There aren't any monkeys in my country but that doesn't stop them from showing up in our folk stories (and in the government. Kidding, kidding… I love my politicians dem).

The Shinobi's Guide to Camping
By Kaori

It was a glorious, sunny day in the forest. The birds were singing, the breeze was blowing, bears were defecating in the river (okay that's not such a glorious thing to be thinking about first thing in the morning but that doesn't make it any less true), and all is right with the world.

"Argh! It itches!"

Well almost everything.

"Hold still so I can apply this calamine lotion." Chided Kurenai. Kiba had foolishly run through a patch of poison oak and was scratching like he had fleas (or lice, or chicken pox pick your simile). He was sitting in his boxer shorts and his clothes were sitting off to one side to be washed. "I'd use rubbing alcohol but we can't risk you getting a similar case of dermatitis from something else."

Nearby, Gai was gloating over how one of his students had single-handedly defeated a wild boar to which Kakashi countered that Naruto had already defeated Neji earlier so Naruto would not only have defeated the boar but in far less time. Lee was, naturally, cheering on his beloved sensei.

"There. All done. Now don't scratch Kiba or I'll hit you with a genjutsu so terrifying you'll wish you were only itching." Glared the red-eyed jounin.

"Yes'm" squeaked Kiba.

"Twenty ryou says he doesn't make it until dinner." Neji said to Sasuke, quietly.

"Heh, he won't even make it to lunch without scratching." Snorted Sasuke. "You're on."

"What are you bastards muttering about?" glared Kiba.

"Nothing, just commenting on the weather." Lied Neji.

And thus it began…

"Psst! Kiba!" Hissed Sasuke.

"What do you want?" Kiba hissed back. The two of them were outside of Kiba's tent. The Inuzuka boy had been wallowing in his itchy misery watching the others play a rousing game of Moving Target (at the moment, Chouji was the target and surprising everyone with his dodging skills). Kiba loves Moving Target, especially because it gave him an opportunity to show off.

"I bet you're really itchy." Cooed Sasuke (which is very disturbing). "Go on. Scratch. Kurenai's not watching and I can always say you weren't." His voice was taking on the smoothness of silk and the sweetness of honey. "Go on. Do it. Doooo iiiit…" Kiba raised his hand to scratch his leg hypnotized by Sasuke's oh so smooth voice. "Yes…go on…just a little bit…scratch…it'll feel so good…" Just when he was about to make the first motion…

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

He was tackled from the side by…

"NEJI? WHAT THE HELL!" yelled Kiba.

Sasuke cursed under his breath. Damn you Hyuuga…

Not to be deterred, the Avenging Uchiha spent the next twenty minutes whittling a backscratcher for Kiba. Neji spotted him before he could finish and jyuukened him into submission (subsequently causing Gai to declare another victory over Kakashi for himself).

This didn't stop Sasuke as he managed to convince Naruto to put some itching powder into Kiba's clothes so the boy wouldn't be able to resist the temptation. Neji counterattacked by pushing Hinata into Naruto causing the boy to spill the powder all over both of them.

Sasuke, when half of his opening points were unsealed, captured a porcupine and sent it wandering in Kiba's direction knowing it would give the other boy ideas. Akamaru, being a dog, decided that it would be his new toy and ended up getting stuck with quills.

Sasuke contemplated transforming into a log and nonchalantly rubbing against Kiba's leg but thought better of it because if Neji caught him at it he would not only be exposed but ridiculed. Instead, he settled for getting Kiba to sit closer to the fire and let the heat do its work. He was foiled by Hinata who told the boy that the heat would only irritate his skin more.

"Dammit, at every turn, foiled by Hyuugas!" cursed Sasuke.

It was getting close to lunchtime and Neji was anticipating getting his money when… it happened.

A hungry mosquito landed on the back of Kiba's neck and, without thinking, he swatted it away and scratched the affected area. "Oh shit." Said Kiba, realizing what he'd just done.

"KIBA! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SCRATCH!" yelled Kurenai. "MAGEN: NARAKUMI NO JUTSU!"

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!"

"Pay up Hyuuga." Smirked Sasuke.

Yare-yare… If they thought today was bad, wait until they see what happens tomorrow.