Teen Titan Christmas Adventures
By Ra Cho Tamer
"I wish to know more about you…you, with your soulful eyes, your long velvet hair, and your pale-milk skin. And, of course, your ass. Yes, your ass is most defiantly the most attractive part of your body. And also, those lips of yours make my p-"
"Friend Raven!" Raven, needing no introduction, glanced from the open pages of her new book to the overly bright face of Starfire, who also doesn't really need an introduction, who floated eerily next to her Goth-like Friend.
"Yes?"
"I was wondering, why, when we should be out Christmas Caroling, or making a huge Glarkien out of snow, are we sitting indoors swearing as we cut our fingers on the sharp ends of scissors and trying to capture a turkey?" As she spoke, Cyborg and Beastboy, who also need no introduction, came storming in, shouting at one another. Raven sighed and banged her head against her book as Starfire then proceeded in brainstorming aloud things to do, mainly centering around the 'mall of shopping' or going into shady dance clubs in the city. This was just all too much. And she was just up to the good bit of her book as well.
"Dude, come on, we can get a tofu turkey! I swear, they are almost identical to real turkeys, you can't taste the difference! And besides, I'm a vegetarian! I can't eat meat!"
"…and after we go to the carnival of fun, we can make balls of snow and throw them at each other, and then possibly getting cold so then we must…"
"Shut it Beastboy. I'm getting a real turkey and that's final. If you want to have tofu again, get a lump of it and call it 'dinner' for all I care. Christmas is not complete without a real turkey!"
"I know you're trying to give me no joy on Christmas Cy. I know your fiendish schemes to trying to get me to eat meat!"
"…and then once we get to finish painting the 'Lisa Smile Mona', we have to go and get it airbrushed and tattooed on our, as you call it, thighs, love handles, or asses, so that we can cherish the memory forever…"
"Well you ate meat when you thought the world was going to end."
"……see what I mean? You told me that the world was going to end so that I would be pushed over the edge and do all the things I hadn't done in my life before my time came."
"…And then, we can go diving for air or water or maybe even grass! Amazing isn't it? And then we must…"
"Whatever man." Beastboy's eye twitched, knowing that he was cornered.
"No…this…ain't…over…Look, we are getting tofu turkey, like it or not, so if you have anything else to say-"
"SHUT! UP!" Raven screeched. Starfire, Beastboy and Cyborg looked over to her to see her standing up and her eyes glowing a dangerous red. Electricity crackled around her, lamps flew about, wolves whimpered, babies cried, people screamed, and a guy at Burger King burped before going into a coma. "Beastboy, I'll get you a tofu turkey as a Christmas present, but that's all you'll be getting from me. Starfire, we can go to the mall after I finish this chapter, and I'll tell you when I'm done, so don't keep on bothering me. Cyborg……just get the turkey." All three nodded slowly and went their separate ways. Sighing, Raven sat down again, feeling her eyes return to normal. "Man that felt good." She then picked up her book and looked down at the pages in front of her, but then quickly realized something. "…I lost my place, damn it."
"Having a bad day?" Raven could feel her right eye have a little spasm.
"Not…now…Robin…" Robin, who also doesn't really need an introduction stood at the door way, grinning broadly.
"I can tell."
"No you can't." Raven replied shortly, skimming through the pages of her book to find where she was up to and ignoring Robin's gasp of hurtful surprise.
"I can so!" He cried like a spoiled six year old.
"Can not."
"Can so!"
"Can not."
"Can so!"
"Can not."
"Can so!"
"Can not."
"Can so!"
"Can so."
"Can not!" Raven smirked as she found her place once more.
"Well, if you say so." She then absorbed herself back into the wonderful world of reading, leaving a very confused Robin in the real world before realizing what just happened.
"Hey! That's not fair!" When he saw that Raven had and would not make no move to reply, he gave a small 'humph' and left to his room where he proceeded listening to Limp Bizket for hours on end while he had several temper tantrums on the floor.
After about eight hours, he decided that he needed to prove to Raven that he could tell if someone had a bad day or not. He paused to think. No, this story was moving a bit too fast. Sighing, Robin sat on his bed. How could he make this story slow down a little? But, the readers ask, why does it have to be Robin to slow down the story when he's the least loved by the author? Well, he has to have some screen time, otherwise rabid fangirls will tear down the author's house and hold her hostage until she becomes a brainwashed zombie to worship Robin until the end of time. And we can't have that, now can we? Any who, our Boy Blunder, I mean, Boy Wonder, ran over the things of a good story in his mind. First, there had to be interesting dialogue. Hopefully that was covered. Then there had to be a plot point. Well, we're getting there. Then there had to be sex-
"WHAT?"
Please hold all questions until the end of the proceedings. Now, since the author doesn't want to spoil the ending, we shall cut straight to introducing the characters. Yes, even though they need no introduction, this paragraph is just for those who are new to the Teen Titans. If you are new, then read on. If not, read on anyway to make sure you know as much as you can about them. And what better way to do it than through song?
"Oh Jesus."
Your comment has been noted. We shall inflict horrid pain on you later.
Are you ready for this?
Ba da bum bum baaa,
Ba da bum bum baaamm
Ba da bum bum baaa,
Ba da bum bum baaamm
First there's Raven, she got a groovy mind
Daughter of a demon, not truly of human kind
Went to (A-aa-a-a-) Azerath to run and hide
And to develop mental powers, harm those who lied
(A-aa-a-a-Azerath, Metrion Z-z-z-z-z-ziiinnnnthossssss)
Then there's Cyborg, he's a robotic dude
50 Human, 49 Robot, 1 Crude
Got a (F-f-fff-) fake arm and a red eye,
And can blast things without a second try
(B-b-b-bbb-Booya!)
Of coarse there is Beastboy, changeling of the bunch
Can change into any animal without a hunch
Has (G-g-ggg-g-gg-) green skin and green hair
And he's short, but that won't stop him from turning into a bear
(H-hhh-hh-hey! I'm not short!)
Next there's Robin, he leads the gang
Got fired by Batman after a smart comment about his wang
Knows (K-kkk-kkk-) karate and how to fight
But you can be sure to give him quite a fright
(B-b-bbb-bb-boo. Aaa-a-a-a-a-aaaahhhhhgggggggghhhhhh!)
Last of all there's Starfire, an alien to boot
From a family with loads of loot
Can (F-fff-f-f-ff-) fire bolts out of her hands and fly
And has a really short skirt. Don't ask me 'why?'
Ba da bum bum baaa,
Ba da bum bum baaamm
Ba da bum bum baaa,
Ba da bum bum baaamm
Those are the titans, so then the introduction part is out of the way, making this story almost complete. But there must be one more thing to do - perform pointless acts of cruel, random violence to small and/or furry animals. Mainly rabbits. And then, of course, there must be a piñata in the shape of a donk-
"Oh, screw this." Robin got up off his bed and stormed outside. A bull sat on the bed and looked as Robin walked out.
"Must be looking for that piñata." Robin then passed a comment that was completly out of character and got charged down by the bull
((A:N/ Sorry for it being so short. My fanfic chapters usually go for much longer than this XP If you liked it, please leave a review for me at the bottom and you'll get a coupon. If you didn't like it, please leave a review for me at the bottom anyway. I just want to know if people read it or not. And if you had no idea what to think about it...just review anyway))