Rodney
"Oh, nice work!" The dart and all its components are in smithereens. I don't think these guys could have broken them into more pieces if they let the ape from those old luggage ads jump all over everything. I'm especially disappointed in Radek. I've taught him better.
"We were running out of power. I knew hardly anything about the machine. Who would have thought this could be one of the side effects?" Excuses, excuses. Bottom line is, you screwed up and now I have a woman stuck in my head!
Um... that didn't come out the way I intended.
Whatever. "So, instead of waiting to understand what it was you were doing, you just sort of mashed on the keyboard hoping something would happen!" Don't get me wrong, that technique sometimes works, but I wouldn't try it when someone else's life is at stake!
"Well, you're alive, aren't you?" No thanks to you and that trigger-happy lunatic, Sheppard. What the hell was he thinking, shooting the dart down like that? Yeah, I know the thing would have gone through the gate, but surely he could have found a better way of stopping it than playing Space Invaders!
"Ask him if he knows how to fix it." I was wondering when she'd show up again. Yes, thank you, Lieutenant, I wouldn't have thought of that if you didn't say something.
"He doesn't know how to fix it!" I can see Carson giving me that same look he did while I was in the infirmary. I guess it probably does seem a little weird seeing me talk into thin air, but we've seen enough strange things in this galaxy that he shouldn't be surprised anymore! Elizabeth and Sheppard are also looking at me like I'm crazy.
"What?" If possible, Radek looks even more confused than he did a minute ago.
"I'm talking to her!" And if she really wanted to help, it would be her turn to STOP SPEAKING!
Elizabeth still doesn't look like she's buying this. "You can hear her thoughts?"
NO! That would be horrible. "No, not her thoughts, thank God. I can hear when she's speaking... when she's trying to speak." And that's bad enough!
"Are you sure he should have been discharged from the infirmary, Carson?" Uh-huh! The only thing worse than having Cadman in my brain would be having to stay in the infirmary with Cadman in my brain. Between her and the Scottish snake-oil salesman, they'd nag me to death.
"According to the MRI, he's as healthy as he ever was." Hello, standing right here! You can quit talking about me like I'm a five year-old.
"It doesn't feel very healthy in here!"
Who asked you? "Well, we can't all be track stars, now, can we?" Some of us would prefer to be faster in the thought department than in the feet department.
They're staring at me again. Oh, for crying out loud... "It was her again!"
Sheppard is whispering to Carson now. "Maybe there's something wrong an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean." Fine. See if I try to help you again when an alien glowy-squid woman makes a fool (and several other things) out of you. And you, Carson, can wipe that grin off your face or I'll tell everyone how you cried when you heard your mother's plants died.
"I'm not crazy - I just have another consciousness in my brain!"
"So he just looks crazy." I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.
"I'm sure I do, but only because Doctor Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!" I'm not sure where I came up with that, but it sounds good.
"Yes, yes, I made a mistake trying to save your life." Did he just mumble that he won't make that mistake again? "Now, do you want to try to fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me some more?"
"I'm perfectly capable of doing both at the same time." I'm a very good multitasker. "Now, I assume you've tried to run one of our own generators on it?"
"It's not as simple as that ..."
"Why not?" Probably because you can't just hook up a power source made by one species to a machine made by another! Although Radek and I did try that once... and blew up half the lab. (A/N: "It's a Hardware Problem")
I never noticed before how much Zelenka looks like a mad scientist when he's upset. "The trick is having it interface with the Wraith machine in real time. The power fluctuations are, are, are huge. Er, if we overshoot just a little ..."
"Wait, wait, what does that mean?"
"...we're screwed up."
I can't think! This woman's chattering is so damn distracting! "Yeah, yeah. Um, I'm sure if we can maybe run an interface program that will take care of all the..." Shit! I'm not even sure what I mean.
"Hullooo? Rodney? Will you please answer me?"
NO! Leave me alone! "Uh, here's what I want us to try."
"Rodney!"
Shut up! "We'll take a, uh, naqahdah generator ..."
"Ro-o-o-odney!"
"... and, um ..." I'm going to kill her.
"Rodney. Rodney!"
"... and, uh ..."
"Rodney! RODNEY!"
"YES! WHAT!" Oh, crap. I said that aloud, didn't I?
"Stop ignoring me."
"Well, stop asking stupid questions!" They already think I'm nuts; how much worse can it get?
"Rodney..." Uh-oh. Carson's got the needle and straitjacket look again. I'd like to see that big baby deal with something like this. He'd be a basket case by now!
However, I'm also going to be a basket case if Cadman doesn't pipe down. "I will get you out of here, OK? Now just be a good little girlie and keep quiet."
That statement didn't go over very well. "Don't you dare condescend to me! This is as much my problem as it is yours." The other women in room seem to think I'm a male chauvinist. Including Elizabeth.
"And do you have a degree in physics, hmm? Well, what about mechanical engineering, huh?" This double Ph.D. thing had better come in handy.
"Rodney?"
"YES!" Oops. That wasn't Cadman, that was Elizabeth. She thinks I yelled at her, and she doesn't look too thrilled. "Sorry. I'm sorry. What, please?"
"Why don't we let Zelenka handle this?"
Oh, that's just typical. "I'm fine."
Sheppard finally comes out and says it. "No, you're not."
"And I'd like you to talk to Dr. Heightmeyer."
Sure, Elizabeth. And while I'm wasting my time, these guys could succeed in obliterating the dart totally. Then where will Cadman and I be? "I think it'd be more useful if I was..."
"Rodney. I'm not asking you."
All right, if that's the way we're going to play it. "Fine."
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Laura
"Oh, nice work!"
"We were running out of power. I knew hardly anything about the machine. Who would have thought this could be one of the side effects?" From the little I've seen of Dr. Zelenka, he appears to be a nice guy. Now he not only has to save the day, he has to do it with McKay breathing down his neck. I don't envy him.
"So, instead of waiting to understand what it was you were doing, you just sort of mashed on the keyboard hoping something would happen!"
"Well, you're alive, aren't you?" I think Zelenka is actually being remarkably patient. If it were me in that position, I probably would have shot McKay by now.
"Ask him if he knows how to fix it." Do something constructive instead of just acting like a jerk.
"He doesn't know how to fix it!" Oh, of course not. No one but His Brilliance himself can handle that job.
Dr. Weir wanted to know if Rodney could hear my thoughts. Thank goodness he can't. I'm also relieved that I can't hear his. I honestly don't want to know what's going through that mind of his -- what comes out of his mouth is bad enough.
"Are you sure he should have been discharged from the infirmary, Carson?" Poor Doc Beckett. Bet they never taught you anything about this in medical school.
"According to the MRI, he's as healthy as he ever was."
That's not saying much. "It doesn't feel very healthy in here!"
"Well, we can't all be track stars, now, can we?" There's a difference between not being a track star and being a slug! Yeah, that's probably not fair, but I'm entitled to my snit!
At least it's fun watching everybody think McKay's crazy. (Why should today be any different?) "It was her again!" he yelled at the room in general.
Colonel Sheppard isn't really comfortable with medical issues, I've noticed. "Maybe there's something wrong an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean." He and Beckett smirk at each other, and McKay's still fuming.
"I'm not crazy - I just have another consciousness in my brain!" And don't they all say that?
"So he just looks crazy." Sir, no one ever said you beat around the bush!
"I'm sure I do, but only because Doctor Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!" Oops. McKay's having a full-blown fit now.
"Yes, yes, I made a mistake trying to save your life." Here's some free advice, Dr. Z. Next time, don't. You'll probably be promoted to his job, and you won't have to listen to his whining. "Now, do you want to try to fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me some more?"
"I'm perfectly capable of doing both at the same time. Now, I assume you've tried to run one of our own generators on it?"
"It's not as simple as that ..."
"Why not?" Seems like a good idea to me.
"The trick is having it interface with the Wraith machine in real time. The power fluctuations are, are, are huge. Er, if we overshoot just a little ..." OK, now you're losing me. Can't you lab rats ever say things in less than three syllables? I was a political science major, for crying out loud! And ROTC took away lots of studying time.
"Wait, wait, what does that mean?"
"...we're screwed up." Thank you. That's a term I can understand. So what are you and Wonder Boy here going to do about it?
"Yeah, yeah. Um, I'm sure if we can maybe run an interface program that will take care of all the..." You're ignoring me, aren't you, you little shit!
"Hullooo? Rodney? Will you please answer me?" Buster, I had five older brothers and I was the only girl in the family. You don't want me to think that you're ignoring me; I know what to do about it.
"Uh, here's what I want us to try."
"Rodney!"
"We'll take a, uh, naqahdah generator ..."
"Ro-o-o-odney!" Getting tired of me yet?
"... and, um ..."
"Rodney. Rodney!"
"... and, uh ..."
"Rodney! RODNEY!"
"YES! WHAT!"
Gotcha. "Stop ignoring me."
"Well, stop asking stupid questions!" I guarantee that if you were trapped in my body you'd be equally clueless about what I do for a living. So cut me a little slack here, you... you…
"Rodney." Dr. Beckett... Carson, can I call you Carson? Can you please talk some sense into Dr. Maple Leaf here?
"I will get you out of here, OK? Now just be a good little girlie and keep quiet." Girlie? GIRLIE! That's it, McKay. You're dead. Dead! When I get my hands on you... well, when I get hands, period... I'm going to make you wish your sorry ass never left Siberia. Yeah, I know about your little exile up there.
"Don't you dare condescend to me! This is as much my problem as it is yours." You arrogant, misogynistic, annoying little man!
Eww. That last thought was gross. Don't go there again, Laura.
"And do you have a degree in physics, hmm? Well, what about mechanical engineering, huh?"
"Rodney?" Apparently I'm not the only one who's had enough of this guy. Dr. Weir's looking steamed, too.
"YES!... Sorry. I'm sorry. What, please?"
"Why don't we let Zelenka handle this?" She also wants him... us... to talk to Dr. Heightmeyer. I'm not impressed with her, but maybe she can figure something out.
"I think it'd be more useful if I was..." For once, McKay and I are in agreement.
"Rodney. I'm not asking you."
"Fine." And the next thing I know, we're out in the hall.
TBC