AN: Hi! I'm so glad, I fiiiinally have a chapter to post! Everyone seems to be enjoying the twisting plotline: well, fear not, this chapter twists your entire idea of what is going to happen...I hope. Things are going to get crazy...this chapter uses "Straightjacket Feeling" by The All-American Rejects, whom, sadly, I do not own.
Thanks, reveiwers!
Reveiwers:
Elynsynos 18: Thank you very much! It's very hard to find just the right song for the mood and happenings of each chapter, so I appreciate the compliment.
Pokey: Thank you! Everyone seems to be enjoying the twists…
acosta pérez josé ramiro: I'm so glad you liked it!
Readrbug21: I know! I feel so bad for my lack of updates. Thanks for R&Ring as usual! (And don't sell yourself short, I love your stories! …The Chance And Circumstance Dance was hilarious…)
FunkyMunkey224: Well, you're just dumb. ;) Haha, J/k. (Are you ever going to call me?)
Nomia: ! No way! You're such a better writer than I am, meh. Thanks for reviewing! I hope you keep on reading!
Mysticofthepen: DANG YOU AND YOUR WAY OF MAKING ME FEEL ALL GUILTY! (Lol)
Disclaimer: "A single event can awaken in us a stranger totally unknown to us." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Chapter 8
Cindy took in a breath of cool air as she entered the building. Feeling the glare of the lights, she moved quickly toward her goal- the back of the room. Pausing in front of her destination, her hand grazed the shelf as her eyes followed.
"May I help you find something?"
The kindly voice directed her head- she faced the woman before her with a smile. "No, thanks, I'm just browsing."
"Okay then." Said the woman, who shuffled away, book in hand.
Left alone once again to her thoughts, Cindy turned to the library shelf once more. She gently set her backpack on the ground as she mumbled titles to herself. "Time Shifter…Belkin…The Viking King…" Her voice trailed her mind as she looked over the books. "Born Twice …Never Backing Down." With the title ringing in her head, she paused.
"Never Backing Down…" She repeated to herself, as lyrics came unbidden to her mind.
Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath, now, it's stacking up
"That sounds about right." She thought to herself now, as she pulled the book from the shelf. She fingered the cover. "Stress stacks up," She continued, leaning her head against the shelf. "And I explode." She attempted to swallow the lump in her throat. "And I take down anyone I can with me."
Etched with marks, but I can deal
As the song persisted in her mind, she thought about the meaning of the words. She clenched her jaw as she considered the strained relationship she had with her mother. "She made me just like her- too tough for my own good. All the years of hatred…I just had to be better than everyone else- and I could never be better than Jimmy. Of course, he never knew the torment I went through, wanting to be better than him…and wanting to be with him."
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
"Straightjacket. Yeah, that sounds like my fears. Wound tight and inescapable." She rolled her eyes at herself now, trying on a small smile. "I'm being way too melodramatic. Cut the pity, Cindy!" She shook her head as she raised her eyes- and found herself looking into someone else's.
"Hi." The eyes said, through the shelf.
"Ack!" She jumped at the word, dropping the book.
"Er-"
"Ah-" Cindy reached for her heart. "You scared me, there."
He laughed, wrinkling his brown eyes. "Sorry. I guess you were lost in thought."
"Uh, yeah." She bent down to retrieve the book. "Sorry. You-" But when she pulled her body back into the upright position, he was gone. "-ah…" She trailed off, looking best as she could through the shelf.
"So, it's Cindy, right?" He started again, from behind her.
She spun toward the voice. "Brad!" She exclaimed. "I thought I recognized you- we're in Chemistry together, right?"
He laughed again. "That's me. Sorry for the disappearing act- much easier to talk without a shelf in the way."
"Yeah," she agreed, with a laugh. "So…do you make it a habit to sneak around in Libraries, scaring girls?"
"No," he said with a grin, "Usually I scare them with my music."
She smiled. "I didn't know you were a musician."
"Sometimes. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm not a great chemist, so at least I have some kind of talent."
She laughed as she shook her head. "What do you play?"
"Guitar."
"Ah."
"Eh, I thought it would make me look cool." He said, looking down with a shrug. "But I ended up falling in love with it."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." He raised his eyes back up to her, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh, Cindy? Are you going to the Science Swing?"
The sudden change in conversation caught her off guard. "Uh- I don't know."
"Well, what I mean is, are you going with someone?"
She opened her mouth as she searched for a reply, lyrics ever running through her mind.
so maybe I won't be alone
"If Jimmy wants to go with his secret admirer, maybe I should go with Brad. He's…nice…but…" Her thoughts raced.
Take back now, my life you're stealing
She straightened her pose and pulled her eyes back to Brad's. "If Jimmy doesn't want me, I have to move on. I can't let him steal my life. I can't spend all my time wishing…"
"No, I'm not really going with anyone."
Yesterday is over,
Today I'm fine without you
"I see."
Runaway this time without you
"Why" She continued, smiling sweetly, "Do you ask?" The voice in her mind reprimanded her- "How can I flirt with another boy?" She suddenly recalled a notebook, so long ago, and the words she had scrawled on it. "Mrs. Cindy Neutron…"
And all I ever thought you would be,
That face is tearing holes in me again
"Well," He said with a smile, invading her thoughts, "I was hoping maybe I could ask a favor of you."
Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
"A favor?" She parroted.
"You see," He continued in a teasing voice, as he stepped closer, "I have this great tuxedo rented, and no one to go with me."
She smiled, though not at Brad, as her mind pulled her back to an image of the past. "I bet he'll look like a…hunk muffin…" Her younger self said, in her mind. The memory was bittersweet- like so many others. But all the dreams of what could be had died along with the hours of yesterday.
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing
She wished, of course, to hear him beg- hear him simply ask- for her to come to him. Her, and no one else, belonging to him forever.
But it was not Jimmy who was here, asking for her.
Yesterday is over,
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again,
And although she couldn't help but wonder if this was only a meager defense, she smiled once more at the boy in front of her.
"That sounds like a problem."
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
"So…"
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you
"I'd love to go with you, Brad." She heard herself say, nodding along with the lyrics stuck in her head.
He broke into a grin once more. "Wow. Ah- wow. Okay. I'll- pick you up at 6:30, then?"
"Sounds good."
"Great. I'll, uh, see you around, then."
"Yeah," She said, smiling sweetly, "I guess so."
As she watched him go, a weary sigh escaped. "Can anyone else make me forget Neutron?" She asked herself.
And when that memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away
She could only hope, as she slipped the book back onto the shelf.
Yesterday is over,
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
"And even if I'm only running away," she continued to herself, as she picked up her bag, "It's what Jimmy wants...I know I'm not what he wants."
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again,
"And if he's happy…"
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you
"Well, that's all I really need."