Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Under the Wolf, Under the Dog; by Adam Rapp.

A/N: So I was up until 5 in the morning writing this. So I hope you like it because it took me awhile. I wasn't completely sure on this chapter, I had actually planned on writing this for awhile but as I thought about it more and more I wasn't sure if I was going to like how it turned out, but I decided to just go for it. The following scene I got from one of my favorite books Under the Wolf, Under the Dog, where I originally got the idea for adding in…well just read it. Sorry it took me so long. Enjoy!

Cigarettes and Lavender

Chapter 10-Fire Escape

Bi Polar

They sat on the fire escape of Kikyou's apartment like they had done so many times before, their feet dangling. They could hear Kikyou and Kaede talking in the living room; but they didn't care what it was about.

Inuyasha turned to look at his brother (A/N: Yes, brother gasp) but didn't say anything. Instead he just closed his eyes and savored the red strawberry Popsicle he was sucking on. It was cloudy the day they sat there, waiting for Kaede to finish talking to her niece. It started to rain and the people walking below them all pulled out their identical black umbrellas.

"Look at that Yash." Sesshomaru pulled his blueberry Popsicle out of his mouth and looked at the people walking on the streets below. "They…they look like black roses…blooming black roses..."

Inuyasha didn't understand what his older brother said but nodded his head anyways. Sesshomaru was an unbelievably handsome boy, even at 9 years old he held a proud poise that would get any girl's attention; despite anything that happened to him behind closed doors.

The silver headed boys were drenched; Sesshomaru seemed to drop his earlier thought as he turned to look at his younger look alike. He gave a rather troubled smile, his lips blue from his Popsicle…blue, like when he died. His lips were blue…

Inuyasha woke up with a start, clutching his head. All he could hear was a constant buzzing noise and himself gasping for air. It was the second time he had had a nightmare here, which was a nice change considering back home he had nightmares every night. But it was the first time in 4 years that he had thought about his brother. 4 years of shoving the memory of his brother and their nanny in the back of his mind.

He got up and put on a pair of pants over his boxer shorts, they were still short and tight, but it didn't bother him. He pulled a plain blue baseball Tee over his head and left Souta's dark room.

He paced back and forth in the kitchen, the clock on the microwave read 4:26 am. He felt like crying but no tears would come out, he was shaking; shaking so hard it was almost like he didn't have any control over his nerves.

The worst thing for a human being is to experience something and then have it snatched away. Sesshomaru died when he was only 13, Inuyasha had been on his own for 4 years. Dad wouldn't allow his brother's name to be mentioned in his house, it was almost like he was never there. So that's how Inuyasha took it when he died, he just played pretend, like he did with so many other things, he never had a brother.

Life went on how it was before Sess died, dad continued to beat Inuyasha, harder and more often, since Sesshomaru wasn't there to take half of it. Mom could care less what happened; sometimes Inuyasha doubted whether or not she knew that she even had children. The only remnants that Sesshomaru was ever real, was his room, it hadn't been touched after Inuyasha found him dead there. Inuyasha hadn't gone in since then; the room had become the untouched hall closest.

It was 7 in the morning when Mrs. Higurashi found Inuyasha sitting at the kitchen table, sleeping. Her eye brows furrowed worriedly and sat down next to the boy, touching his head lightly. Inuyasha woke with a start and stared up the older women, his eyes were tired and empty.

She felt her heart drop and he took the boy in her arms and cradled him like a mother would. He clung to her and felt his eye sting with tears. She smelt sort of like Kagome, but didn't at the same time. His mother had never smelt like that, she had always smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. She constantly wore that expensive perfume which she thought covered up the alcohol smell but in reality only made it worse.

"Shhh, shhh, Inuyasha dear what's the matter." Mrs. Higurashi whispered.

He didn't say anything; he just shook his head his whole body shuddering dreadfully. Mrs. Higurashi stroked his silver head and held him tightly. When he finally calmed down he pulled away and quietly thanked her.

"What happened dear?" She asked as she watched him, he didn't look up from his feet.

"Just…just a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No…I can't really remember it." More lies, more lies to dig his already deep grave.

Mrs. Higurashi gave him a understanding smile and nodded as she walked to the refrigerator. "You hungry, Inuyasha dear?"

"No…" The thought of eating sounded disgusting right now.

"Okay dear…" She started making breakfast but glanced over her shoulder and frowned as Inuyasha got up from the kitchen table and went back up the stairs.

Inuyasha looked at himself in the mirror; his eyes held no shine and his face had aged considerably since yesterday. He felt cold and hollow as he stared himself down in the bathroom. He hated to admit his resemblance to his brother and looking at his reflection in the mirror made him sick, he held back a gag. Inuyasha turned on the sink and splashed the cold water over his face.

He sat down on the edge of the bath tub and stared at the closed door ahead of him. He was in shock; it was as simple as that. Sesshomaru had never existed until 3 hours ago, at least in his mind. The dream was, to say the least, on of the best memories he had of his older brother; and with that thought he smiled a small sorrowful smile. Buried in the back of his mind he knew that all that he had been hiding from himself would come out sooner or later but he pushed that thought back too. He had to let go, maybe this was the beginning to healing…or whatever.

It was an hour later when he came downstairs, tired and in a sort of bitter sweet mood. Kagome was sitting on the couch in her pajamas flipping through the television channels when she looked up at Inuyasha who walked down the stairs with a brooding look on his face.

"I was beginning to think you had drowned in the toilet." She smiled at him but it fell from her face when she saw him. "What's wrong, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha looked at her as if he had suddenly realized she was in the room. He gave her a weak smile. "No, nothing is wrong." She stared at him for what seemed like a long time, they both knew that she didn't believe him.

Inuyasha swept the grounds slowly and thoughtfully. It was cold outside and his hands grew numb. His mind was spinning though. It was taking him twice as long to sweep the shrine grounds than usual; he would stop every now and again contemplating.

There wasn't much to reflect over though. For the first 5 years of his life he lived relatively normally then it changed and before he knew it, they were taken from him. And he was left to face his fears alone. Sesshomaru wasn't there to protect him, having him snatched away…well he'd much rather just pretend he was never there at all. Finally coming to terms with it all…

Today was the day he was going to start over…

His hopes of a better future came shattering down the minute he walked through the door. There on the television was his picture, a pretty grueling photo of him with his hands in his tattered jean pockets and wearing the most disgusting scowl on his face. Inuyasha stopped in his tracks watching the television with disgusting intensity.

"17 year old Inuyasha Takashi has been missing for about 2 weeks and is known to have self destructive habits. His worried parents ask if anyone has spotted the young boy to contact them at this number." The picture of the pretty anchor women disappeared to be replaced with contact information. "Inuyasha was last seen at the bus stop on the outskirts of Kofu. He has atypical silver hair and amber colored eyes. He's about 5'11" with a thin build."

Inuyasha was horror-struck as the contact information was replaced by the images of his mother and father. His mother spoke into the microphone her face red and blotchy from crying. "We just want our son back so we can give him the kind of help he needs. I don't want him to hurt himself anymore. Please, if you've seen him help us bring him back home."

The camera moved to the anchor woman in her red business suit with her matching painted lips. "Inuyasha is known to rely on alcohol and cigarettes, as well as other negative substances. The Takashi family asks you to help find this lost teenager. Once again, the number to call if you've seen him." The contact information came on again and Inuyasha felt his knees go weak. The broom he was holding fell from his hands and the Higurashi family looked back at him with questioning glares.

His breath left him and his heart picked up. It wasn't supposed to be like this, he had determined that 5 minutes ago. It was a warning; his parents were sending a warning for him. Letting him know that they were still out there and weren't going to let him live in peace. He knew this would happen but his mind still willed it all to be a dream…just like Sesshomaru.

The door flew open and Inuyasha flew out of it. The cold air whipped his face burning his eyes. He didn't' know where he was going or what he was doing and it ironically reminded him of the night he ran away from home. He stumbled as he ran down the shrine steps.

He found himself running to an abandon playground, the children had all gone home to eat dinner with their families. Family…what a foreign concept. The swings were rusted and squeaky, so he opted to hide in the tube slide. What a mocking situation.

He curled up with his light jacket pulled tightly around him and for the first time in a long time, he trembled with tears, and the thoughts of everything he had just lost tumbling through his exhausted mind.

A/N: So…what do you think? Do I write better at 5 in the morning…opinions on past…present…future…or maybe just a comment about what's going on in your life right now. All are welcomed. REVIEW! And you will have buckets sunshine and love. Thanks to all my reviewers, all your support helps. I'm going to bed, NIGHT!