Lupin or Lupine

Archive: Padfoot...Snuffles
Summary: Remus dwells on being a werewolf, & how it affects his true love
Pairing: Remus & unspecified character (use your imagination!)
Disclaimer: JKR owns everything mentioned here, I don't
Spoilers: None
Author's Notes: Set after OotP, but the 'death' didn't happen!

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It's been several years since I taught at Hogwarts, and a good few years since the re-launch of the Order, yet my feelings for one person have remained the same since I first met them. Since I was teaching Defence at Hogwarts... when I knew the feel impact of my feelings. Being a werewolf was not the only reason I left the school when I did. Yes, it was a good enough reason to leave, but there was something a little stonger, deeper, and more important that made me decide to do what I did. And that reason has just walked through the door, and up the staircase.

How could I have been so naive to not realise I was falling in love? The signs were there, so obvious, but I didn't notice them. Or did I block them out on purpose? True, I was driven through the year with thoughts of Sirius escaping, thinking he was a murderer, realising he was innocent after all, and discovering that Severus had told the Slytherins of my little secret. I suppose in all the rush and bustle, that I had been able to blot the thoughts from my mind, to eradicate them until I felt I could cope with them. And now... well now I have to confront those thoughts. The person I have those feelings for is living in the same building - I can't go on ignoring them for much longer.

But how will they cope with my 'secret'? Sure, they are aware of my affliction, but how will they manage being with me in the full moon? They've never met the 'Moony' in me - not even when he's been subdued with the Wolfsbane potion. I mean, it's not exactly easy when you go out for a nice meal and then have to be back before moonrise. If only they could learn to transform like James and Sirius had done. Then they could learn the true spirit of Moony - from a lupine view point.
Hah 'lupine'. How ironic that a Lupin gets bitten by a wolf. Just my luck. Parents that are scared of me. Girls run away from me if they even get the slightest inkling of what I am.

Hang on... why am I worried about girls? The person I love has just started to walk downstairs again. Oh I hope my plan has worked. Sirius should have spoken by now, explaining my thoughts, feelings and fears. He knows how tongue-tied I get, and how terrified I feel of rejection. I can see feet on the stairs now. Moving slowly down, eyes forwards, not glancing into the room where I am. The feet of my love. At least I hope that's not just the way I feel. The 6 foot body walks towards the room, eyes fixed at the floor. Scared to make eye contact? I hope that's not an bad sign.

I glance out of the window. Maybe that will make those green eyes look up at me. In the grimey glass I see the glint of green eyes look at the back of my head. This is it. Taking a deep breath, turning round... Those eyes still gazing into mine, willing me to move nearer, but I stay rooted to the spot, not wanting to appear too keen. Slowly, the body moves nearer, those green eyes still fixed firmly on mine. My reflection in those glasses, ever nearer.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" comes a croaky voice.

I stand there, blinking, not quite knowing how to say it. Eventually I find my voice "I didn't want to hurt you. In case... in case you didn't feel the same".
There, it was said. Al that remained now was the reaction... Come on...
Staring back at those green eyes, willing a reply... those eyes seem to be blinking an awful lot. Realisation creaps over me as I spot a glistening tear in the corner of those emerald eyes. Slamming back to reality, I shudder. Are those good tears, or have I scared yet another person. Suddenly an arm lands on my shoulder. Forceful, yet gentle all the same, and pulls my head onto that powerful shoulder.
I feel my face burning with my own tears, and that voice breaks the silence.
"If only you had told me sooner"

Feeling much stronger than I had ever done, I wish this moment will never end. At last, after all these years I have managed to find my one true soul-mate. With emerald eyes, and dark-rimmed glasses, and a whole month to go before the full moon.