Overthinking

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted any of my stuff. This was written in a rush, I apologize for horrible errors, OOCness, and maudlin bits.

Disclaimer: Neji, Neji/Ten, and etc. do not belong to me.

Maybe there was a way to start over. He decided there had to be. Neji knew that all of the cliches were right. About this love business. Although he was, at the moment, rather sick of love. He had to get himself somewhere where it would be taboo. Perfect.

"Isn't love a bit, strong, Neji?"

Yet he found himself at the woody, greasy tables of Ichiraku, surrounded by men physically his age but obviously mentally at the same maturity of a teenager talking about, of all things he did not want to hear, about love.

A well-aimed kunai was flying toward his shoulder, but he easily side-stepped it.

As Neji closed his eyes and leaned into the wood panels of the wall, he heard Lee's voice, decibels louder than the other shinobi, proclaiming in idealistic and impossible ways his love and admiration for Sakura. Naruto then added his nerve grating opinion to that, shouting proclamations of ownership over Sakura's heart. In the seats next to Neji, Shikamaru quietly complained to Chouji about the troublesome blondes in his life. Who knew a Nara could snare the attention of so many kunoichi? Hyuuga Neji smirked at the thought, considering the magnitude of the combined yelling and nagging of Yamanaka Ino and Temari of the Sand. At least he would never have to deal with that. A few footsteps grew louder as they approached the table, and Neji opened his eyes to see Kiba and Shino, a mistake indeed. He then proceeded to watch, in graphic detail, a fist fight consisting of Kiba, Lee, and Naruto beating each other into the wooden floors of Ichiraku as they tried to defend the honors of Hinata, Tenten, and Sakura, respectively, with Lee defending both Tenten and Sakura's "flower of youth." How could they be jounin and still behave like genin? Neji decided to leave before he became remotely affilitated with them.

You're not quite like those other kunoichi, are you?

I never said I was, did I?

But he did notice something about everyone one of these, if they could even be called such, comrades. Despite their blatant adoration or love or whatnot for certain females, not one ever dared to voice that statement to the object their affections. Not once. What did they do? Declare love to men. Honestly, the behavior got Neji to musing over his fellow jounin's sexual preferences for a good thirty minutes as he walked the dark streets of Konoha.

"Hyuuga Neji, are you about to express feelings for me?"

"Hn. Just keep telling yourself that."

Which got Neji to thinking about his own predicament. Was this lack of declaration the reason why girls would not notice these men? Was it a requirement that a man go up to a woman and say, "Hey, I love you. You love me to or what?" Or something to that effect. Whatever. Or did they have to say crap like, "You're the only woman I've ever loved. Don't walk away"? He knew Sakura and Ino often read those trashy romance novels with characters name Lorenzo and Samantha who saw each other only once and eloped. But that was hardly true. Did women honestly want that? Men to spirit them off? Did his cousin, Hyuuga Hinata, dream of Naruto, coiffed and dressed in rich silks, to go down on one knee and proclaim his love for her at a midnight masquerade party? How ridiculous. Women were ridiculous.

Buns tied sensibly and tightly with red ribbon, she never wanted hair in her eyes.

Maybe he wasn't ridiculous enough, was that why Tenten turned him down? He replayed the five seconds of afternoon three days ago. "I'm sorry, Neji. Can I think about this?" What was that? Did he have to spout nonsense so that she could say, "Of course!" or something to that effect? What did he say, anyway? It didn't even matter anymore, because Tenten was obviously the one to blame. Of course. No skin of his back.

"Leave. Your attacks are pathetically weak today."

"How dare you say that, I just—"

"Then I'll leave."

Was it so difficult to say "yes?" Honestly. Neji felt himself getting angry again, but willed himself to shut his mental mouth. Besides, Tenten wasn't the only girl in Konoha. Plenty of other ones around. Tons. Someone at least fairly intelligent, remotely bearable, and decent with a kunai. Not such a horrible request was it?

A katana was flying straight toward his back

And yet, someone so mediocre wasn't worth his time.

"I can't believe you dodged that!"

"I almost didn't."

Mediocre was unacceptable. Especially by Hyuuga standards.

"What's wrong, Neji?"

He wanted to be around someone exceptional. He didn't even dare say or think 'care' or 'love' or 'like'. When he did, why did two hair buns, flying weapons, and the shuffle of sandals on grass whistle through his mind? Sometimes the most irritating person was himself. Could he ever just cut off connection to himself? Or just that part connecting him to her?

"Tenten, having been your teammate for many years and participating on many difficult missions with you—"

"Could you just spit it out?"

But

"I—"

He couldn't

"I think I really like—love you."

"What?"

Maybe another day, another week, another life. Finding himself at the edge of Konoha with still no good explanation for his feelings or plan after today's disaster, Hyuuga Neji simply turned around to face the yellow and white lights of the village. Perhaps he'd get wasted at Ichiraku, just kill some feelings tonight.

"Neji" she whispered, far too late, watching him leave the training grounds, "I love you too."

She'll never know how damn much it hurts, thought Neji.