When going camping for any amount of time it is always very important not to forget to bring toilet paper.

The Shinobi's Guide to Camping
By Kaori

"We have arrived!" Gai announced.

"Thank goodness, if we had to walk any further I think my legs would fall off." Sighed Shikamaru, dropping to the ground.

"That's what comes of spending most of your time lying around instead of getting proper exercise." Chided Ino, who was also tired but not so tired she'd collapse.

"I get plenty of exercise, this was just exceptionally troublesome." Snorted the chuunin. "Besides you made Chouji carry you half way here."

"Details." Sniffed the blonde.

A little way from that little scene, Asuma and Kakashi were inspecting the camping grounds.

"I think we should separate the tents. We'll put the girls on one side of the camp and the boys on the other." Asuma said.

"Is that for their protection or Sasuke's?" Kakashi asked.

"Sasuke's of course. We all know what Ino and Sakura are like." They both glanced over to where Sakura was openly staring at Sasuke; the dark-haired boy was standing around looking like the broody little S.O.B that he is. What was unusual was that Shino also appeared to be watching him with interest.

"Oi, Shino, what are you looking at?" Kiba asked his teammate.

"Sasuke is standing on a fire ant nest." Was the bland response. Surprised yelping followed.

"Run for the lake Sasuke!"

"You do realize that is not a lake but a very large hot spring, don't you?"

SPLASH

"ACK!" screamed Sasuke the hot water making the stinging from the fire ant bites even worse.

"Oh well." shrugged Kiba. "At least we know we don't have to bathe in cold water."

"Aah! Smell that fresh mountain air!" breathed Gai.

"We're nowhere near the mountains." Neji pointed out sourly.

"Aah! Smell that fresh forest air! Surely the Spirit of Youth resides here! Why don't we set up camp so that we may more thoroughly enjoy this wondrous place?"

Pitching tents should be no problem for trained shinobi. After all, on certain missions a tent may be the only housing one may have for quite a while. However, Murphy's Law of Camping #26 states "The difficulty of pitching a tent on a camping trip is inversely proportional to the ease of pitching said tent at any other time."

"OW! Did you see that? It attacked me! I was attacked by a tent!" exclaimed Naruto, who had been smacked in the face by the poles of the tent he was attempting to set up. "Die wretched contraption!"

"Why are there only five tent stakes?" muttered Shikamaru. "There are supposed to be six, where is the other one?"

"Help!" wailed Lee who was wrapped up in his tent. His flailing caused him to bump into Gai and they both ended up rolling into the undergrowth and getting wrapped up in Gai's tent in the process.

"Justice is served." Neji thought, allowing a small smirk to grace his face. The smirk became a grimace as he accidentally smacked his hand with the mallet he was using on his tent stakes. "GAH!"

"I can't read these stupid instructions!" growled Ino. "They're written in some weird foreign language!"

"Let me see." Offered TenTen. "Ino, you were holding them upside-down…"

Kakashi, because he's cool like that, had used Pre-Assembled Shelter no Jutsu to produce a tent and was now happily sitting outside of it reading Icha Icha Violence. Somewhere in Grass Country, a missing-nin was wondering what had happened to his tent.

Shino also had significantly less trouble than his comrades and was now observing the colony of fire ants Sasuke had previously disturbed. Kurenai had simply forced Asuma to set up her tent for her while she got a fire started.

It was dark by the time all the tents were set up properly and they all gathered around the fire for the first meal of their camping experience.

"Canned pork and beans?" grimaced Sakura.

"Hey, if you don't want yours can I have it?" Chouji asked.

"Oi, Naruto, give me some of your ramen." Whispered Kakashi.

"No way, you should've brought your own." Said Naruto as he slurped his curry-flavored ramen. Sometimes it paid to be a ramen-obsessed freak.

"Sasuke, do you want to share my beans with me?" cooed Ino. Sasuke blinked at her then turned to Naruto.

"Fork over the ramen, dobe."

"I'd sooner die, you bastard." Growled (not unlike a fox) Naruto and he clutched his cup of ramen possessively.

"That can be arranged."

"Sasuke eat your beans and leave Naruto alone." Said Kakashi, secretly planning to go through the blonde's pack and steal some.

After dinner everyone agreed that a bath was in order and so they trooped over to the hot spring. When they arrived however, they were presented with a small problem. They were in mixed company and the spring didn't have a partition.

"I suppose we'll have to go back and get our swimsuits." Shrugged TenTen.

"Don't be absurd, we're ninjas what's a little nudity." Said Kakashi which earned him a smack upside the head.

"Have you no shame?" growled Kurenai.

"You can't shame the shameless." Naruto said knowingly. "Believe me, I've tried."

One earth-type jutsu later and the bath was neatly separated.

"Aaaah." Chorusd the ninjas, luxuriating the warmth.

"It feels so good!" chorused the women. Several dirty-minded males on the other side of the wall desperately tried to stop their noses from bleeding. Kakashi giggled like a fool and a rock came sailing over the wall to smack him upside the head.

"I heard that!" snarled Kurenai. "You keep thinking stuff like that and I'll throw your precious book into the water!"

"Hey, where did Naruto go?" Shikamaru asked, worriedly.

"He said something about making sure the fire didn't go out." Replied Kiba.

Back at the campsite, Naruto was happily burning Gai and Lee's lederhosen as well any other pairs he could find in the Green Beast's duffel bag. "Burn foul garments of the netherworld! Burn!"

Gai and Lee spent most of the night mourning their lederhosen while everyone else privately celebrated.

"If I were you I would be grateful the rest of my clothes didn't mysteriously catch fire." Neji grunted. Truth be told he was tempted to burn Gai and Lee's spandex suits but then they would be running around naked and nobody wanted to see that.

"You are right Neji, my observant student!" boomed Gai, instantly cheering up. "One mustn't cry over burned documents! Lee, dry your eyes and be cheered by your team-mate's good news!"

"Yosh, Neji is right! We still have our very stylish suits!"

"Great, wonderful. Can we go to sleep now?" Sasuke muttered, extinguishing the fire.

"Good night Sasuke-kun." Chorused Sakura and Ino.

"Whatever."

"Sasuke-teme, you could at least be civil before bed!" chided Naruto. "Goodnight Sakura-chan!"

"Goodnight Naruto." Sighed Sakura, disappointed that Sasuke didn't wish her goodnight. "Goodnight Kakashi-sensei."

"Goodnight Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto. Goodnight Kurenai, Asuma, Gai." Said Kakashi.

"Goodnight Kakashi." Grunted Kurenai. "Goodnight Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Asuma." There was an indignant bark. "Goodnight Akamaru."

"Goodnight everyone." Whispered Hinata, crawling into her tent.

"Goodnight Hinata, Akamaru, Kurenai-sensei." Said Kiba and then after a brief pause, "oh, and goodnight to you too Shino, I guess."

"Hn. Goodnight Kurenai-sensei, Hinata, Kiba, Akamaru."

"Goodnight Shikamaru, Ino, Chouji." Said Asuma. "Goodnight Kurenai, Kakashi, Gai."

"Goodnight Asuma-sensei, goodnight Shika, goodnight Chouji."

"I told you not to call me that. Goodnight Ino, goodnight Chouji, goodnight Asuma-sensei."

"Goodnight Shikamaru, goodnight Ino, goodnight Asuma-sensei."

"Goodnight Gai-sensei! Goodnight TenTen! Goodnight Neji! Goodnight everyone!"

"Goodnight Lee! Goodnight TenTen! Goodnight Neji! Goodnight rival Kakashi! Goodnight Asuma! Goodnight Kurenai! Goodnight youthful students!"

"Must you be so loud?" Neji growled and that was the best they could hope for from Neji.

"Goodnight Neji, Goodnight Lee, Goodnight Gai-sensei. Goodnight skunk." A moment of silence and then… "SKUNK! AAAAGGGHH!"

Poor, poor TenTen. Is there a cure for skink stink? For her sake let's hope so. More camping mishaps to come, dattebayo!