Anybody but me think that the word "cockroach" always looks like it spelled wrong?
The Shinobi's Guide to Camping
By Kaori
"Okay," Kurenai said. "We burned TenTen's tent and clothes, threw her in the hot spring seven times, buried her up to her neck in mud and left her for an hour, made her take another bath in the hot springs and scrub her skin with pine needles…"
"My skin is still raw from that by the way." Groused TenTen who was soaking in a barrel of hot water.
"Um…" Hinata ventured, she was widely ignored.
"…and she still smells worse than the south end of a northbound boar."
"You make it sound like I wanted to be skunked."
"Silence Stinky, the daisy-fresh ones are talking now." Said Ino.
"Um…excuse me…" Hinata tried again. No dice.
"Fear not, TenTen for even though you stink to the highest heaven you are still my friend!" Lee gave her his nice guy pose. TenTen just let out an exasperated sigh.
"Does anybody have any tomato juice?" Naruto suggested. "I heard you can get rid of skunk stink by taking a bath in tomato juice."
"Don't be stupid, how can tomato juice remove skunk musk?" snorted Sasuke.
"How the hell should I know, teme? I said it was something I heard!"
"You shouldn't believe everything you hear and only half of what you read. To properly remove it we'll need hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and some dish detergent."
"We don't have any dish detergent or baking soda." Chouji pointed out.
"Then TenTen will remain malodorous."
"That is unacceptable." Said Neji.
"Lots of things are unacceptable, Hyuuga." Spat Sasuke." You of all people should know that."
"Ano…" Hinata was again ignored.
"And what right have you to speak of such things, Uchiha?"
"I have every right!" roared Sasuke and prepared to launch into the traditional my-brother-murdered-my-family rant, which will be followed up by Neji's destiny-cannot-be-denied rant.
Everyone else, sensing a full-on angst-fest coming, left Neji and Sasuke to try and out-angst each other.
"So…what do we do about Stinkerbell over there?" drawled Kakashi.
"My rival, kindly refrain from giving my students such demeaning nicknames to my students!" cried Gai.
"Set her on fire and hope the stink burns off too?"
"Kakashi!"
"Kidding, kidding…"
"Hello, still stinky here!" wailed TenTen. "And my fingers are going all pruny."
"Er…demo…" Hinata stammered.
"Hey! Hinata's trying to tell us something!" barked Kiba who finally noticed his team-mate's plight. Hinata shot him a grateful smile.
"Yes Hinata, what is it?" asked Kurenai gently.
"Umm…I…have some de-skunking spray in m..my pack."
Silence.
"YOU MEAN I WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT FOR NOTHING?" shrieked TenTen.
One de-skunked TenTen later…
"Well now that TenTen doesn't smell like a barn we can deal with the other problem." Said Asuma.
"What other problem?" blinked Kurenai.
"Who is going to share their tent with TenTen."
"I wouldn't have to share if you hadn't burned it in the first place." Growled TenTen.
"If we didn't burn it the whole camp would stink." Sakura stated.
"Well the boys are completely out of the question." Gai declared.
"That goes without saying." Said Kakashi, rolling his visible eye. "TenTen's father is almost as scary as Hinata's."
"You think any girl's father is scary." Asuma pointed out.
"That's because they know what he's like." Quipped Kurenai.
"Hey now, what is this? The "Gang Up on Kakashi Hour?"" pouted Kakashi.
"Ooh, can we join in?" grinned Team 7.
After an hour of making fun of Kakashi and Kakashi's revenge on his students which is far too graphic to be mentioned here, (cough)ThousandYearsofPain(cough)pineconeversion(cough, cough) it was decided that TenTen would share a tent with Kurenai.
Over dinner (more canned pork and beans for everyone but Naruto) the gennins asked what was on tomorrow's agenda.
"Well, we thought we'd go hiking." Gai said.
"Think of something else we hiked all the way here from the village." mumbled Shikamaru.
"How can you not want to go hiking!" gasped the Green Beast as if the very thought was sacrilege.
"Very easily."
"But the fresh air! The marvellous flora! The majestic fauna!"
"The sore feet. The aching muscles. Ino and Sakura."
"Eh?" That last one confused Gai.
"He means they'll complain and fight over Sasuke the whole time." Chouji explained.
"Yes it will be far less troublesome if we don't bother." Nodded Shikamaru.
"All the more reason we should go! To rekindle the burning flame of youth that you" he pointed accusingly at Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi. "have so negligently let be extinguished in your students!"
"Dear Yondaime-sama he's not going to let this go, is he?" sighed Asuma.
"You know Gai…" shrugged Kakashi. "I suggest we all get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a long day."
Long, stressful, and full of rocks and the occasional wayward porcupineI imagine. Heheheh. Hang around, day three of the camping trip from hell coming soon!