

Johnny: Oh yeah, she does. If anyone is reading this, please send help. She has me trapped at the address –

SSM: Johnny, go back to my bedroom. Now!

Johnny: As you wish, Mistress.

Hey everybody,

Thanks for the reviews, they where really nice! Answers:

Cherreh and Stormeh: Thank you, hope you keep reading!

Ogreatrandom: LOL, nah, never would have guessed you like people trapped in movies! Thanks for not going off at me, I appreciate it!

I love CHEESECAKE: Yeah, I know. I don't actually have TV where I live, the receptions too bad. We live in a valley. So we have pay TV instead, and there's no game shows on that 

Sphinx Jinx: Yeah, Ogreatrandom's story's awesome. LOL, thank you! Please keep reading! And thanks for adding me to story alerts!

Bb: Thanks; keep reading (and reviewing!)

Questions:

All right, I stayed up on New Years Eve (my parents and brother went to bed, so it was me and the DVD of Legally Blonde --) And I went on Fanfiction frenzy. I read a whole heap of stories, and I have questions!

Yes, I come from a very sheltered background, me in my tiny town (population of 700!) What is:

1. a wench

2. a whelp or

a Eunuch ?

Anyway, thank you! And on with the story!

Love,

SSM ;)

oOo

"Alright." Jack muttered, standing at the top of the ramp. "Here's the plan. I'll go an' cause a diversion. You sneak onto the boat, savvy?"

"Yeah, whatever." I answered.

"Ok. Go onto the boat when you hear the words The Black Pearl come out of me mouth. Let's go." Jack sauntered down the ramp, and strolled up as if to get onto the boat. Two guards, one fat one and one skinny one, hurried towards him and blocked his path.

"This dock is off limits to civilians." The skinny one said stiffly.

Jack held up his hands. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately."

He went to move again, but the guards blocked him once more. "Apparently there's some fancy hight up at the forte, aye. How could it be, that two upstanding gentlemen such as yourselves… did not marret an invitation?"

The two men looked at each other. "Someone… must make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians. "

"It's a fine job to be sure," Jack replied, trying to get around them again, but failing. "But it seems to me, that a ship like that, makes this one look a bit subereous really."

"Oh, the Dauntless is the powers in these waters true enough." The skinny guard said. "But there's no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed."

Jack held up his hand. "I've 'eard of one. Supposed to be very fast, niuncatchable… The Black Pearl."

That was my cue. I snuck out from my hiding place and slunk down. I don't know if Jack saw me or not, but I managed to get onto the boat. I sat on the floor, hidden by the wheel of the boat.

They where still talking. The skinny one was rambling on. "The Black Pearl is a real ship."

The other one laughed. "No, no there's not."

"Yes there is, I've seen it."

"You've seen it?"

"Yes."

"You haven't seen it!"

"Yes, I have!"

"You've seen a ship, with black sails, and captained by a man so evil, that hell itself, spat him back out?"

The skinny one shook his head. "No. But I have seen a ship with black sails."

Jack started to slide away. He walked up to my hiding spot, and would you believe, kicked me!

"Ouch!" I muttered. He looked down.

"Oh sorry luv. Didn't know you where down there."

He then proceeded to pretend to sail the ship, just playing with the wheel. This was my proof that he was the one who had too much rum.

The guards finally stopped arguing and noticed us up there. Actually, they realised Jack was up there. No one could see me.

"HEY!" They yelled. I was expecting for Jack to duck down with me and hide, but he just blinked at them. They kept going, however.

"GET AWAY FROM THERE!" One screamed. They both had their guns pointing at Jack. "You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate!"

Jack ever so causally let go of the wheel and held up his hands. "I'm so sorry, it's just such a pretty boat – ship."

"I've seen better." I muttered. He kicked me.

Neither of the guards noticed. The skinny one said crossly, "What's your name?"

"Smith." Jack said happily. "Or smithy, if you like."

I want a fake name. "Should I say a name too?" I whispered up at him. I think he was mad at me then, because he started to walk away from me, leaving me totally unprotected apart from the wheel.

"What's you're purpose, import royal, Mr Smith?"

"Yeah, and no lies!" The other warned.

"Alright then." He said, taking a few steps further away from me.

"Get back here!" I hissed. As usual, he ignored me. "I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid pillages and otherwise pilfer my wheezily black guts out.

At least, that's what it sounded like to me.

The guards looked bewildered. "I said no lies!" The skinny one exclaimed.

The fat one cocked his head. "I think he was telling the truth…"

"If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us."

"unless of course he knew that you wouldn't have believed the truth, even if he told it to ya."

The skinny one smiled, then just looked confused. I was getting really bored, just sitting there. So I jumped up. "Who's she?" The fat one demanded.

"Oh," Jack said, giving me the death stare, "That's, um… that would be…"

"I'm Kelly!" I exclaimed, bouncing over to the group of men. "Kelly… Smith! He's my father."

Jack's shoulder's tensed as he scowled at me. "Shut up!" He muttered. The guards seemed not to care though.

"Could you tell us about yourself, Mr Smith?" The fat one asked.

Jack grinned and sat down on one of the benches lining the boat. I went to follow, but he gave my shin a bit of a kick and muttered, "On the floor, lass. Now!"

I glared at him and settled on the floor, and then he began to talk. I listened in awe as he told us the most wonderful story of his life. I edged closer and closer, until I was kneeling at his feet, gazing up at him. I couldn't help it, it was fascinating!

"And then they made me their chief." He said. That stirred something in my memory. I looked over at the water, almost semi-consesly. I watched as Elizabeth hit the water. Everyone jumped at the sound of the splash, and we all looked over.

"What the hell was that?" The fat one asked.

"Elizabeth! The governor's daughter!" I shouted. "You, Jack. You're meant to save her!"

Jack looked at me in horror. He slowly turned to the guards. "Will you be saving her?" He asked.

"I can't swim!" One exclaimed. He sighed and began to pull off his jacket, along with his weapons.

"Do not lose these!" He said, thrusting the stuff at the guards. He jumped off the boat. I could make out his shadow, going towards Elizabeth's.

"Lucky bitch." I muttered. Neither of the guards heard me, I had already began to run towards the dock. I should have stopped him. The idiot deserved to die, who in their right mind would were a corset?

I groaned at myself as I watched Jack resurface and then go back under. I didn't need to see him to know what was happening, he was pulling off her dress. I wish he would pull off my dress.

"Envy: another good reason for you to be here." I spun around to come face to face with the bald orange man.

"You!" I gasped. "Take me home, please! I don't want to be here anymore! I'm so hot! How do these people service?"

The orange man just kept smiling as if he hadn't heard me. "Give the audience a wave!"

"They're not here are they?" I asked, spinning around. He laughed.

"No, they're all back home! We're filming you, don't you know?"

"Where are the cameras?" I asked.

He grabbed the sides of his stomach, wheezing and coughing from laughing so hard. "CAMRAS!" He rasped. "Who needs them?"

"Huh?" But he disappeared, still laughing like a maniac. I sighed and turned to see

commodore Norrington's sword pointed to Jack's throat. "Super." I muttered sarcastically, and walked over to see what was happening.