So warm, so inviting. I can wait as long as I know it's coming. Well, for a little while. There's only so much time I can go without getting antsy. It's hard for me to think of anything else. Sometimes I'll lay awake at night, just thinking about it. Thinking about how much I want this, how long it's been. I can't concentrate during work, just thinking about it. I zone out in the middle of an oil change and come to with a stained uniform and a real hacked off Steve.
So dark, so amazing. No one else understands, except maybe Ponyboy and Darry. It's an addiction, and I gotta feed it. I get the shakes without it, I get ornery. Sandy calls me crazy, tells me I've got some growing up to do if it's all I can think about. Maybe she's right, but she doesn't know how it feels, she isn't needy like I am.
"I want you so bad..."
It gets my blood pumping every time. There's nothing better in the world, no greater good. It's better than winning a rumble, sweeter than any tip I've ever gotten from working on cars. I'll do anything to get it. It's a thrill, more exciting than any roller coaster, and once it's mine, I can't get enough. I can't remember my first taste, that's how used to it I am. Once I'd seen what it was like, I had to have more. And I've been obsessed ever since. I'm only human, y'know.
My mom used to lecture me about how bad it was for me, how I should stop before I got in over my head. Darry used to scold me about it too, until he realized there was no use in trying to stop me. He can complain to me all he wants, I'm just gonna do it again and again. I can't help it! What else am I supposed to do? It's so available to me, how can I control myself?
"I can't wait much longer...!"
It's real comforting, knowing I can always rely on it to cheer me up when I'm feelin' down. And it's something only I can have! Well, this time, at least. Usually I have to share. I hate sharing, it makes me jealous and over protective. Heck, any guy'd feel that way if he had to share the love of his life with someone else. You can't blame me for gettin' worked up about it.
"...Soda, what are you doing?" Ponyboy comes into the kitchen, giving me a weird look. "Why're you sitting in front of the stove like that?"
Before I can answer... Ding! It's done! My mouth is watering as I fling the oven door open, my gloved hands shaking with anticipation. It's perfect, so perfect!
Oh, chocolate cake, how I love you.
It's hard to resist eating it right now, even though it's not frosted, but I can't wait any longer. I have to have it, I have to! Every second I go without it is more painful than the last. It seems like it takes forever to ice it, even with all the short cuts I take. The kitchen's a mess, totally covered in batter and icing, but I don't care. It can wait. This is so much more important!
"Hey, mind cutting me a piece?" Pony's grabbing plates from the cupboard, his eyes lighting up like mine when he sees how close I am to being done. My hands grope for a knife, and pretty soon Ponyboy's on his way back to the living room with a small piece of my life. It's okay, though--there's still more than enough left...
"Wait a sec, there's cake?" Two-Bit comes bounding into the kitchen after catching a glimpse of Pony's slice. "No one said anything about cake!" He grabs the plate I've got my piece on and scoops out a fork from a nearby drawer. "Thanks a million, Pepsi. Looks damn good."
"No problem...!" I hear myself say in my usual cheerful voice as I frantically reach for another plate. Come on, come on...!
"Hey guys, Soda made cake!" Two-Bit holds his plate up and points to the remaining chunk. "It's still warm!"
Johnny and Steve are at Dally's heels as the three come bounding into the kitchen, shoving Two-Bit out of the way.
"Gimme a plate!"
"Move over, Randal, I get first dibs!"
It's like I'm helplessly standing by, watching a bank getting robbed. They're a pack of hungry animals, all of them trying to get the biggest piece first. When each of them gets what they came for, the room clears out and I'm left standing in front of a chocolate smeared counter, like blood splattered around a murder scene. Crumbs are everywhere. There's nothing left.
It feels like they've ripped my heart out and stomped on it. They didn't even leave the icing bowl--Johnny's licking it clean in the living room, finger full by finger full.
It's all gone, all of it. Poof! Just like that.
The front door opens and Darry walks through it, looking exhausted from his hard day at work. The gang greets him with waves and hollers like usual. "Where's Sodapop?"
"In here." I manage to squeak out. My throat's clogged. It was here and gone way too fast... I didn't even get a taste, not even one.
He sticks his head in and sees me. "Whassa matter, Pepsi-Cola?" He looks worried as he shifts through the fridge for a beer.
"It's all gone...!" I nod at the messy counter. It's hard to move.
"What's gone?" He spots the chocolate smears. "Oh." He wipes up one of the smudges with his thumb and licks it off. "Just make another one, then."
"I used the last of the mix on this one," I mumble. All that's left to look forward to is cleaning the kitchen.
"But I made one last night," Darry frowns. "It should still be the ice box."
My heart jumps into my throat as he opens the fridge again and digs around. Seconds later he pulls out a brand new, untouched cake. I feel like Christmas has come early this year, I'm so excited. "Here you go, little buddy."
It tastes like heaven. Not as sugary as I like it, but who's complaining? Darry shakes his head, laughing, as he starts wiping down the counter. The only things in the world right now are me, my fork, and my beautiful, perfect, amazing desert.
Oh, chocolate cake, how I love you.
Geez, it's been almost six months since I last updated, hasn't it? I'm still working on 'Crazy,' but I've hit a little bit of a road block. I've got another one-shot almost written, but I'm still not happy with it just yet. This was just something I wrote to let you guys know I'm still around. Hope you liked it!