There's nothing like a drive to the beach to clear your head. I needed some time alone to think, to reflect on the things that are going on. The Feds proposition has me thinking about so many things, but most of all it has me wishing Dom was here to take out all the anger built inside of me.
Being pregnant has changed my prerogatives. Feeling a new life growing inside of me, knowing that its part of me, brings a scary new reality. I used to only care to please one man and always putting myself last. Now with him gone, I've realized I'm worth so much more than he ever made me feel.
I always dreamed that when I experience this in my life things would be different, that Dom would be by my side, enjoying our creation. I always dreamed that our child would bring us even closer and any doubt would leave. But he turning his back on us is an unforgivable betrayal.
Dom is not a man to turn his back on his friends especially on his family, but I guess his own desire of not going back won. To leave his team, his family to take all the heat for him was a coward thing to do. He wasn't man enough to step up for his mistakes, his miscalculations, and instead he left us all wounded trying to find a way out of this whole. Thanks to him I'll be joining the organization we try to avoid the most.
At the beginning I kept holding to hope that the man I fell in love would come back but I was naïve to think so. I loved him, I was loyal to him and realizing he wasn't coming back was a knife through the heart. I though he would stick by me just as I stuck by him knowing very well his infidelity. But love blinded me, and I became weak to Dom's fake promises. Now part of me realizes I should have seen it coming. He never took responsibility to his cheating or the paid he knew he caused me. I was only his property, his trophy after a big win. If he loved me once, that was blocked by his desire to always be on top.
It took all this mess for me to realize how trapped I was, gladly I now have a new reason to love. I just found out that I'm going to have a girl. I wanted a littlie boy but I'm happy nonetheless. This child was conceived by love because no matter what I loved him. She will be my new love, my new and only true devotion, and for her I will do anything. The guys joke that she will be tough just like me and I hope so. Unlike me my little girl will be tough on her own. I became tough because life made me so. She will grow up surrounded by people that love her and protect her. So she won't have to hold on to one man and expect it to do it for her and have her disappointed at the end.
What the hell?! What is this damn dog doing on top of me?!
"Get off of me you damn dog!"
The K9 just licked her still on top of her.
"Gross! Get off of me!"
"Rox, get off of her! Damn dog, come here!"
The dog barked and backed away from Letty.
"You need to keep your dog in a leash!"
"I'm sorry about that, she's just playful."
The guy reached down to help Letty up. She brushed him away, "I can get up myself thank you."
As Letty got up and dusted herself off she looked up to the guy who the K9 belonged to. His physical attraction caught her off guard that she didn't say anything and just stared at him for a second.
It could help for me to be pissed off at him if he wasn't attractive. Stop it Letty, you're over guys!
"I'm sorry, really. Let me treat you to coffee or something." He immediately felt an attraction towards her.
"No thank you" she responded quite coldly "I have to get going." I can't get involved with guys in any kind of way.
She turned and walked toward her car.
"Wait, I didn't even introduce myself! Name is Jim Street!" He had to yell it since she didn't bother to stop.
When she got to her car she opened the door and stopped, "Next time keep your dog in a leash Jim Street" got in and speed away.
I wonder what she was doing out here all by herself. She's quite beautiful. "Good job Rox, this time it didn't work out for us huh?"
The dog just barked and ran with Jim following behind.
Where in the world could Brian be and is he okay? The only thing I've seen on TV lately is the picture of him as a wanted felon. But why? Wasn't he a cop? Did he refuse to turn us in? I have so many questions that he can answer.
I miss his smile, his warmth, his way of making me feel safe. He has been the only person who has broken through my brother's barrier and into my heart. How could he have done what he did?
The only thing that keeps running through my mind over and over again is the moment he told me he was a cop. The felling of deception, of betrayal overpowered any other feeling of love I had for him. And now that I know the truth I ask myself, did he ever love me really? He said he did, right before he asked me to help him find Dom and the guys, but how do I know that wasn't part of the plan to find Dom?
How can I find the truth when neither of them has shown their faces since that day? That day that I wished I could forget, the day when I almost lost my friends, the day when I lost the loves of my live. But deep down inside something tells me both left to protect us.
This child inside of me grows, just as strength and confidence that I will be a better woman. This miracle is the proof of the love I shared with Brian. I will never forget what Brian did for me and my family. If it weren't for him, Vince wouldn't be here, Jesse's attempt wouldn't have gone with some payback, and I wouldn't have this feeling of a new me.
This experience has made me grown and become stronger. This experience has brought us closer, has made us all stronger mentally and physically, and no men power can break us up. However I do hope that one day I get all the answers to my question, because living in doubt will torment me till then.
"Hey Mia, what you're up to?"
"Nothing Vee, just thinking."
"Not on the snowman again Mia?"
"Don't start Vince, I really loved him" a small tear rolled down her cheek.
Vince walked to where Mia was sitting in the kitchen and kneeled next to her.
"I know you did Mia, and I know that he loved you."
Mia rolled her eyes.
"No it's true Mia. You want to know how I know that?"
He waited until she nodded.
"Just as I knew he was a cop, I felt it in my guts. I saw it in his eyes and the way he looked at you every time. To him there was no other person in the room but you, and Dom had a hard time with him to focus on a project. That is what drove me crazy Mia, that he loved you and you him. I felt it in my guts, just like I felt it that he was a cop."
"Oh Vince, do you forgive me? I mean for not loving you the way you want me to and for not trusting your instincts?"
"Mia I learned with all this that happened that we cannot control our hearts. Yours belongs to him and well mine will belong to someone else someday. So there's nothing to forgive. You're the one who needs to forgive me for being such an asshole to you and to snowman. After all if it weren't for him I wouldn't be here, huh?"
"Yeah, he risked everything. I just wonder if he turned us in or not?"
"Nah, otherwise the cops would have us behind bars already and Brian wouldn't be a wanted man. I think he ran to save our asses again."
"When did you ever become an insightful man Vince?"
"Shh, don't spread it around. You might ruin my rep girl."
They both laughed and Vince went to the refrigerator to grab a Corona.
"Hey remember that chick that we met a few nights ago at the races?"
"Which one Vince? You guys jump from one slut to another."
"Oh ouch, is that jealousy I hear?"
Mia rolled her eyes again.
"Okay so it's true but this chick was different. That night I felt like I've seen her before but I couldn't put my finger on it until today that I went to my therapy session. She was one of the nurses on the floor I was on."
"Oh wow what a coincidence."
"Yeah girl same thing I thought. I got to talk to her and asked her to out."
"Do you even know how to take a girl out Vince?"
"Hey give me some credit. I did help with your date with snowman didn't I? I recommended that Cuban place remember?"
"That was a fun place."
"See? I'm taking her out tonight."
"That's great Vince. Treat her right, she doesn't look one of those racer skanks so she can actually kick your ass."
"I wouldn't complain."
"Gross."
Vince smirked leaving to get ready for his date.