A/N: Let me start by telling you guys how sorry I am. I never ever wait this long between updates. You guys have been great with your reviews. I was going to update, but someone whom I was very close to died. I tried to get on a few times, but it's been rough. I thank you for being so patient, even though I know you were really wanting this chapter.

If you guys could just keep my family in your prayers, it would be appreciated. :)

My midterm exams are next week, but I'll be updating at least once.

After she was sure Sawyer was resting, Kate dragged herself to the shower.

It had been nearly two days without sleep for her now, but she really felt like she needed to get clean.

The water warmed her skin as it fell over her, letting her aching muscles find a moment of peace. As she rinsed the last few suds from her hair, she simply stood under the soft spray with her eyes closed for a moment.

And without even knowing where they were coming from, she felt the tears behind her eyes and the lump in her throat. Before she knew it, soft, nearly silent sobs overwhelmed her and caused her to shake.

Needing support, she braced herself against the wall, letting the water mingle with the tears that slipped through the corners of her closed eyes.

At first, she didn't understand why the sadness had overwhelmed her so fast, or what had caused it all. But as the moments wore on, her silenced cries never ceasing, everything began to piece itself together in her head.

Without a doubt, she had been responsible for her best friend's death. There was no one else to blame, nothing she could say to make it any less her fault.

But maybe the key was forgiveness. Maybe it was time to let the guilt go. She had known Tom well. He wouldn't want her to carry around the guilt like she did. Maybe it really was time for her to forgive herself and move on from it. She could beat herself up for it until the end of time, but she would never get anywhere. In all honesty, she knew it would drive her insane.

She cried for Tom, but not for the same reasons she had before. She cried because she realized that he would have forgiven her, and that meant she could forgive herself.

And she cried for her mother. She cried because in trying to protect her, she had taken away the man her mother had loved. She cried because she wanted nothing more than to have just a few more minutes with the woman to beg her to understand.

She cried because she had gone so long thinking that she could never be anything more than what Wayne had been. And mixed with the tears of sadness were tears of relief. Because she knew that she had been wrong.

And she cried for Jack. She had been clouded with the idea that if she had him, if she could love him, then things would be right. And she had desperately tried to make herself believe something could happen. And with the realization that it couldn't, she cried some more. But mostly, she cried because she realized she was relieved that she couldn't feel anything for him.

And then she cried for Sawyer. When her thoughts traveled toward him, her silenced tears turned to louder sobs, though she desperately tried to calm them. She cried because of the way things had been left between them the night before they set off. And because she had never said goodbye when the three of them had left on the raft.

But mostly, she cried because she had nearly lost him. And not until this moment did she realize how much that would have killed her. The thought terrified her that he might not have woken up.

And finally, she cried because she loved a man who would probably never love her back. And the "L" word entered her mind and formed the thought before she could stop it. And with the realization that she did in fact love him, something she almost didn't want to believe, she cried harder. Sawyer flirted with her, sure. But he also hated her most of the time. How could she have fallen for a man who could never love her back? And without ever realizing that it was happening?

As the sound of her sobs increased, she slammed her fist against the wall, hoping for some sort of release. When it did nothing but bring blood to the surface, slowly dripping down to mix with the water, she cried harder. Because the movement alone made her feel helpless and weak.

Turning around, she put her back against the wall and slid down to the floor. The water barely had any warmth left, and her skin began to chill; however, she hardly noticed. With her head against the wall, her slightly injured hand resting on the floor, Kate continued to cry.

For every reason she had ever kept her tears hidden, Kate cried.

----

She didn't know how long she had sat there like that. But the water had long turned icy, and the blood on her knuckles had dried. Quickly getting dressed and towel drying her hair, Kate hoped that her eyes weren't too red or puffy, though she knew that it would be impossible for them not to be.

Kate walked into the room with the computer and looked over at Locke and the the other man whom she had yet to learn the name of. They both looked up, and Locke tilted his head slightly.

"Kate, are you alright?"

Sniffing slightly, she nodded, looking away. "Yeah, I'm fine." She narrowed her eyes slightly. "Haven't you already had a shift today?"

"I gave Hugo a break; he seemed tired."

"Right," she mumbled, seeming distracted. "Has Sawyer been okay? I...I didn't mean to be in the shower that long."

"I checked on him a few times, and he's fine," Locke assured her.

"Thanks." She was about to turn around when she remembered something. "Oh, have you heard anything from Michael? Hurley said you guys couldn't find him."

"Yes. As a matter of fact, he was out in the jungle, getting some supplies. I caught him when he came back to the caves to pick up some things."

"Supplies?"

"He said something happened that made him believe Walt was alive and well. Wanted to take off after him."

"Well, you didn't actually let him go, did you?"

"It was his choice," Locke said calmly.

Kate stared at him disbelievingly.

"Don't worry, Kate, he'll be fine," Locke said with that assuring, but not so much, smile of his. "Jack made him promise to be back by noon tomorrow at the latest, since Michael refused to let anyone go with him."

Still letting the information sink in, Kate nodded and turned, heading back to Sawyer's room. As quietly as she could, she made her way through the darkened room and sat down on the chair next to the bed.

He was sleeping with a peaceful look on his face that she was ever-thankful for. He always looked so angry, pained, sarcastic, or closed off. To see a look of complete calm on his face was like seeing a man she'd never met before.

She couldn't quite explained what had happened in the shower. But she knew that things within herself had changed, and nothing would be the same anymore. She felt weighed down yet so relieved at the same time.

And since her realization in the shower about her love for Sawyer, she had a hard time forming more than a single thought per minute. Everything just seemed to be moving so fast yet so slow at the same time.

She felt like she had so many things to say to him, but hadn't the strength to do so.

"Sawyer?" She whispered, hoping he wouldn't reply. She repeated his name once more and relaxed with the knowledge that he was asleep. But for a long time, she simply sat and stared at him in the darkness.

"I just needed to say a few things," she whispered, the fear of waking him up keeping her quiet. "But I'm not strong enough yet, not to say them to you when you can actually hear." She would've laughed at that, but she felt too drained. "Sawyer..." Closing her eyes, she tried to gather her thoughts once more. "I'm so sorry," she said finally, emotion clouding her tone, but she was fairly sure that she couldn't cry even if she wanted to. "I'm sorry for trying to take your spot on the raft," she continued. "I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye. I wanted to, and I didn't get there in time. And I'm sorry that you were hurt and all I could think about was how selfish you were to leave me alone here."

She stopped there, putting her head in her hands and squeezing her eyes tightly. "Because if you...if you were gone, there wouldn't be anyone else, Sawyer. There wouldn't be anyone else who could make me feel like I wasn't completely alone." This time, a small laugh did escape her, though it was mostly empty and void of any emotion. She sat up straight again. "God, listen to me. Having a heart-to-heart. If you were awake you'd probably laugh at me. And then make some comment about how you'd forgive me if I slept with you." She rolled her eyes at that, but smiled a little. "I'm sorry, Sawyer," she whispered again. "And when I finally get the courage to say this to you...please forgive me," she said with so much vulnerability, that no one would have guessed it was Kate saying it. Leaning forward, without thinking much of it, she placed a soft kiss on his forehead and then brushed some hair away from his face.

He stirred slightly, but didn't wake. With one last glance, she rested her head on the edge of the bed, still sitting in the chair, and for the first time in two days, let herself find rest.

----

She wasn't exactly aware of what was happening, or what had pulled her from her sleeping state. But Kate was trying to ease the haziness from her eyes and get a hold on reality.

"Kate," a voice called to her. It seemed familiar, but at the moment she couldn't place who it was.

Her vision began to clear, but her heart continued to thump loudly in her ears. And she was aware only of the pure terror racing through her veins and the tears on her cheeks.

"Kate!" Sawyer's loud voice finally managed to completely pull her from her sleep and Kate jerked awake. For a few moments, she struggled and cried silently as if trying to get away. "Kate, it's me."

Even after he'd made that clear, she continued to struggle for a few more moments until she finally sat up completely and calmed down.

Looking around frantically, her eyes finally landed on Sawyer.

"Wha...what?"

"Well, hell," he said, eyes slightly wide with an exasperated tone. "Why don't you tell me, Freckles? I've been tryin' to shake you awake since you started screamin' five minutes ago."

After giving him a strange look, she closed her eyes to try and remember what had scared her so much. Whatever the dream had been, it still had her shaking. But for the life of her, she couldn't remember anything at all.

All that she could sense, was that the dream hadn't been anything good, which went wihtout saying.

Blinking, as if the action alone would help to soothe her fears, Kate didn't say another word as she shakily climbed into the bed next to Sawyer.

And he said nothing as he held her there, hoping to keep her safe from the very things that haunted her nights.

----

When she finally opened her eyes again, she was very conscious of several things. She felt rested for the first time in a long time, she hadn't just woken from a bad dream, and she was alone.

Sitting up, she looked around and felt his pillow, confused by the lack of body heat. He had been gone for quite a while.

It only took her a minute to get dressed and head out into the main room of the hatch. As her luck would be, Jack was taking a shift with the button. He looked up at her with an almost closed off look.

Not wanting to deepen any of his fresh wounds, she decided to keep the conversation short. "How long was I out?"

"It's sometime after noon," Jack told her, getting more uncomfortable with each second, but trying to control whatever it was he really wanted to say. "Sawyer's out on the beach."

"He's what?"

"I looked him over this morning," Jack explained. "If he keeps taking the antibiotics and tries to keep things light for the next week or so, he'll be fine."

She opened her mouth to make him insist that Sawyer would be fine, but she realized that the longer she went on about Sawyer's wellbeing, the more she would hurt Jack. Nodding her goodbye, she made her way out of the hatch.

----

"You could have at least tried to wake me up." Kate's mock-irritated voice traveled to his ears, and Sawyer grinned as he looked up to see her stop in front of him.

"And risk another nightmare-induced thrashin'? Didn' think so, Freckles. I was getting the hell outta there." She rolled her eyes a little, but smiled. "Damn, I figured you could use the shut eye," he said finally, sighing a little.

"Well, it's appreciated," she said, slowly sitting down a few feet away from him. "I can't remember the last time I got that much sleep."

He was silent for a moment, like he wanted to say something. Finally, he opened his mouth. "So you were alright, then? After your little scare last night, things calmed down?" She was touched by his concern, and smiled softly to herself.

"Yeah," she finally answered and looked back to him. "And you? How's the battle wound?"

"Itches like a bitch," he said with a grin. "But I'm breathing, ain't I?"

"Lucky me," she replied sarcastically.

"So that's how it is now?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow. When she only smiled, he placed his hand on his chest. "That hurts, Freckles."

"Sorry," she told him, sounding sincere. "I forgot that you couldn't take it."

He only shook his head in mock annoyance and they both shared a comfortable moment of silence.

Sawyer had been wondering why she was still here instead of running off and doing her own thing as she usually did. So after a long silence, he sighed and turned to her.

"Freckles, don't you have a doctor who's in dire need of your company?" She rolled her eyes at his sarcastic tone which barely masked his jealousy.

Looking at him, she smiled and shook her head. "If it's alright with you, I'm enjoying the view just fine from here."

After a long look, she turned her eyes back toward the ocean.