A/N: Wow, you guys. I was completely amazed with the response I got for this fic! You guys are wonderful, and I'm sorry I couldn't get this up sooner! I kind of had an emergency doctor visit, but all is well. But once again, thank you guys so much!

Okay, there isn't a lot of Kate/Sawyer interaction in this chapter. But this is a big chapter for Kate, because I used to incidents of What Kate Did to kind of force Kate to face a lot of things. So there's some definite growth as far as Kate's character goes in this chapter. The next chapter is going to be all Kate/Sawyer to make up for the small amount in this one. I know I only updated once this past week, but I have the next chapter mostly written. So, if you're generous with the reviews again wink I promise to update before the weekend is over, probably sometime Saturday morning. Thanks for reading!

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Gold and orange streaked across the sky as the sun began to set over the ocean. The beauty of the island could never mask the true danger. Not to Kate. What hid in the jungle always seemed to be at the edge of her mind, reminding her of the dangers they all still faced.

Letting her eyes stray to the sunset for a moment longer, she stepped fully out onto the beach and looked around.

Despite the tragic events of the past few weeks, everyone seemed to have fallen back into their absent-minded schedules.

But as her eyes scanned the beach, she didn't see the man she'd come to speak with. Her eyes, however, landed on Sayid.

He was sitting alone, near the fire, his eyes trained on the flame and refusing to blink. Cautiously, she walked over to him.

"Sayid?"

He looked up sharply, as if she were encroaching on his territory, but said nothing. "Have you seen Jack?" Kate asked after a moment of silence, finding his empty gaze more intense than that of any FBI agent.

"The last time I heard from him, he was going to the caves to bring some water back."

Kate nodded her thanks, and began to walk away. A step into her departure, and she stopped, closing her eyes for a minute. She couldn't just leave.

Turning back around, Kate sighed softly. "Sayid...are you okay?" She instantly rolled her eyes at herself. "Okay, stupid question." She paused as he continued to only stare at her. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Kate," he said with a sigh, some of his pent up anger rising, even though he didn't mean for it to be directed at her. "I don't want your-"

"This isn't about pity, Sayid," she said firmly, meeting his gaze evenly. "I know..." Closing her eyes for a moment, Kate gulped back some of her emotions. With a heavy sigh meant to calm her edgy nerves, she sat down near the fire.

He stared at her, wondering what she was doing as she let the silence wash over them both, staring at the blazing flames. Finally, when it seemed she wouldn't say anything, she spoke.

"I know what it's like," she finally said.

God, she was opening up to someone she barely knew. But he needed reassurance, and right now, she wasn't sure there was anyone else on the island who could give it to him. Besides, she reasoned with herself, she wouldn't actually have to tell him about her past. She would give vague details to let him know she understood his pain. And even though it killed her to even do that much, it was something he needed.

And maybe she needed it too.

"To lose someone you care that much about," she continued. "And I know what it's like to think that it's your fault."

"I should have stopped her," Sayid said evenly, refusing to let her talk him out of the remorse he felt over Shannon's death.

"Ana had a gun," Kate told him, finally moving her gaze from the fire to stare at him. "It was a mistake. Neither of them knew what was happening. And for that matter, you didn't either. There wasn't anything you could have done."

"You have no-"

"Sayid," she said firmly, cutting him off and shaking her head. "You can't...you can't do this to yourself. You have to let go of the guilt. Completely. You'll still grieve, and you should. Because that's what we do when we lose those we love. But Shannon wouldn't want you thinking it was your fault."

He didn't say anything to that, simply turned and stared straight forward again as the fire continued to warm his skin. Finally, he turned back to her.

"What about the person you lost?" He questioned. "The one whose death you blame yourself for. Did you let go of the guilt?" It was a challenge; she could see it in his eyes. He wanted to catch her in her hypocritical lecture on grief, and he was firing with the only ammunition he had.

"I'm the only person there is to blame," she told him, but she couldn't help from hesitating. Tom had cared about her. Would Tom want her blaming herself? Despite the debate she was having within herself, she kept her conviction in her tone. "There was no one with a gun. No unpredicted circumstances. Just me. And I put his life in danger to save myself." She stopped for a moment and stood up to brush the sand off of her. "But this...This isn't something you did. And Shannon would want you to know that." With one last look, she headed off in the other direction as Jack came into view.

She pushed her inner turmoil to the back of her mind, deciding that she could internally debate about whether or not she was responsible for Tom's death later.

"Jack!" She called, catching his attention. He turned toward her, eyebrows raised in question.

She jogged the rest of the way over to him and greeted him with a nod. "Sawyer's awake," she told him. So far, so good. This is how she had planned to start the conversation.

"Alright, just make sure he takes the antibiotics tonight, and I'll check on him in the morning." He looked like he wanted to dismiss the subject of Sawyer altogether, but the doctor in him was taking over the conversation.

"Okay," she replied with a grateful smile. But now she found herself in the midst of a very uncomfortable silence. Damn.

She knew what she wanted to say, but couldn't find the words or courage to get them out. She opened her mouth once or twice, wanting to get out the things she needed to say, but eventually just shut her mouth with a sigh. Nodding once more, she turned around in defeat.

"Kate." The way he had said her name made her freeze. He knew why she was there. "Is there anything else you came to me for?"

Closing her eyes to find strength, she turned around and stared at him, nodding slightly. "Yeah. There is." But still, she couldn't bring herself to say it. Everything she had planned to set straight tonight was at the tip of her tongue, but nothing would come out.

"Is this..." He paused, obviously uncomfortable himself as he tried to find his own strength. "Is this about what happened earlier in the jungle...the kiss?"

She looked down when he said it but nodded her head. "Yeah," she replied, looking back up. "I just...some things happened today, Jack. I felt like I was going crazy, and everything from my past chose today to come back and haunt me." Literally. "I...God, I don't even know where to start."

"How about we start with what happened today?" He seemed on edge, and she couldn't blame him, but she could also tell he was controlling himself well.

"Yeah, that's fair," she mumbled, running a hand through her hair, idly making the note that she could use another shower later. "Jack...you know that I care about you, right?"

He didn't reply, just stared at her, obviously bracing himself for whatever was coming next. Slightly irritated with his lake of response, she sighed and took a few steps away, then turned to look at him. "I came to terms with something pretty big today, Jack. I wouldn't say I'm forgiving myself, because that's a long way off. But I understood something that I've needed to understand for a long time." She looked at him, taking a deep breath.

"I'm not my father," she said finally, knowing that he wouldn't know why this was such a big thing for her, but she needed this out in the open. "I ran away for so long. Not just physically running from the cops, but mentally, emotionally...I ran. I blocked my past out, and I didn't want to come to face it or come to terms with it. Because I was so terrified that I would learn something about myself that I didn't like. That I would prove to myself that I was no better than my father."

He waited patiently, and for that, she was grateful.

"But I'm not him. I may have his DNA, but I'm not him."

"Is he the man you killed?" Jack asked finally, but there wasn't any accusation in his tone, only curiosity, the want to understand.

Kate bit her tongue slightly. Why on earth was she letting so many things about herself known today? Okay, not a lot, she told herself. But more than she ever wanted anyone to know.

"He was," she said finally, and then continued from where she left. "I'm a murderer. But I'm still nothing like him. I did what I did because I wanted to protect my mother, because I hated him for being a part of me. I hate myself for the pain I've caused people. I do. And, yeah, maybe if I had to do it all over again, I'd do it differently. But none of that matters. Because I know that I'm not him."

Jack stayed quiet for a long time, obviously debating over what he should say next. "So, what does this have to do with what happened in the jungle today?" He asked.

"Everything." Her reply caused him to raise his eyebrows, and she sighed, running a hand nervously through her hair again. "When you ran into me earlier...I was still going out of my mind, Jack. I was reminded of my father...and it made me think of how wrong I was just for being his daughter. And...Jack, ever since we've landed here, I wanted to love you," she told him. "You're everything that I thought would make me happy. And I wanted to have that with you." Tears were making themselves known now, and her voice was beginning to crack.

"Because you do everything right, and I'm so irreversibly screwed up. A-and I thought that if you could love me, and I could love you, then that meant I was forgiven. Because I'd finally been given something good. But I..." This was the harder part. "I couldn't, Jack," she said finally, tears freely spilling now. Tears for her, because she felt like she was going to lose something, even though she knew it wasn't really what she wanted; and tears for him, because she knew that this was going to hurt him. "I care about you as a friend, but no matter how much I wanted to, I can't...I don't feel like that for you. And it confused the hell out of me, because it's what I thought I wanted."

She paused, wiping at her eyes, and calming down only slightly. "I kissed you because I thought I could make something happen. I wanted to prove to myself that I could feel something for you."

He was restraining himself from saying a million things, and kept his tone calm, but pained. "And you can't?"

She looked down, wiping at her eyes again. "I can't," she whispered. "Not more than what we already have."

He wasn't easily restraining himself anymore. "But you can love Sawyer?" He asked bluntly, the hurt obvious in his voice.

She looked up sharply. She cared for Sawyer, and yes, he was part of the reason she was here. But, honestly, the "L" word hadn't crossed her mind. Love was another thing she desperately tried to block from her mind.

But instead of getting into a debate about specific terms, and whether to use "like" or "love," she sighed.

"How could you and I ever work Jack? If we ever do get off this island, I'm sure as hell not turning myself in. I'll be on the run again."

"That wasn't my question, Kate," he said loudly, but not quite a yell, as his pain finally turned to anger as a way to be vented out.

"Maybe I could love him," she bit back, her own voice louder than necessary, and the answer caused them both to silence for a moment. "Sawyer understands me," she said quietly after a moment. "I know you don't like him, but, Jack...he and I are more alike than you think. I don't understand why you don't see it." She finished quietly, the conversation already draining her.

"You already feel something for him." It wasn't a question. "That's why you kissed me today, too, isn't it? You feel something for Sawyer. Something you weren't planning on feeling for him."

She didn't answer, but her look was enough for him to know he was right. "And it scares you," he continued, his voice bitter now. "Because you know he'll hurt you."

"Jack-"

"This is Sawyer, Kate," he interrupted. "He understands you now, and cares about you now, but what about when we get off the island? How much is he going to care then?"

She felt her own anger building up, but refused to use that anger to hurt him. "There's a lot you don't know about him, Jack."

The statement caused another long silence as they both tried to get control of themselves.

Finally, Kate spoke. "This isn't how I wanted all this to come out," she said quietly. "I just...I needed you to know that there can't..there can't be anything with us. You deserved that much. I'm sorry," she finished softly.

He didn't reply, just nodded, though she could still see traces of bitterness, hurt, and anger in his eyes.

"Please don't hate me, Jack. What I was doing...this back and forth between you and Sawyer...it wasn't fair to any of us."

"Yeah, well, at least you made your choice, right?" He questioned, pain obvious behind his anger.

"It wasn't like that," she told him. "But it wasn't fair for me to be selfish about this when we both know there couldn't be anything between us. Even if I did feel something more for you...my past would come back to haunt us both." When he didn't reply, she sighed deeply and turned away. With shaky steps, she started to walk away, but the sound of Jack softly saying her named caused her to stop.

"I don't hate you," he told her after a moment. "Just...give me time." Without looking at him, she knew that it was killing him to even give her that much. But she was grateful.

"Thank you," she said softly.

-----

Once back inside the hatch, she was greeted with a nod from Hurley as he was beginning to make his way back to the computer. "Oh, Kate," he said suddenly as he remembered something. She stopped on her path to Sawyer's room and turned back to him. "Have you seen Michael?"

"No, why? Is something wrong?"

Hurley shrugged. "Locke said the last time they saw him, he was checking out the computer. Then he was, like, just...gone."

"Maybe he's at the caves," she offered.

"Yeah, maybe. Locke said he's going to check it out." Kate nodded and they both stood in silence for a moment. "So, uh, good luck with your injured cowboy," Hurley told her flatly, as if he held sympathy for her. She smiled at that, and shook her head.

"Good luck with your button," she replied, then turned from him once more.

As she quietly made her way back into the room where Sawyer was resting, she realized how hard taking care of him was going to be.

He was only sleeping. But he looked exactly the same while he was sleeping as he did when he was unconscious and about to die.

Biting her lip, she sat down on the edge of the bed. Her eyes scanned over him to make sure nothing was wrong, her ears picked up on the steady rhythm of his breathing, and all signs showed that he was only sleeping.

But it wasn't enough.

"Sawyer?" She whispered. When he didn't even stir slightly, she sighed, shaking him a little. "Sawyer?"

"Damn it, Freckles," he muttered, only half awake. "Can't a guy get some sleep?" He sleepily opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Sorry," she told him. "I just..." She trailed off, then shook her head. "You need to take some more antibiotics anyway."

As she busied herself with that chore, and then took the glass of water once he was done, she sat back down on the edge of the bed.

She could tell he was tired, and she had to smile at how hard he was trying to stay awake. "Go to sleep, Sawyer," she told him. "I'll be right here if you need anything."

"Anything?" He asked with tired smirk, and she rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Can you think about anything else?"

"Probably not."

She shook her head and then watched as his eyes closed once again.

And this time, she took comfort in the soft rise and fall of his chest and regulated breathing that signaled his rest.