Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing... Damn...

Pairings: 121

Warnings: Shonen Ai.

Author's Warning: Standard disclaimers, this one will have malexmale action, however light. Flames will not be tolerated and will be deleted at my discretion. This chapter, WILL contain very stronge language, and words, themes, and ideas that will not agree with everyone. I'm sorry, but it was something that I had to put in the story, they are not my personal feelings, so do not persecute me. If you feel strongly against this, I Strongly suggest that you turn away from this page and find another fic to read, because frankly, flames only irritate me and insult others who like what we Shonen ai writers input in our stories. You have been warned.

Note: I know that this is long over due. It's been over a year since I updated this fic, so I thought that I should finally get to it. But one, my computer crashed, and now I have my handy laptop, and now I can type away and away.

In The Valley Of The Diamond Dogs

By Black Dragon62

Chapter 20: Shoot the Moon from the Sky

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me, and I will write you songs
Come away with me, on a bus
Come away with me where they can't taint us with their lies.

-Come away with me, Nora Jones.

He sat there, for a long while. I don't think he knew what to say. I didn't know what to say. So, we sat there, as the silence hung in the air like a giant tarp of uneasiness. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered if he was thinking the message I had given him over and over in his head. But I still got no response. His body was rigid in the chair, yet, he didn't seem that concerned about moving just yet. The dog walked out of the room, and the silence remained. Could you say something? Anything? Anything but letting the silence linger like this?

I saw as he moved, he shifted in his chair. He looked at me, his piercing gaze lingering on mine for a split second, but then he stood. He ran his hands through his messy hair, and walked out of the room. I heard as his footsteps trailed up the stairs, and then, more silence. I blinked the surprise out of my eyes. What was there left for me to do? So I just sat there. I felt, as though my world had just fallen apart, like the stars in the sky that I used to look up at night, fell and cut me millions and millions of times like tiny shards of glass. Like the waters of my oceans dried up and left me thirsting for something that was so close to be tangible, but faded away like fog.

I wanted to cry. I did. I wanted to cry out and curse him for rejecting me. For not telling me that he loved me, the way I would have done in a heartbeat for him. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to do anything, anything, even erase him from my memory. I felt like I sat there forever, because he returned. He walked back into the room, wearing a blue baggy t-shirt and pinstriped blue pajama pants. I looked at him. I wasn't sure what expression I was giving him. Because to me, it felt like I was glaring, pleading, hating, loving, and crying all at the same time.

He sat adjacent to me, and folded his hands in his lap. He looked at me calmly, completely unaware of the heartache and pain he just sent me spiraling into. For a long moment, we just stared at each other, then he spoke.

"Well. That was unexpected." He said without a hint of emotion. I merely peered back at him. I shrugged. What did he want me to say?

"Well, I needed to get my feelings out, and that's how I do it. I never went to therapy, and I guess that's the closest I'll ever get." I replied as I looked down at my bare feet.

"Did you mean it?" He asked suddenly.

"Of course I meant it." I replied without hesitation. "I want it so bad." I thought for a second. "Don't you?"

He didn't answer. He just looked down at the ground, and then, after a few minutes, said in a quiet tone. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" I asked heatedly. "We could have a good life together Heero, you and me. We could move somewhere, away from everything, away from the city, away from the people... a little place of our own, our little heaven. Our own sanctuary. Just you and me." I could feel the emotions I was feeling get caught in my throat. I could feel it burn and ache. "Just you and me..."

He didn't look at me. I don't think he knew what to say. I wanted him to say yes. I wanted him to agree, I wanted him to pack his bags and we be off this minute. Life be damned.

"You know I can't." He said.

"Why not? Hell, I could, and I will, if you just say go. I'll leave this rat shit of a life and be with you. I'll go anywhere. Anywhere, if I could be with you." I said, the lump growing a little more with every passing minute. It was threatening to choke me.

"I have my life here." He finally looked up at me, serious and deep solemn blue eyes. "I can't leave this all behind. I've worked too hard to just walk away from what took me 6 years to build."

"Then I'll move here. I'll live with you, or we can get a bigger place." I thought, trying vainly to swallow the saliva that was welling up in my mouth.

He didn't say anything. Just looked back down at the carpet. I didn't expect him to jump up and down for fucking joy, but I expected a smile, or something, at least a 'yes'. "You know that we can't."

"Why?" I said, my voice growing fainter with each word that I spoke. And my Adam's apple threatening to cut off my circulation. "Why can't we?"

"Because. It's not right." I looked at him, wanting desperately for him to elaborate. "Don't you think people would talk? Two men? Shacked up together? I'm telling you, it's not right. Not in this society." I looked at him with disbelief written all over my face.

"I can't believe you? Since when have you ever given a rat's wet ass what other people thought about you?" I asked, anger in my tone, but the lump still had not abated.

He just shook his unruly head. "Don't you think about what'd people would say? What if we couldn't control ourselves, this isn't some little thing that's happening here. I've waited for you. I've waited over 6 years. And in those six years, don't you think I've thought about this? But the Japanese society isn't as accepting as others. Even in the rest of the world, in the rest of the galaxy, we would still be stared at, persecuted, and judged just because we chose to love one another. Just because two MEN, love one another. I keep thinking and thinking, but really, there's no where for us to go." I looked at him, and hated him so unbelievably much. Then he spoke again, in a quiet tone. "Dr. J... he always said that this was not a life, loving another man, homosexuality, it was all things that made a man weak. Being a 'Faggot' as he called it, was looked down upon, and hated. And he said... that if he ever caught me doing something 'indecent', that he would be swift to castrate me and make me eat my own testicles."

I looked at him, the anger had faded from my gaze, instead, sympathy and understanding remained. "He said that?" All he did was nod. Now I understood. The man that had almost created Heero, had also instilled the fear in him, the fear that he would be humiliated if he chose to be someone else. I couldn't meet his eyes. "So... what's it gonna be like then?"

"I don't know." He said simply. "Maybe we could get away for a couple of days, you know, way the hell out of nowhere." He looked at me then. "That's the best I can do."

"That's not good enough!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. A few tears escaped as I clenched my fists so tightly that my knuckles turned white. He looked at me, and didn't say anything. I stood, my naked form shaking form head to toe. "I'm not like you! I can't make it on a couple of get a ways or a couple of fucks once or twice a year! I want something real, something I can go home to at night..." I shook a little harder. "I can't do it! I wish I could, but I can't. You have no idea what it's like, I miss you so much that it hurts something bad." I started to cry, I shut my eyes, and sat on the couch. I couldn't help the emotion streaming forth from me.

Heero stood, and he walked over to me, and he placed his arms around me. He held me tight. "Shhh." He whispered to me, and I shook a little harder. I pushed him away, but he wouldn't go. The frustration that had been pent up for 6 years, was pouring out of me like rain. "We'll make it work. I promise."

I let go, and I walked away from him. I walked upstairs, and got my clothes back on. I slipped on my shoes at the door and looked at him, still kneeling in the spot where I had left him. "You know Heero. If you change your mind... You know where to find me." I stepped through the door, and shut it behind me. I stepped out into the dawn and walked to the front of his place, and looked up at it. Mind completely blank.

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I woke with a start. I looked around, and I for a moment, I didn't know where I was. My pillow was wet, and so where the sheets. I rubbed my eyes, and looked at the clock. It was 3 in the morning. But... how? I heard the door open, and in stepped Hilde. She pulled a tattered old blue bathrobe around her shoulders as she walked across my room over to where I lay.

"You ok?" She asked me as she sat down next to me on the mattress. It squeaked under her weight.

"Yeah... why?" I asked her. Unsure of what she was thinking.

"Well, I heard you yelling in your sleep, and I was wondering..." She said uncertainly. She didn't get a chance to continue her sentence because I asked her a question of my own.

"When are we leaving?" She looked at me puzzled.

"Leaving where?" She asked, placing a hand over mine.

"Leaving Japan. When are we going home?" I asked her.

"Oh Duo." She said, her voice slightly cracking. "We are home." I looked at her strangely. I knew it, because the tears started to well up in her eyes. "You've had the dream again." I wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"Hilde.. are you alright? You know that we're in Japan? That we've finished all the concerts, now we can go home." I said, trying to get her to stop looking at me like that.

"No Duo. You've had your dream again." She tightened her grip on my hand slightly. "Duo. We're here. In the salvage yard..." She looked over to the bedside table. Then she looked back at me, her face slightly calmer, but her eyes full of fresh tears. "You haven't taken you medication again." It wasn't a question. I looked at her, unsure of what she was talking about, and panic starting to rise up in me.

"What are you talking about Hilde? You know that I just got in? I saw Heero tonight?" I said.

She started to cry, and not that controlled crying, she was on the verge of hysterics. "Oh Duo!" She flung her arms around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder. After a few minutes, she emerged, eyes red and puffy.

"Hilde-" She placed a finger over my lips.

"Duo, you know Heero's been dead for about seven years." She said lowly.

I blinked, and started to laugh. "But, that's not possible... I've seen him just now-" I stopped at the complete look of sadness in her eyes. "haven't I?"

"Duo... He died in battle seven years ago... you just had a dream." She said calmly.

"But, Quat and Tro and Fei... They were here too." I started to say.

She merely shook her head. "Duo, Quatre and Trowa were killed as well... 8 years ago, and Wufei committed suicide after Meiran died... and that was 7 years ago." She started to cry again. "I don't know why you do this to yourself! Why do you refuse to take your medication! You know you get these nightmares, and yet you still refuse..." I had tuned her out.

Dead? All of them dead? Then I remembered. I remembered it clearly, like a fresh cut in my flesh. All of my friends... dead and buried. Hilde was still talking... but I wasn't listening.

So this was reality. Being a rockstar, and traveling the worlds, and having my lover beside me... they were just dreams. I looked over to the bedside table, and grabbed the pills there and swallowed them dry. Hilde stopped talking and looked at me again.

"Why do you torture yourself like this Duo?" She asked me in a quiet voice.

I didn't answer her. I merely sank back into my bed, and pulled the sheet up to my neck. Hilde took the hint and left the room. I looked up at the ceiling of my small room in the salvage yard, and thought back to my dream. It had seemed so real. I thought simply. Heero...

He was the last thought I had before the pills took hold of me. And I sank into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The End.

Ok. You can tell me how much I suck now for killing everyone. But I had to do it! Don't kill me! -Hides- But, -sigh- all good things must come to an end. I don't think I could have kept writing this, even if I could write it forever. It had to end. Now it has. Leave comments! p.s Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me and read and reviewed it. I'm working on other stuff, so don't worry, I'll be back.