Um, yea, I'm not dead. Fooled yah, ha ha…aight fine I'm sorry this took over a friggin year to complete, but with my interest turned toward my art earlier in the year and my waning interest in the actual Naruto series it was hard for me to right. Also I have a double disorder so a lot of time my mood sucks and I didn't think I could write humor like that. Turns out I was wrong and that once I get into it just starts coming out.

Disclaimer: Hey guys guess what? Did you know that these disclaimers really don't mean shit? I mean of course they say you don't own whatever, in this case Naruto and the characters, and that you don't make any money yada yada yada, but it really doesn't matter cuz even without profit it's still actually infringement on some one's intellectual property without their consent? And you guys believe this flimsy couple of sentences will protect you from a law suit. Hah, don't make me laugh. So why am I still writing this fanfiction? Cuz you know what, the system doesn't scare me. I'm a rebel, I say fuck the system! I'm outside the system! I'm-gets lawsuit-boned.

Shit.

Chapter 2

Hail to the King, Baby

Naruto awoke to a red sky and a pounding headache. He lay still for a few moments; trying to figure just how he had come into the situation he was in. Nothing came to him until his eyes focused on a high pole with the number twelve high above him.

It hit him like a punch from Sakura.

He was quickly reminded of the gennin meeting earlier and then the meeting of his group. He winced at the memory of how it ended, and then shook his head. I can't believe they'd just leave me here, he thought. Well, I mean of course Kiba would, but what about those two girls? I haven't done anything to Ino I don't think. Then again, she is a Sasuke fan-girl. The thought made an uncharacteristic sneer appear on his face for a moment, before it disappeared. And that other chick-Tensen or Tenren or something-what could she have against me? I've never even talked to her.

Naruto figured that she was just a bitch.

Still, he felt a slight pang of sadness that he had been shot down when he had tried to be friendly. However, years of practice in dealing with such feelings allowed him to quickly stomp it out as he rose from the grass, stretched, and began the trek back to his apartment.

The streets were relatively deserted as it was late afternoon. This suited Naruto just fine, as he had no desire to deal with the looks he would no doubt receive had they been full of people. He walked slowly with his hands in his pockets and his head down, barely noticing as his surroundings changed from that of the middle class residents to the dilapidated slum area that had been his home for the past fifteen years.

He climbed steps slowly as he made his way towards his dark apartment. He came to rest in front of his door and began to search for his keys. Naruto patted himself down but did not feel them. He was beginning to think he had dropped them at the training ground before he remembered he had put them in his inside pocket. With a sigh of relief he slid his door key into the lock and opened his door. The he was greeted by nothing but darkness on the other side. The blonde ninja had long since stopped caring about the emptiness of his apartment upon his returning to it every night. In an automated motion he closed the door, locked it, and proceeded to his bed without even turning on the light. He forced himself to slip out of his clothes before crashing into his bed, though he let them drop to the floor among other piles. All he wanted to do was sleep.

The blaring of his alarm clock ripped Naruto from his slumber. He wished that he could take the damned device and smash it into little itty bitty pieces, but he could not afford to waste money on another clock. With a sigh he rolled over and felt around for the off button. Instead he ended up turning on the radio which for reasons unknown to him was set to a country station, with the volume turned all the way up. Now the blonde sprang from his bed, desperate to end the torture that he was being subjected to. Eventually he was able to turn it off, and with a relieved sigh he began his day.

The days highlight just happened to be his instant ramen that morning. After that he had training with his team. This normally made him happy, as it gave him a chance to get stronger and be close to Sakura simultaneously. But this day all he managed to do was be ignored by Kakashi in favor of Sasuke and make a fool of himself in front of Sakura. Frustrated, he returned home and had to eat three more cups of instant ramen than he usually did before he felt better. It was not until four more days had passed that he heard from his soon to-be roommates. This came in the unwelcome form of Kiba.

"Hey, idiot!"

Not exactly what he wanted to hear after a long day of D class missions, but he figured it would be rude not to reply.

"What do you want Rover, I'm too busy to play fetch right now," Naruto said with a smirk. He felt a feeling of satisfaction as he saw Kiba bristle, his face contorting in anger. "Oh yea, I'm sure you have places to go and people to see, seeing as you're so popular," Kiba shot back "we wouldn't want you to be late for your date with ramen now would we? After all, it's probably the only one you're going to get being a dead-last and all."

Ouch, that was personal. However Naruto knew he was the one who had taken it there with the Rover comment. Still, Kiba's remark hit a little too close to home.

"Atleast it's better than Puppy Chow! So, do you have something to say to me are or you just out "marking" your territory."

"Keh. Tenten wanted me to tell you that we're all meeting up tonight to discuss what we're going to do. We'll meet at the Ichiraku at seven since we thought it was the only place you would be able to find, being a moron and all," Kiba said.

"Whatever, idiot," Naruto replied as their insults lost some of their heat. With that Kiba turned and walked away and Naruto began his trek home. His original plan had been to head to the Ichiraku but since he would be meeting the others their later he decided to forgo that for now. After all, he couldn't afford real ramen twice in one day. Not if he wanted some tomorrow anyway.

So instead he went home and took a shower. If there was one thing people would be surprised to know it was that he loved showers. One look around his kitchen with its stacks of dirty dishes and piles of instant ramen cups and they would be at loathe to believe he was the clean squeaky type. And they would be right of course. It wasn't so much the cleanly feeling after the shower he liked, so much as the shower itself. He loved the feeling of water raining down from above and running down his body. When Konoha grew brisk late in the year, there was no better feeling than that of steaming water streaming over his skin; except for maybe the feeling of cool water streaming over his skin during the hot and humid summer.

That was exactly what he when he got home. He was hot and sweaty, and though hot water might soothe his aching muscles he knew it would make him feel unbearably itchy afterwards. He spent more time in the shower than he usually did, being as he needed to kill time. If one lived with the blonde they would probably begin grow suspicious of his overly long showers, prompting them to think up reasons for why a teenage boy would need them. This would probably lead them to the conclusion that both Sakura and Ino had come to. But since he didn't live with anyone, and he was Naruto, the point was mute.

Finally emerging from the shower, he saw nothing to wear in his immediate vicinity besides the clothes he'd been wearing earlier. With a shrug he decided to forgo dressing in favor of going natural. After all, it was his apartment and he could as he pleased. Besides, he always felt manlier when he walked around his apartment naked. Yea, he was king here, and if he wanted to walk with around with his wee wee hanging out he damn sure would, and no one would tell him otherwise!

Naruto struck a pose with his fist in the air and a cry of "I'm the king, bitches!" before realizing how ridiculous he probably looked. Quickly he looked around to see if anyone was watching, before realized it was his apartment, where he was king, and he-well, needless to say another round of fist pumping and naked posing occurred.

When Naruto had finally gotten it out of his system he realized he was hungry. He quickly selected some chicken flavored cup ramen off his shelf and set the kettle on the stove. He waited impatiently for the water to begin to boil, egged on by his stomach's rumbling. Finally the kettle began to whistle and he took it off the stove. He poured the water more carefully than normal, aware of the fact that nudity and boiling water were a dangerous mix through previous experience. Finally the cup was full of water and he could barely wait the ten seconds needed for the noodles to soften before digging in. When he did, his eyes glazed over and dumb grin of pleasure spread across his face and he experienced one of life's only truths; there was nothing better than naked ramen.

Well, maybe naked Ichiraku ramen, he thought, and wondered whether or not it was worth finding out. The demon container shook his head, realizing he probably wouldn't be able to enjoy it with all the looks he'd receive. The old man probably wouldn't even serve him. After envisioning the scene in his mind Naruto decided that it would probably be uncomfortable for all the parties involved. After all, he wasn't the king there.

His instant ramen now devoured, he now made his way over to his dingy couch. The couch itself wasn't very inviting. It was covered in stains and there were patches where the upholstery was worn so thin the insides were visible. Still, it was comfy as hell and Naruto could care less of what it looked like as long as it remained that way. On his way to the couch he snatched some scrolls off the floor intent on reading them to kill some time, but it didn't matter much. Before long he began to dose off, the scroll he was reading slipped from his hands and onto the floor as he drifted off into a dream world of naked ramen.

And what a dream it had been, especially when he had reached the part of Sakura feeding it to him. However, the knocking on his door wasn't expected, and when it turned and when it turned to loud banging and shouts the world came crashing back to him. Now severely pissed and being woken prematurely from a good dream twice in two days by some asshole banging on his door like the world was ending, he stormed and ripped the door open.

"What in the nine hells do you want!" he roared. His reply came from one pissed off blond kunoichi roared right back at it.

"We've been waiting for you forever you goddamned dumbass, and your lazy ass has been here the whole damn-" She stopped abruptly in as her eyes widened as if she was seeing him for the first time. He was even more surprised to see Ten Ten behind her with a look that was oddly familiar but he couldn't quite place. Then, it hit him, it was a look he had seen often of Jiraiya's face, yet it looked different on a girl. As a matter of fact, it's just down right weird coming from her. I wonder what that's all about. Being Naruto, he couldn't quite put two and two together. Turning back to Ino, he noticed she had gone from the gaping she had been doing when he last glanced at her to stammering and pointing at him all while turning an unbelievably bright red. He was about to ask why they acting so strangely when a light breeze whisked by. It left him with a strange feeling of being oddly...

"Oh shit".

Hastily he slammed the door and attempted to gather his wits about. The fact that two girls he barely knew had just seen him naked left the normally blustery shinobi mortified into silence. Finally he regained enough of himself to rush to his closet and look for something to throw on. He found nothing so he hastily picked up his dirty discarded close he had taken off and threw them on in a hurry, foregoing underwear for just the shorts and shirt and he didn't know where his undergarments had gotten to. When he was finally decent, he turned to face the portal to his apartment. It was funny, how something so mundane and harmless could become so threatening now that he could only imagine what waited for him on the other side of it. Mentally he made a note to vandalize a shrine as his next prank seeing as the gods had chosen to use his life as one. He should have known that Tsunade's little proclamation wouldn't bode well. It had all been downhill from there, with the panties and finally this. Naruto wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to live this one down. Mental note, make sure to vandalize several shrines, this means war! He thought to himself. Then, he had an epiphany; what if the gods actually wanted him to do something like that just so they could really make his life hell. Hah! I caught you! Thought you were slick huh? Well no way, I aint gonna do it! He thought with smug satisfaction. When the world seem to flicker and snap its fingers as if to say 'Damn', he seriously wondered if he should take the Old Lady up on her offer for therapy.

The banging that erupted from his door brought him back to reality. He a sigh of dread, he turned and approached what he now called the Door of Doom. It sounded ominous and made him not feel like such a coward for being afraid of what lay beyond it. Finally summoning his courage, he willed himself to turn the knob and came face to face with an Ino that was eerily calm.

"Really, I just want to know if you were dropped on you head as a child-" she began to ask.

"Um, well I guess it's possible-"

"Off a building?" she followed flatly.

"Err, probably not, I mean I'm tough, but I'm not that-hey!" he yelled as it finally dawned on him that she was insulting him.

"Sorry, my mind is just trying to come up with a logical explanation is all" she deadpanned.

"Well tell your mind to stop alright! I've had enough of its cheek" he replied.

"I'll make sure it gets the message" she said, obviously not impressed.

"If you two are done, you think we could go inside and finally discuss what we came to discuss? Because my arms are really getting tired of lugging these goddamned newspapers all over the goddamned village" said a new voice that was slightly deeper than Ino's. Looking up, Naruto saw that Ten Ten had finally decided to enter into the conversation, and she did not look happy. In fact, he forgot what could have reminded him of Jiraiya because at the moment she reminded him of Tsunade, with her face a mask of barely restrained irritation threatening to bubble over into violence. Jeeze, why did I have to get stuck with two psycho bitches? Good thing Kiba isn't here or I think I'd have to kill myself. Then Naruto thought about it.

"Wait a minute, where the hell is Kiba? Shouldn't he be here too? Not that I'm complaining or anything" he finished in a mutter.

"Inuzuka was with us earlier at the Ichiraku where you were supposed to meet us, but when you didn't show up he decided he had better things to do with his time. I shared his sentiments, but Yamanaka here decided to drag me all over this damn village in an effort to find you saying that if we didn't do it now it would never get done. Why you are absolutely necessary I have no idea" she finished, her voice somewhat drawling with an undertone of a growl. Once again, it reminded him of Tsunade.

"I already told you," Ino turned to her with an annoyed look on her face, "we need to know at least three of our incomes for sure if this is going to work" she replied hotly. Ten Ten just rolled her eyes and it was Ino's turn to growl.

"Oi, you two can come in just chill out will you?" Naruto nervously intoned, trying to break the tension. That last thing he needed was a cat fight right in front of his apartment. Well on second thought, maybe if they were wearing white t-shirts and a bucket of water just happened, by chance, to land on top of-Naruto forcibly stomped down those thoughts, forcing the lecherous grin off his face simultaneously. Damn, I guess I've been spending way too much time around ero-sennin.

Finally all three ninjas entered his apartment and took a seat at the table. Well, seeing as he only had two chairs the girls took seats and he was forced to stand. He had wanted to remind Ino that he was the king of the apartment when she gave him a look and he figured kings didn't need to sit down all the time anyway. It took them the better part of two hours to find something useful, and even then their plans hit a snag.

"Damn, this condo is the only thing that sounds like it could fit the four of us semi-comfortably, but even if we all gave up two-thirds we still couldn't afford" she said with a frustrated sigh.

"I guess if we really have to we have each of us donate their whole salary on a rotation" Ten Ten suggested, though she didn't look pleased about the prospect.

Surprisingly it was Naruto who saved the day. "Ah, I'll give you guys most of my salary each month. That should be enough right? " He asked.

Ino turned thoughtful. "Maybe, but we each might still have to give up more than half of our salaries. How much do you make on average?" she inquired. And when he obliged her with an answer her eyes widened. "What! That's nearly double a gennin's average pay! That's impossible!" she exclaimed. Ten Ten also looked thoroughly surprised.

"Well, my team usually gets C-Rank missions and occasionally low B-Rank missions. Plus we already completely one A-Rank and got a pretty big bonus since we we're just gennins. We only really get D-Rank missions when Kakashi-sensie punishes for not working as a team" he told heard.

The girls in turn went from shock to outright disbelief. "No way, there's no way the Hokage would allow gennins to regularly go on C-Rank missions or any B-Class missions" she said incredulously.

"Well, it might have something to do with the temper tantrum Sasuke threw awhile back about having to do so many 'pointless tasks that wouldn't help him become stronger' to the Third" he said, ignoring Ino's attempts to defend Sasuke. "Kakashi-sensie always does whatever Sasuke wants" a dark look passed over his face "so I'm sure he threw his weight around a bit. For what it's worth I hate D-Class missions too and told Ba-chan I refused to do anymore."

"Ba-chan?" Ino's voice was curious.

"Yea, you know, the Old Lady Hokage" he answered, and ill prepared when Ten Ten cracked him upside the head so hard him vision swam.

"Never, ever, refer to Tsunade-sama disrespectfully in my presence, or you'll regret it" she growled out, with everything from her voice to her posture promising violence.

This time Naruto summoned up enough back bone stick out his tongue and mutter "whatever", before her glare once again silenced him.

"Can we please get back to the matter at hand here?" Ino's exasperated voice broke through. With one last glare to each other Naruto and Ten Ten settle back down to business. "Ok, so you're saying that you'd be willing to give up most of your considerable income to help?" She questioned again.

"Well yea. I mean, as long as I have enough money for ramen and for shuriken and kunai and stuff then fine, take it" he replied with an air that was not quite nonchalant, but more like uncomprehending as to what the big deal was.

Ino was once again shocked by the other blond in their group. "Well, I guess that solve that problem then. But, I mean, I'm not trying to be ungrateful or anything but…" she trailed off and looked slightly uncomfortable. This surprised Naruto as Ino had always seemed confident, even in the little he remembered of her. It was Ten Ten who surprisingly came out with it.

"What we want to know is why the hell you would do something like for a bunch of strangers" she said rather bluntly.

Naruto scratched his head. "Um, well, I don't see what the big deal is really. To tell you the truth it I guess I'm just used it by now" he said with a shrug.

Ten Ten eyes lit with understanding, but Ino didn't get what he meant. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" she growled thinking Naruto thought himself to be some selfless saint. But Ten Ten filled her in.

"He means he's been paying rent since before this…thing" she said, clearly not happy about it but reluctant to badmouth the Fifth in even a round a bout way. She didn't bother to pay attention to Ino's reaction, choosing instead to look at Naruto. She'd never really thought about Naruto having parents, well she hadn't really thought much about him period. When she had first come into the apartment she had guessed his family might be really poor and were forced to live in a one bedroom apartment, but when she saw the lack of evidence suggesting other people she wondered if maybe Naruto and his parents didn't get along or something and instead they paid for him to have his own apartment. Now it came back to her that she had heard comments about a dead-last orphan in the year younger than her, but she hadn't really paid attention. But even if Naruto was that, shouldn't he have been a ward of the village? Apparently not, seeing as he lived alone. Him actually paying the rent on his apartment was surprising and proved he was totally on his own. She guessed it made more sense why he acted the way he did. It was then Ten Ten decided that this blond might be something interesting she had overlooked. And if something new caught Ten Ten's interest, be it and item or individual, there was no escaping it.

It was then that Naruto just had to be Naruto and kill the moment when he asked, "What, do I got a boogey or something?"

The ladies present just rolled their eyes in disgust.

It took only a few days to get everything straightened out with the owner of the condo. They were lucky they had found it before any other of the gennins had. The condo belonged to a young couple who were pretty well off. The husband had been called to work abroad for a year and his wife decided to go with him. What they had really needed was for someone to watch the house for them and they decided to do that by renting it out. This was the only reason why the four gennin, even with Naruto's inflated pay, would be able to afford such housing. The couple had left a certain amount of money for the utilities and where they could be reached for the bi-monthly payment and if any emergencies occurred.

The house wasn't much but it was nice enough. From the front door there was the stairs leading immediately to the two upstairs bedrooms. To the left of these stairs was the bathroom, and to the right was the living room and through that the kitchen. The stairs to the basement were tucked under the stairs that lead upstairs. The basement was finished so it would be alright for someone to live down there. The only real problem was someone would have to sleep on the living room couch.

Moving in hadn't been as big of a deal as they thought it would be. The girls had, of course, immediately claimed the upstairs bedrooms and both Naruto and Kiba had shared a laugh watching them attempt to lug all their things up the stairs. That probably was not the wisest choice, as they would soon come to find out, but in that moment neither had really cared. Everyone had thought Naruto and Kiba would fight over who would get the basement, yet they were once again surprised when Naruto conceded to take the living room couch, even if he said it was only temporarily. It seemed the fox child had taken an immediate shine to the TV, saying as he hadn't watched TV since he was very young. Kiba had been dumbfounded at that, while Ino seemed to be a bit saddened by it (even if she would never admit it). Ten Ten just looked at him with that curious look on her face.

One thing was for sure, this was going to be interesting. Who knew what surprises laid in store? After all, they were living with Naruto.

And Naruto was the king of surprises.

-Z-

Holy shit man, it's done, it's fuckin done! Another chapter of Tension, what what! I bet none of ya'll cats saw that one comin didja? And you fuckers better appreciate it seeing as I had to forego sleep and homework on a school night all just to right this when inspiration struck. Actually, I think we need to have a talk about appreciation (and if you follow Foxhound by Kraken's Ghost, you should know what always follows those words (and if you don't wtf is wrong with you, like, seriously)).

You see, I sit here, and slave my ass off to create free, yes folks, free entertainment for you people and what do I get. One or two or eighty six-uhm, a few measly reviews saying "Hey man this story is great! Update soon!" or "Hahah yo that was funny shit keep it!" What the fuck is that? Now come on, I'm a hard working fanfiction author and I feel I should get my dues. Where's the legions of mindless worshippers willing to wage jihad and my command? Where's the throngs of beautiful women throwing themselves at my feet begging to be my baby mama's? Where's the –sama at the end of my name when I'm referred to like the authors idolized in the fanfiction world get huh? Why don't I even get referred to? Where's the justice in all this?

Oh, wait, you say I don't have any of that because I actually need a good fic first?

Well, fuck you too. Whatever, I'm still not giving up on the –sama thing. Z-sama. Say it. See? It even has a nice ring to it.

Oh, you say that those authors actually update and don't keep their readers waiting for over a year?

You know what I say? I say I have a Desert Eagle and I play way more Counter-Strike than is healthy. Still wanna press your luck buddy?

You say-BLAM

Anyone else wanna be a wise ass today? No? Good.

Aight yall, I'm hella tired now and have to get up for school and be unprepared (like you care) so I'm out like a boner in sweat pants. Oh yea, make sure to check my bio for info on my upcoming fics along with some ideas/challenges. Peace,

-Z(-sama)