You knew it was going to be hard, but it didn't stop you.
Nights spent in hospitals, days spent training and over working your body until you couldn't feel anything. It always made you feel better, to fill the emptiness with numbness. It somehow left you alive, yet dead in some odd way.
She always came by the house with odd excuses as to why she was walking in the empty streets that once belong to a powerful clan, although you knew very well that she was only worried for your health and your sanity, and it sometimes made you sad that her love seemed to be replaced with pity.
Yet, it didn't stop you from asking her hand in marriage, which she so willingly accepted with a sad little smile, and it certainly did not stop you from impregnating her when the chance arose so quickly.
You knew the relationship wasn't going to work, you knew it, but you were too proud to do anything about it to save it. How many times did you come home to find her weeping upon the bed you shared with her?
Too many times.
And yet you didn't want to say anything, too afraid that you would say the wrong thing and she would leave you for your best friend. But how could she leave you and the crumbling relationship behind, especially now that she was tainted as yours.
You had never seen her more beautiful in the time you'd known her than right now. She was your most prized possession, a rare jewel amongst the coal. She was in all her glory, young, beautiful and had a growing waistline to prove the existence of the child that was slowly eating her away.
It was very cruel of you, you knew, to hurt her intentionally just so you could watch all of her emotions reflect in her large emerald eyes. Something you could not do and were not capable of doing because of the massacre. And it was easier these days to say just about anything that would leave her crying like a little lost child.
And when the time came when you wanted to change everything for the better it was too late.
You knew it was going to be hard and sometimes you thought about stopping. But you couldn't. Not now, not ever. It was for the best, for you and for your newborn child.
The little bundle in your arms wailed frantically causing you to break into a sad little smile. It had been a long week, a very long week. Learning everything on your own was hard at first but you were able to overcome the sleepless nights and the nonstop crying. And sometimes when you woke up in the middle of night by the child's wailing or the haunting nightmares did you feel at loss by the empty cold spot on the bed.
You regretted not telling her how much you cared.
But it was too late now. She gave her life to give you something so precious, something you always wanted. A family. And now she was gone, striped away from you because she too tired of living. The birth of the child had been hard on her frail body and she would have made it out alive if were not for your hurtful ways during the nine months.
You would raise your son to be a good man, to become better person than you. And you would not feel so terribly guilty because you knew she would be proud too. You knew it was going to be hard raising your child alone, but it was the least you could do for her.
You knew it was going to be hard, but it didn't stop you.
A/N: I didn't like how I wrote this. (cries)