Lee had been staring at the same piece of paper for over an hour, and it was starting to make him mad. It shouldn't be this hard.
"Just sign it, you stupid idiot, and you can be done," he hissed to himself.
He picked the pen up off the table and put it on the dotted line, but his hand just would not obey. The signature on the line above where his hand wouldn't sign felt like it was mocking him. Groaning, Lee flung the pen across the room.
It was official. He did not want to sign the divorce papers.
This was the last thing he needed right now. Lee had been struggling for four years to get this government to believe what he was trying to say, and it finally seemed like they did. Granted, it probably would have taken him that long to believe the word of two strangers who claimed they were space pilots who got magically transported to the Thirteenth Colony from the birthplace of the gods. Still, things had just started to work themselves out, and now his heart decided to throw him a curveball.
"How's it going, flyboy?" Kara called as she stepped in Lee's office.
Lee moved to shove the papers underneath a stack of files before she could figure out what he was doing. Kara would only tease him for being ridiculous. "It's going good. I'm just trying to catch up on the work that backed up while we were on our last mission."
"I bet. Three months was an awfully long time to be gone, but who would have guessed that terrorist group would have been so hard to infiltrate?" Kara took a seat on the edge of his desk. "I just wish the government hadn't pushed us to such extremes. All that fraking paperwork we have to go through."
Lee's eyes shifted to the partially concealed paper. "So I thought you would have already been in the thick of things by now. You know that flight program can't run without you."
"That's because those stupid frakers knew nothing about flying until we came along," Kara pointed out. "They thought getting to the planet next door was a big accomplishment."
"Kara, you cannot keep bad mouthing the people we work with. This is our home."
"It doesn't feel like it," she mumbled, staring down at her hands.
"I know this can never be like Caprica or Picon. Frak, it isn't even Galactica, but it's the best we have. We can't search for the others until we give this planet the capability to do so." Kara rolled her eyes, and Lee felt the urge to smile. She hated when he gave her the 'we have to do this the right way even if it takes forever' speech. Sighing, Lee leaned back in his chair. "Seriously, I thought you would be down at the training grounds checking on your newest round of rookie pilots."
Kara looked up at him for a moment and then reached down to pull a ring off her hand. "I wanted to stop by here first and give you this. You said it was your mother's. I figured you might want it for the day you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and not just someone you have to marry to keep your cover from being blown."
"Right. Whose stupid idea was that?"
"Yours," Kara smirked. "But I didn't object to it, if you recall."
Lee took the ring from her and stared down at it. She was right about one thing. He had always intended to give it to the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with. Too bad that was the same woman currently returning it to him.
When he had first given it to her, he hadn't realized it was going to be this painful to end it. He hadn't thought that far ahead. All he knew was he had to stay integral to this organization for both his sake and Kara's sake. If they ever wanted to see their family again, they had to be at the top of their game. Letting himself get emotionally involved with Kara would ruin their chance so he just needed to get this over with before he did something stupid like beg her to keep the ring. "I got the divorce papers today."
Kara nodded, still staring down at her hands. "Yeah, I told legal to rush them through. I figured you'd want to get this over and done with as soon as possible."
"Why? There's no need to rush. It's not like I have girls waiting in line outside my door to be Mrs. Lee Adama."
"You're obviously not looking hard enough. I have to fight them off with a stick every time you and I go out to unwind," she joked. "Women would give everything to have you pay them a little attention."
"Very funny, Kara," Lee stood up. "Now, seriously, I have work to do and you have pilots to pester."
Kara pulled herself off the desk and stuck her tongue out at him. "Spoilsport."
"I speak the truth."
"Fine. Just give me the divorce papers so I can file them, and I guarantee I'll be out of your hair for a few hours."
"I can't. I haven't signed them yet," Lee explained. "You can grab them another time."
"Come on, Lee! It will take you two seconds." Kara protested and started searching the desk. "I'll even make a little star by the line you have to sign so you don't screw it up."
Lee grabbed her hand just as she was about to push aside the stack of files that was hiding the papers in question. "Why are you in such a hurry to get this done? If I didn't know better, Kara, I would think you had somebody already lined up to be your next conquest."
"And if I didn't know better, Lee, I would think you didn't want to sign the papers at all," she said, raising an eyebrow at him. "But to answer your question, no, there isn't anybody like that in my life right now. I don't think these Earthboys know what the heck to do with a woman like me."
Lee knew that wasn't the truth. Kara had put plenty of new notches on her bedpost since they got to this planet four years earlier. The men of Earth couldn't get enough of her. Lee was proud of how far he had come in controlling his jealousy. Kara barely even noticed anymore.
The thought of Kara waking up in another man's arms every morning would test that control, though.
"Here they are!" Kara exclaimed as she grabbed hold of the hidden divorce papers. "You had them under all the overdue paperwork from last year."
Lee hoped she didn't notice his face falling. All he's wanted for the past four years was to have this whole nightmare be over, but now he would give his life for a little more time. Them maybe he could figure out a way to convince her that they couldn't live without each other anymore.
They had been playing their parts for three months so the terrorist group would believe their cover. It was supposed to be a simple assignment. Stay in character for long enough to figure out if the new flight program was at risk. Then something shifted, and the organization started asking questions. It was an out of the box plan, something worthy of Kara's imagination, but their marriage had somehow drawn the attention away from them.
After that, it should have been smooth sailing. The problem was it had been far too easy to let himself believe that what was happening between them was real. He and Kara had lived and breathed the married life in almost every sense of the word.
That was what hurt the most. He knew what it was like to be with her and all he could do was watch in horror as it slipped away.
"You know, as crazy as it sounds, I really enjoyed these last few months," Kara said, holding the papers out to Lee. "It was nice having someone to come home to."
"Someone to cook for you, you mean," Lee joked. He took the papers from her and set them down on the table again. It still felt like those fraking things were laughing at how pathetic he was.
Lee looked up in time to see Kara's whole face fall. "Oh gods. I never thought of that. What am I going to do?"
He walked over to put his arm around her and pull her in close. "Don't worry. I think we can get away with you still coming over to my house for dinner. However, I think our boss might object if you try to snuggle into bed with me when it gets cold."
Kara let out a laugh but didn't move away from under his arm. She had gotten used to having a warm body to curl up to at night. The fact that it was Lee and not some random man made it all the better. Like always, he had been the one to provide her comfort when the nightmares of past reared their ugly heads. Only this time Lee had been with her constantly so there was never a moment where she felt unsafe.
It was the first time in her life she experienced that, and it was killing her that she had to give it up. Since she was little, though, she had learned that all good things come to an end. This was just another disappointment for her to punch and swear her way through. She hoped to the gods she could handle it.
Gritting her teeth, Kara reached down to grab the papers again. "You need to sign this before I start begging you to not to, Lee."
"Like you really want to be married to an emotional frak-up like me," he joked.
Kara let out a laugh, but on the inside, she desperately wanted to tell him that he would be surprised how much she did want to being married to an emotional frak-up exactly like him. Something had happened between the two of them during their mission. The awkwardness of what they had been asked to do wore off within a few days of starting the assignment, and Kara had begun to feel like she and Lee were really just a normal couple. It was the first time since Zak died that she had let herself imagine the possibility of a future that she could be happy with.
Somewhere during those three months, she had let down her guard and allowed herself to fall in love with Lee Adama. There had been a few moments when she had caught small hints that the same might be true for him. Her continuous insistence that he sign the papers to end their marriage was her own special way of seeing if she was right.
All the years she had known Lee, there was one thing that never changed. When he figured out what it was he wanted, nothing could stop him. If he wanted her, he wouldn't be able to sign those papers. He couldn't.
"I don't have a pen," Lee declared.
"If you ever cleaned your desk, maybe you would," Kara laughed. She pushed the mess around his desk for a few seconds before coming up with a pen in her hand.
Lee looked up at her as he took the pen from her fingertips. "Nothing to stop be from signing now, right?"
"Not one thing," Kara insisted. His gaze was beginning to make her uncomfortable. He kept looking at her like he was searching for something. She didn't know how to interpret that.
"It's ridiculous if you think about it. One little paper can dissolve something as big as a marriage. I just have to sign my name, and that's it. The past three months are just gone."
"It's not like signing that thing is going to make us forget," Kara pointed out.
"Maybe it would be better if it did," Lee whispered as he uncapped the pen.
Kara didn't know what to say in response to that. Was he trying to tell her he thought the past three months were so good that he would have trouble not having her there or was he saying that he would rather forget the past three months because they were horrible? And why did everything in her life have to be so confusing?
"Something so simple as this shouldn't be this hard, right?" Lee asked, looking over at her.
"I'm sure you have more important things to do than mourn the loss of your first wife, Lee," she teased softly. "I know I do." She had a date with a blank canvas and a bottle of whiskey. That combination had never done her wrong.
Lee nodded and, after a moment's pause, signed his name to the papers. "All done then."
"I've probably kept you too long," Kara said with a sad smile. "I think the Colonel wanted to see you in Mission Planning. You should probably get down there before he gets mad."
"Sure." Lee walked to the door before turning to look back at her. Kara was still leaning on the edge of his desk, staring down at the papers on his desk. She looked like something was bothering her, but that made no sense to him. She had wanted him to sign those papers, hadn't she? He watched her for a moment more before asking, "Are you going to be all right?"
Kara snapped to attention and looked over at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I'm still tired from the last mission."
"Get some rest then. Those papers can be filed in the morning."
Kara nodded and waited until the door clicked shut before letting herself begin to cry. She had actually let herself believe that he would never sign this papers. How could she have been so stupid to think that a guy like Lee Adama would want to spend the rest of his life with a girl like her? It went against everything she had ever been taught.
But gods, how she wanted everything she had been taught to be wrong.
It had taken her years to get over the scars that Zak's death left behind. She would never have dreamed it would take the love of his older brother to make her believe she was worthy of someone again. The irony was not lost on her.
She would have been so lost if Lee hadn't been abandoned on Earth alongside her. He had been her rock as they tried to find their place on a planet that was so familiar and yet so different. They had both done their best to carry on as normal, and it had worked for over four years. Then they had to go and do something stupid like get married in order to make a mission go smoother.
It had surprised her the morning that she woke up and turned over to realize the gods had given her everything she had never had the courage to want. Since she was a small girl, she had laughed at all the other kids who dreamed of being married with lots of babies. That was the last thing she wanted. She saw what children could do to a parent, and she never wanted to be like that.
That was before Lee, though. Kara should have known she would find a way to frak this up.
The tears fell down her face as memories of things she would never have again kept coming to the surface. She could remember the sleepy smile Lee had given her each morning as they woke up side by side. There were those lazy mornings where she would sit at the kitchen counter watching him make breakfast for two while she silently thanked the gods he had only had the foresight to slip on a pair of sweatpants and nothing else. She could remember the way he had started using terms of endearment like any husband would, and the first time he had said he loved her still made her heart skip a beat.
She had been taken aback the day she realized how bad she wanted to keep this life, but what surprised her even more was the day she took a closer look at what was behind Lee's smile. That was what made her think he would never sign the papers her tears were currently staining. Kara did her best to push them away without blurring the ink. She wasn't sure if she could ask Lee to sign them again.
Out of nowhere, the office door slid open. Kara turned her back and hoped they would just go away. She was not in the mood.
"Sorry. I forgot the files the Colonel wanted and I wasn't sure he would be-" Lee paused as he got closer to his desk. "What's wrong, Kara?"
"Nothing," she spit out, hoping her voice didn't sound too weak. "I told you I was exhausted before. I think everything's catching up to me right now. Tough mission and all."
Lee didn't really believe her, but he knew from experience you didn't argue with Kara when she was upset. "Let me know if you need me to cover your shift or something."
"I should be fine," she said, turning to give him a brave smile. When her eyes locked with his, she knew she had made a mistake. The tears were starting to fall all over again, and the look on Lee's face told her that he wasn't going to buy any bullshit that she fed him. It fraking pissed her off that he knew her so well.
"I don't think so," Lee said, taking a step towards her. It might be a mistake, but just this once, Lee couldn't bring himself to let Kara work through her pain alone. He reached out to touch her arms in support. "You're starting to worry me here, Kara. You've never let the stress of a mission get to you this much. Are you sure there isn't anything else that's bothering you?"
"Would you stop trying to be understanding?" she yelled, pushing his hands away. "I'm sick and tired of you acting like that."
"Like a friend who cares about you?" he exclaimed. "What's so wrong with that?"
"Everything! Every fraking thing is wrong with that, Lee." A sob broke through, and she felt the last bit of control she had slip away. Her knees gave out as the pain took over, and she could feel Lee's arms lift her up to sit on his desk.
Lee stepped in close and cradled her face in his hands. He pushed the tears off of her cheeks and leaned in to gently whisper in her ear whatever came to mind. He had no plan. All he knew was he had to make her stop crying like this. She hadn't been this upset for years, and it was breaking his heart. Something split inside of him as he watched her collapse. "Shhh. It's okay, Kara. Whatever's wrong, baby, I'll fix it. You just have to tell me. I'll make it go away."
Kara rested her head on his shoulder as she continued to cry. He heard her mumble something, but it was muffled by his own body. He gently shifted their bodies until she looked up at him, and Lee flinched when he saw the raw pain was still written all over her face.
"I never thought you would do it," she whispered.
"Do what?" he asked.
"I thought we were happy. I was wrong, though, wasn't I? You couldn't have been happy if you let me go that easily."
Lee's face lit up in realization. "This is about those stupid papers?"
Her look turned into an outright glare. "You signed them. I didn't think you would sign them."
"Oh, Kara," Lee sighed, pulling her back into him. "If I had known you didn't want me to, I wouldn't have. Gods, I thought it was what you wanted. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I've been struggling all day to find the courage to let you go."
"I don't want you to go, Lee." Kara's arms circled around his body and held on tight.
"That can be arranged if you would just stop crying for me. You're breaking my heart here."
She let out a laugh and pulled away to wipe her nose with the back of her hand. "Sorry."
"Okay. I need to get this straight. You didn't want me to sign those papers?"
"I didn't."
"And I didn't want to sign those papers." Lee let out a deep breath. "So can you please tell me why I signed those papers then?"
"Because we're two emotional train wrecks who can't seem to communicate even if our fraking lives depended on it?" Kara suggested.
"Sounds about right." Lee let go of Kara long enough to take a seat by her side on the desk. He wrapped his arms around her and let out another sigh. He should have known that something as good as Kara Thrace couldn't happen to him without difficulty.
"So, what do we do now, Lee?" Kara asked after she was finally back in control of her emotions.
"Well, we start with me telling you that I love you for real and then I ask if you want your ring back."
"Sounds good," she said with a smile. "Not the best marriage proposal I've heard, but it's an improvement from last time."
"You didn't like the whole our mission will go smoother if you marry me approach?"
Kara shook her head. "It's not the type of thing little girls dream about."
"But it worked, didn't it?"
"In a way," she agreed.
Lee pretended to be deep in thought for a moment. "How about I love you so much that I can't imagine living another day without you by my side?"
"Getting better."
"I thank the gods every day that if they deemed it necessary for me to give up everything in my life, at least they let me keep you."
Kara smiled at him and shifted her body so that she was straddling his lap as they sat on the desk. His words had a way of bringing out her more carnal side. "Keep going."
"I want to be able to tell you all the things that I never thought I could."
"Like?" she prodded with a smirk.
"Like how beautiful I thought you looked in that dress the day we first got married and how I've wanted to kiss you every time you make that amazingly cute pout and how I never thought I'd have someone in my life as amazing as you."
"Mmm hmmm," Kara whispered in his ear as she wrapped her arms around his back and pulled her body in flush with his.
Lee tried his best to concentrate as Kara leaned in and started nibbling on his ear and raining kisses along his jaw line. "Um… I can't imagine not having you there to point out every little mistake I make in your lovingly sarcastic way."
She drew back and gave him an odd look. "What the frak was that?"
"I don't know," he cried in exasperation. "You keep distracting me."
"You want to see distraction?" Kara used her weight to push Lee down flat on the desk and crushed her lips against his in a rough kiss that took his breath away. He could practically feel the thoughts leaving as she blew his mind with the touch of her tongue alone.
When she finally pulled back from him, Lee tried to catch his breath. He still needed to hear an official yes to his proposal. If this next reason didn't work, then he had no idea what would. "One last thing about why I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Go ahead," she gasped as he shifted their bodies so that he was pinning her down.
"I watched you so many nights when we were on that mission and wondered what it would be like to have you completely. I could feel you, taste you, and I think I almost went insane. I cannot live without knowing how it feels to be inside of you." He watched Kara's eyes flare with desire and knew that he would never again try to keep his love for her in check. Smiling, he reached his hand up to grab the ring that was sitting on his desk. "So what do you say, Kara Thrace? Will you do me the honor of being my wife again?"
Kara's eyes went wide. "Frak me," she whispered.
"That's what I'm trying to do," Lee insisted.
"Gods, Lee. You just ruined it!" Kara yelled, pushing him off of her.
Lee laughed and immediately pulled her back down. She slid into place beneath him so easily that he couldn't help but think this was where she was meant to be. "I'm sorry. Let's try it again. I love you, Kara, and I can't live without you. Please marry me."
She clamped her eyes shut and shook her head in disgrace. "I should have known you and I couldn't do this without fraking up."
"It's in our nature."
Kara opened her eyes and smiled at him. "All right. Enough torture already. Put that ring on me so we can get off this desk before someone busts in."
Lee slid the ring on her finger and gave it a small kiss. "It killed me to take this back from you. You were right when you said I had been saving it for the one woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It destroyed me knowing that woman wanted to give it back."
Kara laced her fingers in his and shook her head. "I'm not going to give it back again."
Lee let out a sigh of relief. "Good. I'm going to have enough problems being married to you without having to worry about you leaving me again."
"I can make all those problems worthwhile," she said with a wink. She pushed herself out from under him and to her feet. "Don't move."
Lee watched her pick up the phone on the wall of his office and start talking softly to someone on the other end. One minute later, she set the phone down and walked over the door to turn the lock. Lee felt something stir inside of him as she leaned against the locked door and gave him a rather wicked smile. "The Colonel understands that our mission really took a lot out of us," Kara reported. "He told me to let you know we can have a few days leave before getting back into the swing of things."
"Oh really?" Lee said, pushing himself off the desk.
Kara reached out to wrap her arms around his neck as soon as he was close enough. "I figured it was high time we consummated our marriage." His hands came around to lift her up off the ground, and Kara had to bite down on her lip to keep from moaning in anticipation.
"We're not married," Lee pointed out as he brought her back over to the desk.
"You always get caught up on the details, Lee," she scolded.
"Frak you," he growled as he leaned in to plant a trail of light kisses along the side of Kara's face.
"You're trying to," she said with a laugh.
Lee stepped back to look at her and suddenly everything made sense to him. He had been struggling for four years to figure out why the gods sent him and Kara to the Thirteenth Colony ahead of everyone they knew and loved. Now he knew.
If they hadn't been thrown into this completely foreign world with only each other to rely on, there was no way they would have been brave enough to admit how much they loved each other.
"Thanks the gods," Lee whispered as Kara pulled his tank over his head.
He was home.